Chapter 1: Mew's Lessons: Getting the Results
Mew sat on a blanket nestled on the sands of Hueco Mondo. She typed on her laptop, clicking various keys while updating her website. She counted and calculated over the polls and soon would have to venture out and complete her necessary mission. After reviewing and counting over the last of the ballets, she closed her pink laptop setting it in her book bag, before racing out to her first destination.
Deep inside Aizen's fortress, he as well as the other Espada were going over plans for the winter war.
"Wow this place could use some color, have you thought about adding some windows in here. I know it's supposed to be all dark and evil but some sunlight wouldn't kill you", the pink haired girl said ignoring the various stares she got from the room recipients. "What the hell is that!" Nnoitra yelled breaking the silence, "I sir, am not a what I'm a who" she said abit sternly still looking over the decor of room. "Okay then who are you?", Hallibel said.
Before she got an answer a flash went off causing some of the Espada to become abit irate, "What the hell do you think you're doing, bitch" Nnoitra yelled rubbing his eye. "Sorry, I had to get a picture of everyone in a group" she said holding up her camera. "Who the hell do you think you are taking pictures of master Hallibel!" one of her fraccion yelled at the pink haired child. "Yosh, my name is Mewazaka, but everyone calls me Mew!" she said happily still flashing pictures.
Some of the fraccion were preparing to pounce on the small nuisance but Aizen motioned them to remain calm. "If I may ask Ms. Mew, What business do you have here?" Aizen asked and watched as the girl bounced and giggled. "Oh, Aizen-sama, your voice is so sexy" she said causing some of the Espada to sweat drop. "You definitely get a 10 in the hot department" she said happily holding a 10 marker waving it happily.
"What the hell is wrong with this child" Nnoitra said staring at the bouncing child. "Nnoitra Gilga, you have the most vulgar mouth I've ever heard and an appalling personality. Yet you do have an excellent physic, couple with very strong physical attributes, I give you a 9" she said now holding a 9 marker now.
"Cuse me, but why are ya ratin us, little girl", Gin said giving Mew one of his genuine fox like smiles. "Well Gin-sama, I'm rating you to congratulate some of you" she said matter o factly. "Over the past few weeks I did a poll on my website and I've come today to pass out your awards" she said happily.
"Anyway, my first awards are for the top five sexiest men in the Espada!" she said throwing some confetti and watching as some of the occupants gave her a WTF look. "Any 5th place goes to… Szayel Aporro Grantz!" she said and a spot light beamed the pink haired scientist, who was given a ribbon with a five on it. "Wait how the hell is the pink freak considered sexy?", Apache said as some of the others seemed to agree. "Anyway, 4th place goes to… Nnoitra Gilga!", the spot light was now on Nnoitra who gave Mew a slight growl as he was presented with a blue ribbon with a number 4 on it. "4th? Fuck this shit" he said tossing the ribbon behind him which unexpectedly land in Tersla's hands who hide it in his pocket.
"3rd place goes to…Ulquiorra Schiffer!" she said and the spot lot beamed on the frowning, greened eyes male who was given a silver medal with a three on it. 'The fuck! I may not give a fuck about this shit but I am 10 times sexier than that emo bat' Nnoitra thought angrily to himself.
"Now second prize goes to…Coyote Starrk!" we said and the spot light beamed on Starrk who apparently choose this time to take a nap. "Okay, since Starrk-sama is now asleep, we can move one." She said giving Lilynette the medium sized trophy.
"And now what you all been waiting for, the number on hottest gut her is….Grimmjow Jaegerjaquez!", she said ecstatically and confetti and applause roared throughout the room. A blazing spotlight hung over the Sexta's head, as a leafy crown was placed on his head, a bushel of flowers was placed in his arms, and he given a trophy engraved, 'Sexiest man of the Espada' on it. Mew was suddenly in front of him with a microphone. "Grimmjow-sama how does it feel to be voted the sexiest Espada!" she said climbing up Grimmjow's arm to reach his face.
"Ha can't say I'm surprised" he said with a toothy grin that made Mew blush more, "Why the hell weren't we on the vote!", one of the Espada called out, Yammy to be precise who stood with Luppi, Aaroniero, and Zommari, Baraggan seemed to be a bit enamored with the results. "Well I apologize but I can't control the voting. But according to the votes you each had some…traits that didn't appeal to the voting party.
"Like what?" Luppi said flipping his hair and placing his other hand sternly on his hip, "Well for one thing, Luppi you are too effeminate to be considered a male, you got voted into the female category" she said and some of the occupants began laughing and snickering at the males short comings. Luppi gave her an angry glare, but was ignored. "Anyway, Aaroniero no offense but you are two ball-things floating in a jar" she said looking at the Espada, "Even though you look like Kaien Shiba, who was voted in the top 20, I'm afraid you lost some votes from pissed of Kaien's and Rukia fan's , sorry" she said making the 9th Espada sulk in the corner.
"As for you Zommari, while you have a good physic and such….you didn't get enough votes to qualify for top 5" she said as Zommari went to go sulk with Aaroniero. "Baraggan, your highness, there's actually nothing wrong with you, but this vote was mostly voted on by hormonally fueled girls and…a few boys" she said and Baraggan gave her a nod.
"Anyway my business is almost complete; I just need a picture with the 5 winners for the website" she said pulling out her camera again. "Hold on one second, what's this website you keep running off at the mouth about?" Apache said staring down at the pink haired child. "Well, the website is like a club made up of other clubs devoted to other members of both the human and spirit world" she said seeing a few confused looks in the group.
"Okay…for instance Grimmjow has a fan club, well fan clubs. Hallibel has fan clubs, Ichigo has fan clubs, almost everyone has one or more fan clubs" she said happily opening her computer and showing the various clubs, "The mission of this clubs are to share their love for their favorite characters and prove there're the best" she said pointing to the screen.
"Now if I go to Grimmjow's profile set up by his many fans, we find comments about him" she said clicking on his profile and soon a pictures of Grimmjow popped up, "Now, Grimmjow has a tall physic, a chiseled body that looked as though it was carved out of the finest marble, with the face and body of a Greek god, whose entire being screams sex. If there was a church that was devoted to worshipping Grimmjow we would happily convert and spread the sexiness of Grimmjow!" she said reading a passage from his profile. Grimmjow grinned smugly at the description given to him praising his hotness. While some of the Espada rolled their eyes and made fake vomiting noises.
"Hey, pink haired nutcase, read what it says on Master Hallibel's" Mila Rose called out, "I didn't hear a please" she said earning a glare from the lioness fraccion. "Alright, Alright geez" she said clicking on Hallibel's page, bringing up a lot of pictures of her, "Okay, Hallibel is one of the coolest Espada, she is always calm, even when fighting. Though it would be nice if they had kept her original outfit, but I'm not complaining." She said, "What the hell are they saying about our masters clothing" Mila Rose said sounding irritated.
"Well you see, due to censorship a lot of stuff had to be changed. Hallibel's outfit was one of them. See" she said pulling up an old photo of Hallibel's original outfit, making some of the occupants jaw drop, even Ulquiorra seemed taken aback by Hallibel's original outfit. Her top was cut off over her breast and her bottom's gave anyone a perfect view of her tanned legs. "Hallibel's old outfit showed too much cleavage, as well as other parts of her body so everything had to be extended" she said pointing out the picture hearing various curses about Hallibel's outfit change followed sounds of heads being wacked really hard.
"Heh, now if you look at this poll…um…nevermind next page!" she said nervously, "Not no fast pinky, what page was that!" Luppi said looking at the nervous girl, "Oh nothing….just some…polls for…um…couples" she said trying to sound innocent, but they weren't buying it.
Without warning her laptop was snatched by Szayel, "Hey give that back!" she demanded but was subdued by one of Luppi's tentacles, soon the screen was switched back and a list of names paired together. "Aw look, Halibel someone thinks me and u should hook up" Nnoitra said winking at the 3rd Espada earning him an icy, death glare from her and her fraccion. "Funny spoon-man, looks like someone thinks you and your fraccion make a perfect couple" she said pointing to the screen and all too true Nnoitra was paired with his fraccion Tersla. The 5th Espada began spewing a stream of curses and profanities at the screen.
"Looky, I got's paired with Rangiku-chan" Gin said happily seeing his name with Rangiku's, looking down he also saw others he was paired with like Kira from his old squad, and caption Hitsugya. "Hey Grimmy look who you got paired with" he said happily, earning a suspicious glare from the 6th Espada who stared at the screen before his felt body stiffen. On the top of the list he was paired with no one other than… "Ichigo Kurosaki!" Grimmjow yelled and started spewing profanities along with Nnoitra.
"Oi child, what the fuck is wrong with these polls!" Nnoitra yelled at the child still wrapped in Luppi's tentacle, "Hey don't blame me, I can't control what people put up, (I can, but hey), besides it's not just my website. There are tons of these sites with this types of stuff." She said and true to her word there were hundreds of sites and pictures promoting various couplings both male and female alike. "These people are sick!", cried one of the arrancar's, though no one seemed to complain when pictures of Hallibel fully exposed came up causing her fraccion to go berserk on some of the male members. As the members fought and cero started flying Mew took this chance to escape and hoped her fellow members were having a better luck then she had.
To Be Continued...