Hi, I apologize for the delays in publishing FF chapters on the stories (some of which are quite old) but holiday season was very, very busy. I did however scrawl off this holiday FF story that covers the period between "A Glimmer of Twilight" and "Mustang Madness" in time for the holiday season or at least its end. I hope you enjoy reading it, thanks for reading and I hope you have had a wonderful holiday season!
C.J. walked down the tree-lined streets in downtown Houston, feeling the chill in the air, even on a day when the sun shone brightly. The tree branches of course had grown bare and the memory of leaves had faded, along with the autumn. She had decided to do some Christmas shopping on her lunch break in between drafts of a report she had been working on during the past week. She had taken on several new cases of women who were living in the country on special visas while preparing to testify on trafficking cases and she and her friend, Fran had interviewed them earlier in the week to see how the Houston Foundation could assist them in the meantime.
Fran had been about to go on maternity leave in a month and was trying to tie up the loose ends of her projects before she took several months off. She and her husband Carlos had been told by the doctor that she wasn't just having one baby but twins. After the initial shock had worn off, she and Carlos had decided they were even more excited. Chris had also heard the news and though thrilled for her friend, she had felt a tinge of envy. She and her husband Dan had wanted to have children but were having a difficult time fulfilling that wish. Nothing physically had been determined to be wrong, so they remained hopeful that their time would come. C.J. hoped along with them, wanting two of her closest friends to achieve their lifelong dream.
C.J. stopped in front of a store with baby items and saw an outfit that she was sure would look cute on a baby and would be perfect for Fran's. But then she remembered, two babies, two outfits and smiled to herself as she walked into the shop. A store clerk greeted her, dressed in red satin with a Santa cap on her head.
"May I help you with anything," the woman asked.
"I'm looking at something for a friend of mine," C.J. said, "She's having twins."
The woman beamed at the news.
"How wonderful," she said, "Twice the joy as one. I'm a twin myself."
"She and her husband are thrilled," C.J. said, "I thought I'd just look at the baby clothing."
The woman nodded.
"There's more in the back if you'd like to see them," she offered, "Just come and ask me."
C.J. thanked her and went to look at the little outfits. She saw some little dresses that were very cute and one-pieces for infants. She took some of them off the rack and looked at them closer, her mind wandering towards imagining them on her own children. She dismissed those thoughts quickly, but not without a pang of sadness.
"C.J. is that you," a voice said.
C.J. turned around and saw Staci looking at her. She smiled to hide her irritation. The blond woman in front of her dressed in a dark blue dress and fur jacket had been an ex-girlfriend of Matt back when they had attended college.
"Guilty as charged," C.J. responded.
The woman embraced her quickly and she smelled of expensive perfume and leather.
"It's great to see you," Staci said, "I didn't know you were back in town."
C.J. hesitated.
"I've been here about a year," she said.
Staci frowned.
"I thought you lived in L.A."
C.J. nodded.
"I did," she said, "but I decided to come back here and I've got a great job and some friends."
"What about…"
"Houston's still living in L.A.," C.J. said, "Still running his agency."
"I thought you two worked together," Staci said.
"We…did," C.J. said, "But he's got some new investigators working for him and things are going very well for him."
"Are you staying here for the holidays," Staci asked.
"Yes," C.J. said, "I'll be spending it with some friends."
"What are you doing here," Staci asked, "You have some good news?"
C.J. grew quiet, before answering.
"Oh…no," she said, "I'm going gift shopping for a friend who's having twins."
Staci nodded.
"I'm shopping for a friend too," she said, "Trying not to wait until the last minute and fighting with the crowds."
C.J. smiled and Staci's eyes brightened now that she had gotten past the pleasantries.
"Do you happen to know if Matt will be dropping into town over the holidays or is he spending them in L.A.?"
No she didn't, actually. But she paused for only a second.
"I'm not sure what his plans are," she said, "He's got family in L.A. so he might be spending the holiday with them."
Staci flashed a look of disappointment on her face before smiling again.
"That's too bad," she said, "It would be wonderful to see him again, just like old times."
C.J. sighed, looking at her watch.
"Listen Staci, it's nice running into you but I've got to get back to work," she said, leaving the store in a rush.
Back over a thousand miles in L.A., Matt poured himself some eggnog that his uncle had made into a glass and sipped it mainly to be polite. He hated the stuff and always had but he didn't want to slight his uncle who took the Christmas season very seriously including engaging in culinary pursuits. Matt would get off the elevator into the penthouse suite in the morning and before reaching his office, would smell some delicious aroma coming from the kitchen. He liked them all, just not the eggnog.
"You can show more enthusiasm than that," Roy chided him good naturedly when he saw his nephew grimace while sipping the latest batch of eggnog.
"It's not…bad," Matt said, "It's also not Scotch on the rocks."
"I didn't think you would be in the office today," Roy said, "You're supposed to be resting your ribs."
"They're not broken," Matt said, "and they don't hurt much."
"Hoyt called and the robber who collided with your ribs is being arraigned tomorrow morning," Roy said.
Matt shrugged.
"All in a day's work."
"Hoyt also told me to thank you."
"He didn't tell me that," Matt said, "He didn't seem happy at all."
"He also said that before you go chasing after criminals, you should sign up first with the LAPD."
Matt sighed, knowing there wasn't any chance of that. Roy looked at him again.
"Where's Brody?"
Matt tried the eggnog again.
"He's got to take his daughter to piano lessons."
"Now there's a professional man who's got his priorities set."
Matt frowned.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Oh…nothing."
Matt knew damn well that his uncle had meant something with his comments.
"Okay, what's wrong?"
His uncle looked at him quizzically.
"What makes you think there's something wrong?"
"The way you're looking at me for starters," Matt said, "What's going on?"
"You seem a bit tense this morning."
Matt looked back at Roy.
"I feel fine," he said, "In fact, I might go and do some Christmas shopping."
Roy's brows rose.
"Starting early this year?"
"I think starting late is more accurate," he said, "but business has been piling up even with the new investigators."
"You need to take a vacation," Roy said, "You've been working very hard for several months."
"I've been resting when I fly to Texas," Matt pointed out, "before I got too busy to do that."
Roy picked up the tone in his nephew's voice that told him that Matt missed Houston more than he might admit.
"Why don't you spend Christmas back in Houston," Roy suggested.
Matt gave a start, surprised at his uncle's suggestion.
"What about you and Will?"
Roy poured some more of his beloved eggnog.
"We're going to have a great time," he said, "And you're more than welcome but I don't believe that's where you want to be."
Matt didn't have to think about it. He knew his uncle was right.
"I think C.J. would love to see you," Roy said.
"She's been busy too."
"She's trying to rebuild her life Matlock," Roy said, "There's a difference."
Matt knew that all too well. She hadn't been back to L.A. saying that the memories of one horrific experience there kept her away. He knew that she felt safer where she had spent many of her earlier years, years she had spent as his best friend and she seemed happier there than she had been in a long time. But she still struggled to put the trauma of the past year behind her.
"She's where she feels she needs to be," he said, "She loves her career, our friends are there and she met someone."
"You seem happier about the first two things rather than the third," Roy noted, sipping his drink.
"As long as she's happy, I'm happy."
"Matlock, she's trying to find her way," Roy said, "You've been a very important part of that just like she's been there when you've needed it like when you were ill."
Matt looked at his eggnog thoughtfully.
"And speaking of that," Roy said, "The doctor said that you were supposed to reduce your workload for a while."
"If I do that, it just piles up," Matt protested.
"So it piles up," Roy said, "Health is more important because if you don't have that, you can't do your work. It's a good time to put your business aside and to visit a friend for the holidays."
Matt thought about it and realized his uncle might be right.
C.J. sat in her therapist's office and looked at her watch. She had finally gotten some of her work done on her reports and had to remind herself that she had an appointment. Maybe that was a good sign for her, after she had spent months confronting her emotions and trying to sort them out, creating a way to live with all she had experienced. Then again, she knew she had more hurdles to overcome and some of them would be the more difficult ones. Like the situation with Mark.
"So you've been seeing Mark for a while now," Diane the therapist asked, "How have things been going?"
C.J. paused for a moment, looking at her hands. Looking at the laceration scars etched in them reminded her of how far she had come but also the distance she still had to go. Still even the words of her latest failure of a relationship didn't come easily.
"We broke up."
Diane looked at her concerned.
"Is everything okay," she asked.
C.J. tried to smile.
"I think so," she said, "It just didn't work out."
"Didn't work out," Diane asked, her brows furrowed and she scribbled something on a notepad.
"Yeah," C.J. said, "I think we both brought in different expectations into our relationship and I couldn't fulfill what he wanted."
"A lot of women who have experienced what you have been through have problems with relationships," Diane said, "It's not abnormal to feel as you do when you get close to someone of the opposite sex."
C.J. sighed.
"I have to put this behind me so I can move on with my life," she said, "I can't stay frozen like this for the rest of it."
"You will keep moving forward and you already have. Yes, it's in baby steps but you've made progress," Diane said, "But it's going to take some time and a lot of work and you're doing that. And you might take a step backward every now and then."
C.J. nodded, knowing that she had taken quite a few steps backward since she began therapy no matter how hard she had struggled to come to terms with her traumatic experiences of a year ago. Her therapist had warned her that in the process of working through her emotions and fears, they might be heightened and even intensified since she was dismantling her defense mechanisms that she had put into place to protect her while the man who kidnapped her still posed a threat. And her therapist hadn't been lying. She tried to find the right words.
"He wasn't wrong to want more than I could give him," C.J. said, "I just couldn't do it."
"Are you still seeing him?"
C.J. looked away, shaking her head. She knew Diane meant Andre Duval, the man who had her kidnapped and held captive for a month. Physically speaking, a month, emotionally, longer than that. She no longer saw him in her dreams or her waking life but she still felt him. In a man's touch, his scent and words.
"I can't help it," she said, "I know he can't hurt me but I still remember him. When Mark touched my shoulder the other day, I jumped. He said he didn't take it personally but I know he did. And when we…"
She just placed her head in her hands, unable to proceed further.
"Did you talk to him about it?"
C.J. shook her head.
"What's there to say," she said, "Everyone knows what happened to me."
And that was true, given the media coverage her experience had received, from the time she and Matt had been in hiding from Duval to the time that she had finally broken free. Only she had realized since that she really hadn't gotten all the way from him.
"I mean about your feelings," Diane said.
C.J. looked at her hands again, the white lines etched in her tanned skin drawn by broken glass and a survival instinct she hadn't known she possessed inside of her.
"I don't think he understands," she said, "I don't think anyone can."
Brody leaned back in the seat of the booth at the restaurant, sipping his drink. Matt sat opposite from him, looking through a ledger. His partner looked at him, frowning.
"Christmas in L.A.," Brody said, "Tis the season to be jolly."
Matt ignored him.
"I think that the expense account will just about break even on that Tyler case," he said, in response.
Brody shook his head.
"You're not much into the holiday spirit," he noted, "You should be happy that Christmas is around the corner."
"I'll be happy when the taxes are done," Matt said, "I'm beginning to think I should have hired Murray's brother to handle the books."
Brody furrowed his forehead.
"The one who talks really fast," Brody said, "or the one who moves very fast?"
Matt just looked at him.
"The first."
"So what are you planning to do for the holidays," Brody asked, "I and the wife are taking the kids to their grandmother's in Las Vegas and let them run around there."
Matt raised a brow.
"Las Vegas?"
"Of course," Brody said, "What place could be better for Christmas? Plenty for the kids to do, some shows for the grownups and backroom poker for Grandma. Everyone's happy."
"Sounds like a plan."
The waiter brought them their food.
"What are you doing for Christmas," Brody said, "You do celebrate it don't you?"
Matt stabbed his steak.
"I might fly to Texas and spend it there," he said, tossing that idea out.
Brody smiled and nodded approvingly.
"With your previous business partner, C.J.," he said, "That sounds great. You two will have a great time together hanging out under the mistletoe. "
Matt frowned.
"She's got someone in her life now," he said, "And we're just very good friends."
Brody nodded.
"Okay, gotcha," he said, "But the way she acted when called to check up on you, I would have guessed…"
Matt shot him a look and Brody put his exposition on ice.
"I haven't been down there in a while," Matt said, "and I've been meaning to get away from work for a few days and not think about the caseload."
Brody straightened up suddenly.
"You're actually serious…"
Matt looked at him, annoyed.
"Why wouldn't I be," he said, "I was told by the doctor to take it easy and maybe it's time to take his advice."
Brody snorted at that.
"Yeah but since when have you actually listened to him," Brody asked.
"Work's been piling up. I haven't had time."
Brody grabbed a French Fry.
"That's what you've been telling your uncle, right?"
"That's what I've been telling myself," Matt said, "and I think I need to step away just for a little while and visit a friend."
"Like I said, she's more than a friend Matt," Brody said, "And you should be spending Christmas together and the holiday spirit has a way of getting to people."
Matt just looked at him.
"So are you going soon," Brody asked, "Because if so, everything's covered here."
Matt tried not to let that statement alarm him. But yes, he did want to leave in the next day or so, feeling that more and more as he warmed to the idea of going back to the lone star state where he had spent most of his life.
"That's what I'm planning," Matt said, "I was going to call her…"
"She'll be glad to see you," Brody said.
"You don't even know her."
"I've talked to her on the phone a time or two," Brody said, "She was checking up on you because you'd been sick. She seemed very nice."
"She is very nice," Matt said, "We've both been very busy so we haven't seen much of each other lately. It will be good to catch up."
Brody sipped his drink.
"Then it sounds like you've made up your mind," he said, "Nothing to do but the follow through."
Matt nodded.
"I'll have to give her a call."
Brody smiled as Matt pulled out his cell phone.
"I wish all dilemmas were this easy to resolve," he said, reaching for his French Fries again.
C.J. had been helping Chris decorate the office Christmas tree at the woman's foundation headquarters after leaving the therapist's office. Frustration had filled her as she tried to put into words what she had been doing wrong in her burgeoning relationship with Mark that just hadn't taken root despite her efforts. However, as soon as she walked in the doors of one of her favorite places, she felt happiness replace everything else and her negative feelings receded. Chris had taken charge of the decoration plans while Fran sat in a nearby chair with her feet up and her hand on her swollen abdomen.
"Hey, the tinsel needs to be closer to the top of the tree," she dictated from the sidelines, "I'll show you."
She didn't get one inch out of the chair before Chris chastised her.
"Sit back down Fran," she said, "You're supposed to rest and let us do all the work."
Fran sighed.
"I've been doing that but I have to say I've never seen a Christmas tree look so…unusual."
Both C.J. and Chris looked at the tree and laughed.
"It's a work of art," Chris said, "It definitely stands out."
"I think it looks nice," C.J. said.
Rhonda sashayed in the room from her office, carrying some egg nog and freshly baked cookies. She placed the tray within reach of Fran who dug into the cookies.
"Hey, we're supposed to be rationing those out…at least until the next batch is done."
Fran bit into one and her eyes widened.
"These are actually very good," she said, then narrowed her eyes, "You didn't make these."
Rhonda pretended to look hurt and C.J. had to struggle to keep from laughing.
"Actually no I didn't," Rhonda admitted, "Kira and a couple of the other women did but I supervised."
Fran picked up a couple other cookies and the others joined in.
"They are delicious," C.J. said, "Better than good."
"So what's on the agenda after the tree," Fran asked.
The other three women looked at her.
"You know it being Christmas and all," Fran said, "It's only a few days away."
"Dan and I are staying home and Butterfly's flying in tonight," Chris said, "Her grandmother's going on a cruise."
"That should be…interesting," Rhonda said, "Having a teenager in the house."
"I don't know, she's discovered boys," Chris said, "That's all she talked about during her last visit."
"Nothing wrong with that," Rhonda said, "I did that at her age. It's perfectly normal."
"So what are you doing Rhonda?"
She shrugged.
"I'll be by myself," she said, "on account of Jonathan spending the holidays with his family in Colorado."
"And he's not inviting you to meet the folks yet," Fran guessed.
Rhonda snorted.
"We've only been going out for a few months," she said, "I don't expect him to take that kind of step yet. Besides, I would just be a nervous wreck the whole time."
"Thea's really great," C.J. said, "You'd have nothing to be nervous about."
"I'm not an honorary daughter of hers like you are," Rhonda countered, "Though she did seem nice on the phone when she called for her son the other day."
Fran narrowed her eyes.
"What was he doing at your house…just kidding," she said, shaking her head.
"You can always drop by and spend Christmas with us," Chris offered.
Rhonda looked at her as if to say something and then finally nodded.
"I'll think about it."
Chris looked at C.J.
"So what are you doing," she said, "You do have plans don't you?"
C.J. looked at them suddenly, and then nodded.
"Sure I do," she said, "I've just been buried with work so I haven't had much time to think about it."
"You know you're invited to spend Christmas with us," Chris offered.
"With the rest of the holiday misfits," Rhonda chimed in.
Chris just ignored her, while putting some decorative figurines within the branches of the tree.
"I thought you'd be out to L.A. to see Matt and his family," Rhonda said.
C.J.'s face clouded over and Chris just threw a look at Rhonda.
"I haven't been to L.A.," C.J. said, "Except when Matt came down with pneumonia. It's just…hard going back there."
Chris rubbed her shoulder.
"It's okay," she said, "It won't always be like that."
C.J. nodded but she didn't feel so sure. Ever since she came back to Texas, she never went back to L.A. where she and Matt had spent several years building up first the company and then the detective agency. The only exception being when Roy had called her to tell her that Matt had been lying very ill in a hospital and she had dropped everything and had flown out to keep a vigil with Roy and Will until he began to recover. But when she hadn't been focused on her concern about Matt, she had been plagued with visions of what had happened. She didn't think she could ever go back there.
"Besides Matt's got his family and he's got a girlfriend and he won't be lonely," she pointed out.
Her cell phone rang and relieved at the interruption, she went to answer it after she saw Matt's phone number on her Caller ID. She walked out into the corridor.
"Hi, how are things going," she said.
"Busy," Matt said, "Nothing unusual there. How are you doing?"
"I'm fine," she said, "We're decorating the tree at the women's resource center and getting ready for the party."
"I wish I could see that," he said, "You've all done such great work there."
She paused.
"So what are your plans for Christmas," she said, "You spending it with Roy and Will?"
"Actually I'm thinking of getting away for a few days," he said, "Everyone here has been telling me I need to get away from the office for a spell."
She chuckled.
"I know the feeling," she said, "I think both of us are married to our work."
"Yeah well I haven't been out to Houston in a while and I want to see what's changed since my last visit," he said.
Her heart quickened.
"You're coming here?"
"Well yeah," Matt said, "Like I said, I haven't been there and I want to see if I still recognize it."
"I think there are a couple new malls up," C.J. said, "It will be good to see you again."
"I'm sorry it's been this long," Matt said.
She heard it in his voice.
"No, don't apologize," C.J. said, "You've been great at coming out here and I haven't returned that favor."
"C.J., you were there when I needed you," he said.
"I know but I should have come out more often," she said, "I'll look forward to seeing you."
"I'll be in on Christmas Eve, hopefully by morning." he said, "After I finish up a few loose ends here."
She felt something surge like hope in her heart and looked forward to seeing him again.
"I'll see you then," she said.
Matt put his phone away and Brody looked at him approvingly.
"Now you have a nice holiday out of this wonderful winter wonderland of L.A. to look forward to," he said, "Doesn't it feel more like Christmas now?"
Matt did feel better after making that phone call and found himself looking forward to the holidays rather than his work load.
"All I have is that charity function tomorrow night at the Beverly Wilshire," he said.
"Ah yes, the annual Christmas Diamond bash," Brody said, "My invitation must have gotten lost in the mail."
"Uncle Roy's on the board of directors of the children's foundation that it's supporting," Matt explained, "I'm surprised I got invited after what happened at the Medallion Ball last month."
Brody grimaced at the memory of how one of their cases had once again collided with Matt's social calendar. A jewel thief had recognized Matt at the bash while casing the house and Matt had chased him through the dining hall, the kitchen, the butler's quarters and finally the world-renowned gardens before tipping them both into the massive Koi pond with a huge splash.
"I think that was the beginning of the end for Crystal and me," Matt said.
"I wasn't even aware there was much of a beginning," Brody observed, "but she lasted longer than Tiffani or Amber."
Matt bristled.
"I don't make commentary about your relationships," he said.
"I can't help it Matt," Brody said, "This job is often a few moments of adrenalin rushes and danger intermixed with hours of tedious waiting for something to happen. I'm just trying to pass the time and face it, you've got a more busy social life."
"We broke up not long after that," Matt said, "She says I don't make enough time for her and I'm married to my career."
"You don't Matt and your business is your life," Brody said, "You put all your energy into your agency. After that article in People about you being the sexiest multi-millionaire slash private investigator alive, I would have thought…"
"That I hang out with a lot of women," Matt finished, "This profession is good for attracting women but it's not good for long-term relationships. My broken engagement reminded me of that."
"One woman Matt," Brody countered, "There are others out there and you're young, single and you're rich…"
Matt sipped his beer. His partner's words irritated him.
"I'm also too busy right now to have that busy of a social life and to talk about it," he said.
Brody just sighed, thinking that his friend didn't sound all that convincing even to himself.
C.J. walked into the recreation room after getting off the phone with Matt. The other women looked at her expectedly.
"That was Houston," she said, "He's coming out here for Christmas."
Chris smiled.
"Then you'll both be invited to spend Christmas with us," she said, "Unless you have other plans."
"No actually that will be nice," C.J. said, "He's flying in some time on Christmas Eve."
"That will be great," Rhonda said, nodding, "Hopefully fully recovered from that awful bout of pneumonia."
"It's been several months," C.J. said, "He's doing much better."
"What about his girlfriend," Fran asked.
C.J. shook her head.
"He didn't mention her," she said, "Crystal I think. She worked at the hospital where he recuperated."
"Then she's probably out of the picture," Rhonda said.
"An ex-girlfriend of his was asking about him today," C.J. said, "She was on the cheerleading squad when he played football."
"That sounds interesting," Rhonda said, "but the cheerleader and football player thing has been so overdone."
"They broke up when he went into the military," C.J. said, "and she married the running back. I think that they opened up an auto dealership together."
"Sounds thrilling," Rhonda said, picking up a cookie.
"Jealous, Rhonda," Fran asked rolling her eyes from her chair.
Rhonda scoffed.
"Hardly," she said, "I used to hang out with some ex-cheerleaders in rehab and most of them have serious issues."
C.J. didn't think that Staci had sounded that interested in Matt but she could be wrong. But if so, it wasn't any of her business even if they decided to reacquaint themselves while Matt stayed in Houston. Rhonda seemed to read her mind.
"Do you think she's after Matt," she asked, "Wanting to take a trip down memory lane with him?"
C.J. shrugged.
"Maybe, I don't know," she said, "It's none of my business. I just want him to be happy."
Rhonda looked at her.
"For a while there, I thought you wanted him to be happy with you."
C.J. looked at her startled.
"You're mistaken," she said, "There's nothing between us. Besides, I was going out with Mark."
Rhonda frowned.
"Was going out with Mark," she repeated, "What happened with that?"
C.J. paused. Fran frowned at Rhonda and rolled her eyes.
"If you don't want to answer that," Fran said, "Tell her to just mind her own business."
"No it's fine Fran," C.J. said, "You don't have to worry. Mark and I, we just broke up."
"I'm sorry," Chris said.
"Don't be," C.J. said, "It just didn't work out. Besides an old girlfriend of his moved back here and you know what they say about old sparks."
"Jerk," Rhonda muttered, "You're better off without him."
"I agree," Fran said, "There are other men out there."
C.J. smiled, knowing they were trying to be kind but the problem hadn't been Mark or even mostly him. She had dated several men in the past year and the truth was, she had never really felt comfortable or even safe around any of them and so the relationships didn't last past a few dates before she began pushing them away.
"I don't know," C.J. said, pouring herself some eggnog, "A part of me wonders if I'm going out with these men to prove something to myself."
"Like what," Rhonda asked.
But Fran understood.
"That you can be the woman that you were," she said, "Before what happened and that physical intimacy won't be such an issue."
C.J. nodded slowly.
"Part of me feels that way, attracted to them and wanting to be closer but at the same time, I can't get far enough away from them," she said, "Not exactly conducive to building a relationship with someone."
Chris placed an ornamental ball on the tree, tucking the pine needles around it.
"But if they really care about you…"
"They've been nice guys," C.J. said, "but I come with a lot of baggage."
"That's not all that you are," Chris said, "It's only a part."
C.J. looked away.
"But right now, it's a really big part of who I am and I've been trying to face that," she said.
Matt looked around the elegantly decorated ballroom for a getaway. He had arrived there with his uncle who had brought a date Since he had just broken up with Crystal, Matt had gone stag but soon enough had ran into enough people he knew to keep him busy most of the evening, talking and laughing. The liquor flowed freely but Matt refrained from drinking since he had to fly out to Houston in a few hours after he finished the formalities of attending this party. He had spent the last day or so working stakeouts with Brody who regaled him with stories from his days in the LAPD and then coming into the office afterward to finish up some paperwork to try to close out some invoices.
Tonight he had donned one of his dreaded black tie suits and had battled the evening traffic to get to the Beverly Wilshire Hotel where he encountered a long line of cars including limousines waiting to be admitted into the exclusive event. By the time he entered into the doors into the greeting line of the party, he noticed his uncle talking with a regally dressed woman with silver tinged hair who Matt knew served as the president of the board of directors. And despite himself once he mingled near the bar where most of the crowd congregated, he had to admit it wasn't a bad party.
"Oh Matt, I didn't know you'd be here," a voice said from behind him.
He turned around and saw Crystal standing there with a glass of champagne in her hand.
"Hi Crystal," he said simply.
She was dressed in a low sweeping gown, mauve and carrying a clutch purse.
"I didn't think you'd have enough time to attend a social gala," she said, "With work and all that."
He heard a tinge of bitterness in her voice.
"My uncle serves on the board," he said, "and this is a great charity."
"You know what I mean," she said, "You just never seemed to have enough time to spend on us."
He sighed.
"Crystal, we're both very busy," he said, "and my work's not going to get any less dangerous. I've been shot at more times than I can count, gotten in fights and car chases and nearly died more than once."
"But…"
"And I've enjoyed almost every minute of it," Matt continued, "It's been great helping people. C.J and…"
He heard her groan.
"Her again," she said, "Matt, she's over a thousand miles away because she wants to be and you always bring her up."
"She's my best friend," he said, "She will always be that no matter where she's at."
"She's more than that," Crystal said, "I know that's true even if you won't admit it."
She had accused him of that more than once and he had explained to her that there was nothing between them except a lifelong friendship but Crystal had never believed him. Even though C.J. was currently seeing someone right now.
"Crystal…I think we're better off accepting that it didn't work and go our separate ways," Matt said.
She chuckled.
"Oh I've been doing that," she said, picking up her drink, "He's waiting on the dance floor."
Matt watched her as his latest ex-girlfriend waltzed off. But after they had broken up, he began to rethink what he wanted in his relationships with women. His near fatal bout of pneumonia had given him some perspective on life and plenty of down time to reflect on what he wanted out of it. Beyond establishing himself as one of L.A.'s busiest private investigators in a city filled with them. He had learned during the past year that his career could only fill part of his life even though it consumed most of his time. He needed something else to provide balance in his personal life when he had one these days but finding that had proven difficult the past year. When he had returned back to L.A. after a long time away, something inside of him had changed, only he wasn't sure what it was exactly. He just knew he wasn't the same man who had packed his bags and hit the road after he broke it off with Elizabeth.
He felt his cell phone and picked it up, after seeing who had called.
"Hi C.J.," he said, smiling, "How are you doing?"
She looked around at the party taking place around her.
"I'm at the party here," she said, "The women are having a great time. What about you?"
He pulled at his bow tie.
"I'm at the Diamond Ball," he said, "The music's playing and it's not bad…"
"But it's not where you want to be either," she finished.
"How did you know?"
She chuckled on her end.
"Because I can see you right now, pulling your tie askew and calling me near the closest exit," she said.
He let go of his bow tie, remembering again how well his best friend knew him.
"Well, it's for a great cause but it doesn't come close to a good barbecue," he said.
"It's too cold here but it should be fine weather out there for eating outside," she said.
"I'll be out there early tomorrow morning and I'll come by your place and take you out to breakfast," he said.
"Where are you staying?"
"I thought I'd stay at the old house," he said, "I've got some presents to drop off for the ranch hands and the staff."
"That will be nice," she said, "I play poker with them twice a week."
He chuckled.
"How much have you taken them for," he asked, "You're a great player."
"We don't play for money," she said, "We pay for cookies."
"Ouch," he said, knowing that the two men harbored a sweet tooth.
"They'll be thrilled to see you," she said, "So will I."
"I'll see you then," he said, as they hung up feeling a weight lifting off his shoulders.
She put the phone away and looked as women of various ages ate cookies and drank egg nog while singing carols to the accompaniment of an impromptu band. Chris wandered over, wearing red trimmed outfit complete with Santa hat, carrying a harmonica. Butterfly who had grown into a teenager was playing a trumpet with the band. She had complained when she had first arrived how her grandmother had made her take music lessons but C.J. listened to her and knew she had talent.
"Who was that," she asked.
"Houston."
"Is he coming out tomorrow," Chris said, "It will be great to see him again. Just keep him away from Murray and the office."
C.J. laughed.
"I know," she said, "or he'll end up holed up in some conference meeting with the board. No, he needs to relax. It's not been too long since he was sick."
Chris caught the tinge of concern in her friend's voice.
"He's better now," she said, "And you know that getting him to take it easy is easier said than done."
C.J. most definitely knew that but she knew that the two of them had that in common and had frustrated each other when one of them was ill or hurt and told by doctors to rest and take it easy. This time, it was just her turn to remind him and she hoped it wouldn't be like pulling teeth from a mule.
"I'm going to hold him to it," she said, "to make sure he has a relaxing holiday."
"What about you," Chris asked, "Will you be able to relax?"
C.J. grew silent.
"I'm going to do my best to try."
Matt enjoyed taking off in one of the jets in his fleet of aircraft whenever he had the opportunity and as soon as he left the party, he headed off to the airport with his luggage to prepare one of his planes to fly to Houston. It would take him with some help several hours to get the plane ready for takeoff and then another several hours to Houston, if the skies remained clear. The traffic wasn't too bad late at night and he got to the hanger in very little time. He checked his phone and found a message from Brody telling him to have a great time on his brief vacation and to not worry about the agency. A twinge went through Matt when he heard that, wondering if everything would go smoothly while he was out of town.
He had left the gala early, so relieved to be out of there. His uncle smiled at him when he caught him removing his tie before he had even left the front entrance of the grand hotel.
"Off in a hurry aren't you?"
"It's going to take me most of the night to get there," Matt said, "and I don't know what the traffic's going to be like."
"Have a great holiday and tell C.J. hi for me," Roy said.
Matt nodded and left the hotel. Now sitting inside his plane running a flight check, he prepared to leave the airport. He hadn't seen C.J. in several months since she had sat at his bedside while he had been hospitalized with pneumonia. When he had finally regained consciousness after struggling to survive for several days, she had sat there looking at him and he had known that she had dropped everything to fly to L.A. and then sat by his bedside. Her hair had been hanging around her face, framing it and her eyes reddened but when his eyes opened, the first thing he noticed was the smile that welcomed him back and how he had never seen a sight so beautiful.
C.J. got home from the Christmas party at the foundation office, humming a carol to herself as she prepared to heat some water on the stove for chamomile tea. She enjoyed a cup of it every night to relax her and help her sleep even though her nightmares had receded. She steeped her tea and went to sit on the couch, tucking her legs under her. Glancing at the stack of files she had on her coffee table, she almost reached over to pick one up but stopped herself. She has to put aside her work for a while and enjoy the holidays. Soon her best friend would be here and they would be spending some much needed time together catching up on each other's lives.
Her eyes grew heavy from the tea and she found herself stretching out on her sofa, falling asleep.
Matt walked up the pathway to her house, past the row of small trees that she had planted when she had first moved to Houston and purchased the property. He reached her front door, and paused a moment. He knew it was pretty early in the morning but that she was an early riser so he rang the doorbell. She soon answered, wearing a royal blue robe and her dark hair drawn back in a ponytail.
She smiled and welcomed him inside, after embracing him. She felt pliant and warm against him, her hair smelling of lilac.
"I've got some coffee if you'd like," she said, as he walked into her living room which was decorated with some antiques she must have picked up when she moved here.
"I didn't come too early," he said.
She shook her head.
"No, it's great to see you," she said, as they went into the kitchen and she poured him some freshly made coffee. She picked up her own mug and sipped it, thoughtfully taking him in. He looked much better than he had the last time she had seen him, from the doorway of his hospital room as she left to return to Houston. She had hated the fact that she had to testify as an expert witness in court the next day in U.S. District Court and even when she had been on the stand, she spent most of her time thinking of him.
"So how about breakfast," Matt said, "Unless you had other plans."
"Breakfast sounds great," she said, "That diner we used to frequent is still in business."
He nodded.
"Houston's…changed."
"I know," she said, "I had culture shock for a while when I came back but I like this neighborhood. It's a nice distance from the center of town."
Matt had noticed that the neighborhood where she lived had been quiet and that some of the properties had nice sized yards. He knew that C.J. had some fruit trees in her spacious backyard and that she had spent a lot of what spare time she had gardening.
"You have a nice spread," he said, looking out the window.
"I've been working hard at it," she said, "The trees are doing really well and should have fruit next spring. Rhonda's much better at this than I am and has been a great help. It keeps me from thinking too much."
He raised his brows at that statement but she just looked away, placing silverware and utensils in the dishwasher.
"How's she doing," Matt asked, sipping his coffee, "Is she still seeing Jonathan?"
C.J. nodded.
"She seems to be getting along well with Thea too," she said, "Thea's always been protective of her son but I think she likes Rhonda."
Matt and C.J. moved back to the living room.
"You're going there for New Years?"
She smiled.
"You mean Thea's ranch?"
Matt nodded.
"For about a week," she said, "Then it's back to work but I really wanted to visit her and Jed and Bonnie. They're engaged you know."
"That's good news," Matt said, "I thought they got along pretty well."
C.J. looked at him thoughtfully.
"She loved him for a while but never said anything," she said, "Because she knew he still was in love with his wife."
Matt sipped his coffee.
"They're together now," he said, "If two people love each other, nothing else matters."
C.J. knew in reality, it was never that simple and knew that Matt shared that awareness but he was a man that was driven by his heart and more often than not, he wore it on his sleeve. There was no guessing about the way Matt felt about the people he loved and was in love with.
"You're invited too," she said.
Matt chuckled.
"I was thinking of taking her up on her invitation," he said, "It's such beautiful country up there."
"The ranchers promised to take you ice fishing if you ever dropped by in the winter," C.J. reminded him.
"I haven't gone in years," Matt said, "I've probably lost my touch."
"You'll have a great time."
He looked at her.
"What about you," he said.
She shrugged, but beneath it was a smile.
"I and the other women will be sitting around the fire and talking about important things."
Suddenly, the doorbell rang and she went to answer it. Standing on her doorstep was a tall gentleman dressed in a business suit with blonde hair and a lean build.
"Mark, what are you doing here," C.J. said.
He looked at her still dressed in her robe with Matt and he raised his brow.
"I seem to have interrupted something," he said.
C.J. shook her head.
"No, it's my friend from L.A., Matt Houston," she said, "He's out here visiting and just got in."
"I see," he said, but his eyes said he didn't.
"You must be Mark," Matt said, folding his arms.
C.J. sighed and looked at both men who looked like they were sizing each other up.
"We're going out to breakfast Mark," she said, "Why are you here? I thought we said everything we needed to say to each other."
Matt turned and looked at C.J., puzzled.
"I'm here to talk to you about what happened the other night," Mark said.
She shook her head.
"There's nothing to talk about Mark," she said, "We broke up remember?"
Matt's brows rose.
"C.J., maybe I was too rash," Mark said, "But you have to understand where I'm coming from."
"I don't really want to talk about it here," C.J. said, "In fact, I don't really want to talk about it at all."
Mark looked up at Matt.
"No I guess not," he said, "Is he staying with you?"
C.J. looked at him.
"That's really none of your business."
"Listen C.J., if I just didn't do it for you, you should have told me," Mark said, "Because obviously you found someone else who does."
"Mark just leave," C.J. said.
"Not until I…"
Matt stepped closer to him.
"You heard what the lady said," he said, "I think you should leave now."
Mark bristled and looked indecisive. C.J. looked at Matt and wondered if he was going to step in and hoping not.
"I can handle things," she said, then looked at Mark, "I think we're finished here."
He looked at her and then waved his arm in dismissal and then left down the walkway. C.J. closed the door behind her and saw Matt looking at her.
"I need to get ready," she said, starting to leave.
"You and Mark broke up," he asked.
She paused.
"I'm sorry about that," she said, "I had no idea he would come over here."
"You don't have anything to be sorry about," Matt said, "I'll wait right here."
She left him to go get ready to head out for breakfast, wishing so much that he hadn't witnessed her altercation with Mark, but realizing it was already too late for that.
Matt sat in the living room confused by what he had just witnessed. But he knew better than to ask questions and when she walked back into the room a little while later, he forgot what he would have asked. She came in smiling, dressed in jeans and a chambray shirt, with her hair in loose waves framing her face, looking beautiful.
"Are you ready to go," she asked him.
He just looked at her a moment. She raised her brows at him in question.
"Is there anything wrong?"
He shook his head and she went to the closet to get a jacket as it was still chilly outside.
"A couple of the girls will be joining us if that's okay," she said.
"Fine with me," he said, as they walked outside of her house.
She looked over at him, nibbling on her lip a bit.
"I'm sorry again about all that."
"C.J., it sounds like it's his problem, not yours."
She sighed as they reached his car.
"It's…complicated," she said.
"And you would rather not talk about it," he finished, "That's fine."
She smiled in relief.
"I just want to enjoy our time together," she said, "It's been a while since we've been in the same city."
He picked up the note of concern in her voice.
"I'm fine," he said, "Fully recovered from being sick."
She nodded.
"You look great."
"So do you," he said, "Houston's been good to you."
She got inside the sedan and strapped herself in.
"It's been good for me Houston," she said, "Not that L.A…"
He started the car and they started driving down the quiet residential street.
"You're where you feel the most comfortable," he said, "That's what's important. We just miss you."
She looked out the window as they turned onto a busier street.
"I miss you too, you and Roy and Will," she said, "I hope they're not going to miss you for Christmas."
"They'll be fine," Matt said, "They asked me to send you some holiday greetings."
She smiled.
"It's so good that they're back together again," she said, "Not that it makes up for what happened to Will but it's still wonderful that they're joy back in the holiday season."
"They've really been making up for lost time," Matt said.
"That's great," she said as Matt turned the car into the parking lot outside their favorite diner which had been a fixture while they were growing up.
When they left the car and walked inside, Bea the waitress looked up from the counter and her face broke out into a grin.
"Oh you're here," she said, walking up, "Your friends are waiting for you in your booth."
"Thanks Bea," C.J. said, "You remember Houston…"
The waitress's smile broadened.
"Of course I do," she said, "I'm not that old that I don't remember the two of you coming in here all the time."
She directed them to the booth and they saw that Chris and Rhonda were there sipping orange juice.
"Long time no see stranger," Rhonda said, standing up to embrace Matt, "We thought you forgot about us here in Texas."
He looked at her and saw the happiness in her eyes.
"I missed the diner," he said, "They've got the best omelets this side of the Rockies."
Rhonda narrowed her eyes.
"I thought you made the best omelets," she said, "Something about making them the shape of this great state and adding some special ingredients."
Matt looked at C.J. and she shrugged, smiling.
"He does," she said, "Bea used to tease him about getting a job here if he ever needed one."
"I might be tempted," Matt said, rubbing his chin, "If I don't clear my case calendar soon."
Rhonda snorted.
"You work way too hard Matt," she said, "Didn't you nearly work yourself into the grave just a while ago? You need to take some time off and enjoy life."
"I enjoy what I do," Matt countered, "And I hired some new investigators that Hoyt recommended."
C.J. sipped some juice the waitress brought them.
"Brody's certainly a very interesting addition," she noted.
"Well yeah," Matt said, "He just retired from the LAPD a little early and his wife told him he needed to find another job or a hobby or she was kicking him out."
Chris nodded.
"That's great Matt," she said, "I'm glad your business is going so well. We just worry that you're working too hard sometimes."
"I'll be hiring even more investigators once I see how these ones work out," Matt said, "Though Brody's a hard worker and he's cleared some cases since he started."
C.J. knew that Brody had really tried just as hard to make sure that Matt didn't work too hard on his business. He had seemed so focused on catching up on his caseload since he had been away from it for months, beginning with his six month sabbatical after his canceled wedding and continuing when he had been trying to help her escape from a trafficking ring. When he had finally returned back to L.A., he had found that Roy and even Will had been trying to keep more than a few clients at bay and trying to close out cases in his absence and he felt some sense of guilt even as they reassured him that things were running relatively smoothly. That was why he had wound up in the hospital very ill after spending a cold night soaked to the bone on a stakeout at a marina and then nearly drowning when it went bad and he had wound up tossed in the ocean until the Coast Guard plucked him out.
"C.J., are you coming to the house tomorrow," Chris asked, "you can even bring him along."
C.J. looked up and nodded, after looking at Matt.
"We thought we might come by," she said, "Do you need us to bring anything?"
Chris shook her head.
"Just yourselves," she said, "Dan's been busy trying out these brand new recipes including one for the turkey. I have my fingers crossed."
Rhonda laughed.
"Why don't we just stick the men in the kitchen to do the kicking while we catch up on football?"
"That sounds like a plan," C.J. said and Chris nodded.
Matt didn't look so sure.
"I can see that Dan and I are going to be outnumbered."
After breakfast, Matt and C.J. had spent the rest of the day driving through Houston checking out just how much it had changed since Matt's last visit. He bemoaned it not being the same place he remembered while growing up but then marveled at some of the new buildings. They stopped at some of the stores and did some last minute shopping. Despite her busy schedule, C.J. had finished most of her shopping but she spotted some Christmas decorations on sale and picked up some knickknacks to put on her fireplace mantle.
"I'm not sure you have any more room for anything else," Matt noted.
She lightly slapped him.
"Of course I do," she said, "and if you say one more word about the tree…"
C.J. had picked up a tree the week before and had gone up in the attic to dig out the ornaments that she had shipped over from her old house in L.A. It had been two years since she had really been able to think about celebrating a real Christmas and she had wanted to do it right and in style. She had spent several hours after purchasing her tree, decorating it with great care. Matt had thought the tree looked nice but had teased her at some of her ornament choices, and C.J. had reminded him that she had once won a tree decorating contest while in high school. Matt raised his brows and said that as he remembered it, she had won the award for the most unusual looking tree.
"Okay," she had laughed in the car, after he reminded her of that after they left the diner, "I remember, but you can't say it wasn't very creative."
Matt agreed with that assertion and he didn't say it but he loved seeing her laugh again, her eyes flickering with the light that had been missing for a long time. Once again, she appeared to be the woman that he had known most of his life from the time they were both growing up in the great expanse of ranch land that existed outside of Houston.
Even when the sky began to cloud over the sun, hiding it for the rest of the day and replacing it with a grey slate which promised rain, they had walked along the shops in an outdoor mall and he had taken her hand in his own, without even thinking about it. She had squeezed it and then led him to a pet store, where some puppies bounced around inside the window.
"Aren't they cute?"
Matt looked at them, a small puppy with huge paws and he could imagine it scampering around her house, with a slipper in its mouth while she chased after it. He told her that.
"I don't even wear slippers," she protested, "Besides, I travel too much to keep a dog but some day…"
He heard the wistful tone of her voice and knew she had left him and the urban sprawl of Houston for a moment and was thinking about the rural lifestyle she missed. She had told him that some day she wanted to buy up some land, build a house and have some horses and dogs and maybe an orchard of trees. Matt could see her with all of that and with a child or two, knowing she would make a wonderful mother some day. He looked at her and she had already gone inside the pet store to get a closer look at a puppy. He walked inside just as one of the sales women reached into the pen and pulled a wiggling dog out and placed it in C.J.'s arms.
C.J. held it close to her face, its dense chocolate and tan fur brushing against her cheeks.
"He's so…"
"Big," Matt said trying to be helpful.
She raised a brow at him.
"He's still a baby," she said.
"He's going to grow up to be huge."
She stroked its fur and it licked her on the cheek which made her laugh.
"He seems to like you."
She held him for another moment before reluctantly giving him back to the sales woman.
"Some day when I'm more settled…"
He put his arm around her shoulder and she leaned towards him as they left the store.
"There will be other dogs," he said.
Her hair brushed against him.
"I know."
Later that night, they returned to her house tired from all the walking and soaked through their clothes from the sudden rain shower that hit them as they had left the car. They had tried to run to the house but still the rain got them.
"I'll make a fire," Matt said.
She looked at him, her hair damp in ringlets on her shoulders.
"I'm sorry about that," she said.
"It's just rain," he said, as he pulled off his jacket and C.J. took it with hers into the laundry room.
"At least we've eaten," she said, "That restaurant was really nice."
They had tried out a new Italian spot near the airport and had enjoyed a pleasant meal of great food mixed with comfortable conversation. He updated her on some projects that Roy and Will had been working on together and how his uncle after years of being a widower might have found a girlfriend.
"What about you," she asked, before realizing it.
Matt looked at his glass of scotch and didn't say anything for a moment. They were sitting on the couch in front of a fire listening to the wood crackle as the flames worked through the bark. The warmth had filled the room almost immediately and C.J. and Matt now sat as they had often enjoying a good fire after a long day. Everything else that had occupied their attention during the past frantic weeks before the holidays had receded into the background.
He had changed into some comfortable clothes after she had persuaded him to stay the night with her, sleeping in her guest room. After looking back out the window at the rain streaking down the pane, he had agreed.
She saw the look in his eyes.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked," she said.
He shrugged.
"Crystal and I broke up," he said, "It's the same thing. My profession is great at attracting women but not in keeping them happy."
She narrowed her eyes.
"Houston, just wait a minute here," she said, putting her glass down, "You're a great guy, the best one out there. If the women can't accept you and what you do with your life, then they're the ones with the problem not you."
He sighed.
"C.J., my career puts me in danger a lot," he said, "It's got to be hard to not know whether or not I'll be coming through the door at the end of the day or not."
"It's like that with any career Houston," she said, "We can't predict what life is going to bring our way. I definitely have learned that lesson."
She looked away from him and he knew what she meant. After all, she had walked out into his parking garage on the way to meet a man with information to help her clear his name and in a split second, her life had changed forever.
"I know that," he said, gently, "but you have to admit, that I get shot at, thrown around and chased more often than most men who go to work each day."
She smiled.
"You do a fair amount of the chasing and throwing around yourself," she said, "And you've helped so many people and made a difference in their lives. Don't forget that."
He looked at his glass.
"So have you," he said, "So don't you forget it either."
She sipped her drink.
"I miss working with you," she said, after a pause, "I thought you should know that in case…"
He reached over and stroked her hair off of her face, seeing the scars etched in her eyebrows.
"I know that too," he said, "I also know why you made the decisions that you made to try to build a life here."
"It's got nothing to do with wanting to be away from you," she said, "I miss you so much…It's just that…"
She fell silent unable to put what she wanted to say into the right words.
"You don't have to explain anything to me," he said, "You've got everything you need here. All I want for you is to be happy and if that's here, then that's fine."
She exhaled, slowly.
"It's been hard," she said, "but I think I'm starting to find myself again."
"Have you heard anything on the case," he asked.
She frowned and shook her head.
"There might be a trial," she said, "but there's a lot to do before that day comes."
He nodded thoughtfully.
"I wish it didn't have to go that far," he said, "So you could put it behind you."
She ran her hand through her hair.
"It's not up to me," she said, "None of this has ever been up to me."
She wrapped her arms around herself, looking alone for a second before she covered it up with a smile. She didn't fool them though. He knew her too well and for too long.
"If I could…"
C.J. knew what the next words would be as he had told her so many times.
"I know," she said, putting her hand on his, "But you being here right now is more than enough. I wouldn't have made it this far if it hadn't been for you."
"You're a very strong woman C.J.," he said, "That's what got you through."
She looked at him, then back at the fire.
"Not strong enough."
He narrowed his eyes.
"What do you mean?"
She stretched her arms out, taking in the warmth in front of her.
"I can't make it work," she said, "He was right."
Matt struggled to keep up.
"Who was right," he asked.
"Mark."
"You mean the guy that stomped off earlier," Matt said, "He didn't strike me as very smart."
"I…we…well it just didn't work out," she said.
And while she said those words, he felt her withdraw again. A long silence fell between them and Matt tried to think of a way to bridge it.
"You mean he wanted to move further in this relationship than you were ready for," he finished.
She looked at him surprised.
"I guess that's one way to look at it."
He adjusted his position on the couch to face her.
"And what's another way?"
She looked at her hands folded in her lap.
"That I'm never going to feel that way again and it's not fair…," she said, "I'm sorry, I said I wouldn't talk about this. We're supposed to be celebrating Christmas."
He looked at his watch.
"Which is still several hours away," he said, "And that gives us some time to get a few things straight."
She tilted her head.
"Like what?"
He drew a deep breath.
"If someone truly cares about you, then they'll never ask you to do or pressure you to do something you're not comfortable doing," he said, "It's as simple as that."
She lifted a brow.
"Oh really," she said, "There's names for women who don't follow through."
Matt sighed. He knew that too.
"Did he use any of them," he said, "Because it's still early enough to go set a few things straight with him if he did."
She shook her head.
"No," she said, "It's my own internal voice talking. And that's much harder to set straight."
He pondered that, and then put his arm around her, pulling her closer to him. She nestled her head against his shoulder.
"It's going to take time, that's all," he said, "Time for you to start feeling comfortable again."
She felt her eyes sting.
"What if it never happens," she said, "What if I'm always afraid to be myself?"
"You have to give yourself a break C.J.," he said, "To just let yourself heal and get stronger at your own pace."
She started to say something but he continued.
"I remember when I was trying so hard to get my life back after that kidnapping," he said, "Not knowing what happened, what I did or even what I was capable of doing even if that was murder."
She knew from his voice that traumatic incident would always haunt him.
"You'd never hurt anyone," she said, "I know that as sure as I know anything."
"But I didn't," he said, "You gave me the strength to get through that even when you weren't with me."
She smiled.
"I wanted to be," she said, "but I got shot and someone insisted on taking me to the hospital even though he got arrested for it."
He reached over and stroked her face.
"Your life was not negotiable," he said, "I didn't have to make a choice and I didn't have to make a choice to help you through what you've been through the past year."
She nodded thoughtfully, digesting that.
"You've done so much for me already," she said, "All I wanted was for us to spend some time together and not worry about any of the past. I want to be able to have that time back again when we could enjoy each other's company and laugh together even at nothing."
"Or during the difficult times when it was hard to laugh."
She lifted her head to look at him, her eyes troubled. He tightened his hold on her and she relaxed in his embrace.
"It's amazing what time can accomplish," he said, "You've been working so hard at trying to rebuild your life but it's going to take some time and I'll bet that by this time next year, things will be different. They be different in a good way because no one deserves happiness and the best that life can give more than you do."
She wiped her eyes and smiled at him.
"I hope so."
He looked at her, his eyes serious.
"I know so."
With that, C.J. began to relax and enjoy the warmth of the fire and the security of her best friend's arms around her, the steady beat of his heart beneath where her head rested. Her eye lids began to feel heavier and she found herself falling asleep, feeling much better than she had in a long time. Matt held on to the sleeping woman in his embrace and kissed the top of her head, wishing her a Merry Christmas and many more to come.
"Hey stop that," Butterfly protested when a little boy pulled on her hair, which was dyed purple and braided.
He giggled and waddled off, back to his mother who worked as Chris' assistant at Houston Enterprises. C.J. and Matt had woken up the next morning and spent the morning relaxing and opening presents they had for each other. She had brought him a new pair of boots that she had found in a new saddler store and she fingered the necklace that he had given her, while she sat at Chris and Dan's house after they had stopped to pay a visit and drop off gifts to Bo and Lamar at the old house Fran and Carlos had brought the twins, swaddled up and everyone had oohed and aahed over them while they lay sleeping off what must have been an eventful first Christmas morning. Butterfly had run around with a digital camera that Chris had given her taking pictures of everyone there in the relaxed atmosphere.
"Butterfly, be careful where you point that thing," Chris admonished but with humor in her voice.
The teenager frowned but kept taking pictures anyway in between stories she told about her school life, boys, her photography, boys, the great outfits she had gotten for Christmas and boys.
"I'm a bit worried about Butterfly," Chris confided to C.J. in the kitchen.
C.J. furrowed her brow.
"What do you mean," she said, "Is anything wrong?"
Chris shook her head at the concern in her friend's voice.
"Oh no," she said, "It's just part of being a normal teenager but she's been talking about some guy named Spike lately. I think he's a bit older…"
C.J. smiled.
"Come on Chris, we've all been there."
Chris sighed as she stirred the gravy.
"I know but it's different when it's happening to someone in your charge."
"What does her grandmother have to say about it," C.J. asked.
"She still looks at Butterfly as if she's the little girl who first came to here after you and Matt saved her from that god awful child molester," Chris said, "Not the teenager she's grown into the past few months."
"Do you know this Spike?"
Chris shook her head.
"I don't know but she does talk about him so maybe that's a good sign," she said, "I'm just tempted to send her off to convent school but that didn't work with me."
C.J. raised a brow.
"Where you a wild child?"
Chris smiled.
"Not really compared to what you see today," she said, "My rebellion was a little bit quieter."
C.J. laughed.
"I went through an older bad boy stage when I was a little older than her," she said, "I survived it with most my dignity intact."
"I know she's got good judgment for someone so young," Chris said, "I just worry…"
"You're a good mother to her Chris," C.J. noted, "She's thrived when she's been with you."
Chris remained quiet for a while.
"Dan and I…we're seeing a fertility specialist next week."
C.J. looked up at her friend in surprise. Chris nodded.
"We're hoping this changes our luck," she said, "We've been…trying for a while now."
"I'm sure it will work out for you both," C.J. said, "Sometimes life just throws out those curve balls."
"I'm sure everything will be fine," Chris said, quickly, "If nature needs a little intervention, then that's fine too."
Rhonda wandered into the kitchen, munching on a cookie. Chris frowned at her.
"Where'd you find the stash," she said.
Rhonda gestured towards the living room.
"Butterfly's been handing them out," she said.
"She was supposed to wait until after dinner," Chris said, "but I think she's eager to know what people think of them since she made them this morning."
"They're pretty good," Rhonda said, "Everyone's enjoying them and your party so relax a little bit, okay?"
Chris looked at C.J.
"I'm relaxed, aren't I?"
Rhonda studied her closer.
"You look calmer than usual," she noted.
Chris rolled her eyes.
"Well thanks Rhonda," she said, "Dinner's almost ready."
Rhonda looked around the kitchen.
"Dan didn't take any prisoners in your kitchen did he?"
Chris sighed.
"The food actually looks very good."
Rhonda looked over at C.J.
"What about you," she said, "I heard you're heading up to the ranch in a few days."
C.J. nodded.
"Matt and I are going to fly up there tomorrow," she said, "He's going ice fishing with the guys and Thea, Bonnie and I will have the place to ourselves."
"That sounds cool," Rhonda said, "I didn't know Jonathan was so into ice fishing."
"Sure he is," C.J. said, "I went with him a couple of times but of course, ice fishing was just part of it…"
Rhonda snorted.
"Spare me the details of your great romance with him," she said, shaking her head.
C.J. looked at her friend.
"It's in the past now," she said, "I can see he really cares about you. He's just not one to rush things until he thinks things through."
"That's him," Rhonda said, "Look it's not like I was expecting anything from him. It would have just been nice if he hadn't taken off for Christmas."
"He's close to his mother," C.J. said, "Especially since his father died."
"I know," Rhonda said, "And I would never get in between a son's love for his mother, I just miss…having him around."
Chris chuckled.
"The love bug has hit our level headed friend hard."
Rhonda scowled.
"I don't know what it is with him," she said, "He's a great guy but I don't know if I'm ready to settle down anyway."
Butterfly buzzed in with her camera and snapped a photo of them standing in the kitchen dealing with Rhonda's relationship issues.
"Oh great," Rhonda said, "Is this going to wind up on You Tube?"
Butterfly shook her head.
"Oh no, that's for video," she informed them, "I've got a great Picassa photo album and I'm working on a holiday section."
Chris folded her arms.
"Butterfly, why don't you tell everyone that dinner's about ready."
Butterfly tilted her head.
"We might have one more guest."
The three women looked at each other.
"Who," Chris asked.
"There's some guy who just came over," Butterfly, "He looks kind of uptight but he says his name is Jonathan."
Rhonda's eyebrows shot up and she left the kitchen to check it out. Butterfly shrugged her shoulders as she watched the older woman go.
"What's with her?"
Jonathan as it turned out had celebrated Christmas Eve and morning with his mother and then with her blessing, took off in his airplane and headed out to Texas. The weather in the southern valleys of Colorado had been cold, the airs crisp but so far, very little snow had fallen.
"There's still going to be great ice fishing," Jonathan told Matt as they all headed off to the dining room to serve themselves some food.
"I hope so," Matt said, "My Daddy and uncle used to take me when I was younger. C.J. came out a time or two and she out caught all of us."
"She did that when we went together," Jonathan said, nodding.
Rhonda scooped food on her plate, trying to not show her excitement at flying out with Jonathan later that night to head back to Colorado. She didn't even begrudge him the ice fishing trip as long as they could spend time together on the ranch during any breaks in the bonding rituals which men engaged in. Jonathan encountered C.J. and Matt in the buffet line.
"I heard back from the U.S. Attorney's office," he began.
C.J. and Matt looked at each other.
"What's going on," she asked.
Jonathan hesitated.
"They're getting ready to take a case to the grand jury this spring," he said.
"After this long," C.J. said, shaking her head, "Will they…"
He nodded.
"You're going to be a witness," he said.
C.J. thought about that.
"Will I have to go into protective custody like last time," she asked, finally.
Jonathan looked uncertain.
"Hopefully not," he said, "though we might assign guards at the proceedings."
Matt didn't like the sound of that.
"There's still a main hitter running around out there," he said, "How do we know he won't reemerge?"
Jonathan sighed as they headed back to the living room.
"We don't," he said, "All we can do is hope and prepare for anything."
"Easy for you to say," Matt said, "But what about C.J."
"She'll…"
C.J. stepped in between the two men.
"Guys, I'm right her," she said, and then turned towards Jonathan, "I'm tired of looking over my shoulder all the time. I want this to be over."
"Hopefully, this will move the case forward in a significant way," he said, "But at any rate, the U.S. Attorney wants to meet with you in a couple of weeks when he flies out to Dallas."
She nodded.
"Okay, I can do that," she said as they sat down to eat dinner with the others in their close circle of friends.
C.J. and Matt spent a quiet night when they returned to her house and got up early the next morning to prepare for their trip to Colorado. Jonathan and Rhonda had flown back the night before and Matt told C.J. if they left early, they might make it in time for to line up for a plate of Thea's Huevos Rancheros. The drive to the airport had been quiet, with both of them deep in their thoughts.
"I'm going to be fine, Houston," she finally said breaking the silence between them.
He remained quiet for a moment.
"I know you are and that you can do this," he said, "I just wish you didn't have to."
"I think I'm getting ready to face him again."
Houston listened to her words and the tone of certainty in her voice which underlined them. He knew that she spoke the truth and she knew it too.
"It's the only way," she continued, "before I can really move forward and put this behind me."
"You won't be alone."
She reached over to rub his shoulder as he drove.
"I know that too."
And with that, the two of them continued to catch their plane at the airport.