"I LOVE YOU"

A/N.This fiction is three shots. Yeah. Three shots. Hahahaha! So if you have any violent reaction after reading this.. I can't blame you. Wahaha! This is the story that I mentioned in my last update, remember? And in this story, I didn't include Ruu. This fic is focused mainly on Kanata and Miyu. Oh. And about my story Bitter-Sweet Revenge, I deleted that story. Because I, uh, decided to revise it. Sooo, maybe I'll post it again after I'm done rewriting it. And please do leave a review and tell if it sucks or anything. I'm begging you. xD

Ps.. I wrote this fic because I was kind of depressed these past few days. That's why. LOL. :)

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Kanata Saionji.

That's the name of the very first boy I've ever love. Well yeah, I've known him for almost half of my life now. He's a jerk. A real bastard in disguise. He acts like he's an almighty and perfect in front of everyone but will be back in his old self when he's with me. We fought almost every day. He always loved to pick up on me. After we wake up, the whole day, and before we sleep. He's always commanding me to cook, to clean the whole temple, to do the groceries only to yell at me afterwards. And he's always leaving me all alone in the temple every night just to meet the girl of his dream, Akira. And every time he would come home late, he would always find me sitting at the bottom of Saionji's stairways, sleeping. I fell asleep waiting for him to come home. He would wake me up, that annoying but cute grin is always on his handsome face. He would call me an idiot for falling asleep in the middle of the night at the stairs. I'm always ready to argue back but whenever I see that happy smile on his face was enough for me to shut my mouth up. I would always bit my lips until it bled just to stop my tears from falling. I'll always give him a happy but fake smile as an answer. He'll ask me what's wrong and I'll answer I 'm just sleepy.. And tired. And I would say good night to him and would rush to my room and will curl up in the corner and would cry myself to sleep. It's always like that. You know, I got tired of hearing his happy stories about him and Akira. It.. it just that.. I really can feel, I mean literally, that my heart's breaking to pieces. It hurts.. so much that I can feel a part of me inside is shutting off. That's why I started to avoid him every night he would come home, but yeah, it's kind of pathetic that I'm still waiting for him at the stairs but the conversation.. That was the one I was avoiding. I don't even know why I am still waiting for him; maybe you can call it foolishness. Yeah, I'm a fool. You could say that. Because seriously, I'm in love with someone whose treating me only as a friend.. Whose madly in love with someone better than me.. Such agonizing situation, isn't it? I don't even have the courage to say how I really felt about him. Or the question is.. do I really have the right to tell him about it? It doesn't make any sense, right? And that fact can certainly break my whole heart.. and even my soul. That the only guy I've ever love can never be mine. Like, you know, never.

I've always wanted to forget about him. To pretend that I never had these kind of feelings for him. I even tried dating Mizuki. I tried focusing my whole attention to him. I even tried kissing him. Yeah. My first kiss was Mizuki, not Kanata. But as I said.. I tried.I break up with him immediately when I realize that I was being unfair to him. I knew exactly how it felt to have your heart broken, right? I don't want to hurt Mizuki, but.. I can't possibly make him happy if I didn't love him. I have no right to keep him if he can still be happy in someone else's arms. I'm not that selfish, you know. It's hard for me too but it'll be harder on him if I didn't do it ahead of time. I don't want him to feel what I am feeling right now..

One night, while we were having our late night dinner, Kanata suddenly asked me about Mizuki. He still didn't know that I already break up with him. I lie to him. I said we were okay. I laugh and said to him that we already had our first kiss. It was true, though. But I was surprised when he suddenly dropped his chopstick on the table and look at me with that blank expression on his eyes. I got no other reaction from him, just that. After a few seconds, he abruptly smiled and stood up and said,

"That's good. Then I gotta go. I forgot I'm going to fetch Akira. Bye then. Goodnight."

And then he left.. Leaving me there behind, dumbfounded. He's going to meet Akira again.. I bit my lips again.. it.. it hurts.. it hurts so much that I couldn't even utter a single word. I can clearly feel my heart's being shattered to million pieces.. over and over again. Because of the excruciating throe, I can't cry. I want to, but I can't and it makes me feel like I'm already dead. Makes me want to be dead. Because of that thought a single tear escaped my eyes. And then, another came. Sobs wracked my fragile frame. I actually like it more when I am crying, it's not like that I want to cry, I'm not a masochist or something, it's just that.. the pain here in my chest can be lessened if I am crying. But this time, I can feel it.. The crack on my heart is going deeper and deeper. Should I stop this? I men, should I stop loving him? Is this the right time to let him go? I never had him, but.. I need to let go of my feelings. To bury all these damn feelings I tried so hard to keep; which is constantly destroying me, in the unfathomable part of my heart? Should I? How? How can I forget about him? How can I even forget about the only boy I've ever love? Who gave me so many memories to remember?

In all those past three years we lived here in Saionji Temple, we always fought about something so simple, and yet he can be the sweetest person I knew. He always had his childish attitude that he obviously got from his father. He can always make me smile and cry at the same time.

But.. He didn't love me, did he? That's why maybe.. I really should let him go. Maybe I'll contact my mama now and tell her that I miss them and I want to live in America with them. That's the right thing to do.. right? Right? Another sob escaped my mouth. Just thinking about leaving him.. to not to be able to see him every day.. His silly smiles, His cute laugh, His annoying jokes, His face when he's mad at me, His voice..

I won't have another chance to see or hear all of those if I leave.. I know that. But, it won't make any sense too if I were to stay. He love someone else, he would never look at me like the way I wanted to, he would never love me.. never. I hugged myself. My heart's pounding too much.. too much that I think it would want to come out on my chest. What should I do? I don't know.. My whole body is aching. My tears are overflowing.

Kanata..

They were escaping my eyes like a faucet. I don't want this.. I don't want to leave him.. but I have to.. I have to..

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"K- Kanata?"

"Hmm?" he didn't look at me.

"I'm.. I'm leaving.." I tried to hide my hoarse voice. I wonder if he noticed it.

"Where to?"

"America.. I'm going to live there with mama and papa." I saw him pause for a moment.

Please look at me.

He didn't even spare me a single look. I bit my lips again. I realized that biting my lips became my hobby when I'm in agony.

He still didn't answer. Doesn't he care?

"K- Kanat—" he suddenly turn his back on me.

I felt another twinge in my chest when he did that.

"Take care then."

A single tear made its own way through my eyes.. just that? He didn't even bother looking at me.

While my tears are so busy streaming down my face I managed to let out a heartbreaking smile..

If only Kanata could see me right now. Maybe, just maybe he would take pity on me.

Won't you look at me? Please, just this once..

I'm suffocating. Do I mean nothing to him? Even as friends? Why is he doing this?

"I'll.. I'll go then." Can't he even tell that I am crying?

I slowly turned my back on him.. as I tardily trying to remove my gaze at him and started to walk away, I think a part of me is slowly sinking in the deepest portion of my existence..

"I love you Miyu.."

I turned my head when I heard a voice saying that.

Was it my hallucination? Because when I turned to Kanata he still had his back turned on me. If he really says it then he would be looking at me right now.

I shook my head. Another set of tears drift out my eyes. It's just my imagination, I'm sure of it. I need to stop this. I need to go.. without looking back. I start to move my feet forward and decided not to look back again.

"Don't go.."

There was that voice again. I wiped the tears in my face and continue to walk. I need to stop imagining things. I need to forget him, I don't want to, but I need to..

I held the doorknob on my hands. My eyes were closed as I step forward outside the room where I left my heart together with the person I truly love..

"I love you Kanata." I said when the door closes. "I love you.."

** next chapter will be Kanata's thoughts. :) please do review.. I can accept flames. xD