AN: just reposting, i fixed some grammar:)
(How Come by D12 feat. Eminem)
CHORUS: How come we don't even talk no more
And you don't even call no more
We don't barely keep in touch at all
And I don't even feel the same love when we hug no more
And I heard it through the grape vine we even beefin now
After all the years we been down
Aint no way no how, this bullshit can be true
We family and aint a damn thing changed, unless it's you
I sat there on my bed unable to move when I heard the voice of my mom call me for dinner. I wasn't hungry. I tried not to cry while holding a picture taken long ago. It was actually just a couple of months ago, but felt like ancient history. The picture was of Stan and I. My mind kept going over what went wrong. Where did I go wrong? We were best friends. Weren't we? Did I just imagine it all? Was it an illusion created to keep me in content? Why didn't Stan like me anymore? Did I change? Did he?
It changed that year, our high school junior year. Stan and I were in fewer classes with each other. But so what? We've know each other since first grade, experienced everything with each other, I've never laughed harder with anyone else- At least that was my frame of mind...
At lunch Cartman had made a comment against my religion. I knew Cartman was just joshing around like the asshole he was, but Stan... Stan didn't defend me like always. Instead he joined in on poking fun at me and the way he said it... It sounded as if he meant it. It hurt. Being made fun of by my own best friend. Where did this come from? I laughed it off, hiding my pain.
Another time I was walking to my next class. I saw Stan at Kenny's locker. They were bent over some pictures Stan was holding. I approached with no caution, at the time I had no reason to be afraid.
"Hey guys," I smiled trying to get a glance at the pictures stan was holding.
Stan slightly turned his back to me and kept describing the pictures to Kenny as if I weren't there. It was embarrassing to be standing there like an idiot being ignored.
"And this is her cousin, Lisa, isn't she hot?" Stan asked Kenny with a laugh.
Kenny replied with a muffled, "Uh huh." Then glanced at me nervously. Kenny could sense something was up too, but kept quiet.
"Who's cousin is that?" I asked not actually caring, but wanting Stan to acknowledge me.
He kept talking to Kenny, pretending he didn't hear me. I wasn't going to waste my time to ask again but louder. I had to get to class to avoid being late and also to save myself from further embarrassment. As the day went on I shrugged it off.
Study hall is over looked by this cranky old lady, Ms. Brecher. Being too old and crazy to keep teaching and refusing to be forced into retirement, the school placed her here. She took full command of the school library. She placed fewer amounts of chairs at smaller sized tables and more chairs at larger tables. If you dare to move something out of her arrangement, she'll surely go insane on your ass. Stan knew this. We've been going here for two years. So why did he sit at a table with only two seats?
I walked up to him, "Hey."
Without thinking I began to sit down. Since when does one have to ask their best friend if they can sit down?
"Um, sorry Kyle. I was hoping to get some actual studying done. I need to sit alone for concentration," Stan explained.
"That's ok. I won't stay a word. I could use some good cram time too," I suggested.
"No, I rather sit alone." Stan's response was cold. Colder than cold, frigid ice.
"Fine, then." I got up and sat at an empty table of three.
A few minutes later, I hear whispers. I turned around. Wendy has taken the seat across from Stan. They were chatting away. I walked over there.
"Hey, Stan done studying?" I asked.
Stan slowly looked up. Seeing he couldn't pretend to not notice me in the dead silence of the room he answered, "Um yea."
"So, do you guys want to sit over there with me? There are enough chairs for all of us," I said.
Stan yawned, "Uh, I'm too lazy to get up. Besides study hall is almost over. What would be the point?"
"O, right-" I began. Then Ms. Brecher started yelling, "Pipe down! Either take a seat or get out!"
All eyes were on me. Stan's expression was blank. I swallowed the lump in my throat and sat back down. I glanced at the clock, there were fifteen minutes left.
All this time it was right in front of my face. I chose to ignore it. Every once and a while a person needs space. Perhaps I was being pathetic following him around all the time like a loyal puppy dog. Perhaps I was annoying him. Being too clingy. Maybe he was sick of me. I told myself that this would pass. I'd leave him alone for a while and then he'd come running. He'd eventually have to miss my presence. If I were him, I would. It continued like this for the whole year and it hurt. Apparently, he didn't give a shit. I could've died and he wouldn't shed a tear; like all those years didn't exist. I should've just confronted him about all this from the beginning, but I was too scared. Too scared to lose my best friend.
Well it doesn't matter now cause I've lost him anyway. I realized that when summer arrived. He'd been telling me he was too busy to hang out. After talking to Kenny one day I found out that Stan took him to Six Flags. I felt so jealous. If he had time for Kenny, shouldn't he have time for me? The realization of him not wanting to make time sunk in. I told myself to stop. Stan is allowed to hang out with other people. I was overreacting. But why does he have to hide it? Why couldn't he have just told me about it, then I wouldn't care. Now that summer was here, he had to have time for me.
I kept calling his house and no one, but a machine picked up. Finally I decided to leave a message. He never called back. I was determined to get through to him more than ever. So I stooped real low and called Cartman. That conversation was all too shocking.
"Hey, Cartman?"
"What! Who's this?"
"It's Kyle."
"Oooooo, what do you want Jew?" I could sense him smirking on the other side.
"Um, I was just wondering if you've heard from Stan. Cause I've called his house a bunch of times and no one is answering. I'm kinda worried-"
"Stan went to Florida. He's on vacation."
"What!"
"How could you of all people not know that Jew?"
Maybe Stan was meaning to tell me, but never got the chance? Another part of me knows that's bull shit. I keep making excuses for him...
I clear my throat, "How did you find out?"
"O, he called me from the plane, it was a last minute thang. You seee his parents-"
"He called you from the plane!"
"Yeah, so what! Jealous Jew? Hey that rhymes!" Cartman laughed at his own stupid lame joke.
"Why would he tell you and not me?"
"Maybay it slipped his mind. I theenk you are over reacting."
"I'm over reacting! How often does he talk to you?"
"Well I actually got a postcard from him today. Maybay yours got lost in the mail or maybay he didn't send you one at all!" Cartman was laughing up a riot.
"God dammit you fat fuck! Tell me what he wrote!"
"Ummmm, lets seeee muher... something about Ashley-"
"Who the hell is that!"
"Ha! I tricked you! He didn't write about that. I just wanted to see if he told you about her!"
"Who is that!"
"Wow, he really didn't tell you? It's the girl he's thinking of dumping Wendy for."
"Holy shit dude. And he told YOU this!"
"Sorry Kyle, you snooze, you lose."
I pause for a brief second to pull myself together. Everyone knows you can't trust Cartman, but what he was saying made sense and even worse he was enjoying my pain, "Can you HONESTLY answer this question I'm about to ask you?"
"I dunno..."
"Come on Cartman! Please have a heart for once! Tell me did Stan ever mention me? Does he hate me? Did I do something to upset him?-"
Cartman let out a heavy sigh. I could picture him, his elbow leaning up against the kitchen counter, his head propped up by his arm. Pondering if he should do me this favor.
"Look Kyle even if I knew anything, I probably wouldn't tell you."
"What is that suppose to mean!"
"It means I don't know anything cause he hasn't mentioned you at all! Not a word! Geeze, I thought Jews were suppose to be smart. Can you leave me alone now! I'm trying to watch TV and eat muh pot pie!"
"..." I am trying not to let Cartman hear me cry, but I'm pretty sure he picked that up from my silence.
"Do you want me to mention you to him or somethang?"
Great I'm getting pity from Cartman now. "No, don't do that. That's pointless..."
"K then. Bwy." He puts down the receiver and I hear it click.
My mind snaps back to the present as the shrill voice of my mother pierces my ears. I put the picture behind another in the photo album. I wasn't going to throw it out, but I didn't want to look at it any longer. I don't know how I'm going to act towards him back in school. I don't know how he will act. I thought our friendship was worth saving, but I can't if he doesn't want to. I can't force him. I wish I could turn back time and pin point the exact moment I lost him. He chose to let me go. So now I'm going to have to let go too. I wipe away the tears brimming up in my eyes, blurring my vision. No more stress over this. I'll never forget the good times we shared or all the things I learned from him. I have to move on. I just wonder if it meant anything. I hate to think I wasted his time. Those times we had together... I have to go eat dinner.
AN: Hope that made sense. The only prob w/this story is that i'm a girl. Wat i mean is i used guy characters in this story and i don't know if guys treat other guys this way. Then again i never thought a best friend of any sex would treat anyone this way... tisk, tisk... PS- i know i sux at trying to show Cartman's voice, lol.