Aaaaaaand we're back with another commentary! You may remember my first commentary, the Starkit's Prophecy one. Well now we're commenting on Obsidianwing's Quest! My comments will be in bold parenthesis.
PART 1 LOVE AT FIRST SITE (Oh great.)
Obsidianpaw wook up to a lot of birds. She walked outside th e apps den and saw firestar. She felt her hart fluter. He was old but she thot he was hot. (FIRESTAR IS THE NEW JOHNNY DEPP!)
"hi" she said and smiled at him.
"hey' firestar replied with a wink.
He winked! He loved her! (A wink doesn't mean anything, you mushroom head.) "meat me in mah den" he said
"but I have training" obsidian paw said
"idc" firestar said (Wow. *slow clap* You're setting a great example for kits and apprentices everywhere!)
obsidianpaw was excited. Why did he want too see her in his den? (He wants to play with you!)
(shuld i continue pls review bye) (Why did you even ask the readers if you should continue or not when you were going to anyways? I mean, I'm completely sure that you received nothing but flames on this story, except for the few kind souls who had pity on you.)