Gibbers: Hey Everyone, this is the start of my summer SPN fics. I'm going to try and write tags throughout the entire summer to make the hiatus a bit less painful. This tag is for Sex and Violence, my least favorite episode ever. But the rest of my tags are going to be a project.

I'm writing episode tags for every season 1 episode!!!

Thanks to Mo for betaing! You rock chica!

And we're all to blame. We've gone too far from pride to shame. We're trying so hard. We're dying in vain. ~Sum 41

He raised the axe over his head. Blood. Screams. Pain.

Dean sat straight up, sleep instantly pulling away from him as his heart pounded. He'd almost killed Sam. His Sammy. And worse in that moment a little bit of Hell came back to him. In that moment he wanted to kill him.

Now he just felt ill.

From the moment their mom laid the scrawny baby in his arms a part of Dean's life had shifted to fit Sam. It hadn't been a perfect fit. Life was bumpy, theirs especially. But life without Sam was not something Dean could ever adjust himself too. He suddenly understood Benton wanting to kill himself.

He swung his legs over the side of the bed and looked around the room. The motel was one of the least obtrusive in design, but Dean could only seem to notice what wasn't there.

Normally he would turn over and brood, but tonight he couldn't. Tonight he'd almost killed his brother and he was feeling a bit protective.

He stood and walked quietly, the door was ajar. He leaned his ear toward it.

"I don't know what to do anymore…" Sam's voice was muffled by the door and muffled by the despair in it. Dean pushed it open a crack, sure he would see the raven haired demon.

He didn't.

"Dean doesn't trust me. I don't trust me…" Sam was staring at the sky, palms open on his lap, shoulders slumped in defeat. There was no one in sight. "I used to believe in you. I always prayed you'd show yourself to me. Now with angels and demons on every side…I still don't know if you exist." Sam gave a deep heartfelt sigh.

Dean pulled the door shut silently and leaned against it. Maybe tomorrow he would have an answer for Sam.