Title: Contentment
A/N: The song that inspired this story is called "Zhi zu" by Mayday. It's a mandarin song that I have directly translated for this story. This is my first attempt on writing a fanfiction, hope you all will like it. Special thanks to Sylvaene for encouraging me to write a fanfiction instead of just reading :)
Shizuru watched as Natsuki left the student council room, her footsteps light with a mysterious aura of happiness around her. Natsuki's strange behaviour recently had puzzled Shizuru to no end.
After the carnival, Natsuki had shed some of her ice princess image and had opened up a lot more with the people around her. She was smiling more now and even started joking occasionally with Mai, Mikoto and the rest of the ex-himes. She was no longer her loner and unsociable self, constantly hanging out with Mai and Mikoto, and even occasionally drop by the student council room like just now to visit Shizuru. She had dropped her unapproachable aura to a point where even some thickheaded numbskulls gathered enough courage to ask the raven haired beauty out.
Shizuru chuckled a bit when she remembered on one occasion where she and Natsuki were walking along a path out to the school gates to go to the local mall to shop for replacements for Natsuki's destroyed lingerie collection when a couple of moronic guys nervously approached them. One of them got pushed forward by his friends and almost stumbled upon Natsuki before regaining his balance and shouting nervously.
"Er...er.. K-ku-kuga san, I .. I li-like you a lot! Will you go out with me?!"
Upon hearing those words, Natsuki's face flushed red with embarrassment and it would have been a sight to behold for Shizuru if not for the fact that someone other than Shizuru could get her Natsuki to blush like that. Shizuru was seething with jealousy and anger not only because her Natsuki was blushing for someone else but also because someone had asked her Natsuki out in front of her.
How dare he ask her Natsuki out when Shizuru herself had not asked Natsuki out for a date yet! At this thought, Shizuru's heart sank, as she remembered why she had not asked the girl out on a date. How could she ask, when after she had confessed, Natsuki seemed so grossed out and on top of that, even Natsuki herself said that she couldn't love her the way she wanted? Jealousy and pain assaulted Shizuru's heart as she waited for Natsuki's reply to the boy, her heart silently wishing that Natsuki will reject him and even beat him up for such an outrageous request.
Oh God, Natsuki, please reject him! At least, choose someone better, not this wimpy guy who cannot even speak confidently and needs his friends to stay with him when confessing to a girl! Even Takeda or Reito is better than him! At least I'm sure they are strong enough to protect you! Shizuru silently thought, with a usual small smile on her face as a façade to hide the broiling turmoil inside her. Yes, the great Fujino Shizuru, president of the student council, was bowing in defeat to Takeda or Reito. If Natsuki truly desired a male lover, then Shizuru will only accept Takeda or Reito who excelled in their own realms and not some mere boy who defeated Shizuru in the pursuit of Natsuki just because he is a male. Even if Natsuki chose to be with Takeda or Reito, it would still be a bitter pill to swallow for Shizuru.
Shizuru's heart lifted a bit when she saw Natsuki's eyebrows twitched in annoyance after the initial face flush. The air around Natsuki dropped to subzero as she promptly walked over to the boy who confessed to her and grabbed him by his collar. The boy gulped audibly, as Natsuki surveyed him with a look of contempt.
"Did I hear correct what you just said?" She sneered.
Gulp. "Ye….ye… Noooooooo, it was a mistake! Yes it is a mistake! I've mistaken you for someone!" The boy replied, trembling in fear as he crumpled in midair still hanging by his collar. This scene reminded Shizuru strongly of a line in the lyrics of the song by One Republic "I'm holding on a rope, hanging 10 feet off the ground." And Shizuru had to suppress a chuckle.
After hearing his reply, Natsuki gave an evil smirk and dropped him, making him land on his butt. Natsuki then swiftly turned around and did the one thing Shizuru least expected. She grabbed Shizuru's hand and dragged her along as she stomped off the campus. From the back, Shizuru couldn't see her face, or else she would have seen the large grin on Natsuki's face as she walked hand in hand with Shizuru.
Back to the present, Shizuru sat behind her desk in the student council's room sipping a hot cup of tea between her hands, as she pondered over the reason for Natsuki's sudden change in behaviour. What thing in the world can be so powerful to make her Natsuki change her loner behaviour and act so friendly towards everyone? Or worse, could it be someone instead? Her thoughts started to run wild as to who that mysterious person was who could change Natsuki so much and took a turn for the worse when she realized that even she herself could not change her Natsuki the tiniest bit. I can't even get Natsuki to eat less of that disgusting unhealthy mayo of hers! She thought bitterly. She tasted bile in her mouth as jealousy surged through her, knowing full well that person whom had captured Natsuki's heart could not be her when Natsuki has explicitly said so when she gave her, her first kiss during the carnival. Her mind started to work in overdrive as she listed out the possible suspects in her mind who might have captured the heart of her Natsuki.
Is it that bitch Mai? She's always around her Natsuki and cooking meals for her! The saying goes that the way to a guy's heart is through his stomach! No, no! Be rational Shizuru! Mai has Mikoto, Tate and Reito going after her! She won't be eyeing for your Natsuki and besides she looks straight! Well… she's a bitch so she might want to have many people falling head over heels with her! And that slut Nao! Although she's always quarrelling with Natsuki, I can see that's her way of flirting! I even caught her ogling at my Natsuki from the corner of her eyes! She is soooooo dead! Both of them are! Wait! Think Shizuru! Natsuki can't have fallen for them! If she is looking for a girlfriend, I'm so much better than them! It can't be a girl! Then it must be a guy! Reito? Tate? No, no, I can see they are so much in love with Mai. Then this leaves… Takeda! Damn that stick wielding sweat-smelling muscle-head! I know he has always been attracted to Natsuki! That lusty brat! I am so going to ….. Her thoughts trailed as she recalled earlier that if Natsuki has chosen Takeda, she should be happy for her. She had even admitted to herself that at least Takeda could protect her when she is in danger! Yeah, I should be happy for her… there is no way we can be together if she do not like girls in that way… as her best friend, I should give her my blessings… yes that's right… I should store away my feelings for her, be mature as her best friend and wish her happiness with Takeda. Time will heal all wounds, right now I have to smile and be happy for my "best friend"..
Her heart ached as thoughts of concealing her love for Natsuki and even had to keep up her mask of being happy for her friend tormented her. Natsuki was the only person in her life whom she did not have to put on a mask for, and now, she had to put up an even stronger mask in front of her to hide her sadness. Oh the irony! Unconsciously, tears started to roll off Shizuru's cheeks, dripping from her chin and into the cup of tea in Shizuru's hands. The thought of Natsuki in another guy's arms kept her tears flowing freely. After awhile, she managed to keep her feelings in check and wiped her tears dry. A small hope welled up in her heart, telling her she might have let her imagination run too wild and Natsuki might not have anyone in her heart yet. This helped to stop her tears and even put a small genuine small on her beautiful face. (She's still beautiful even after all those crying )
With slightly red and puffy eyes, Shizuru decided to walk over to the window for some fresh air and to calm herself. As she approached the open window, she saw two distinct figures seeming to be having a very engaging and happy conversation below, from the sounds of laughter carried forward by the wind. There was still a bit of distance between the open window and the couple so Shizuru stared hard, trying to discern the two figures. The girl had beautiful long navy blue hair that was fluttering in the wind like silk, while the other, a guy, had short spiky black hair and was carrying a kendo stick. Shizuru's heart stopped in her mouth. That can't be Natsuki and Takeda right? Shizuru strained her eyes to look closer and saw a flash of emerald green orbs from the blue haired girl.
Natsuki.
Shizuru could not believe her eyes. Her Natsuki is chatting so happily with Takeda. She could not even remember if Natsuki had ever had such a delightful expression on her face while talking to her. Is this the power of love? Shizuru was crushed. Her suspicions had been confirmed. There was nothing she could do besides wishing them happiness. This time, Shizuru could not contain her misery anymore and torrents of tears flowed unchecked down her beautiful face. Willing herself away from the couple, she walked over to her desk, sat down and buried her face in her arms over the desk, all the while crying and sobbing uncontrollably. Her only thoughts were that all hope was lost and her Natsuki is no longer hers anymore…. I should let go and be happy for her….
Just then, the ringtone of a lost cellphone kept in the lost and found drawer of the kaichou's desk sounded. It had a sad melodic tune and started singing…
How do I own a rainbow?
How do I embrace a summer's wind?
The stars above are laughing at the people on earth
Who can never understand nor be satisfied
Shizuru scoffed at the lyrics. Yes, how will I be able to own you, Natsuki?
If I have fallen in love with your smile
How do I treasure it?
How do I own it?
I love your smiles that you used to only reserve for me, your innocence, and your forgiving heart. Tell me, Natsuki, how do I keep them but only in my memories?
If you are happy, but it's not because of me
Will I truly own your smile if I let go?
Now that you are happy with Takeda, I think its time I should let go. Continuing to love you will only make the three of us unhappy. Will I get to keep your smile if I let go and wish both of you happiness?
When the wind blows by, and the kite flies high
I will pray for you, wish for you and be happy for you.
Yes, I will continue to pray for your well-being and happiness even if it pains me to see both of you together.
But when I see the last of you disappear into the crowd
I realized that smiling while crying within my heart hurts the most
Shizuru stopped thinking when she heard this line. It described her situation so aptly that her heart ached almost to an unbearable level that she thought she might die. Maybe.. dying would have felt better.. at least it can release her from all this pain.
The memories of you and me
On that hill
Singing the song of the past year
Such memories are enough for me
Enough for me to taste loneliness everyday
Flashbacks of Natsuki and her flooded her mind. The school garden where they first met, the many detentions that Natsuki got in this very room, and the many times Natsuki visited Shizuru to use the school computer. Not to mention the precious time when Natsuki lost her hime powers and was recovering at the mansion at Shizuru borrowed from one of her fangirls. Yes, all these memories that we have made together, they are just enough to remind me of you everyday and to experience this sense of loss and loneliness.
When the wind blows by, and the kite flies high
I will pray for you, wish for you and be happy for you.
But when I see the last of you disappear into the crowd
I realized that smiling while crying within my heart hurts the most…
Her tears continued to flow profusely as she listened to the last parts of the ringtone.
Knock knock.
Shizuru scrambled to keep a hold of herself as the knocking on the door increased. To be honest, she did not really care if the person who was about to come in saw her in such a disheveled state. But Shizuru did not want anyone to ask her questions nor show her any concern. She only needed some time alone and it would be best if everything seem normal and the person would go away as soon as possible after he or she finished his or her business. Shizuru straightened herself up as best as she could.
"Come in."
The door swung open.
"Shizuru! If you haven't answered, I will have thought you had left! What took you so long?"
The door revealed to show a rather angry and impatient Natsuki. However, her anger quickly dissipated when she saw the kaichou's face. Her eyes were red, puffy and swollen and there were tear marks on her lovely cheeks.
"Shizuru, what's wrong?" Natsuki asked, voice full of concern.
"Nothing's wrong." Shizuru forced herself to put a small smile on her face.
Natsuki walked over to shizuru's side swiftly and placed both hands on shizuru's shoulders.
"Don't lie to me, Shizuru. I will always know if you are lying." Natsuki whispered, her low voice filled with concern.
"Really, it's nothing. You are thinking too much." Shizuru replied, forcing another sweet fake smile out.
"Shizuru…." Natsuki squeezed her shoulders a little.
At her increased pressure, Shizuru broke down completely. She grabbed Natsuki closer and wrapped her arms around her waist before burying her face in Natsuki's bosom, all the while sobbing uncontrollably and muttering unintelligible words.
"Natsuki… why, why, why? Why can't we be together?"
Natsuki was too stunned for words by Shizuru's actions to reply anything. Question marks sprouted on the top of her head as she could not understand what Shizuru was trying to ask her. The only thing she knew was that, right now, right there, all she could do to calm Shizuru down was to let her cry out whatever burden she has on her mind and to hug her as close as possible. Natsuki wrapped her own hands around Shizuru's back, one hand keeping her in embrace while the other started stroking Shizuru's chestnut hair and back to calm her down.
"Now, now, calm down Shizuru. Don't worry, we are together now aren't we? I will never leave you." Shizuru seemed to calm down after hearing those words and Natsuki couldn't help but feel accomplished.
"Best friends will never leave each other," Natsuki continued, grinning as she said that and hoped to calm Shizuru further. But to her surprise, Shizuru sobbed even harder in the embrace when she heard those words. Natsuki was at a loss. She was seriously contemplating to keep her mouth shut but she knew that if she don't stop probing, she might not be able to find out what was wrong with Shizuru and help her with it. After a long while when Shizuru has significantly calmed down again, Natsuki tried her luck.
"Now, can you tell me what is wrong so I can help you?"
Shizuru lifted her head out of Natsuki's chest and gave Natsuki a slight nod. Natsuki braced herself to listen to whatever Shizuru wanted to say and was almost prepared to beat up whichever bastard that had hurt Shizuru.
"Natsuki, do you like Takeda?"
"Er….ye..yeah.. you can say so," Natsuki replied sheepishly, a finger scratching her nose.
Tears were ready to spring from Shizuru's eyes like water from tap when she heard the answer.
"But because he promised to give me one of the pups that his dog has given birth to!" Natsuki quickly answered, sensing that Shizuru might just cry again.
"You can have mine if you like! I'll ask another one from him, I'm sure he won't mind!" Natsuki pacified.
Shizuru was speechless. Natsuki was quite surprised to see this new jaw-dropped expression on Shizuru's face and could not help but grin a little. Who knew Shizuru like puppies so much? Natsuki silently chuckled.
"So… you are not in love with Takeda?" Shizuru managed to say, all the while her heart beating in fear.
"NO! What makes you think so? I will never love a musclehead like him!" Natsuki pouted, taken aback by such an abrupt question.
Relief flooded Shizuru. Tears of happiness leaked out of her eyes this time. A strange feeling gripped Natsuki's heart when she saw tears flowing down Shizuru's face. Her heart ached when she saw the tears roll down her cheek. She had a sudden impulse to wipe away Shizuru's tears. Gently, she cupped her hands on Shizuru's cheeks and wiped away the rolling tears with her fingers. Shizuru was touched by Natsuki's show of affection for a "best friend", and she looked at Natsuki longingly, eyes still brimming with unshed tears full of love. Ruby orbs met emerald ones.
Her eyes are so beautiful, so lovely, like the sunset. Natsuki thought. As if attracted by the lovely red eyes, Natsuki drew closer to Shizuru, their faces only mere inches apart. Natsuki could feel the heat of Shizuru's face, feel her sharp intake of breath and taste and feel Shizuru's sweet smelling tea scented breath. Nothing could be lovelier. Natsuki's senses were overtaken by everything she felt from Shizuru, her breath, her fragrance, her body heat and felt a primal urge to capture the lovely pair of lips in front of her. Without hesitation, Natsuki took Shizuru's lips with her own. It was a chaste kiss, their second kiss since the carnival, and Natsuki tried to feel as much of Shizuru's lips as possible with her own, enjoying that soft silky texture as much as mayo, no, even more.
Shizuru was shocked stockstill for a moment when Natsuki kissed her suddenly. Her eyes grew large in disbelief and quickly succumbed to the wonderful sensation that Natsuki was giving her, as she reciprocated the kiss. Alas, like the saying where all good things come to an end, the kiss was broken for much needed air. The full realization of what she had done hit Natsuki like a brick on her head and she quickly sprung away from Shizuru, blushing furiously. Shizuru was slightly disappointed with the sudden loss in physical contact.
"I…I…I'm sorry.." Natsuki stammered, head hanging low in guilt.
"Ara, Natsuki initiated the kiss, will Natsuki take responsibility for her actions?" Shizuru teased, although she was half hoping that Natsuki might confess and tell her all this was not an accident.
Natsuki was about to vehemently refuse as usual but stopped herself short. Does she have feelings for Shizuru? Natsuki tried racking her still short fused brain from the kiss for an answer.
Brain: Idiot Natsuki! Don't look at me! Look at your heart! You don't use your brain to feel love, its your heart you baka!
Heart: (Currently working from overdrive due to the kiss and too busy to reply)
Brain: Sighs. Started flashing memories of all the times Natsuki was with Shizuru and ended with the last one where they shared their first kiss.
Heart: Cant reply but started beating very fast.
Brain: Flashed memory of second kiss.
Heart: Beat even faster than before. (I can't keep this increased beating too long or you will be in trouble buddy!) it silently screamed as it continued beating furiously.
Brain: Do I love her?
Heart: Beat beat beat as if in agreement.
Brain: Will I want to lose her?
Heart: Aches
Brain: What if she is in another guy's arms?
Heart: Aches even greater and threatening to implode anytime.
I guess the heart has answered, in a way. Natsuki grinned.
"I will, I will take responsibility for my actions Shizuru."
Shizuru was flabbergasted. She could practically wipe the floor with her jaw. Did her Natsuki just confessed to her? Her heart screamed in glee.
"I love you, Shizuru"
"Pinch me Natsuki."
"Say what?"
"Pinch me so that I know it is not just a wonderful dream."
Natsuki swiftly walked over to Shizuru and tiptoed a bit, planting a kiss on Shizuru's cheeks.
"Wake up yet?" Natsuki said, as a smirk spread on her face.
"No, I will never want to wake from this wonderful reality." Shizuru smiled broadly from her heart, and hugged Natsuki tightly.
"Wow, I've never seen such a big smile on your face before, now I know why you never do it." Natsuki chuckled. Shizuru's heart leapt to her mouth when she heard it. Do I look ugly when I smile like that?
"Is it too ugly?" Shizuru asked, uncertain.
"No, there is no smile better than yours. I'll be jealous if you start flashing people that big smile of yours to anyone." Natsuki grinned.
"Ikezu, Natsuki." Shizuru pouted and continued hugging her Natsuki.
"Why did you suddenly act so warm and friend all of a sudden after the carnival?" Shizuru asked, curious and also because this was the reason that caused such an emotional upheaval for her just now.
"Did I? I didn't really notice. I only know that after the carnival, I've learnt that revenge is not the only thing I can live for. There are so many people who cared for me like Mai, Mikoto, Chie, Aoi and many more. Especially you. You taught me what is love and you made me feel loved. I just felt that maybe I should stop being such a loner and start treasuring the people around me. It was your love that melted my frozen heart," Natsuki said, a small smile adorning her face.
Shizuru could not believe her ears. Everything just seemed too good to be true. Her only reply was to hug Natsuki even tighter, so that she would never ever lose her precious Natsuki.
Their loving embrace was once again disrupted by the same ringtone of the lost cellphone. Shizuru quickly flipped open the drawer, took out the offending phone and cancelled the call.
"Stupid phone. I will never ever let go of my Natsuki." She thought silently, as a victorious grin spread through her face. "Natsuki is mine now."
THE END
Thank you for reading this. Phew, didnt expect this one shot to be so long, was expecting only about 1000 words. I think I've read too many fanfictions to the point where i might have included something similar into this fiction. Do point out to me if you are uncomfortable with some of the parts that might have been blatantly similarly to your stories. I will take down this fic or make some changes if there are any blatant similarities. Reviews will be greatly appreciated :D