My story takes place in Nintendoland – a magical place that can at times be beautiful and wonderful, and likewise at times can be ugly and harsh. There are many inhabitants of Nintendoland as well, and all of them are different. It is a magical hodgepodge of variety in a neat little package, with little villages and towns, all the way up to big cities and kingdoms strewn across the multi-faceted countryside. But however varied and divided Nintendoland may seem, it is actually a rigidly structured world, with everything and everyone situated in such a way as to suit the needs of one entity. And to the inhabitants of Nintendoland, there is no question as to that entity's identity. I am Nintendoland's supreme ruler, and omniscient being. I am Shuko, and I am the Player!

This is a project I have set out to undertake, for the benefit of you, the readers. I have decided to produce an archive of my exploits in Nintendoland, and how my… er, benevolent rule has affected its citizens. In these archives you will find first-hand accounts of my guinea pigs, er… I mean, adoring subjects, and their everyday failures and successes of life. I hope you'll join me for this, the first of many accounts of some of my favorite subjects.

Tale 1: Luigi the Plumber's Tale of Brotherly Compassion

I decided one day that Luigi and Mario Mario (A.K.A. the Mario Brothers) were being stretched too thin in their valiant efforts to keep Princess Toadstool and the Mushroom Kingdom (among other various places and peoples) from harm, and I felt they needed a well-deserved vacation. So I created robotic doubles of them and set them loose on their enemies. Heheh. They were very lifelike indeed. They even managed to eat any and all Italian food their aroma sensors could pick up within a twelve-mile radius.

After sending the robotic doubles on their mission, I dropped by the Mario household for a visit. After all, I needed to be there in person to congratulate the brothers on a job well done, and take them to their new vacation spot! I saw no need for the customary knock on the door. After all, I am the Player, and I can transcend their world completely. I simply teleported myself into their dining room, where they happened to be eating lunch.

"Hello there!" I cried. "Behold, and be amazed!"

"Mama-mia!" Mario cried, falling backwards off his chair with a crash, and his plate of Tortellini sailing high into the air above him. It splattered messily into his face. Luigi leapt into the air, and grabbed onto the overhead light fixture. He dangled there, his arms and legs wrapped tightly around it, gaping at me and trembling like a mouse.

"Luigi, for Pasta's sake! Where's that emergency fire flower! It's the Player!" Mario bellowed, scrambling to his feet. Luigi just whimpered something unintelligible.

I laughed. Do you see how much my subjects adore me? Already Mario is thinking of gifts to give his benevolent ruler! "Fear not, Mario Brothers," I cried magnanimously. "I did not come here to receive gifts. I have come with a gift for you instead! Behold!" I cried, waving my arm and transporting us all to the destination I had picked out for them.

"Mommy!" Luigi squeaked as he fell clumsily to the ground, his overhead light having disappeared.

"What in the name of plungers…?" Mario asked in disbelief as we arrived in our destination.

"Ta-Da!" I cried, slapping him on the back and laughing. "In recognition for all your hard work, you two are being given a well-deserved vacation! Welcome to the delightfully secluded island of Wiki-Wawa!"

"Wha-… Wha-…?" Luigi spluttered, scrambling to his feet and gaping about him in amazement.

"No, Wiki-wawa, silly boy," I laughed, beaming at him proudly. Enjoy yourselves boys! Here, there are no Bowser bozos, no traffic, no stress of any kind! You can just kick back, relax, and live off the land! Enjoy!" I began to dematerialize then. I decided it was best to let them get started with the fun right away! See how kind and thoughtful I am!

Well, now that you readers know what a wonderful ruler I am, I'll go ahead and let you read Luigi's account of their fun-filled getaway. But… you might want to keep in mind while you read it that Luigi Mario is a pathetic, ungrateful coward who has never liked me for some strange, unknown reason. Enjoy!

Luigi's Log of Terror: Day 1
Today the Player decided that we didn't have enough pain and suffering in our lives, so she deserted me and my brother on this terrible uninhabited island. We made a detailed scan of our surroundings, which was of course Mario's idea. I would have been content with staying out on the beach where we could see if something was coming…

Anyway, we have learned that we are on a small island – only about two miles long and one mile wide. There is a small forested area on the western half of the island, and at the end of that there are tall cliffs looming over the sea, with violent surf and jagged rocks at the bottom. On the eastern end of the island there is a small reef extending out into the ocean for about a half a mile. We've discovered that there is an abundance of colorful fish out there just beyond the reef, but neither of us wanted to dive in and explore it any further, after we saw the telltale dorsal fins of sharks following us alongside the reef. You won't ever catch me out there during high tide.

Luigi's Log of Terror: Day 2
There are a few fruit-bearing trees on the island – mostly coconut, mango, guava, and breadfruit, as near as I can tell. Mario doesn't seem to know anything about finding food on his own, which is surprising considering how much he loves to eat it. I'm finding that I have to watch him constantly to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid. He's already begun to complain about the lack of pasta trees in this place. I wonder how long the Player plans to keep us here. I hope it isn't long…

Luigi's Log of Terror: Day 5
Well, we're still here, and we're still alive, thankfully. Mario and I have managed to construct a small shelter made of palm fronds and driftwood. I've been showing him how to weave mats with the long leaves off the palm fronds, and I've been able to keep him busy with that while I forage, but it isn't easy. He gets restless more quickly nowadays, and keeps wanting to go fishing on the reef. I'm sure we can manage to fashion some makeshift fishing poles, but the sharks worry me. And what worries me more is how things will turn out if Mario decides he wants to go swimming. He's actually a lot stronger than I am (physically speaking) and if he ever gets the idea into his head, I may not be able to stop him. I don't trust the waters around here. The one reef we've located may be the only one that's visible above the water, but there may be many more beneath the surface. And if there is one school of sharks, there may be others – not to mention morays, sea snakes, Cheep-cheeps, and lots of other water-bound nasties. Fortunately, we have managed to locate a small spring near the center of the island where we can get fresh water. But neither of us wants to swim in it and risk making it undrinkable. I hope the Player lets us off this awful island soon!

Luigi's Log of Terror: Day 18
Where the heck is the Player! This crappy place is a nightmare! Mario has gone completely crazy, and has begun calling me his "precious little Linguini" and licking his lips when he sees me. I fear he's been eating hallucinogenic plants of some kind, and I'm beginning to fear for my life at night. It's gotten so bad that I've stopped sleeping in the same shelter with him, and have taken refuge in the tall coconut trees, which thankfully, he's not yet learned how to climb. When that blasted Player comes back, she's going to get a face full of sand!

My only comfort lies in a magical breadfruit I've found that seems to have the power to send thoughts into my brain. He's wonderful! But Raymond (the breadfruit) is telling me I need to stop writing now and give him a neck rub, so I'd better go for now. I'll try and write some more tomorrow.

Luigi's Log of Terror: Day 32
Raymond passed away today. He met his demise when he propelled himself out of the coconut tree, screaming "the warthogs, they are a comin'!" into my brain as he fell to his doom below. I was afraid all day that if I moved the warthogs would get me, so I didn't move, and got a wonderful sunburn all over my back. I have since concluded that Raymond was a bloody liar, and he was only trying to trick me. I do, however, see Mario below me, and he's saying something about sharks that walk on land… I'm glad I don't walk on land anymore. That's how they get your toenails, after all. And we all know that if they get your toenails, they'll take over the world.

Erm… yes, well, shortly after that last entry was written, I came back and told the boys it was time to go back to work. Their robot counterparts had created an Italian food shortage throughout the entirety of Nintendoland, and Bowser was suing me for all the trauma they'd caused him and his Koopalings. Of course, no court in the world would convict me, since I have all possible jurors scared spitless… I mean, filled with adoration… yeah. So anyway, I plucked the Mario brothers away from their island paradise and put them back into the Mushroom Kingdom so that they could pick up where they had left off. I have yet to hear a complaint.

Stay tuned for my next account, in which I send Kirby on a field trip to the wonderful world of Hoenn! Until next time, Game On, beloved readers!