That was by far the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. And I'm not even sure why, I loved josh but I'm not in love with him. I know he deserves happiness and I can't give it to him. But is Clare going to make him happy, she seemed like such a sweet girl when we first met but trying to use my secret against me it's changed my whole view on her. Maybe she was just jealous, he did almost propose to me. I try banish that thought but before I can I start to wonder what I would have said. I think I would have said no, I know he needs things from me that I'm not willing to do. I don't want to be a forty year old looking after a baby. I just hope he hasn't made a huge mistake.

'Liza, hey Liza.' Maggie says shoving me to get my attention. Everyone's standing as they leave the ceremony. I wipe away a tear and start to applaud along with the crowd. 'Are you okay?'

'Yes, it's for the best.' I say sincerely. Knowing it closed the door on us forever and it's somehow a relief. We walk along with the crowd and I can feel Maggies eyes on me watching every move I make. 'Maggie, I'm fine.'

I pick up my phone from the basket and we move across into the marquee where the reception will be held. It's beautiful all colourful flowers with a almost rustic barn feel to the decorations. We find our names on the seething chart and make our way to the table. We have been placed on the same table with Clare's mother. Maggie and her share a shy giggle as they greet each other. 'Will you take a photo of us please liza?' Asks Clare's mother.

'Sure no problem.' I pull out my phone to take the picture.

'No no with this.' She hands me a large cannon digital SLR camera. I take it having no idea what I'm doing and just point and shoot surprised by the quality of photo that I've just taken. 'Thankyou Liza. '

I smile as she turns to maggie and starts a deep conversation. I settle into my seat and my thoughts wander to Charles. I wonder if he's back with Pauline, that interview sure made it seem like it. His words Strictly business resonate in my mind. It didn't seem like business golf, lunches, party's, and that kiss. Ugh I need a drink I stand up abruptly and head over to the bar and get myself a scotch. Before moving outside to get some air.

Men. Why is my life so complicated with men. My phone buzzes in my hand I look to see i have one message from Caitlin and then my stomach turns a missed call from Charles. Firstly I open the message from Caitlin.

*hows Ireland mum? Are you okay? Miss you. Love you. Xx*

*im fine don't worry about you old mum.*

I then listen to my message bank to see if there Charles left a message. There's nothing just a few old ones from Dianna yelling about how I've left her in the lurch. Should I call him back? Was it work related or personal. What do I want it to be... I walk back into the marquee to talk to maggie but I can't find her. She's probably off with Clare's mum. I sigh at how if I had a smige of her confidence I don't think I would be in this situation at all. And with that thought I'm dialling his number.