Disclaimer: I do not own the Clique.
Disclaimer: I do not own any other products in this story.
You probably saw me on the street last weekend and thought to yourself "Oh my God WHO is that gorgeous creature before me?"
Well, I am Chris Abely, sexiest man alive,
And yes, you CAN squeeze my butt.
So I am here to respond to any questions, comments, or random Victoria Secret model montages that my extensive fan base has sent me.
Now, without further ado, here is the first letter on my massive postal bag.
Dear Chris,
What are your eHarmony stats?xoxo
OliviaROkay Olivia, here's my rundown,
I am a sexy fifteen year old male seeking an equally sexy female aged 10 to 30,
I love long walks to Sephora where I can contour my already chiseled cheekbones and line my already electrifying eyes,
And my luscious blonde locks flow in the wind when I ride in my pimped out Viper,
Or my horse whose name I don't remember.
Come to think of it, I haven't ridden my horse in so long since that little stable girl fell in love with me,
Oh what was her name, Maddie?
Miranda?
Sue?
Oh, well when you're as hot as me, you get many admirers.
Dear Chris,
My name is Massie you jackass, but besides your stupidity I must ask; how do you get your hair SO PERFECT?
-Massicre
Well Mary, first I lather my hair with Pantene Blonde Expressions to pump up my natural buttery undertones,
Then I condition with Herbal Essence Volumizing for great body and bounce,
I comb with a boar bristled brush as to not snag,
Then I flip my head upside down and let the natural radiance go to work.
Oh, and once a week I use a Neutrogena hydrating mask to kiss damage goodbye.
Dear Abely,
Get your own fucking first name so these writers don't have to strain themselves typing first and last names.
- Plovert
I can see some girls are a little testy.
Well Christine Plovert, I'm sure we can SHARE a first name, and maybe a bed if you're hot.
I'm a guy you jackass.
O...k...
Do we have another letter?
Answer me Abely.It's very flattering that some people feel the need to take on my first name JUST because I have it.
You're ugly.
Uh... let's move on.
Abez,
You can run but you can't hide.
- P-Lov
Uh...let's put the letters away for now, shall we?
But don't fear, I'll be back with more of YOUR questions real soon.
I know this was a silly start, but review if you want me to continue. )