A/N: *sigh* Yeah, I know I already have two other drabbles about poor Shikamaru's thoughts on his sensei's death. I just love this so much *sobs* ...Yep. Read and review!
He could count on his hands the number of times he had ever cried in front of anybody.
The first one in a long time was when he found out that Chouji was going to be okay, after everything he had been through. He had been so incredibly relieved when he knew that his best friend was going to live, but he also knew that it had been his fault that Chouji was right on the brink of death. He had been so frustrated and discouraged with himself and his abilities, especially since his first real mission as a leader—and a chuunin—had ended in the near death of everyone in the squad. They were under his leadership, and he had nearly led all of them to their own graves. In fact, if it hadn't been for Temari and her brothers, they would have all been toast. As it was, they had all barely managed to survive. And on top of all of that, their mission had been a complete failure. They hadn't even been able to bring Sasuke back.
The last thing he had wanted was to let his emotions, his weakness, show so strongly in front of everyone. But in the end, he wasn't strong enough to hold them back.
This time was different, but far, far worse. This time, when he had screwed up, not everyone had survived. Asuma was dead.
Asuma was one of the most important people in the world to him. He looked up to him like he had never looked up to anyone before: as a superior, a teacher, even a second father. Asuma had taught him everything, but now…now he was gone. And there was nothing he could do.
Nothing.
It was that helplessness, that knowledge that he could do absolutely nothing, that hurt him the most. He couldn't get a second chance, because his sensei was already dead.
What kind of shinobi was he? He couldn't even save the most important person in the world to him. He didn't even stand a chance. He couldn't even hide his weakness from the rest of the world.
This time, just like the last, he couldn't stop the tears from flowing freely.
He had made a mistake. And that was all his life would ever be – one big mess of his mistakes.
A/N: Aww...poor Shikamaru...I love him :) So, of course, I have to write about his fails. Don't worry, Shikamaru, I still love you *hugs*
Did you like it? Did you not? Please review and tell me! Critisizm is awesome, but please no flames... If you did like it, you should read my other ones! And then review them too! Because then you would be awesome!