Fic Title: Moving On
Author: April
Fandom: CSI (Catherine/Warrick, Catherine/Nick friendship, GSR, Sofia/Brass, Greg/OC)
Feedback: yes
Disclaimer: Only Maddie belongs to me…unfortunately. 'Just a Dream' is by Carrie Underwood. 'Ain't No Sunshine' is by several artists.
Summary: The team deals with the aftermath of Warrick's death & funeral.
Warnings: Spoiler for For Warrick
Baby why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go? I was counting on forever; now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm lookin from a distance, standin in the background…everybody's sayin he's not comin home now. This can't be happening to me. This is just a dream. The preacher man said, "Let's bow our heads and pray. Lord, please lift his soul and heal this hurt." Then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard.
Gil Grissom stood between Sara and Catherine, holding both women's hands, Sara's to support himself, Catherine's to support her. Lindsey had shown up between the service and the graveside, despite her mother's urging her to stay at school, and was standing between Catherine and Nick. Nick Stokes was glad that the girl had come, hoping it would help her like it was supposed to be helping them, find closure. Truth was, none of them wanted closure, not yet. It was too soon to be losing his best friend, Catherine's lover, the only father Lindsey had had for years, Grissom's son, Greg and Sara's brother. Greg Sanders stood next to Nick, not able to fathom what Catherine must be going through. Although she'd never said the words aloud, he knew about Warrick and her relationship just like he had known about Grissom and Sara's. Jim Brass was on the end, looking around, searching for a familiar face. She had told him she would come if she could, but he knew she felt guilty, blamed herself, just like a little part of all of them did.
And then they handed her a folded up flag and she held on to all she had left of him. Oh, well, what could've been? And then the guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart. Baby, why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was countin on forever, now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm lookin from a distance, standin in the background. Everybody's sayin he's not comin home now. This can't be happenin to me. This is just a dream.
Catherine Willows took the folded-up flag she was offered, letting go of Grissom's hand to hug the flag to her chest, flinching, looking away, tears in her eyes, as they began piling dirt on the box. She looked over at her daughter who had tears in her eyes. The girl had experienced too much death already in her short life, Eddie's, Sam's, and now Warrick. She let go of Lindsey's hand as well, putting her arm around her daughter instead.
Baby, why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was countin on forever, now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm lookin from a distance, standin in the background. Everybody's sayin he's not comin home now. This can't be happenin to me. This is just a dream.
Lindsey finally let the tears fall, holding her grip on Nick's hand a little bit tighter, laying her head on her mother's shoulders. She'd felt like an adult ever since she was kidnapped, since Sam died, but now, for this one second, this one day, she wished she was a little girl again. When her father was alive and could take her out for pony rides or ice cream. When Warrick sat with her on the break room couch and helped her with her homework or problems at school. Her father had been dead for five years, since she was a little girl. Sam had been gone two, but, until this day, she never realized how totally alone she and her mother were.
Baby why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was countin on forever, now I'll never know. I can't even breathe. It's like I'm lookin from a distance, standin in the background. Everybody's sayin he's not comin home now. This can't be happenin to me. This is just a dream.
They turned to go and she put her arm around Catherine, holding on to each other, Nick and Greg driving them home, Grissom leaving with Sara. They would all meet again at the same place later, having time off but no one wanting to sleep. Grissom let Sara drive, sneaking looks over at her from time to time, remembering her out in the desert. He had been so lucky that time that she hadn't died and Catherine had been right there beside him every step of the way, taking care of him. He knew he needed to repay the favor now. Warrick had left them all in his arms but it still didn't seem real. After all they'd been through, all the times they'd all been in danger and made it through, how could one of them be gone? And not temporarily, like Sara had been the past few months, but to never, ever see Warrick again…He reached over, holding her hand and she gave a half-smile, all she had to offer right then.
Ooh, baby, why'd you leave me? Why'd you have to go? I was countin on forever, now I'll never know. Oh, I'll never know. It's like I'm lookin from a distance, standin in the background, everybody's sayin he's not comin home now. This can't be happenin to me. This is just a dream. Oh, this is just a dream. It's just a dream, yeah, yeah.
Sofia Curtis got chills up her spin every time she heard that song. Although she had worked in the lab around Warrick for a year, even worked a few cases with him, her most vivid moment of him was one of the worst weeks of her life, when Jim had been shot. Warrick had been the one with him that night, had come to talk to her after he'd talked to Grissom, had kept an eye on Ellie for her. It had been a miracle that Jim had lived through the shooting and surgery, she'd known that even then, and she remembered him waking up to see all of the CSI family outside his room. He had been the one to find her after her 'run-in' with McKeen and, although she never told him and he never asked, she always thought that Warrick had an uncanny sense about what had happened…one that wasn't far off from the truth.
"Hey," a voice came from the door, making her jump before she realized who it was.
"Hey." She tried to offer a smile, but felt as miserable as her partner looked.
"Lena asleep?"
She nodded. "Taking her nap." She moved over to the coffee machine, pouring him a cup. "How'd it go?"
"One of the worst experiences of my life. Worse for Catherine and Gil though. I didn't think that Grissom would get through the eulogy. I thought Catherine was going to pass out at the gravesite. Nicky, Greg, Sara, everyone's falling apart." He took a breath and slowly let it out, finally letting tears brim his eyes. "Lindsey came." He remembered seeing Ellie for a split second after his surgery and wondered if she'd bother coming for his funeral. Warrick, Grissom, and Sofia were the only ones who knew the truth and he knew that Lindsey was as much Warrick's daughter as Ellie and Lena were his own.
"That's good. It's good for Catherine. She'll need her." She thought of her own father's death, the only time in all her years she'd ever seen her mother fall completely to pieces.
"I kept looking for you."
"I couldn't come." She looked away, that nagging little thought in the back of her head.
He nodded. There were no longer any questions about Sofia and McKeen, but he hadn't liked any of the answers either. McKeen had hurt her badly but he couldn't do anything about it, couldn't even prove it. Who in Vegas would take the word of a detective against an undersheriff? He was the only one who knew the real story, although Warrick had been the one to find her, to stay with her, to take care of her until he could get there. He had never forgiven McKeen and the fact that Warrick's death was bringing up the nightmares again made him even angrier at the situation. "I know."
"Our odds are horrible, Jim. They're horrible. So much happens to us, to our friends, every day. Every time someone lives through it, the odds of something like this happening go up."
"You're scared." She nodded. "So what do you want to do?" He expected her to say quit.
"Lena and I are leaving." She paused. "I'm transferring departments."
He closed his eyes, hoping, praying, that she meant around there, Henderson, Boulder City, even one of the smaller towns close by. She couldn't be leaving completely, not like Sara had Grissom. He had survived a lot in his life, but he didn't know if he could survive losing Sofia, their daughter. "How far?"
"Tahoe." It was a nice, quiet place without all the parts of Vegas she so desperately wanted to get away from, a place not unlike where she'd grown up. "I didn't want to move back east."
He nodded, although he felt like he was going to cry any second…he who hardly ever cried. "That's seven hours from here." He wanted to start yelling, but he couldn't. If he wanted to be honest with himself, he knew this was coming for months, but he hadn't wanted to believe it. "When?"
"Next week." She paused. "I didn't want to leave until after the funeral."
He nodded, but nothing really was making sense. "Problems exist everywhere, Sofie. If you really want to fix things, keep doing what you've been doing. Standing up for what you know is right. Helping your friends do the same. Helping them cope with their loss. Not…" Not taking Lena and moving so far away.
She kissed his cheek. "You should get ready."
"Come with me." He had tears brimming in his eyes and he was truly afraid she wouldn't be there when he got back, but he had no right to ask her to stay, no hope that she would actually comply.
She shook her head, hiding the tears in her own blue eyes. "What do I say to Catherine? I don't even know…"
"You always said that Gil and Warrick helped you when I…" He trailed off. "Say what they said to you…only in your own words." She paused. "If you can't talk to her, talk to Nick or Greg. Grissom. Come with me. Bring Lena." He paused. "That's how we can help Warrick…by helping each other move on."
Nick winced, hearing Lindsey throw up in the bathroom. He had brought a gym bag with him to change into normal clothes again there instead of his place so that Catherine and Lindsey wouldn't have to be alone. He had always felt a responsibility to protect them, but it increased knowing that Warrick wasn't here to do it. He still felt like a piece of him was missing. They all did. He made himself at home by getting a cold Sprite out of the refrigerator, bringing it to Lindsey as she emerged from the bathroom.
"Thanks, Nicky." He didn't know when exactly she'd stopped referring to them all as 'uncles', when she had grown up to be a sixteen-year-old young lady. Until that very day, he had still had a memory of her in pigtails and missing teeth.
"You're welcome." He paused, looking at Catherine's closed bedroom door, more than a little worried about her, but his focus going back to Lindsey. "Are you okay?"
She shook her head. "I don't understand…" She paused. "Why did he have to die?" She had honestly thought that they were all bulletproof, Warrick and her mother most of all. How many times did she remember her mom talking about someone being hurt or kidnapped at work? It always turned out okay.
He shook his head, sitting on the couch with her. "I don't know, peanut." He used the same nickname he'd called her as a little girl. He paused, taking a deep breath and slowly letting it out. He wanted to give her something to remember Warrick by, knowing his death would cause a big impact in her life, as it would in everyone's lives who'd loved him. "He always wanted to do the right thing. There are always people who don't want the right thing to happen, the truth to be said. And this time they decided to try to stop it, but the truth always comes out. Always." He wouldn't say the truth had won this time though. They'd found out about McKeen but had lost Warrick. The scales seemed too far tipped for the bad guys this time.
She sipped her Sprite in slow, small sips that settled her stomach slightly. "I have a problem. I don't know whether or not I should tell Mom." She had wanted to tell Warrick, but now it was too late.
"You can tell me. I'll help you decide," he said, thinking it was a problem with a boy at school or maybe a teacher.
"I'm pregnant." She saw the shocked look on his face although he tried to hide it.
He was worried about how Catherine would take the news and, although he knew she needed to be told, wasn't sure it was the time. "How…How pregnant?" He wished Warrick was there as much as she did, knew his friend would have had an answer, would have known what to do.
"Two months." She paused. "I know it's stupid. You can't say anything I don't know. I took the test a week ago…with my boyfriend. I just…I never had the chance to tell Mom. Now I can't."
Nick knew the answer to that. "Linds, there's nothing you can't tell your mom. Nothing." He paused. "I don't think she'll be shouting from the rooftops for awhile, but I know that she'll love you enough to support you. We all will. But you have to tell her."
As if on cue, he heard Catherine's door open and heard her walking towards them, saw her come into the living room where they were sitting. She had applied fresh makeup, her mascara having run all over her face from the tears. Her clothes were an outfit Warrick had always liked on her, a black tank top and black slacks. She couldn't manage a smile, even for them. "I'll go change now," Nick said, whispering 'tell her' to Lindsey as he left the room.
"Tell her what?" Catherine asked, not really in the mood for any new revelations. She had never felt so tired and, if it weren't for the fact that everyone in her family felt like they were dying along with Warrick, the fact that they were all depending on her, Lindsey and Nick most of all, she would never go out again. She saw the look on Lindsey's face and knew the day wasn't over yet. "Tell her what?" She repeated again.
"Mom…" She hated doing this to her mother, after they'd just lost Warrick, but she knew that she couldn't lie to Catherine, not about this. "I'm pregnant."
Greg let himself into the condo, checking the living room first, then the kitchen, then the office, and finally the bedroom. She was standing, looking out the large window at the city light view, lost in her own thoughts. He didn't speak for a few moments, just sat there, watching her, thinking. Before this whole mess had started, he'd been taking his book to Los Angeles, to a publisher, a book that might not have been possible at all without two equally special women, Catherine and Maddie. Both had encouraged him, helped with research, introduced him to people. It was what had finally opened his eyes to who Catherine really was; there was more there than just a beautiful ex-stripper. It was the reason Maddie was in his life at all and he thanked God that she was, because she was the best thing, better than finally being a CSI, better than his book, better than anything he'd ever known. The book was how he'd known about Catherine and Warrick, that Warrick had loved Catherine like he loved Maddie, and it had been one of the few things they'd had in common, the love for the women in their lives.
Madeleine Foster didn't turn around, couldn't bring herself to let anyone, even him, see the tears in her eyes. She had a reputation in the town for being hard as nails; as the daughter of one of Vegas' premiere families, she'd grown up that way. Like his mother, she knew the dangers of his profession, but, unlike his mother, she remained silent on her thoughts about the matter. She remembered meeting him when he'd interviewed her father for his book. The first thing that had crossed her mind was how funny he was and she'd loved that he shared her passion for the Vegas of old. The first time it dawned on her that he was basically a cop with a science degree was two years ago, when he'd been beaten so badly that, for awhile, she'd thought he would die. It had been then that she'd met the others, including Catherine and Warrick, when they'd visited every day. She'd been so scared when he was in the hospital, but it was Catherine who'd talked her into staying. She'd never regretted her decision, but she'd also never imagined it would be the other woman's lover who had died now, their friend.
"Maddie," he spoke softly, wanting her to turn around. He knew she was crying but, just like all the women in his Vegas life, she wouldn't ever allow him to see her doing so.
She turned slowly, her long body pivoting on her high heels, standing gracefully, perfectly, like a dancer. "How's Catherine?"
"Grissom and Nick are watching out for her." She nodded. "Sara's home."
She smiled, walking to sit beside him on the bed, holding his hand. "That's good, baby. I'm glad." She knew they had all missed their friend, in their own different ways.
"I don't know for how long. No one's saying anything…" He sighed. "I guess it doesn't matter right now anyway."
"I called your publisher, got your meeting rescheduled." She'd told him Greg had suffered a death in his family, which wasn't a lie.
He nodded, not even caring right then, although he knew one day he would be grateful. He brushed some blonde hair off her face where it had fallen out of her updo. "Do you have anything today?"
She shook her head. "I cancelled everything." Learning how to run the casinos from her father had taken up the majority of her time lately, but, like with Greg and all the others, nothing had really seemed to matter. "Why?"
"Everyone's meeting later." He paused. "I know you didn't want to come to the funeral." He understood her reasons, knew of her mother's death when she was little and also of the notice she'd gotten from the press for most of her life. She hadn't wanted to detract and he'd appreciated the gesture, but he still thought it would have been better with her by his side; most things were. "Please come with me to this."
She nodded, squeezing his hand slightly, looking over at him. He was her world, like Warrick was Catherine's, like Sara had been Grissom's. How would she cope if the unthinkable happened? "Okay, Greg. Okay," she whispered softly.
Sara stroked the dog's head when they got to the condo, Grissom noticing the one bag she'd brought with her. He didn't ask how long she was staying and she didn't volunteer the information. At the lab, it had felt like she'd been gone a hundred years, but here it was like she'd never left. She looked at one of the pictures he had around, one with all of them together, not the same one from Warrick's apartment, but one with Jim and Sofia in it as well. They all looked happy, like they didn't have a care in the world, like their world would never come crashing down around their heads. She choked back a sob, refusing to cry. She hadn't come to mourn Warrick; she could do that in private. She had come to be with her friends and to take care of the only man she'd ever loved, as much as he would allow.
"Are you feeling okay?" Grissom asked, watching her like she was fragile, like she could break any second, the same way he'd watched her after she'd been kidnapped.
"A little tired, but I'm holding up." She looked around, biting her lower lip.
"What?" He asked, still studying her, knowing when she was deep in thought.
"I just wish we could have told him." Their marriage wasn't exactly what anyone could call traditional, her in California, him in Nevada, none of their family knowing. "I don't know. I guess…I guess I thought he'd always be here. We could tell them anytime."
He nodded, thinking the same thing. "We always expect the people we love to be here…take them for granted." And then one day they weren't and nothing was ever the same again, just like when she'd left Vegas. He finally asked. "How long can you stay?"
"I'm here as long as you need me, Gil." She poured him a cup of coffee and herself a glass of apple juice, handing the coffee to him, silently urging him to drink.
"I always need you, Sara. I never stopped needing you. I never…I never stopped wanting you. I just…I didn't know how to say it." He realized how easily it could have been her. He'd thought when she'd been kidnapped that she would die; he'd never been so frightened in his life.
She looked away and back at him. "I know, Gil. I…I'm sorry." She didn't think she could stop apologizing but the simple fact of the matter was that she'd been chased by so many demons that she was afraid she'd drown and drag him along with her.
He shook his head. "No apologies." He studied her. "But I don't want to be alone anymore. This isn't working."
She sipped her apple juice. "You need to be in Vegas. The team needs you more than ever now." He nodded, knowing she was right. "I'll give it a month. And at the end of that month, then we'll decide…not now."
"He had a son." He paused. "He thought of me as a father."
"He's not the only one." He looked at her. "Nick and Greg do too."
"They miss you. Everyone misses you." She had been a friend to Catherine, a sister to Warrick and Nick, and a mentor to Greg. It wasn't just him that she'd left; it was everyone.
She nodded slightly. "We should get dressed. Get ready." He nodded, knowing she was right.
Catherine watched from the sidelines, noticing details about her friends around her, studying them like Grissom did his bugs, part of her thinking that if she just threw herself into the details then the big picture would no longer be true, Warrick would be there with her, his arm around her waist, laughing, humming a song to her underneath his breath. She saw Jim talking with Sara and Grissom, noticing something Gil hadn't, the bulge at Sara's stomach. Her face hadn't gained weight, but her middle had, causing her to wonder if Lindsey wasn't the only one expecting. She noticed that Sofia and Lena hadn't come and that Jim looked stricken, as lost as she felt. She watched Nick and Lindsey talking to Greg and Maddie. The couple seemed to have the world at their feet, be on cloud nine, and Catherine remembered something about one of them saying he was taking his book to L.A. He'd been at the airport when they'd called him about Warrick…had he been going or coming? She watched Nick watching Lindsey, making sure she had Sprite and that she didn't stand too long. He was concerned, almost parental, just like Warrick would have been, something that was both pleasing and painful.
Maddie was noticing details as well, like the fact that Catherine was about to start her third drink of the evening, just of the ones she'd seen her friend consume. She whispered something to Greg and he nodded as she walked across the room, the knee-length black dress swishing with every move. Except for Sara, Maddie was the first person to hug her, to offer condolences, knowing what Warrick had meant to her, and, struggle as she would against it, she began to cry. Maddie held her like a sister until she finally stopped and then ordered a martini, sitting beside her friend on a stool.
"Lindsey doesn't look too hot," Maddie said, sipping on her martini. "She okay? I mean, other than…?"
Catherine shook her head. "She's pregnant." Her eyes connected with her friend's again and she ordered a third drink. "I'm going to be a grandmother. She tells us today…after the funeral. She's known for a week."
"She's keeping the baby?"
Catherine nodded. "She wants to, although she does admit she's going to need help raising it." She paused. "I just…" She stopped. "I just wish Warrick was here, you know? He always knew what to say, what to do." The truth was she felt lost without him. "I don't…" She paused. "I feel like I'm going crazy, Maddie. I mean, sometimes it's like he's just out sight somewhere. I go to call him and then it hits again…"
"Cath…why don't you and Linds stay with me tonight?" She studied her friend. "I'll kick Greg out. It'll be just us girls."
Catherine shook her head. "I can't let you do that." She paused. "I've got to spend the first night alone sometime. Might as well face it now." Before Maddie could argue, she continued, "Greg was supposed to take his book to L.A., wasn't he?"
Maddie nodded, knowing Catherine was changing the subject, but allowing her to do so, knowing she needed a break. "I rescheduled. It's not a big deal."
"It is. To both of you." Although she had gotten Greg in contact with both Sam, before his death, and her mother, she knew all the work Maddie had put in alongside Greg.
Maddie started to say something and then heard the background music switch over. She hadn't bothered to investigate what was in the sound system, hadn't thought about removing the song.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. It's not warm when she's away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long anytime she goes away. I wonder this time where she's gone, I wonder if she's gone to stay…ain't no sunshine when she's gone and this house just ain't a home anytime she goes away. Oh yeah. I know, I know, I know, I know, I know, I know it, Every single day, I know, I know , I know, I know
Nick looked over at Catherine and saw it again, that desperation in her eyes. He had heard Warrick's stories, knew the dangers, and he walked over to his friend, holding out his hand.
"Lindsey's tired. I'm going to drive her home."
Catherine nodded, knowing what he was trying to do. "Party's over." She put down her drink and, after studying it for awhile, took his hand, walking out with him on one side, Lindsey on the other.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone. Only darkness everyday yeah. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and this house just ain't a home every time she goes away. Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long every time she goes away. I know I know I know I know I know I know Every single time she goes away I know I know
I know I know Miss her every single day I know I know I know I know I know I know I can't leave that thing alone There ain't no sunshine when she's gone
Grissom watched Catherine and Nick leave before leaving himself with Jim and Sara, going to get some coffee, no one feeling like staying. He had heard that song often around the lab, especially during Warrick's depression after his divorce, his own depression after Sara's departure. It would forever mean that time for him and he hated the memories, hated the wonder…would she be around long? Would she stay? The last ones to leave, Greg and Maddie walked out together, his arm around her waist, her head on his shoulder. He leaned over and kissed her blonde hair, hugging her slightly to him before continuing to walk out.
Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long. Every time she goes away (goes away) Oh yeah Ain't no sunshine when she's gone And this house just ain't a home Every time she goes away (goes away) Oh yeah Ain't no sunshine when she's gone and she's always gone too long Every time she goes away