A/N – As usual – Complete and utter disregard for movie canon character death.
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The last thing Tony expects to find when he walks into Coulson's office is Clint and Natasha, both spectacularly naked and sprawled in Coulson's leather chair.
For once, words fail him.
"Uhh," he says, because wow, Natasha has a great ass, and it's all on display right there as she rides Clint with her impressive thigh muscles.
Of course, the two master assassins notice him immediately and have weapons pointed at him before he can blink more than once, and he throws his arms up in defense.
"I would've picked Fury's office," he says, when his mouth finally catches up to his brain.
Clint just groans and drops his head back to the chair, electing to ignore Tony. Natasha, however, grins, completely unbothered by their compromising position.
"We did that last week," she says.
"Go away, Stark," Clint says, without opening his eyes. "Tell me when he's gone."
"I'd say lock the door," Tony replies, "But my tower, my codes… usually the most exciting thing I walk in on is Coulson watching The Voice."
"GO" Clint repeats, because really, he's kind of in the middle of something here.
"Going!" Tony says, giving a last lingering look to Natasha's breasts before turning and hoping the knife she's holding doesn't end up in his back.
"He's gone," Natasha says, leaning forward to kiss Clint as she begins to move again.
"At least it wasn't Steve," Clint says, and they laugh away any residual awkwardness of the whole situation.
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"In Coulson's chair?" Bruce asks, wrinkling his nose as he studies his latest calculations on one of the hologram screens in his lab. "I would've picked Fury's, personally."
"That's what I said!" Tony exclaims, grinning, tossing a yellow leather squishy ball into the air and catching it again.
"I hope they haven't used my bed," Bruce says, looking mildly horrified as the thought occurs to him.
"Not unless you've been as careless as Coulson and Fury with leaving your door unlocked," Tony says. "And really, Coulson surprises me. I figure he'd be extra careful with that kind of stuff."
"Hmm," Bruce says, absently, adjusting his glasses as he swipes his fingers across the screen, moving the seemingly endless data. "Unless he's part of it," he says after a moment, looking up at Tony with a damn near devious smirk on his face.
Tony decides it's a good look on him.
"No way," he says, eyes wide. "With Coulson? No way."
Bruce shrugs.
"Why not?" he asks. "It's easy to fall into those things with your coworkers. And those three have been close for years. I wouldn't be surprised."
Tony pauses on that for a moment, carefully noting how Bruce is flushed, just a little.
"Maybe you're right, Dr. Banner," he says, drawling out the name. "About the coworkers and all. After all, they spend all that time together. They understand each other better than anyone else could, especially in their line of work. Makes perfect sense, actually."
"Exactly," Bruce says, and oh yes, he's definitely flushing now, and avoiding Tony's eyes at all costs.
Tony grins.
"I should get back to my own work," Tony says, tossing the ball at Bruce, who catches it out of pure instinct and drops it to the table without looking up.
"See you later," Bruce says, pressing things on his computer at random.
"You bet," Tony says, and he makes his way out, grin still firmly in place.
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Meanwhile: back in Coulson's office:
"Well, that was almost really awkward," Coulson says, coming out from under the desk, grateful to still have had his clothes on.
"Would've been worse if you'd been on time," Clint grins, "You know how much Tasha likes to be in the middle."
"It's true," Natasha says, "It's a thing."
"You two were early," Coulson argues, "Not my fault you started without me."
"Well, get a move on," Natasha orders, waving her hand in the general direction of Coulson and his non-nakedness.
"Yes, ma'am," he says, and the rest of the afternoon passes by rather pleasantly.
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Tony finds Pepper in the common room, sitting on the floor in front of the fireplace, enthralled in what looks to be a thrilling game of Go Fish. He supposes her empty wine glass might give the game an extra rush.
Steve looks up and gives him a friendly nod, gesturing to the floor between them for Tony to sit.
Tony shrugs and moves to join them, easing down onto the cushy carpet, crossing his legs under each other.
"She's kicking your ass, Rogers," he says by way of greeting, noting Pepper's pile of matches triple Steve's.
"She cheats," Steve replies, laughing.
"Lies," Pepper says, turning to Tony and giving him an easy grin, eyes shining slightly with the alcohol.
She's not drunk by any means, just a little relaxed, and Tony wonders for not the first time if he didn't try hard enough to keep her. But he knows they're both better off now, as much as it hurts sometimes.
"You should see her play Uno," Tony says, "I swear she sneaks the Draw-4's into her hand at the beginning of the game."
Steve laughs and Pepper gives him a haughty look.
"Only when you were being especially cocky," she says, before laughing outright, "so yeah, probably every game."
"I knew it!" Tony says, "Nobody has that much luck!"
"Did you want something?" Pepper asks, switching the topic away from her game-cheating past.
"Yes," Tony says, "Well, maybe. Ok, almost definitely yes. But I probably shouldn't have it."
"When has that ever stopped you?" Steve says, and alright, Tony supposes he deserves that one.
Pepper, however, knows him too well, and sees through his playful words with ease.
"Bruce?" she asks, giving Tony a look not unlike his mother would give when he finally confessed to breaking something she'd know about for days.
Steve laughs quietly, not bothering to stop when Tony gives him a glare.
"Am I the only one who didn't know?" Tony asks, "That doesn't seem like me."
Steve just laughs harder, his cheeks actually tingeing pink.
"That's exactly like you, Tony," Pepper says, fondly. "You're the smartest guy I know, but you have a way of not seeing what's right in front of you."
Tony considers it for a moment, before shrugging and nodding.
"You would know," he admits.
"Just go talk to him," Steve says, "At least you'll know either way, then."
"You're taking all this homosexual talk pretty well for a relic," Tony says, raising an eyebrow at Steve.
Steve just rolls his eyes.
"There have always been gay people, I'm not going to suddenly start having a problem with it. You know that."
Tony grins.
"I know," he says, "I just wanted to hear it. And mock you a little. It's kind of my thing."
"I never would have guessed," Steve says, dryly.
"GO," Pepper says, laughing and shooing him away with her hands.
"People keep saying that today," Tony grumbles, "I'm gonna get a complex."
"Lucky you can afford the therapy, then," Pepper replies, "Now go."
Tony goes.
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Tony, for all he talks, has a way of messing up words when he has something actually important to say. He knows this, which is why he chooses to wait until the next morning before talking to Bruce.
He catches Bruce coming out of the workout room, hair still wet from his shower and clothes clinging slightly from being put on over damp skin.
And suddenly he thinks that maybe words are overrated anyway, and he's pressing Bruce against the wall and kissing him before Bruce can even really register what's happening.
Later, Tony thinks that maybe it wasn't the best idea to shove the scientist with "breathtaking anger management issues" into a wall without warning, but it had seemed like a good idea at the time.
"What the hell?" Bruce asks when Tony pulls away a little, hands still pressed into the wall on either side of Bruce's neck.
"No idea," Tony admits, but he can't help but grin, because Bruce hasn't pushed away at all, and his racing pulse is more than apparent.
"This is almost definitely a bad idea," Bruce says, but he still doesn't move. Just looks up at Tony like he's a millisecond away from giving in completely; like he wants it more than anything.
Tony's struck by the look in his eyes, the sudden primal need that has nothing to do with the Other Guy and everything to do with the two of them in the here and now.
He wonders how he's been so blind to it before.
"The best ideas are," Tony replies, sliding his hands down from the wall to loop them around Bruce's neck.
He arches into the touch, and Tony knows there's no going back.
"Tell me to stop, Doctor Banner," he says, leaning in to whisper it into Bruce's ear.
Suddenly, Bruce's arms are wrapped around his waist and pulling him in, until they're flush against each other.
"Don't you dare," Bruce warns, and this time he kisses Tony.
It's not gentle or sweet or even particularly skilled, but it's rough and wet and hurts just a little bit. Tony thinks he's never had a more perfect kiss.
They make it back into the empty gym before clothes start coming off, and Tony's never been more grateful for the thick mats on the floor.
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Thor shows up a few weeks later, with Jane in tow. He shows her around and introduces her to everyone over waffles.
Clint and Natasha greet her kindly but briefly, before digging back into their food, playing a not-as-discreet-as-they-think game of footsie under the counter.
Pepper and Bruce shake her hand and greet her warmly, and Steve honest to God tips his hat to her as he comes over to the stove to load up his place.
Tony stumbles in a moment later, blindly reaching for coffee, almost knocking over Jane in the process.
Bruce shakes his head and apologizes for him, pulling Tony out of the way and handing him a cup of coffee. Tony grins into the cup before downing it in one long gulp.
"That's impressive," Jane says, watching with a sort of wary admiration.
"We're pretty sure Tony's throat developed an immunity to hot liquid years ago," Bruce says, reaching up to ruffle his hair. Tony leans back against Bruce; eyes still closed, but smirk beginning to appear.
"You would know, big guy," he says, licking his lips obscenely.
"I think that's a new record," Bruce says, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Usually it takes you a whole five minutes to make your first sexual remark."
Tony opens his eyes and moves away, hopping onto the stool next to Bruce, stealing some of his waffle. All at once, he realizes there's a new person in the kitchen.
"You're new," he says, looking at Jane, who just laughs and shakes her head at him.
"Thor warned me how you are before your coffee," she says, "I see he wasn't exaggerating."
"A veritable newborn," Thor agrees, wrapping himself around Jane and resting his chin on her head.
Their size difference should look ridiculous, but somehow it suits them. Bruce gets the feeling that Jane is much bigger than her petite body suggests.
He knows the feeling.
"Can I get you some waffles?" Steve asks, as he's finished his first plate and is heading back for more.
"Sure," Jane says, moving to sit beside Pepper at the counter, smiling when Thor goes to help Steve.
When they're all seated and eating, Jane takes a look around at them all before laughing to herself.
At Natasha's questioning look, she shrugs and smiles.
"I'm eating waffles with a room full of superheroes," she says, "It's a little surreal."
It's Bruce who laughs first, loud and sudden, but undeniably happy. He looks over at Tony for a moment before continuing, as if he's seeing them all for the first time, too.
"Jane," he says, "You have no idea."
Jane's response is lost in the group's resulting laughter, but she finds that she really doesn't mind.
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THE END