Disclaimer: Disclaimed
A/n:...Don't ask why, but I wrote Aqua Teen slash. Yes, you heard right. Aqua Teen slash. Feel free to stick me in a straight jacket and lock me in a cell far, far away. Don't like slash? Don't read.
-OOO-
Frylock was at his wit's end. He had just come home from a date, in which the woman left after discovering that he was just a box of fries.
They had met online, and they hit it off. The woman, Heather, was a beautiful geologist from the west coast, who had come out to New Jersey just to see him. But, once she figured out who he was, she threw her drink at him and ran out of the restaurant.
Frylock sighed. This is the ninth time this year. He was unsure of what to do.
He looked out his window and spotted Shake chasing Meatwad with a sword.
He spotted Carl ushering a prostitute into his house, fat hanging out of her pants and hair nappy and dirty.
How does Carl get women.
And then it hit him.
In order to have any kind of sexual relationship, he had to make himself human.
-OOO-
He worked for a month on it.
Week after week, he stayed in his room, finding ways to make his device better.
At last, he had finished. But, it still needed to be tested.
He had tested it on rats countless times, but Frylock needed to use something bigger; something more complex.
Frylock picked up the silver ball that could make him human. The device had a simple ball-shaped design, but was more complex that it looked. It altered the DNA of whatever living object in its frequency, turning them human, without altering their personality.
Frylock was unsure of using it on himself because of the odds of his death. He didn't want to risk it just yet.
He wondered into the front yard, ball still in hand, and noticed that Shake and Meatwad were no where insight.
Must be in Carl's pool.
He noticed a 2-dimensional alien spacecraft parked in the middle of the road.
He knew who that ship belonged to; knew that the occupants shouldn't be too far away; and now knew who his test subjects were.
After all, thought Frylock It wouldn't hurt if they died.
Frylock planted the tiny device at the door of the ship, and pressed the button to activate it.
Done, Frylock floated toward the pool in the back of Carl's house.
-OOO-
Igningknot was drunk.
And he was extremely heavy.
"Damn man, you need Jenny Craig or something" the littlest mooninite whispered to his passed out friend.
Err and Igningknot had come to Earth to go to a club, get drunk, try to get laid, and express how much better the moon was.
After the second drink, Igningknot was slurring his words.
By the fourth, he was getting sick.
And by the fifth, he had passed out, leaving poor Err(who was more than a little tipsy himself)to drag his ass back to the ship.
Thank god thought Err, as he neared the blue and purple colored spaceship. He walked up the walkway, physically exhausted from dragging Igningknot the three miles that laid between the club and their home.
Walking through the door, the mooninite threw his companion through the threshold and walked in after him.
The taller mooninite groaned, but didn't stir as he fell on the purple floor.
Err felt funny.
Not in a good way either.
He felt nauseous, but felt no need to throw up. He felt dizzy and tired, and then, as fast as it happened, it stopped.
Err thought nothing of it, damning it on the excessive amounts of alcohol he had consumed.
He decided to leave Igningknot where he had landed and proceeded toward the control panel to launch the ship into space.
After he went to bed.
-OOO-
He was dying.
A slow, painful death.
Maybe he had been poisoned?
He must've been! It's the only answer!
Igningknot had woken up feeling sick.
It was impossible for him to have contracted a virus, for mooninites had a far more advanced immune system than other primitive species.
He really was poisoned!
I'm dying!
He decided to grab a last meal before his imminent death, when it all came back to him.
Damn
He had gotten totally wasted the night before, after promising himself he wouldn't.
This is all Err's fault. Indeed, the pink mooninite knew that his companion had a low alcohol tolerance level. Err either forgot this fact or just didn't care, instead giving him drinks that Igningknot just couldn't refuse.
He was never going to drink again.
Igningknot groaned and went to rub his eyes, when he noticed something strange.
His hands weren't his hands.
Instead of the straight line that made up his arm and hand, they were pale and big, with fingers and a thumb; humanlike. But worst of all...
"A third-dimension?!"exclaimed Igningknot, noticing that his voice wasn't as computerized as usual and was a little deeper.
He stood up from the floor...
So that's why my back hurts.
...And ran toward the white bathroom.
He gasped.
Somehow, he was a human. He didn't know how or why. Maybe god was punishing him?
He looked at the face staring back at him. It wasn't a bad looking face. In fact, it was a quite handsome face.
He had messy green grass hair and wide eyes to match. Around his eyes were blue lining that resembled eyeliner.
At least he was good looking.
But still, a third-dimension?!
-OOO-
He needed coffee.
Black coffee, the only way to go.
He could probably use a shower, too.
But, first coffee.
Unlike his companion, Err's hang over wasn't as bad. His head hurt a little, but he'd live.
He got out of bed and walked through the living room(where he noted the absence of Igningknot; probably in the bathroom), toward the kitchen on the other side.
He felt fatter than usual. He blamed it on all the alcohol he had drank that he would piss out later.
Arriving at his destination, he proceeded with his daily ritual of making coffee and toasting a poptart in the toaster.
The coffee wasn't regular earth coffee. It had extra ZAP to it that made it different and Err was feeling refreshed after the first sip.
The poptart, well, poptarts are just damn good.
He walked toward the living room and sat on the yellow coach and proceeded to watch T.V. He knew Igningknot would be a while in the bathroom. He flipped through the channels, catching snippets of Spanish soap operas, talk shows, and monster movies.
He decided that a B-List monster movie was better than nothing
The door to the bathroom had opened and Err got up to go in.
And screamed.
Somehow, an earthling had got into the ship. The human was male, dressed in a green shirt and dark blue jeans, with wild green hair and wide green eyes. He noticed the blue rim around his eyes and decided that it must be guy liner.
Err pulled out the gun hidden beneath the cushions and held it before him, straight at the stranger's heart.
"Who are you and what are you doing here?" commanded Err, chocking the gun threateningly.
The stranger put up his hands defensively "No, no don't shoot, it's me!"
"Me who?" questioned Err, not really interested in the answer. He put his finger to the trigger.
"Igningknot!" exclaimed the stranger.
Err looked at him strangely.
"Do you actually expect me to believe that?" Err got ready to pull the trigger.
"Wait! I am! I can prove it!" said the desperate green haired man.
Err was curious to hear what the stranger would say in his desperation to live.
"All right. Prove it. Tell me something only the real Igningknot would know." Err waited, smug in the knowledge that the stranger would die. His finger tapped the trigger.
The stranger looked at the gun nervously.
"Err's not your real name" stated the stranger.
Err raised on eyebrow he didn't know existed.
"Then what is it?" asked Err. Only one person knew that answer.
"Evan. Your mother was obsessed with earthen names, but you thought Evan was a stupid name, so you used your initials (Evan Robert Richards) to come up with the name Err." The stranger stated this proudly.
Err's mouth dropped into a round, O-shape.
"It is you" he stated, shocked, the gun falling from his now limp hand. He felt dizzy.
"I feel funny" he said, sitting down heavily on the couch.
Igningknot walked over to him.
"How did this happen?" Err asked.
Igningknot shrugged.
"You look so weird" Err said
"So do you" stated Igningknot.
Err, taking it as an insult instead of a statement, was preparing to go back at him with a biting comeback, when he was interrupted.
"Come here" said Igningknot.
Err followed Igningknot to the bathroom mirror. Err looked in the mirror.
"Woah" Err exclaimed.
An effeminate face with pink hair and eyes, with what looked like blue eyeliner around them, stared back at him.
Err pinched himself to make sure this was real.
Yup.
"I just have one question" said Err.
"Go ahead" said Igningknot from beside him.
"Why do I look like a chick?"asked Err, indignantly
Igningknot laughed.
-OOO-
After about three days, both Igningknot and Err got used to being a human. Though Err was still hurt over the fact that his friend was more masculine than him, he liked being human. But, he would never tell Igningknot that.
Igningknot, however, was having a little problem adjusting...
Weird things had been happening every time he was in a 20-foot radius of his little friend. He would get a funny feeling in his groin and his head would feel light. He blamed it on the third-dimension that he was forced to take, but he knew, deep down, that a third-dimension wasn't the problem.
He pondered the reason why he had these feelings in the living room, the fast-talking of a Spanish soap opera playing.
Err soon came into the room, poptart shoved in his mouth, chewing obnoxiously in order to get Igningknot's attention. He knew that he was in one of his brooding moods again, but he was bored and, like the attention seeker he was, he didn't care what mood Igningknot was in, as long as he had some focus on him.
Igningknot had noticed Err's arrival, but ignored him. He needed to think and he couldn't do it knowing that Err was in the room. He felt the gentle dip in the couch as Err sat down.
The pink mooninite waved a cream-colored hand in front of Igningknot's face.
Err's hand in front of his face startled Igningknot and he decided that ignoring Err wasn't going to work. It never did.
Noticing that he finally had his leader's attention, Err decided to ask the question that had been bothering him ever since they first turned human and Igningknot had started acting strangely toward him.
"What the hell is wrong with you?!" Err didn't mean to shout, but he was extremely aggravated with his counterpart's actions.
"What do you mean?"asked Igningknot, knowing in the back of his mind what Err was talking about.
"You've been acting strangely lately. What's wrong? Is it the third-dimension thing? 'Cause if it is, it's not so bad. I mean, our own dimension is better, but..." Err trailed off as he noticed that Igningknot was no longer listening to him.
Igningknot had tuned Err out as he rambled. Even if he wanted to answer, he couldn't. He had no idea what was wrong with him.
Err had given up on Igningknot. Apparently, Igningknot was deaf.
Instead, Err watched a dark-haired latina slap a man off screen.
Igningknot half watched the slap, still in thought.
Then, he realized it.
But it was so wrong.
Err was his best friend, his roommate.
A guy.
It was so wrong, yet made so much sense.
Igningknot had a crush on Err.
With this revelation, Igningknot left the room.
Err didn't notice. He was too busy watching the bitch fight on the soap opera.
-OOO-
Igningknot paced around his room.
He thought about his revelation and contemplated how foolish it was. He wasn't gay and Err certainly wasn't either.
He never felt this way before. It was so weird and unknown.
Maybe it was because Err looked like a girl. Maybe his brain thought he really was one.
But, he knew that wasn't true. Deep down, he knew that even if Err were more masculine looking, he would still have these feelings for him.
Finally, Igningknot realized that the feelings were there all along, he just ignored them and, instead, spent his days causing mayhem. But, with the stress of becoming a human, the feelings were pushed to the forefront of his mind, making it awkward and uncomfortable around his pink friend.
He would have to tell Err.
Maybe in a couple of years.
-OOO-
Igningknot had gone to sleep soon after.
Err had gotten bored with television and decided to go to sleep, too.
Err walked calmly and slowly toward his room, while Igningknot tossed and turned; sweaty and burning in his sleep.
...lips clashed and tongues battled...
...hands roamed and lips soon followed suite...
...bodies arched and moans echoed around the room...
...pleas for more tumbled from lips and they were happily obliged...-
Igningknot's oh-so-pleasant dream was rudely interrupted be insistent pokes to his abdomen.
He groaned and opened his eyes, seeing the cause of his dream, hovering inches away from his lips. He felt hot breath, and shut his eyes and moaned quietly. He opened them again to amused and curios pink eyes.
"Had a nice dream?" asked Err, cheekily, looking pointively down at the tent in Igningknot's bed.
Igningknot groaned and hit his head on his pillow.
"Who was it about?" asked Err, with a smirk.
Igningknot didn't answer. He really didn't want to tell Err, but he knew he would eventually have to tell him. He just thought it wouldn't be so soon.
At Igningknot's silence, Err said "Oh c'mon Iggy, you can tell me. I mean it can't be so bad."
Err had never been so wrong thought Igningknot.
"It doesn't matter" said Igningknot.
"Please, Iggy. You can tell me. I mean, it's not like it was about me or anything, right?" joked Err.
Damn
Igningknot was silent for a moment, too shocked to say anything.
"Right?"repeated Err, slightly panicked from Igningknot's silence.
Igningknot stayed silent, anticipating the inevitable backlash of his dream.
"No!" yelled Err. It wasn't possible. "You mean you had one of those dreams about me?!" Err was not surprised that it was him, but that it was Igningknot thinking of him in-that-way.
"Yes" Igningknot said quietly, expecting Err to jump up and leave him.
Err stayed, silent and wide-eyed.
But soon, the silence became too much and he left, hurriedly stating that he needed a drink as he rushed out.
Igningknot looked on, heartbroken because he knew Err didn't reciprocate.
-OOO-
Err sat in the kitchen, still wide-eyed and shocked after two hours.
A half empty bottle of vodka lay on the kitchen table. He thought about what happened just a couple of hours ago.
It explained a lot, but it was still shocking to hear.
Err took another swig out of his bottle, then decided that getting drunk in the kitchen no longer held any luster and instead, decided to get drunk in his room.
As Err trudged into his room, he never noticed the sad pair of green eyes watching him.
-OOO-
As Err got drunk in the kitchen, Igningknot was in his room, getting lost in his own thoughts.
Igningknot thought about a lot. He thought about how he should act around his little friend now. It certainly should be awkward and uncomfortable when they were together after that confession. Igningknot wondered if Err even wanted to be in the same room as him anymore.
He thought about how Err was feeling. He was probably confused and disgusted that his own guy friend had more than friendly feelings toward him.
Despite his promises to himself, Igningknot needed a drink.
He stepped out of his room and spotted Err.
He was pale, with that same look of shock on his face as earlier. He was slowly making progress towards his room, bottle of vodka in hand.
Igningknot was confused. He expected Err to be shocked, yes, but expected him to be disgusted, as well.
Or maybe he really was, he just was hiding it.
Igningknot sighed and moved on sadly toward the kitchen, where he grabbed the tequila, and headed back to his room.
-OOO-
Err had gotten to his room, placed his vodka on his night table, and sighed. He threw himself on his bed and buried his face in his pillows. He screamed in frustration as the stress of the situation finally crashed upon him.
Luckily, his screams were muffled, otherwise the situation would have been made worse. He really didn't want Igningknot to rush into his room at this time.
He wished he had someone else to talk to, but most of his friends and family lived on the moon and the ship was too far away for any communication to work.
But, he couldn't keep his emotions bottled up. He knew only bad things happened when he couldn't vent to someone.
Suddenly, the communications line signaled, as if it heard Err's thoughts. Err got up to answer the line, for he knew Igningknot was too distressed to answer. He hoped that whoever was on the line would help him with his problem.
However, his hopes were squashed when he saw who had called.
The Plutonians.
Two complete burn outs who always thought they were cleverer than the mooninites and always tried to best them at everything.
Err closed his eyes and started to count backwards from ten to keep his temper in check as Oglethorpe rambled on about how much better they were.
"Ve are the champions! Ve are the victors! You are just a bunch of losers" rambled Oglethorpe, while Emory just stood by, saying the occasional "umm..."
"Hey man"Emory said to his friend, elbowing him when he continued to rant.
"Vat is it Emory! Can't you see that I'm busy here?"snapped Oglethorpe.
"I think there's something...I don't know...different"said Emory.
Oglethorpe narrowed his eyes, then widened them. "He got a hair cut!"he shouted, his arms waving wildly as he figured out the answer.
Emory was knocked over by Oglethorpe's wild flailing, but quickly got up and studied Err more closely.
"No, I think he's been turned into one of those humans"
"That's vat I said. You know, you really need to pay more attention" berated Oglethorpe.
Throughout the Plutonians's conversation, Err had silently watched, no longer agitated by their arrival, but entertained. He always liked to think of them as an old married couple, always bickering and pissing each other off. It kind of reminded him and Igningknot.
At the thought of Igningknot, Err became saddened. He felt bad about how he had left Igningknot's room earlier. He knew Igningknot must think he was disgusted and didn't want to even associate with him anymore. Err didn't know what he felt, but he knew it wasn't disgust nor dissociation.
The Plutonians had grown silent at Err's continuing silence. Both knew that the temper-mental mooninite would have said something already and then hung up, but, instead, he just sat. He looked deep in thought and seemed to have forgotten they were there.
"I think he died" Oglethorpe whispered to his green friend.
Emory knew better, but didn't say anything, knowing that even if he did, it would be wrong in the eyes of Oglethorpe.
Oglethorpe mumbled something and ran off to another part of the ship.
Emory sighed and decided to help the little mooninite. He watched his frown become deeper and deeper.
"Hey, what's the matter?" Emory never really cared for the pink mooninite, but liked him much better than his more arrogant leader.
Err, startled out of his thoughts, blinked a few times.
"What?" he asked stupidly.
"You're acting weird. Did something happen between you and Igningknot?" Emory knew the two mooninites were close.
Err looked away from Emory, debating on whether or not to tell him about the woes of his life. Even though earlier, he was itching for someone to rant to, now that the opportunity arose, he was having second thoughts.
Err glanced back at Emory. He always liked Emory. He was far more intelligent and less annoying than his counterpart. In a strange, twisted way, Err trusted Emory. He decided to tell him about what had happened only hours before, but felt like days.
"Well, Igningknot's been acting strangely ever since...well..."Err gestured to his now human body.
Emory nodded his head, but said nothing.
"Earlier, I was walking to my room when I heard noises coming from Igningknot's room. I went in to see what was wrong, and apparently..."Err trailed off, searching for the wording for his next statement."Apparently, he had a wet dream about me"
Emory's eyes widened slightly. He knew they were close, but never that close.
"I ran out on him after that. I think he thinks that I don't like him anymore, but that's not true. I guess it was just shock."
Emory nodded his head. "Well, do you feel the same toward him?'
"What?"
Emory repeated his question.
"I don't know"
"Well, think about it." said Emory. He waited as Err thought it over.
Err decided to weigh the pros first. Well he is pretty good looking. Besides, I've always wondered what it would be like to be gay. Maybe I'll try it. For the hell of it, Err decided to weigh the cons. I wouldn't know what to do.
"Ok, I'll do it. Only one problem." said Err.
"What?" asked Emory.
"I wouldn't know what to do" Err mumbled, a little embarrassed now that he voiced his problem.
"What do you mean?" questioned Emory.
"As in, the bedroom" Err mumbled.
"Oh," Emory drawled. "Well, that's easy. You just..."
-OOO-
As Emory told Err of the bedroom ways of guys, Igningknot sat in his room, glaring at the wall.
This is all Err's fault. Igningknot ranted in his head. If he hadn't dragged me to that club and gotten me drunk, I wouldn't be human and have these stupid feelings and Err wouldn't despise me. Igningknot moodily threw a fluffy pillow across the room at this last thought.
Igningknot got lost in his own thoughts again, when a knock came from his bedroom door.
Igningknot didn't want to answer the door. He didn't want to confront Err yet.
He answered it anyway, dreading the inevitable.
He opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off.
"Ok, I'll do it"
Igningknot looked down in confusion at Err.
"What?" asked Igningknot.
"I'll do it. I'll be gay with you" said Err, casually.
Getting what Err was trying to say, Igningknot laughed and picked Err up, spinning him around. Err yelped as he was roughly yanked around.
Igningknot set Err back on the ground, apologizing for what he did. Err waved him off.
"Yeah, on one condition" said Err.
"What's that?"
"I get to top"