Spoilers: Everything to date in Season 2, but with special emphasis on knowledge of Season 1's Basic Genealogy
Disclaimer: Yes, I am Dan Harmon. In my spare time from making the awesome tv show Community, I also write fanfiction about the awesome tv show Community. Lies! I am not Dan Harmon, but it would be the one time I wish I were a man.
Summary: The debate about should Jeff date Annie has come around again, and the group has had enough so Pierce steps up.
AN: I've thought about this story for a while, but I think knowledge of Annie being Pierce's favorite is what pushed me to write it. Also, minor spoiler for Pineapple Express, if one could even spoil that movie.
One would have thought it would be a normal study session for the group. They were working on yet another diorama for Duncan when Annie announced she had to leave early for a study meeting for her relaxation class with her partner. Everyone in the group seemed to agree that since Annie was leaving, they all might as well leave.
But then Jeff sarcastically asked what kind of studying one had to do for a relaxation class. Annie had replied, "Matt and I have to work on our deep breathing exercises."
At that point, Jeff sat up fully in his chair. "Is Matt short for Matilda, Mathena, Matisse or Mattney?"
Annie gave him her 'Did you look info up on Wikipedia look?' "No, I'm pretty sure he said it was short for Matthew."
"Oh, so he is a guy."
"Yes."
"Who you are leaving to go do deep breathing exercises with?" At this point, most of the group had edged away from the table fearing the look in Jeff's eyes. Abed was watching intently and calculating the amount of time it would take to run to his dorm for his camera and be back before missing anything. Troy looked like he would cry at any minute.
Annie, however, would not shy away. "Yes, Jeff, because that is our assignment, and as you know, I am an excellent student."
Jeff scoffed. "I would think as an excellent student, you'd be more concern with the assignment for the class with your first study group. You know the one you supposedly care about."
"Don't you dare question my commitment to this group! I scheduled this time with Matt weeks ago. Our group just got this assignment today, and this meeting was strictly for the planning stage. Plus, we spent the first thirty minutes debating which was the best John Hughes movie."
"The Breakfast Club was classic Hughes."
"Sixteen Candles. No one in Sam's family paid attention to her when clearly she was voice of reason."
"Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. John Candy and Steve Martin were and are funny. Not like these comedians today with their pot and sex humor. That's not nice. "
"Ferris Bueller's Day Off. That guy could get away with anything. "
"Home Alone. He lit a guy's head on fire!"
There was a strange muffle from Pierce who appeared to be passing it off as agreeing with Abed.
And finally from Annie, "Pretty in Pink." Then she paused. "See, we're not getting anything done today, so no one should care if I leave for my next study session." She continued packing her bookbag when Jeff grabbed her pen.
"Uh oh, you don't have your number one pen. How will you ever study now?"
Annie straighten her posture, said "Luckily all I need is my lungs, so I will be fine without it."
She started to walk out the door as if she was unfazed, when Jeff called out "But how will you take notes on which exercises produce the most efficient air flow to energy ratio?"
Annie turned back. "I have other pens. I'll be fine."
"But none of those pens have the super grip and best ink flow in the right color for which you took months to choose."
Getting right to the point, Annie asked, "Honestly, Jeff, are you so insecure that you can't stand the thought of me studying alone with some other guy? Why would you even care?"
"You are doing heavy breathing exercises with some guy I've never met. Any one of us would have a problem with that, wouldn't you Shirley?" Jeff thought she was sure to agree.
Not wanting to upset Jeff, but not wanting to lie either, Shirley reluctantly said, "Actually, I've met Matt. He's very sweet. He works at the soup kitchen on weekends and helps…"
Jeff cut her off and turned back to Annie. "Clearly he has no time for you. He would make a horrible boyfriend."
Annie laughed at Jeff's incredulousness. "Who said anything about dating him? He's just a study partner. I don't make a habit of wanting to date all my study partners, and for the ones I do want to date, I let them know."
"Oh, so we're back to this now?"
"Only because you brought us here!"
"You are young Annie. Too young for a man like me to be dating you."
Before Annie could retort, Pierce interjected, "Ahh! But you had no problem banging my teenage step-daughter."
The crescendo of Jeff's frightened "What?" to Annie's gasped "What?" to the rest of the groups curious "What?"s stopped Pierce in his tracks. He rolled his eyes before replying, "Sorry. Ex- step-daughter."
"Pierce! Explain! Now!" Jeff yelled in short grunts.
"Well, she was born March 25, 1991, so she was just a few weeks shy of her nineteenth birthday when she came to visit."
"That makes her younger than Annie!" Troy exclaimed with surprise, then turned gleeful at figuring this out, and finally remorseful when Jeff turned to glare at him.
"I didn't know she was only eighteen. Why didn't you tell me?"
"I believe I did warn you to stay away from her. Why didn't you listen? Anyways, it is all water under the bridge. So now you have no reason not to date Annie. Unless, of course, you are ready to admit your love for men."
Annie turned back to Jeff, "I find it odd saying this, but Pierce is right. Now, you have no reason not to date me."
Jeff pressed his hand to his head. Half in an effort to relieve the tension headache building, and half in praying to a god he didn't fully believe in that he hadn't committed a felony by being foolish enough not to ask that girl's age. Teenagers should dress like teenagers.
And he still had to deal with Annie. "It's different. I didn't know her age, but I do know yours."
"Are you attracted to me?"
"Yes."
"So past experience shows that if you are attracted to me and don't know my age, you would at least have sex with me."
Did Annie have to talk about sex here? With the group waiting for his response? Reluctantly he said, "Apparently."
"So then age should not matter at all when I am two years older than I was at the time you willingly had sex with an eighteen year old."
"No, I suppose it would not."
"So then you have no objections to at least dating me?"
"Yes, I do. You are my friend, and I don't want to ruin our friendship and the group dynamic by dating."
"You had sex with Britta and it didn't ruin your friendship and the group survived."
"That's different as well. That was Britta. The sex was meaningless."
"Hey!" Britta shouted.
"Like you wouldn't say the same about me," Jeff said.
"Still, I rather say it than have it said about me," Britta said stated as if this made perfect sense.
Jeff blew this off and continued. "My point is, it didn't damage the group because Britta and I both know where we stand. I have no silly notions of romance with her. And I think the group would agree that at this point in our lives, you and I dating would be a mistake."
"Truthfully, the back and forth between you Annie is bothering me as much as it did when it was you and Britta. Not in an annoying kind of way, but in a pathetic, fear you'll end up dead and alone kind of way." Shirley said and gave a sad smile meant to offer comfort.
"Yeah, your life might turn out like that guy in Pineapple Express who all he ever wanted was to do his job of killing people and then go home and have dinner with his wife. But he never got to go home. HE NEVER GOT TO GO HOME! ... So tragic." Troy started to cry again as he thought about Jeff and that guy.
Britta shrugged her shoulders. "I really couldn't care less. If Annie can make you less of a douche, then I'm all for it."
Abed considered it for a moment, before saying, "It would be interesting to see if our story could handle a romantic relationship between two main characters so early in the series. I don't think anyone has done it successfully, but I trust in all of us enough to pull it off. We'll make history." He nodded assuredly.
Pierce stood up, "So it is settled then. Jeff and Annie can date, and I'll be free to become the stud of the group."
Everyone gave Pierce an odd look, before Jeff continued. "This doesn't settle anything."
Annie threw her hands in the air. "Why not? The age question has been thrown out, and so has the fear of the group question. I've know you for almost two years now. I know what you are like so I know what I am getting into. Since it is true for me, that means the reverse is true for you. You know exactly who you are dealing with. What else is there to stop us from dating?"
"Me! You have the romantic feelings, but I'm not sure if I do." Jeff said reluctantly. He didn't want to say it, but at the same time knew it would be the killing blow for Annie's argument.
Annie thought for a moment, before remembering something and a triumphant gleam lit in her eyes and turned into a smile. "Wait, you said you had no notions of romance with Britta."
Jeff froze. "What?"
"Abed?" Annie asked without releasing her gaze on Jeff.
"Jeff's exact words were 'Britta and I both know where we stand. I have no silly notions of romance with her.'" Abed sounding as though he knew exactly where Annie was heading.
Annie's smile widened. As she spoke she pointed to each person she addressed in her statement. "You indicated that you had no notions of romance with Britta. Nowhere in your language did you stipulate that I was the one with the ideals of romance. The previous statement indicates that this is a 'you and me' situation verses 'you and Britta' situation. Thereby implying that you do have romantic notions with me that you don't have with her," Annie finished proudly.
Jeff tried to think of a rebuttal. "I…damn it!"
On a roll, Annie continued, "So, as we now know, the real issue is you having romantic feelings for me. You are probably uncertain of these feelings because this is one of the few times in your life you have had them. You are afraid and don't want to take the risk, but Jeff, I'm also afraid. But I think the outcome will be worth the risk. If there is any chance that you think so too, I think you should do something about it."
Jeff smiled the special smile he reserved for her. "You should really think about becoming a lawyer."
Annie smiled back, "Maybe I will if you can convince that lawyers are smart."
Jeff nodded appreciatively, "Would you like to go on a date with me this Friday?"
If possible, Annie smile grew even bigger. "Sure. We can talk about the details as you walk me to my next study session."
When they had left the room, Britta turned to Pierce. "Pierce, that was really great on how you managed to get Jeff to start rethinking his issues with Annie. Kinda gross, but still great." The rest of group agreed with Britta's assessment and praised Pierce.
Pierce thanked them. "Yeah, I'm almost certain Amber was the one born in 1991."
The end.
AN2: So Troy's Pineapple Express comment is kind of a two prong inside joke. First being, the discussion I had with my friend about his life being a tragedy. (Yes, I gave way too much thought to that movie.) Second being, the guy in question was played by Kevin Corrigan aka Professor P. Professorson aka Professor S. Lawrence Woolley aka Professor Sean Garrity.