Hi, everybody! This is my first fic in English (I'm from Spain) and it's quite hard to write in other language so forgive my mistakes, and please, be gentle xD. The plot is based in one of my fics in Spanish, and it's a Pones (of course 8) ). It's quite probable that I write a sequel, so let me know if you liked, please :D
Warnings: violence, and a kind of... middle... rape? ok, nothing explicit... yet 8) (it would be in the sequel).
Here you gooo :D
NEVER STOP
Just one day more. Just one day more and this hell will have finished… well; it'll have finished until next Monday, when high school starts again… Although… those will are two days far away from him…
Ok, it's better if I don't think about this. Let's concentrate in the class, in the teacher's words.
I can't help looking around. My blue eyes look at classmates, all seems to be as bored as me. I can understand: it's our first lesson. Oh, and it's Maths. I tap with my pen over my notebook, making a soft sound, while I look for him against my own will. I can't help it, sorry. I know it's something stupid and harmful for myself, but… I can't help it.
My eyes finally find him. He is two seats behind me, at my left. He is talking and giggling with something his friend tells him, in the last crowd. His beautiful grey eyes tighten when he laughs, and his blonde, long fringe moves over his forehead. He is so… oh, shit, he is looking at me now! His lips twist and he smiles at me. But it isn't a nice smile at all… Oh, no…
I tear apart my eyes, blushing like a crazy. I know what mean that smile. I gulp, hearing how he is whispering something to his friends, who start to laugh.
-Mr. Poynter, do you have any problem?-the teachers asks, turning to him.
-Nothing at all.-Dougie smiles again, but this time is an innocent smile. How I wish he give me that kind of smile…
I fix my eyes on my trembling hands on the table. I feel his eyes in my back, I don't know how, but I'm sure he is looking at me. This makes my heart beats furiously against my ribcage, a funny feeling spreads all over my body. I have a little of fear, but… it's mostly… hope… Yeah, yeah, I know it's quite contradictory, but… I can't manage how and what I feel. I can't… I can't stop…
The bell rings, and I jump a little in my seat. While I'm picking up all my stuff, I see him and his group of friends walk toward me. They can't do it now, with the teacher and some students still in the class… they can't… right?
If my heart was going fast before, now it seems a fucking drum. I hope they don't hear it, because they'll do a lot of fun with that…
I gulp again when they pass besides me, closing my eyes, waiting for the first blow. But nothing happens.
-Are you scared, little boy?-mutter his soft voice, so only his friends and I can hear him. He sounds quite funny, and I know he is smiling again.-Are you scared of me, little faggot?-I keep my eyes closed, I know it's better in this way. I don't want to see their mocking faces, I don't want to see his marvellous eyes shining with fun and wickedness.-I guess it…-with that and some laughs, they go away, after push my shoulder with theirs.
I stand here, eyes closed, shaking like a leaf. A faggot… yes that is what I am… And, yes, I'm so fucking scared… like always… My heart is beating strongly, painfully… I open my eyes slowly, the class is empty.
-Are you right, Jones?-the teacher is looking at me with a worry frown. I feel the tears burning in my eyes. It hurts. It hurts so much… His games, his evil smiles, his insults and his piercing eyes telling me I'm disgusting…
-Yeah, mistress, I'm ok.-such a lie. I grab my bag and with a fake smile I leave the class. The corridors are full of students, but anyone approach to me. How will they do, if they risk a beating? No one wants to be friend of the queer…
But, despite that, a part of me feels good. I mean, I have his attention, right? I am something for him. Ok, this 'something' isn't what I wish, but… It's all I need. That's enough. Although he hit me instead of caressing me, although he spells sick words instead of… nice, tender things… That's enough for me.
Yeah, you guess it: I'm in love with my own bully. Pathetic...
-Hey, fairy.
It's time lunch. Right now, all the students are in the canteen, eating with their friends. I had spent the History lesson in the bathroom, crying like a complete idiot. But, as everything in my fucking life, I couldn't help it.
Now, I'm walking through the quiet corridors. At least, I was doing it, because the voice makes me freeze in the place. I turn around slowly.
And here they are. Dougie and his friends, five altogether. Their faces, the way they are coming next to me… I should run right now. Because something tells me that they don't plan to apologise or invite me a drink.
I turn in my heels, but before I can walk away, I get caught by two strong arms. They lift me in the air and then push me again the lockers. I gasp, feeling a sharp pain.
-Where do you think you go, fairy?-says one of them, getting close. They have surrounded me, and there is nobody who helps me. I start shaking again, tears in my eyes.
-Please, please, don't hurt me…-I plead, though I know they won't listen to me.
-Oh, dear, you're so a sissy when you beg.-some pushes more, and even a slap in mi head. I try to cover myself, but it doesn't work. In two minutes, I'm on the floor, panting and almost crying. I see my notebook's sheets flying everywhere. And, then, a lonely tear escapes from my eye.
-Oh, looks how the faggot cries…-their voices are very painful. I don't want to cry, it was an accident…
Suddenly, I feel somebody kneeling in front of me. I lift my gaze, but only for meeting those amazing grey eyes. They have a weird shine… what…? Maybe…? It could be…?
For a moment, I believe that Dougie is going to help me. I believe that he is going to hold my hand and hug me, telling that everything will be alright. And when I feel his finger caressing my cheek…
-What the hell are you doing, Doug?
He jumps a little, removing his finger quickly.
-What do you think I'm doing, idiot?-he says, frowning and blushing a little. And then the cruel smiles spread over his face. What was that?
I haven't time to think, because he spits me.
-Let's go, I'm starving.-he says, grinning, and then they go, after give me some blows more.
I'm on the floor yet, and now I can't help but crying again, sobbing.
I don't deserve this. I don't deserve it! This is so unfair, I didn't do anything for them to treat me like if I was a fucking piece of shit! What? I want somebody who tells me what I have done… Falling in love with Dougie? It's not my fault… What if he is so popular, so awesome, so perfect? I'm sure half of the school fancy with him too! But, oh, yes, I forgot: I'm a boy. And a boy can't be in love with another boy. Ok, he can, but then he has to face the consequences… And that's what I'm doing… Every single day, every single minute, I have to face the consequences to falling in love with that man. And this is killing me so, so slowly…
I wipe my face again. I'm in the gym, it's last hour, and I don't have to hurry. I'm alone, all my classmates have already gone, but I don't care. After all, I'm used to the loneliness…
I avoid my own eyes in the mirror while I put my trousers. Everything in my body hurts, but not so as my cheek. It's illogical, but it's true.
I sigh, shaking my head. When I'm putting my shirt on, I hear a noise. What…? I think I was alone…
I gulp, believing that would appear a monster or maybe a murder (I know, this is so childish, any problem?). But who appears in the door is someone worst.
-Hey, Jones.-greets Dougie, a little smile in his lips.-I have been looking for you.
What… wait, wait, is this real? Is Dougie talking to me? In this such a… nice tone? And he said that he has been looking for me? I can't believe it…
He walks towards me, and I take a step back, frightened.
-Come on, Danny, don't be afraid of me…-Danny? Has he just called me Danny? Not Jones, not faggot, not another unpleasant names? Oh, oh…
He approaches to me, and this time I don't go back, because I'm really astonished. Dougie's smile widens. He is too close… I breathe quickly, trying to make my beating go slower. It feels like a heart attack…
-We are alone, Danny, you know?-he whispers, and I can see the same weird shine in his eyes. What does he want? Maybe… maybe he… No, no, that's impossible.-I'm so sorry about the thing of before. But I had to keep this in secret.-I… I don't understand anything. Is he apologising? Why? He has never apologised before. And what's that 'this' which he wants to keep in secret?
-Wh-what are you talking about?-I stammer, in low voice.
-I want you, Danny.-he says, touching with the fingertips my chest.
My eyes broaden, and my mouth fall open. What have he just said? I have heard it wrong…
-I want you, Danny.-he repeats, sliding his hands between my unbuttoned shirt. I shiver, feeling his finger against my skin.-I want you so bad, but I haven't been able to tell you…-I must be dreaming, yeah, this can't be true… Dougie flaps his eyelashes, looking at me in the eyes. And then, he gives me a sweet kiss in the lips. Of course, I'm unable to answer, I'm in shock. So he tries again, making more pressure, one of his hands in my neck, the other stroking my side.
My eyes are watery again. Is this real? Can this be happening, right now? Because if it is a joke, it's so, so cruel…
Dougie's lips are on my own yet, and they have started to move. And I can't resist anymore, that was so perfect, like in my dreams.
We kiss, and soon his tongue asks to go further. I don't doubt a second and I open my mouth, so it slides between my lips. My knees become jelly when it touches mine, when he slips his hand down my body, when he bits my low lip, when he starts to undo my belt…
Wait. Stop. I don't want to go so fast. I…
I want you.
'I want you', he said. Not 'I love you' or 'I like you'. 'I want you'. Like if I was a thing, a toy. Now I realise… that's what I am for him… his little toy. He doesn't feel the same; he is only taking advantage of my feelings. He only wants to have fun with me, like always has been… but this is much painful for me… because for a moment… for a little moment I had thought…
I push him away from me.
-Give me alone, ok? I don't want this. You don't love me. So give me fucking alone!-I yell, tears in my eyes, disregarding his surprised face. I guess he doesn't expect my rejection…
I buckle my shirt, grab my stuff, and then run to the door. Mental note number one: congratulate myself because of my courage. Mental note number two: blame myself too because this time I didn't want to be brave…
-You fucking fag, you aren't going to go anywhere!-and a hand pull me hard, so I lose my balance and fall to the floor. In the way, my head hit the corner of one of the bench. Oh, gosh, I'm so dizzy now…
Dougie is looking at me, an evil smile in his face. And this scared me, so, so much…
-Don't you love me anymore?-he hums, getting close.-Such a pity, because I has decided I want you.
Before I can hide, he pounces on me. He is shorter and skinnier than me, but, fuck, he is strong! Dougie sits on me, grabbing my wrists against the floor. And I feel dizzy yet… So I can't move, and I can do nothing to avoid his painful touch.
-Pl-please, please…-I'm pleading again, but I don't know if it is because I want him to give me alone or… or if it is because I want him to go on…
-Please what?-grins, reading my mind. He know I'm such a mess right now… -Say it, Danny. Say what you want.-he mumbles in my ear, before licking my lobe and moving his hips against mine. I can't help but moan.
My mind shouts that I must pull him away, but my heart yells don't stop…
-Please…-I start, closing my eyes. What to do? He doesn't love me, this is only one of his games. I know he isn't going to be gentle, he is going to take what he wants and then he returns to the insults and the humiliation in front of the others.-Please… -but I'm dying for his touch, for his kisses. Thought he would be rude, it would be with him… -Please…-only this time. And then I'll forget him, I'll tell to the teachers what he and his friends were making to me. Just… Just once…-Please, please… you… d-do it…
He smirks. I'm sure he knows what I'm going to choose… But it doesn't matter at all, because his lips are now in my neck, sucking and licking it. His hands have freed mine, and they are ripping the buttons of my shirt. I can't do more than shaking and groaning.
And I know it. I know it before he bits my lips, before he scratches my skin, before he undoes my pants and put them down. I know this won't be the first and last time because I love him. And I'm going to be looking forward the moment when he wants me.
While he undresses himself, I let a tear go down my cheek.
I know this will never stop.
What do you think? Did you like it? I'll give sweets to everybody who review :P