Coming this summer to The Hub/AMC/Cartoon Network/PBS Kids...
Disclaimer: I have no intention of owning any of these characters.
Honey Boo-Boo Terrorizes The Treehouse
Once upon a time in the faraway city of what is known as Cleveland, Ohio which is probably the most overused destination in the cartoon (Hell they're Sector V; shouldn't their sector be located in Virginia or something? That's usually the place where they were located in my little sister's bedtime stories. Yes, you've read this correctly. You noobie 3/4 fanatics can read? In words of Maraka and Mittens, hooray!) ... Anywho, Nigel Uno was skipping down the sidewalk. He stopped in front of his tree house and sang,
"Honey, I'm home!"
The tree house bent down and patted her boyfriend's shiny bald head with a weeping branch.
"Hello, Numbuh One! Welcome home, my love!" said Computer in a sweet monotone voice.
The British leader sighed lovesickly. He ran straight towards her roots and hugged the bark very tight. Computer cooed. She lifted herself into the sky and shook Nigel's teammates from their rooms and out of the tree house for good! Moans and groans were heard from the ground.
"Numbuh Five thinks she broke a rib..."
"I was doin' stuff and thangs to my Rainbow Monkeys..."
"Gee whiz cheese whiz..."
"TREEEEEE-HOOOUUUUSSSEEE!"
Wally shakes his fists towards the sky! The camera angle rises and words are written out across the universe! Wally Vs. The Tree House - OMG I CAN'T WAIT FOR IT EITHER! IT'S GONNA BE AN EPIC EPISODE!
"I'm sorry, Sector V," apologized Computer half-heartedly, "But Nigey and I must have our alone time. You mustn't interfere."
"My dear, for our newest celebration, I'll be escorting you to the Grave Digger!" said Nigel.
Computer squealed! Her roots discharged from the ground and she felt so giggity-giggity that she began to hop up and down with joy! She brought her beau into a loving embrace and never let go. The Grave Digger was a new fastfood company in town! It served... biscuits and gravy. Morning, noon, and night! Computer could hardly wait! If she had a mouth to eat with, she would devour every single scrap of biscuits and gravy with bacon pancakes for dessert!
Of course when they went inside and to be seated, Computer just had to cause a massive destruction by stomping all over the building... by accident. Meanwhile, inside, Lizzie Devine was having a splendid dinner with her new boyfriend, Jaime Reyes. AKA a Mexican-American. AKA a guy who was six years older than her. AKA the-
"¡Cállate!" an angered Jaime shouted at the narrator. "You'll ruin my alter-ego, chica!"
Whoops! Sorry...
"Jaime!" cried Lizzie, tugging his hoodie, "We've got to get out of here! We're late for the wedding!"
"Que!?"
"You know! The wedding between GameWizard2008 and Cartuneslover16! Let's go!"
"Oh! The wedding! Right, right..."
A static blue flashed from underneath his gray sweatshirt. He leaped into action and his skin had vanished into black and blue to become... The Blue Beetle! Jaime's eyes flashed red and he swept Lizzie off her feet to avoid the crumbling debris! The ten-year-old giggled. Hearts circled around Lizzie's head as they flew to their destination!
"COMPUTER, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?" screamed an outraged Nigel. Computer bowed her satillite sadly. "You nearly killed Lizzie and her new boyfriend! And you completely destroyed our dinner date! I was only planning to ask you to be my wife! What is WRONG with you?"
"I...I..."
"Oh, don't give me that pathetic sob story crap!" snapped the Brit.
"... I'll make it up to you, Nig-Nig," said Computer softly as she placed a root on her beau's shoulder. "... I'll bake you cookies."
"(sigh) Okay... So, will you marry me?"
"YES MY LOVE!"
Meanwhile, in the church where two crazy crossover writers are being wed at...
Miss Frizzle stood at alter. She was presenting this beautiful bliss! When she started to begin, a rugid man stood up from his seat. He looked a little shaken up... tired... crazy... alone. Like no one in the entire world ever wanted him. The frizzled-redhead pointed out to him and he spoke. The man wrung his hands together.
"I've got... stuff... thangs... to take care of."
"You mean you do not object?" asked The Frizz, shocked.
The man shook his head. Sweat from his hair flew around everywhere, striking Jaime and Lizzie, to the bride and groom respectively.
"HEY I PAID FOR THIS DRESS!" cried Milkcarton.
"Whoa whoa whoa, I'm THE king," objected GayWizzy, his balloon of egoism overflowing. "I should have paid for that dress, hun."
"OH, WIZZY!"
"OH, TOONY!"
They kissed. Confetti rained and the audience cheered. The rugid man left the church and out into the world of an apocolypse. Walkers closed in. Rick Grimes sniffed a trail of snot back into his nostril and lifted his rifle.
"Looks like I've got stuff and thangs to do..."
BANG!