Chapter 1 The Scientist
Nobody said it was easy,
Oh it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start. - Coldplay
Jack was tired. He just wanted to quit, head to his cabin and fish all day. More than his body which had been beaten down by constant space travel, it was his soul that ached from being on death's door every waking day of his life. He knew it wasn't long till he retired. He just wasn't sure which step to take first. His life was the SGC and the SGC was his life.
There was nobody else to blame but himself for the path he took. After Charlie's death and his marriage ended, the opportunity to lose himself in other worlds was just a lifesaver. He realized that SGC offered him a way out of his sorry life on earth. At the beginning, he entertained the idea of seeking a new place where he could reinvent himself, leave and turn his back on all the painful chapters of his life permanently. That was his quixotic idea then. Until he met Carter.
The instant she walked in the briefing room, he knew she would be trouble. Not that he hadn't had women in his team when he was still a hot-blooded single male. He'd had his fair share of breaking the regs with some air women as well. But Carter was different. She aroused in him more than just his flesh. He admired her tenacity when he was certain she would give up in a few months. He played up his arrogance and chauvinism to speed up her leaving. But she hung tough. Everybody else thought she saw through his machismo. Only Jack knew what her true motivation was for staying. As he understood her deeply, he saw how they both struggled to cling to the momentary pause the other worlds gave them. She, like him, was hanging on desperately for a chance to escape their own reality. He thought that similar need bonded them. And that bond grew stronger after being through all the things they've been through, after years of being with her almost every waking day. And it was close to impossible not to feel anything beyond that bond. Carter slowly grew to be his lifeline. And though he tried to deny and bury his feelings, the reason for his often lethargic mood was becoming more plain. He was about to lose her. Carter was getting married.
A knock on his door broke off his thoughts,
"It's open!"
Carter popped in, then looked away seeing her CO shirtless. "Sir, we're all waiting for you in the briefing room."
"I'll follow in a minute." Jack put on his shirt, as he gave her a sidelong glance.
"Is everything fine Sir?" Carter kept herself at the entrance. Jack's change of mood has been the topic of late in the SGC compound. But only those close to him understood or guessed the underlying reason. Sam herself couldn't accept that her impending marriage had anything to do it. Perhaps he felt bad about losing her- as a friend, she thought.
"Yeah I'll be down there. Go," he drawled.