I stared Jasper straight into his dark green eyes, not quite believing what he had just told me.
My brain refused to register it all in. was he joking?
Jasper just continued to stare back at me.
"Please say something Hermione." He whispered.
I just shook my head, trying to shake his words out of my head.
"I don't know what to say Jasper." I told him truthfully.
"I meant what I said. I am going through a lot of changes right now and it is best we end it now, before I hurt you." He said.
I stared at him now in anger.
"Hurt me? You already have hurt me! There is no reason for you ending this! I thought you were happy with me." I said, my voice starting to tremble.
"I can't explain it to you, I just can't."
"Why the hell not? Don't you trust me?" I asked him.
He looked at me shocked.
"Of course I trust you." He said.
"You clearly don't otherwise you would tell me what is going on." I pleaded with him.
I needed to know why he was ending our relationship, what I could have possibly done to make him leave me like this.
"If I could tell you I would." Jasper said.
I scoffed.
"You are full of excuses. You might as well just tell you hate me and be truthful." I felt a tear escape down my cheek as I said it.
Jasper sighed.
"I am so sorry, Hermione." He kissed me on the cheek and walked away from me.
I couldn't stop more tears escaping as I watched him walk away. I started to quietly sob and soon it all rushed over me.
I slumped to the floor, my head in my hands and just let the sobs control me.
How could he walk away from me? How could he treat me like this?
The last 3 months raced through my head as I tried to search for something that could explain this.
Jasper and I had met randomly at a party through a mutual friend. My first impression of him was that he was a bit geeky but he won me over by making me laugh.
After that he took me on a date and I fell for him pretty fast. He was smart, funny and kind. Everything I wanted in a boyfriend.
Soon we were in a relationship and it did move pretty quickly.
But I fell in love with him and we spoke about moving in together. Just as quickly as our relationship progressed it fell apart.
Jasper had become distant and I started to see less of him.
And now here I was, crying into my own lap as he left my life for good.
6 Months later.
My Mum was having much luck keeping her sobs quiet.
I looked through the window of my private room and watched as the doctor was speaking to my parents.
My Dad's arm was placed round my Mum's shoulder as she sobbed into his.
I watched the doctor pull a sympathetic look at my Mum before walking away.
My Dad pulled my Mum into a tighter hug and I saw that even my Dad was crying.
I slumped further into the bed, trying to ignore the lump building up in my throat.
I had put myself here in this hospital bed. It was my own fault I was hooked up to this stupid drip 24/7.
And now here I was, watching my parents suffer as well.
Finally the door opened and my parents walked into the room.
My Mum sat on the bed at the side of me, her eyes were red raw.
My Dad stood at the foot of the bed and I could see he was trying so hard not to cry.
"Hermione, baby. We've just spoken to the doctor and…" Her voice cracked and she broke down into uncontrollable sobs.
My Dad rushed over to her and put his arm round her.
"I can't do it." She whispered.
Tears fell from my own eyes as I looked at my Mum and Dad.
"I'm dying aren't I?" I finally said.
My Mum let out a sob and I heard my Dad sniff.
"The doctor told us your BMI is dangerously low. There are not enough nutrients in your body to keep it working properly. Everything will slowly stop… working." My Dad said.
I stared at the wall opposite me.
"How long?" I asked through gritted teeth.
"Baby, don't ask that question." My Mum cried.
I stared at the wall and asked the question again.
"Days." Was all my Dad said.
I nodded silently.
"Can you please leave me on my own?" I whispered.
My Mum kissed me on the forehead and they both quietly left the room.
The lump in my throat was starting to burn but I refused to let it win.
Wasn't this ultimately what I wanted? To die?
I purposely starved myself for six months surely knowing it would all come down to this moment. The moment where I have only days to live before my body starts to shut down around me.
This was what I wanted and I was getting it.
So why did I feel ashamed and empty?
My Mum blamed all this on Jasper but really it was me being a selfish little madam. I stopped eating pretty much the day he left.
I started to live on a grape a day thinking that was all the food I needed.
I needed to harm myself, make myself feel better.
Every time I looked in the mirror I didn't see a skinny little runt, I saw a failure, and I wasn't going to fail at this.
The worst part about it was I didn't look anorexic. I had always been naturally skinny so nobody questioned me losing weight because it didn't look like I was.
Now though I was dying and causing my Mum and Dad to cry.
I didn't deserve to live.
I closed my eyes and forced myself to sleep.