The Things We'll Never Do

A/N: I just finished Champion yesterday, and I was a complete mess. Last time that happened, was in Clockwork Princess. ANYWAY, this is a drabble about June's years without Day, where she wonders what could've been, their bittersweet time together, and how much she absolutely loves him.

All those days, look back on all those times
Think of the things we'll never do
There will never be a day
When I won't think of you

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA
60 DEGREES, FARENHEIT

I swing my legs over the edge of the building (40 stories tall, 7,000 square feet, average temperature about 70 degrees farenheit, 9,000 occupants daily) , the sun beginning to rise in the distance. It is 5:38, military standard time. I've been awake for nearly fourty eight hours, unable to think of anything else but him.
Two months. Two months since he's left Los Angeles, California. Two months since he's been swept from my grasp and never to return. Two months since I lost the chance to bring myself to him again, and tell him the truth.

But I never could really be that selfish.

Tess has always been right about us, right from the beginning. That these hands were never meant to hold his, my eyes were never meant to look into his. That our hearts were never meant to beat for each other. Every he felt my embrace, it would just remind him and hurt him even more. I am one of the prime reasons of his sufferings. The Republic is who I am, and it was the Republic that took everything he could and had ever loved. His parents. John. Almost Eden. Kaede. Every time he looked at me, he remembers the reason why they died. The Republic, the old Republic that was with us when we were only teenagers. When the world was a darker place, without a Day.

He goes by Daniel now, from what I've learned. Eden and him have gone to Ross City, so Eden can have proper education and Daniel can slowly recover from the lost memories. I hear of success for Eden, who has shown to be a bright, talented student in engineering. I listen for word of Daniel, about how he copes with the new memories, and the ones that he will make without course, the memories that have been lost were the ones that hurt the most. When given the chance, we will always rid ourselves of the things that hurt us the most.

Including me.

I have always hurt him. When we first met, I was so bent on destroying him, so bent on tearing his world down, brick by brick, the way he had apparently torn my own. Little had I known I would do it anyway, but regret it so much later. I led the Republic to him, I was the reason why he would always fall. I would always be the source of his pain and sufferings, and I couldn't do that to him again. I love him, and still love him. I would never stop. We have been through too much for me to ever go back on my decision of taking his hand and running that fateful night. How appropriate was it that our journey ended in the same place it had begun.

I watch the sky begin to turn a magnificent violet, dashes of indigo and pink making their way across the canvas. High above, twinkling stars shine down on me, and for a moment, I remember the twinkle in his eyes, that shine that always told me whether he was happy, or sad, or angry or even just feeling hopeful. I wondered how they shined, and wondered how they would dance in my own eyes, if I ever saw him again. God, I still missed him, and always will.

What could've been if we had escaped the Republic? What could have been if my brother had never died at Thomas' hands that fateful night? Would we have ever met? Would the Republic still be the same way it was? Would I still be as cruel and as ignorant as Commander Jameson was? Would I have become her? So many fates that the world has chosen to ignore, and it chose the most painful one. How could a fate be so lucky, so sweet, yet so devastating? Why is it the happy endings we dream for ourselves never dream exactly the way we do?

I take a deep breath, and remember the street boy I first met long ago. When he extended his hand to mine, the first time our eyes met each other. The days we spent, careless and free, as we danced through the slums of the Lake sector, never knowing how hard we could fall. Never knowing that love would be our downfall. Never knowing how the sky would burst into flames, the possibility, the statistical probability, of falling in love with each other. Not even considering the possibility that we could ever love each other more then the world? I loved him. I still love him. I love him. I love him.

The sky suddenly explodes into brightness, and for a moment, I flinch, covering my eyes. The sun is so bright, so clear. The sky dances with color, red and orange making their way across the stage of the sky, the bright yellow emanating from the sun. Violet, magenta and navy stay high above, and I force myself to look up at the sky, tears beginning to sting at the back of my eyes. Me and Day kissing. Me and Day embracing. Daniel and I parting ways. Situations of different fates play in my eyes. We could be together. He would remember me. We would live together in Ross City, playing the game of life, all the while being together forever. The dream that will never be. There were so many things that couldn't ever be seen, that couldn't ever be done together, because of how much it will destroy us. And I am okay with that. I accept it, with a broken heart and a mangled soul.

The day is so sweet, so crisp, such a strong reminder of why he chose his name. Cause there will always be a tomorrow for everything. For the Republic, for the Colonies, for Tess and for Anden. A new beginning and hope for every dark moment that dares to cross our lives. But there is one thing that will never be able to be recovered, never be able to be reborn with the sun. And that is him and I. The silent tears that trail down my face stay there, as I simply breathe in the sweet morning air, remembering the way he felt, the way he was, the way he loved me. And the way he never knew how much I could ever love him.

There will never be a day when I don't think of you, Daniel.