A/N: This is only my second fanfiction, so be nice. I got the idea for this when I was randomly listening to this song. So I guess this is technically a songfic. Don't care. Whatever. Anyways, this is supposed to be from Max Ride II, when Max was stuck in that iso tank by lovely ol' Jeb. So yeah. I tried to keep this as close to what really happened in the book as possible, but I did take some literary license with it. Max is still in character, but she's having some thoughts here that she didn't have until MR3. So it's a little different, but I hope you enjoy it anyways. R&R please!
Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would have put it in the story. I don't own it. Nor do I own the song "Lithium" by Evanescence. I want to, but I don't. Oh, well.
Lithium
I couldn't believe that they had put me in an iso tank. Me, Maximum Ride! When I got out of here, I was totally going to open up a can of whup-ass on them. If I got out of here.
Someone opened the top of the tank and pulled me out. It hurt like hell. Okay, massive understatement. I'd never felt worse pain, not even when Angel was taken from me, not when Ari was beating me up in that tunnel in New York.
I talked to Jeb for a while. I was pissed, needless to say, and wouldn't tell him anything. Instead I just insulted him. Then some whitecoat forced him to put me back in the iso tank. It was such a relief I couldn't believe it. I was starting to like the tank, the sweet blessed nothingness. It was kind of like a drug.
Lithium –don't want to lock me up inside
Lithium- don't want to forget
How it feels without
Lithium- I want to stay in love
With my sorrow
Oh but God I want to let it go
I had a lot of thinking to do. I'd had a hard life. Another massive understatement. I thought of a lot of things, including the Flock. I thought of how much I missed them, especially Fang. He was always there for me, always able to help me in some way. I knew that I was with the flock because of a lot of sorrow in my life. I had been changed into a mutant, and lost my parents. I loved my flock, so I guess that meant that I was in love with my pain. Interesting comment.
I knew that I was going crazy, but that didn't stop me from thinking these things. They were true. I couldn't help the truth.
Come to bed, don't make me sleep alone
Couldn't hide the emptiness you let it show
Never wanted it to be so cold
Just didn't drink enough to say you love me
I definitely did love the flock, but I realized that I loved one of them in a different way. Fang. I was alone most of the time, but he always brightened my day, and made me feel like I wasn't so alone. I loved him. Despite his strong and silent type personality, he was able to comfort me. I loved him, but did he love me? I felt cold at the thought that he might not, and even the tank's emptiness wasn't able to take away the feeling of loss. I couldn't just pretend. I had to know. I could ask him when I got out of this tank. In fact, I was surprised he hadn't gotten me already. Maybe he didn't want me to be around anymore. No, he wouldn't want that. Not Fang. And the rest of the flock loved me too. They probably just didn't realize that the other Max was with them. Maybe they never would.
I can't hold on to me
Wonder what's wrong with me
I knew that I shouldn't let myself sink into such a depression, but I couldn't help it. I was so alone, besides the Voice, who wasn't very talkative at the moment. I didn't know what was wrong with me, didn't know if I truly was going crazy or not. I needed to hang on, but the tank slipped everything away.
Lithium-don't want to lock me up inside
Lithium-don't want to forget
How it feels without
Lithium-I want to stay in love my sorrow
I had been in the iso tank for God knows how long. I didn't know what to do or how to get out, so I just sat there, thinking.
Don't want to let it lay me down this time
Drown my will to fly
Here in the darkness I know myself
Can't break free until I let it go
Let me go
I didn't want to be here. I knew that if I stayed here much longer, I would never get out. I was losing the will to fight; it felt so nice to just lie in here. But I, Maximum Ride, was not going to let it keep me here. No, it wouldn't stop me from getting out of here and flying to my family, my Fang. I knew that I would never get out if I didn't think of a way to escape, so I started planning. I let go of everything, to make the illusion that I was dead. I shut down my entire body, knowing that I'd never break free if I didn't let everything go. But a part of me wondered where Fang was, if he was thinking of me, trying to rescue me. I would never forgive him if he didn't at least try to get me out.
Darling, I forgive you after all
Anything is better than to be alone
And in the end I guess I had to fall
Always find my place among the ashes
But, no. That was wrong. It wasn't Fang's fault that he didn't realize I was here, and he was running around with my literal evil twin. I forgave him, though there was nothing to forgive. I was alone, and that made me angry, somewhere deep inside. Maybe that was why I was suddenly pointing fingers at my friends and family. The despair crept back up again. I guess I always knew that I would one-day fall. I always was able to lose, though I didn't like it. I hated it, in fact. I would always be able find my place among the ashes.
I can't hold on to me
Wonder what's wrong with me
Maybe I really was losing it. Really truly losing it this time. But isn't that what I was planning on doing this entire time? Losing it? Just so that I could shut down my body and make them think me dead. Yes. But I was afraid. What if I really did die? That would be bad. I would never find my parents, never again see my flock, never see Fang.
Lithium- don't want to lock me up inside
Lithium- don't want to forget
How it feels without
Lithium- I want to stay in love with you
Oh I'm gonna let it go
But I had to get out. And so I finally let go. I shut down. And I waited. And waited. Finally, the whitecoats realized that their lab rat was dead. Not really, but they didn't know that. Idiots. They opened the tank, and well, needless to say, I escaped. It hurt, at least as much as the first time I had been taken out of there. But I would see my flock soon. No amount of pain was enough to dampen that light. I would see the flock. And I would see Fang. That was worth everything.