You Are John
You are standing in your living room waiting for a certain blonde girl to show up at your house.
To pass the time, you decide to look around the room at the odd decorations your father puts up.
Your eyes fall on the urn with your grandmother's ashes over the fireplace.
You shake your head. You have no idea why your father has kept it all these years. He's a bit weird.
You shrug.
You look away from the urn and glance at the clock on the wall.
It's 5:34. Rose was supposed to arrive at 5:30 precisely, and she's never late.
You start tapping your foot to pass the time. The tapping turns into an interesting rhythm.
You continue tapping and start making odd facial expressions to go with it, but then catch sight of yourself in the mirror on the wall and immediately stopped, noticing how incredibly constipated you look.
You glance at the clock again. Not much time has passed since you last looked at it. The hands have barely even moved.
You sigh and walk over to the couch.
You plop yourself down but be careful not to mess up your very expensive jacket. It cost you $175 and you do not want to harm it.
You notice your loud breathing and it is starting to annoy the hell out of you.
You move your head from side to side looking for something to entertain yourself until Rose finally arrives.
Suddenly something pink and soft catches your eyes. It's the knitting set Rose had given you for your last birthday. You've been reluctant to try it until now but because of your intense boredom, you decide to attempt this strange form of "art".
You pick up the needles and yarn and simply stare at them, trying to figure out how in the hell you can make clothing out of these.
You shrug, and decide to try it anyway.
You wrap the yarn around the needles a couple times, and they fall apart.
You throw the needles down in frustration and insult them.
But then you feel bad so you scoop them up and rock them back and forth in your arms apologizing repeatedly.
You sit back down on the couch with the needles on your lap and wrap them up in the yarn. They are your new babies and must be taken care of 24/7.
You Are Rose
You are sitting in your bedroom at your computer.
You are currently being pestered by Dave and you are trying to get him to leave you alone so you can go on your date with John. But he just won't take a hint!
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 5:25 -
TG: sup sis?
TT: Oh hello Dave.
TG: so whats up?
TT: I'm just getting ready for my uh, meeting with John.
TG: oh okay
TG: can i come too
TT: No.
TG: why not
TT: Because.
TG: pleeeeeeease
TT: There is no fucking way in hell I would let you come with us.
TG: why
TG: dont you want to cool up your evening by taking me along
TG: ill bust some sick beats for your entertainment
TT: You have got to be kidding.
TT: You are not allowed to come.
TT: "Cool up"?
TG: is jade going?
TT: No.
TT: Why?
TG: just wondering
TG: so its just gonna be you and egderp then
TT: Yes.
TG: ohhhhhhhh alrighty then
TT: . . . Whats wrong with you?
TG: nothing
TT: I doubt that.
TG: shut up rose
TT: Fine.
TT: I have to go anyway.
TG: no wait
TT: What do you fucking want?
TG: dont leave meeeeee
TG: im sooooo bored
TT: Hang out with jade.
TT: Allow some of your "coolness" to rub off on her.
TG: fine
TG: but you better be back by 10 so i can have someone else to talk to
TT: I make no such promises.
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] at 5:29 -
You turn your computer off and check the time on the radio-clock on your bedside table. It's 5:29. You have to be at John's house at 5:30.
Your face contorts to a very scary expression before you shake it off and run down the stairs to your mother.
You're about to yell at your mother to get the hell up and drive you over to John's house when you notice that she is passed out with a martini glass still in her hands.
Well, she's no use to you like this. But she wouldn't be much use if she was conscious either, so you decide that you'll have to drive yourself.
Scratch that. You don't have your license yet. You would be arrested for sure.
You'll just have to get off your lazy ass and walk there.
As you make your way to the door, you trip over one of your mother's ridiculous wizard statues.
You stand up cursing and push the statue out the door. It slides smoothly across the path that leads from my doorway.
A thought suddenly occurs to you.
You climb on the statue and kick off.
You go speeding down the street and the wind whips your hair around your face.
You have no words for this sensation.
You continue riding the wizard until you reach a perilous intersection.
You skid to a stop before grinning evilly and pushing off again, blasting into the middle of the traffic.
You swear every car honks at you as you zoom past them but you don't care. They don't understand the rush you are in.
Finally, you arrive at John's house and slide off the wizard.
You haul the statue up to John's front door and stand it upright.
Then you knock.
You Are John
You hear a knock on the door.
You immediately rise to your feet and accidentally drop your knitting-needle-and-yarn child on the ground.
You cry out and pick him back up.
His name is Bartholomew and he is only a few minutes old. You love him with all of your being.
He even has a new face.
You walk up to the door cradling Bartholomew in your arms.
You open the door and grin.
Rose is standing before you looking rather windswept.
John: Hey Rose! Glad you finally got here!
Rose: Hi John! Sorry I'm late but Dave wouldn't leave me alone and my mother was unconscious on our couch. I had to improvise.
You notice the wizard statue propped up on your porch and give Rose a questioning look. In return, Rose points to Bartholomew.
Rose: What is that?
John: Uhhh . . . nothing?
Rose: That wouldn't happen to be the knitting set I gave you for your birthday, would it? Are you finally attempting to create something instead of bringing only destruction in your wake?
John: . . . yes.
You decide to wait until later to tell Rose about your new yarn child.
Rose: Good. Should we go then?
John: Yes. Yes we should.
Rose: . . . Are you going to bring your knitting?
John: Oh, um, no.
You carry Bartholomew back to the couch and gently lower him down so that he looks like he's sleeping.
You do hope that your father won't clean him up as that would cause you to lose him and possibly never find him again.
Rose: Is your father driving us or would you prefer . . . other means of travel?
You watch as Rose eyes her wizard statue with an evil grin on her face and gulp.
John: Umm . . .
Rose: Haste would be appreciated here.
John: Sorry.
You forgot how demanding she is.
Rose starts tapping her foot as she watches your face. It's starting to freak you out. But just a little.
Rose: Tick tock, tick tock . . .
John: Gah! Fine woman! We'll take your goddamn wizard-board!
Rose: Really? Yay!
You climb on the back of the wizard-board contraption and hold onto Rose as tight as you possibly can.
John: Okay. Go.
Rose giggles at you and you scowl. Rose can be so aggravating sometimes.
Rose: Man up Egbert. This is going to be a blast.
John: If you say so.
You Are Rose
You grin mischievously and kick off from the ground.
John's arms are squeezing out your insides and you can hear him screaming with terror.
You think about turning around to shut up, but that would be perilous, and you don't particularly enjoy peril.
You grit your teeth instead and push the wizard-board to go even faster.
The wind is blowing on your face again and you love the way it feels.
You Are Karkat
You decide to skip forward in this timeline considering the intense boredom this particular adventure is providing you with.
You Are John
You lean in close to Rose, closing your eyes as you go.
You Are Karkat
Whoa whoa whoa!
You skipped too far ahead and you missed their date!
Oh well, you suppose it would've been boring considering who is actually on the date.
You shrug, and recline in your chair, watching in rapture as your humanoid kismesis rejector attempts to press his lips to those of the purple-clad blonde-haired girl.
You Are John
You lean in closer, and closer . . . and closer . . .
BAM!
Your lips make contact with hers and you can feel the electricity running up your spine.
Kissing Rose is heaven and you never want to let go.
Ever.
EVER.
You Are Rose
This sensation is amazing, even more so than the feeling of the wind through your hair as you sped down the hills on your wizard-board.
You wrap your arms around John's neck to pull him closer.
You continue to kiss him until the porch light goes off and John's caretaker catches you.
John must go inside, but he gives you one last kiss before biding you a goodnight, and saying he will see you tomorrow.
You Are Karkat
Aw, how sweet!
Not really.
You decide to explore the timeline of another earth-dweler.
The blonde one.
The male blonde one.
You go to the spot in the timeline right after he said goodbye to the other blonde human.
You Are Dave
You have a feeling that Rose was trying to get rid of you when you spoke to her earlier.
But you shrug it off and move on.
You return to Pesterchum and pester Jade.
- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:31 -
TG: hey jade
GG: hey dave!
TG: sup
GG: not much whats sup with you? :)
TG: nothing
GG: okay cool! :)
GG: i think
TG: would you mind if i came over
TG: rose told me to hang out with you
GG: oh okay!
GG: thatd be really cool come right over! :D
TG: cool be right there
GG: cool :D
- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering gardenGnostic [GG] at 5:33 -
You leave your computer and throw on a jacket as you head for the door.
You very carefully avoid your bro on the way out and immediately sprint through the streets until you reach Jade's home.
You ring the doorbell and wait.
You Are Jade
You hear your doorbell go off.
You get up off your bed and make your way down to the front door. It's a very long trip. It's a good thing Dave knows this, so he isn't upset when you finally reach him.
Jade: Hi Dave!
Dave: Hey Harley.
Jade: What's up?
Dave: Not much.
Jade: Oh! Would you like to come in?
Dave: Sure.
You step aside to allow Dave to enter your cluttered home.
Jade: Sorry about the mess.
Dave: It's fine. At least you don't have freaky puppets all over your house.
Jade: Yeah . . .
Dave: So.
Jade: So.
Dave: What do you think Rose and Egderp are doing?
Jade: I don't know. Why?
Dave: 'Cause Rose ditched me to hang out with John and I'm feeling a little suspicious about that.
Jade: Ooooo maybe they're on a date!
Dave: Maybe.
Jade: That's so cute! Rose and John. John and Rose. I hope it works out between them.
Dave: Yeah, me too.
Jade: So.
Jade: What do you want to do?
Dave: I don't know. Want to watch a movie or something?
Jade: Sure! What movie do you want to watch?
Dave: I don't know. Something scary?
Jade: Okay. I think I've got some horror movies around here somewhere.
You search your movie collection for something horrorific.
Aha! Insidious! That has to be horror-y right?
Jade: How's this?
Dave: Great.
You put the movie in the DVD player and start it.
You Are Karkat
My Gog this is boring.
Is this seriously what humans do for fun?
That's dumb.
You skip a few minutes forward in their timeline.
Maybe this will be more interesting.
You Are Dave
This movie is dumb.
It's not scary at all.
Well, except to Jade.
Jade is so scared she is curled up next to you hiding her eyes under the blanket that the rest of her body is covered with. She looks so cute.
Wait, WHAT?!
Did you just say that jade is cute?
When the hell did you start thinking she was cute?!
Well, she kind of is.
You unconsciously put your arm around her to pull her closer.
You Are Jade
This movie is so scary! Why did you let him talk you into watching it?! It's terrifying!
Waitaminute.
Is that . . . Dave's arm . . . around your shoulders?!
Holy crap!
You poke your head out from under the blanket to look at him.
His arm is definitely around your shoulders.
Jade: Um, Dave?
Dave: Hm?
Jade: Um, your arm is around my shoulders.
Dave: It is? Oh.
Jade: . . .
Dave: . . . Is it bothering you?
Jade: No!
Dave: Well okay then.
You smile, and snuggle closer to Dave for the rest of the movie.
Best.
Day.
EVER.