A/n: Okay! My friends have given my very positive views on my weird little conversation things so…this is going to be a series of totally weird little ramblings.
CAVEAT! WARNING! Some material may be very crazy and totally random and inappropriate for those with sticks up their butts. (this is twilight related)
Chapter 1: Santa and Jacob
Me: I'm gonna sit on Santa's lap!
My Mom: Uh, your 12 honey…
Me: Who gives a crud! –runs over to Santa cutting all the little kids who are in line-
Santa: -looks shocked- uhhh….and what do you want for Christmas
Me: -pats Santa's fat stomach- Ha! Ha! It really does jiggle! –gets all serious now- I want an Edward Cullen!
Santa: -looks scared- I don't know if I have one of those, is it a brand of shoes?
Me: -looks shocked, offended and angry-
My Mom: -acts like the world is ending- Nooooooooooooooooo! You got her started on that.
Santa: -looks really scared-
Me: -slaps Santa and starts beating him up while yelling…- HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW WHO THE HOTTEST VAMPIRE ON THE ENTIRE EARTH IS, he is charming and sweet and gentlemanly and wonderful and…-continues for 4 hours-
-Next Rambling-
(Xmas Morning)
Me: -comes down the stairs and sees two human shaped packages- OMG! It's Edward and Bella! –opens the presents hurridly and reads the card…- To my crazy stalker fan who will kill me unless I give these two over to you, os here you go, enjoy From: Stephenie Meyer.
Me: Mom! Get down here! I told you they were real! –looks triumphant-
My Mom: OMG! –faints-
Me: -starts poking Edward-
Bella: DO you mind keeping your hands off of my fiancé!?
Me: Shut it! I am admiring him…-starts drooling-
Bella: STOP DROOLING ON MY SOON TO BE HUSBAND!
Me: I own you guys both now so…be quiet! –so there-
Bella: -tries to respond but can't talk-
Edward: Ummmm, I am really in love with Bel-
Me: WAIT! You are really in love with me!
Edward: -in a sort of trance mode- I am really in love with you.
Me: Yay!
Bella and Edward: -break out into hysterical laughter-
Me: -looks confused-
Edward: Sorry, we couldn't resist making you think you actually controlled us; we do it to all of the newbies.
Bella: The look on your face!
Me: -slaps Edward then Bella-
Bella and Edward: -get serious-
Bella: Oh Edward! Guess what!
Edward: What?
Bella: I'm a vampire in one of her stories, yay! -in an annoying singsong voice- You're the weak human, you're the weak human, you're the weak human!
Edward: Well in one story you just passed out from being in a dance studio!
Bella: -looks sad- you know that's a touchy subject, you don't know what she made me do! I still get nightmares –shudders-
-out of nowhere Jacob walks in-
Jacob: -grabs Bella and kisses her-
Edward: Wait! Why the heck did you just make Jacob walk in, and kiss Bella!
Me: Uh, I sort of just thought it and it happened…
Edward: Well why don't you think about me beating his sorry little wolf butt up!
Me: Okay! –watches a Jacob becomes a bloody pulp-
-after a few minutes Edward, Bella and Me sit down at the table and watch Jacob twitch-
Me: Someone should probably help him
Bella: Yeah, Edward.
Edward: Yeah, Me
Me: Yeah, Bella
Bella: Yeah, Edward
Edward: Okay, we'll all help you on the count of 3
Me: 1…
Bella: 2…
Edward: 3…
-no one moves-
Me: Bella! You're supposed to be helping Jacob!
Bella: Edward! You're supposed to be helping Jacob!
Edward: Me! You're supposed to be helping Jacob!
-and so it goes on-