The Da Tolkien Code
When two worlds collide that never should…A The Da Vinci Code and The Lord of the Rings Fan fiction
Chapter One:
The Beginning of the End of Middle Earth
In the beginning (even before Atari and VHS tapes…Gasp!), there were created seven codes…and a half. These codes were designed to protect the Elves, Rangers, Humans, Dwarves, Hobbits, Wizards, Animals and the evil Lawyers that no one likes and everyone wishes would die. For those of you who can't count that high, that makes eight races. However, since no one really likes Lawyers, we only give them half credit. Hence, we have seven and a half races and seven and a half codes. Anymore basic math problems? Hopefully not, because I swear some of you had steam coming out of your ears a second ago…
Now, these codes were written down on a biodegradable paper and placed inside cylinders that took secret passwords. Although the cylinders were actually made out of a medieval version of Tupperware, they were extremely hard to break. If one should somehow break the cylinder, however, a vile full of a Vault energy drink ancestor would break as well. When the vile broke, one of two things could possibly happen: A) The liquid would dissolve the paper, therefore loosing the code, or B) The cylinder would play the "My Little Pony" theme song twenty times in a row, before bursting into flames. Which of the two occurred was decided upon who broke the cylinder…and whether or not it was daylight savings times…
Each race was given a cylinder (remember our previous calculations, my little Einsteins) to hide, worship, or play catch with. Our furrier (and much cuter) relatives, the Animals, were the first to loose their beloved cylinder. For some ridiculous reason, it was put in the care of the canines, who buried it to "protect" it. Unfortunately, the only one who knew where the cylinder was buried died in a freak fetching incident. Down to six and a half codes (don't worry my little chickadees, I'll do all the number work so that none of you go postal trying to figure out the answer…)
Next came out buddies, the ever back-stabbing, lying-through-their-teeth Lawyers. Of course, they had no trouble keeping track of their cylinder; after all, they know everything. The actual cause of them no longer owning the cylinder was (dun dun dun!) E-bay. Alas, that addicted curse! Luckily, the Lawyers were able to get thirteen dollars, ninety-two cents, and a free pen set for the priceless artifact. And then, there were… (What am I hoping for, a miracle!)…six.
Unlike those flea-bitten, virus-infected, foul-mouthed creatures and the Animals, the Elves, Humans, Hobbits, Rangers, Dwarves, and Wizards knew better than to do foolish things like that. Instead, each race started its own band into which they entrusted them with their cylinders. Of course, much like it is today, almost nowhere is safe. The banks were all robbed every one of them. Mysteriously, (well…not really), only the cylinders were taken. (Go figure.)
Turning to each other, desperate to get their shinny tubes back, they rose together as one. Before they could begin their quest to locate them, cable TV was invented, soon followed by the internet. Obviously, nothing was ever achieved, and they all became lazy. That is, until an e-mail was sent to the leaders of each race. The leaders were all smart (for their own kind), brave (unless something actually happened), and on an addicting role-playing site on which they all met. The e-mail was sent by a very bad speller and went like this:
deer whoever is reeding this,
eye have yore pretty tube. ewe will never sea it again, unless eye somehow manage two find mee. ha ha loosers.
singed,
smart won
P.S. ewe had the bestest post on last weaks game. Ewe r my hero!
The one's who received the letter all checked the sender's profile and found out that he/she lived in Paris, France. After starting several threads and sending many e-mails, they all finally figured out who had received the e-mail. These are who received the e-mail: ELVES – Legolas, Galadriel, Kebler; HUMANS – Robert Langdon, Farimir; HOBBITS – Frodo, Sam, Pippin, Merry (big surprise there!); RANGERS – Aragon; DWARVES – Gimli; WIZARDS – Gandalf, Dumbledore (Don't ask…just go with it…).
These 13 "heroes" decided to all meet in New York, since they couldn't afford tickets all the way to France. Deep in the wilderness of Central Park, our story begins…