DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything, this idea isn't even one hundred percent original, and I'm not making any money, nor do I intend infringement.
SPOILERS: Pretend the season three episode line up went: 'Malleus Maleficarum' followed by 'Jus In Bello' and that some time has passed since JIB and you'll be in my twisted world. There are ditches, so don't leave the path.
A/N: I know there are a lot of 'Dean or Sam turn into a girl' stories out there, but I ask that you read mine anyway. It's different than others (at least I hope - I haven't read them all) but there's something of twist in what I have in mind, so bare with me.
"That Man Is A Lady"
Chapter One
It was their second night in town and they were spending it at the poorly lit bar near their motel. Not without cause of course, they were low on cash and the day had done nothing but frustrate the brothers. So Dean was currently prowling the pool tables, a few female onlookers following his every move. Sam was off at a corner table, his laptop drowned in a sea of paper.
They were in town following up a lead Bobby had given them. Apparently a friend of his had called and talked about neighbors empting out bank accounts and when confronted by spouses (who did their confronting loudly, and at least once in public) didn't know where the money went, people acting wildly out of character and then disappearing. As far as they could tell no one had been possessed, of course there were no "survivors" to speak to or bodies to check out. Sam thought it was either another shapeshifter problem (and who knew there could be so many of them) or witchcraft.
As much as he didn't want to deal with witches, he felt he'd had fill of shapeshifters and wanted that even less.
The last coven they'd ran into thought they were doing harmless magic to get better deals on mortgage rates. If a coven was behind this, they were practicing harmful magic to steal and were ruining lives on purpose.
But they'd hit town and then promptly hit a stone wall. They had no idea who was practicing, or who might be practicing, or who the shifter could be and there was no one new to town (aside from the "shifty boys just got a room down at the motel" an old man said as they were leaving breakfast that morning. Dean went out of his way to bump into the man).
They had a big, fat nothing. And the more time they had to spend here, the less time Sam had to work on a way to save his brother. And that was unacceptable.
The dim light was starting to give Sam a headache, and since he was alone in his research he needed better light. He gathered up his things and headed towards Dean.
"I'm going."
Dean put his beer bottle on the edge of the pool table, "Aw, come on man. The night is young."
A pretty girl with a pool stick walked by them, over his shoulder Sam heard her say, "First your money, then your clothes."
"You supposed to be winning, Dean." he said with a sigh. He guessed he'd given Dean to much leeway in 'recreational time', because he was bringing back girls more and more since…well, since.
His brother grinned, his eyes following the girl, before he looked at his brother, "Oh, I'm gonna win, Sammy."
He winced and held out his hand. "Win money, okay? Keys." he doubted he'd be sleeping in a bed to night. Dean was looking to bring this girl, some girl, any girl back with him. That leaves Sam the Impala and her back seat. He'd slept there before, tonight would be nothing new.
"Yeah, here." Dean handed over his car keys. Sam moved to leave when Dean grabbed his arm. Sam turned and took in the half smile on his brothers face, "No monkey business."
He rolled his eyes and left the bar. He stayed in the room until he heard Dean and whatever girl he'd charmed into coming back with him coming down the hall. Dean always made just enough noise to let you know he was on his way, but not enough to piss anyone else off. It gave Sam a few seconds to gather what he wanted and make like a bandit.
He fell asleep with a rolled up t-shirt pressed between his back and the Impala's paneling, and a book across his chest. When he woke in the morning his neck hurt and he had a bad taste in his mouth.
He left the book and all his papers from the night before in the car, grabbed his lap top and some clean clothes and headed back to the room. He opened the door just a crack and listened. He'd had to walk in on Dean before, but he didn't have to now, so if his brother was still…entertaining his female friend; Sam would just close the door and go for breakfast.
It was quiet, no rustle of fabric, no moans. Sounded like safety. He chanced a peek around the door to make sure everything that should be covered, was, saw a lump of a person under a heap of covers on the bed and headed strait for the bathroom.
He sat down at the table, opened his laptop and waited for his brother to wake up. It was about an hour before the lump under the covers moved, and let out a groan. It wouldn't have bothered Sam, but it didn't sound like it had come from his brother.
He leaned back in the chair to try and get a glimpse of who was moving. What he saw was a head of hair to dark and to long to be Dean's.
When the girl sat up, so did Sam.
"Jesus." he didn't bother to note if she was clothed or not, the shiner on her face had him a bit more concerned. He hadn't remembered seeing any girl with a black eye last night. He started toward the bed. The brusie stretched out from her eye, it looked like it covered half her face. It was a dark purple at its worst, and still red at the edges. He'd be surprised if she could open that eye.
"Huh?" she said, sleep and confusion in her voice. Her eyes were still closed, and her face was scrunched up like she was trying to fight off a migraine.
Sam was crouched by the bedside, "Are you okay? Did…did…" he didn't want to finish that thought. Never, ever in his life would Dean hit a woman…who wasn't a demon, or possessed by one. His hands were hovering over the edge of the bed, did he touch her shoulder? Did he try to get a better look at the bruising?
The girl regarded him with serious brown eyes, "What? God my head hurts. What happened?" she brought a hand to her face, "What happened to my eye? I get in a fight?"
Sam's brows knit together, his head cocked to the side and his mouth was open. He moved to his own bed and sat down with a breathy, "Uhhh…"
"Dude, seriously, what the hell is going on, why are you looking at me like that?" he just didn't know what to say. "SAM?!"
"Dean?"
"No, it's the freakin' tooth fairy. What's wrong with you Sam?"
'Oh, oh this is bad…' Sam thought.
He didn't know what to do. Part of him wanted to laugh hysterically, he was seeing what he was seeing, of that he was sure. But the other part of him (which he figured to be the greater part, since he wasn't laughing) was freaking out, because this was so beyond normal, even for them.
And he didn't have the first idea how to fix it. He could summon Ruby, but Dean really, really wouldn't like that. Sam bet that even as a girl, his brother could pack a punch.
"SAM!" with that shout, the young woman in front of Sam stiffened up. Dean was hearing his voice for the first time. "What. The. Hell."
-- -- -- SPN -- -- --
Dean all but ripped the covers away from his body as he made his way to the bathroom. He almost stumbled, not because he was tangled in sheets, but because his center of gravity was off. His stride felt wrong, his limbs felt wrong. He didn't want to look down at himself.
He paused for a second at the bathroom door, then moved forward.
"Son of a BITCH!"
He had really, really wanted his own face to be looking back at him. Instead there was just the slender face of a chick - an average looking chick. Brown hair, brown eyes…nothing special. Forget shifters, it had to be spell-slingers.
He hated witches. Absolutely hated them.
They hadn't managed to track them down yet, but when they did, he was going to really let them have it.
He saw Sam come to the bathroom door, he whirled on his brother. "What the hell happened last night?"
"I-" he shrugged. He could have pummeled his brother right there. He could see it in Sammy's eyes; he wanted to laugh. Dean wanted to rip his long brown hair out.
Instead he shoved past Sam, and started rummaging through clothes on the floor. Some of them were distinctly girls clothing, and for the first time he realized he'd been stomping around the room in underwear. "Where'd she go? When did she leave?"
"Who-"
"The girl from last night, Sam! Come on!" he had a pair of pants in his hands.
"I didn't see, Dean. I slept in the car."
He pulled on the pants, they hugged his thighs. How was he supposed to accomplish anything in these? He bent his knees a few times, trying to get the fabric to loosen up; when he bent he could feel the waist of the jeans slip down. "You've got to be kidding me." he whispered. How chicks did anything in clothes that clung to your every curve was a mystery to him. One he was unfortunately going to have to find out.
He opted for one of his own shirts. Pulling a grey t-shirt over his head, he spotted his necklace on the table. He grabbed that too, and put it on. He spent a moment looking the room over, "I need some freaking shoes!"
He let out a growl of frustration, which only served to irritate him more because it didn't sound manly in the least. He covered his face and took a deep breath.
"Dude, are you crying?"
"No, I am not crying! I'll get my other boots out of the car. Let's go." He grabbed the keys, and stalked outside.
"They won't fit, you know." Sam's words followed him. Dean stopped, flexed his toes over the cold concrete. He knew they wouldn't fit, nothing was going to fit. If it wouldn't have come out like a girl in a slasher flick, he would have screamed. He'd had a really rotten year. Everyday was a step towards Hell, and now he was going to come to the party as girl.
Sam was at his side now, shoes in hand, "Under the bed." Dean took them without a word and got in the car. Sam followed, "So…"
"We're going back to the bar. We're gonna find that bitch, and we're gonna fix me."
I have this story mapped out, so updates depend on my actually getting things written down. Anyhow, let me know what you think, input is always nice.
P.S. How awesome was the season premiere? Ah-mazing!