Gabriel's words sink deep, deeper then anything has been allowed to go in a long time, and somewhere in that hollowed chest of his the saddness and hurt seeps into a once light heart. It aches in his chest, making his throat close, and his eyes sting.
He turns away when he feels a cool tear escape from his eye, and then another and another, looks away so his broth-Gabriel can't see what the Morningstar's broken heart looks like. He swipes at his face angrily, sucking in a deep breath, an involuntary reaction the body has when one tries to cry and holds their breath to stop themselves from doing so. Why is he crying? Why does he care what Gabriel says? He's the devil! All of it is true!
But it's not.
"It's hard Gabriel.", he speaks without wanting to, his emotions rolling him now, "It's hard to change, to try," next to him, he knows the younger archangel has turned, he's watching him, eyebrows raised, not expecting him to speak after him, "Its hard to change, when everyone will always see you as being the villian, the big bad, when every nice thing you do, when every moment you try and do better, you are still no better then where you started, it's hard to change when no one will give you the chance."
With his chest aching, his eyes wet, and his throat tighter then he'd ever like to admit he turns away from his not-brother, tears making his cheeks glisten in the moon light around them, Gabriel turns with him, not saying a word, following him in his sort of shocked silence that rings louder then words ever could.
"Maybe you're right Gabriel. Maybe I am incapable of love.", his eyes follow the blonde angel as he walks further from him, "Of empathy. Maybe it's because I don't want to anymore. I don't want to love. I don't want to get attached.", he shakes his head and sucks in a deep breath, "I loved once. Loved with all my grace. Loved Father, loved Michael, loved you."
"I'm not going to feel bad for you.", of all the things he could say, looking back now, this was the worst, among a list of many. But the anger in his chest, the anger that grips him is overwhelming, this is the brother who had killed him (or thought he had, intentions were clear, even if he didn't succeed), who ruined everything. They had been happy, they had had each other, and then he ruined it, "You got what you deserved."
Lucifer turns, and Gabriel finds himself sucking in a breath next, his eyes bloodshot, tears making them shine in the night. But theres something under the saddness that he's never once thought to associate with his older brother, something more primative, something more resigned.
"What I deserved? Gabriel, what have I done? What have I really done?"
"Don't you get it! You, you are the bad guy, everything is always about poor little betrayed Luci. None of that happened! You went dark, you were jealous, and Dad could see it just like everyone else!"
"I didn't hate the humans. I do now, very very much, but back then, I didn't hate them."
That throughs him, and Gabriel takes a moment to let his mind catch up with him, and all he can manage is to tilt his head to the side, and, "What?"
Lucifer looks back at him, "I didn't hate them. I mean, I wasn't a fan, don't misunderstand me, but I didn't hate them. They were new, they were different, but they were amazing. The songs they came up with, the art, their lives, but they were not perfect. Not like He thought. All I did was point that out."
The messenger scoffs, but he'll take this bait, "You started the apocalypse-"
"Your Sammy did that. He opened my cage. He drank the demon blood."
"He was coerced-"
"But he's got a brain, a big one, right between his eyes. He knows right from wrong. And trust me when I say he knows how to say No. I never wanted to fight my brother to the death, why would I? He raised me Gabriel! Do you know why?", Lucifer choked for a moment, shaking his head, before continuing, "Do you know why Father had Michael cast me out Gabriel?"
Honestly, Gabriel can say no, he does not know. He just assumed it was because of Michael's position in the host, the Holy Defender, God's Sword, something like that.
"Because He knew. He knew it would hurt more for Michael to do it instead of Him. He knew it would be more crippling, more harm, to have Michael banish me. Just to add salt to the wound. And for what? For being honest-"
"You weren't honest! You were jealou-"
"I was honest. He asked what we thought, He asked for our opinions, and when mine, my opinion differed from His, He got mad. He didn't like knowing that perhaps one of His creations was imperfect, and you know what He did because of my truth? He tore my heart out. He betrayed me. He had me locked away, caged away in the deepest pit, and all for telling the truth. I don't lie Gabriel. You know I don't. I have no reason to. But the truths I tell, they can hurt feelings, so they get called lies instead because people can't take it. But I don't lie."
Gabriel was frozen to the spot, he had never thought about it that way, he watched Lucifer's back as he walked away. Stared like a deer in headlights, not sure what to do or say, his anger fading away, and in horror he realizes what he's done. What's been said. And yet he can't move when Lucifer's back disappears from sight.
"Gabe, where is Lucifer?"
The Messenger has been standing there since his brother had disappeared into the forest, and hasn't come back, staring into the shadows as if he hopes to spot the elder just out of hearing range, and he really hasn't left completely, when Sam pulls him from his thoughts.
Theres a tone in the hunters voice that has him on edge, something he's sure was there before, but never thought to look for, when he speaks of his older brother, its a tone of brutal hatred. A tone of someone who lives and breaths the dislike of someone with their entire being.
"He was supposed to stay here, unbelievable."
Gabriel turns to look up at the hunter, focusing on that tone, the tone he uses while just uttering his brothers name let alone when speaking directly to him. He rubs at the back of his head sheepishly, "We sort of had a talk. Said some things that may have upset him."
"And you let him just walk off, alone, with his power clearly intact?"
He can't help but feel as if Sam is trying to call him some sort of foul name without actually doing so. The hunter gives him a look that settles his thoughts, and he knows exactly what Sam is calling him in the secrets of his mind, but he waves that away. His main priority is to find his brother who may or may not be in the right sort of emotional state that may be more of a danger then anything else they may have to face in this world.
"Maybe he'll get himself killed and we won't have to dirty our hands with it."
The messenger feels some sort of offense at the statement thats made towards his brother, not that Lucifer would feel that he has the right to, not after what he himself said to his face. The only difference between the two of them was that Sam had enough heart to say such things behind his back.
"Shut your cake hole, thats still my brother you're talking about", though looking back on it, Lucifer hadn't called him by such a name during that entire conversation, and he wondered if that too was something he had the right to call him too. The anger having faded, Gabriel is well aware of just how much shit he has landed himself in, Lucifer cannot be on his own devices, not with his currant state of mind.
"I have to find him."
Sam looks like he wants to argue with him on that, but he lets up, nodding once, "Bring him back. We can find a way to lock him up until we can get back."
Gabriel shakes his head, "I'll deal with it Sam. My family, my problem", he gives him a dangerous look, "So back off.", Sam holds his hands up in surrender at the surprising aggression and watches as the Messenger walks away, forward, into the same forest that the other angel had walked into.
Lucifer mumbles to himself as he walks, kicking absently at stones and broken branches, he's tried, he's been trying, to change, to show his son that he can be better then what he's undoubtedly been told, but its hard to do better when no one will give you the chance to.
The idea bounces in the back of his mind, not one he's very fond of, seeing as to what had happened the last time someone had done such a thing. But perhaps if he can do so with this common enemy of theirs then he can show them, show them all, that he is trying to change.
A part of this idea frightens him, they had all seen what had become of him when he had done this the last time, and there was no telling if his will was as strong now as it had been back then, honestly, he wasn't sure if he had the same determination as he had back then, to do what he thinks he should do now. The problem with that is the only way to do, and handle, what he thinks he should do, is to have that undying burning will to survive and at this point in his eternal life, he isn't so sure he wants to survive, not as much as he had wanted to all that time ago.
But if this idea of his was to take him out in the same breath, then he'd go out looking like a good guy for once, and there wouldn't be anything that could be said to change that either, a win for everyone.
Lucifer knows the spell, he knows it by heart, it repeats and repeats over and over in his head, ever since the day it had been first incanted to him, from the mouth of its creator. Its the same incantation that had been said before the dawn of Earth, Heaven, all that there was, back when they had locked away The Darkness.
Closing his eyes, he sits on a large rock, and digs his thumb into his arm. Into the soft flesh on the underside, and he hisses as he digs his nail in, drawing fresh blood free. He knows the runes that need painted, he knows the sigils that need drawn, he knows this all much too well.
"It was either extremely brave or extremely stupid for you to come out here on your own."
He smiles to himself, just what he wanted, right where he wanted, and finishes painting the single rune he needs on the pale underside of his arm.
"I came to offer myself in exchange for them."
"What would I want you for?"
Lucifer smiles, "You think I was offering myself to you?", he curls his fingers around the rune and breaths the spell out, and the ground begins to shake. There was a loud crack as the lock of the metaphysical cage opened, and it echoed like that of a sonic boom. Trees swayed and blew out, a storm in the cloudless sky.
"What have you done?", the other snarls and stalks forward, "What are you doing?", he doubles over in pain, gritting his teeth, the pain just as sudden as his appearance, and he grips tightly at his forearm. Lucifer falters a moment, the pain searing into every nerve ending he has, but doesn't let up. The mark on his arm burns, brightly and hot, burning into his skin. Michael screams his rage, and lunges for him, but the spell, the door to the cage swings shut, and he's catapulted backwards as the lock seals itself.
Gabriel freezes at the loud blast that echos through the forest, its loud and defeaning and surely heard all the way back in camp, his eyes widening as he remembers the one other time he's heard this and he takes off running in the direction it comes from.
Behind him he can just make out the faint whisperings of yells and orders from the camp a few miles behind him, but he pays that no mind, running through the trees and jumping over logs in his effort to get to the source.
The trees have been blasted away, ruined, exploded, burning where they stand. He looks around the clearing quickly, frantic, grace pulsing under his skin even as weak as it is, looking to spot any sort of sign of life from what he knows was a stupid ass decision, and is completely his fault.
"Luce? Luce!", he runs further into the new forest clearing, eyes scanning everything for the smallest out of place detail, "Luce where are you!"
The smoldering remains of a quick burst of red hot power points him in what he hopes is the right place, an over turned tree, snapped completely in half, and he jumps over the smoldering log when he sees his query, "Luce!", his brother is still, eyes closed, and he only knows that he is living when he finally gets to grab him and can feel the rise and fall of his chest.
"Brother! You need to wake up!", he shakes him, frowning when he spots the new burn that marrs his brothers pale arm, "Luce! Wake up! What have you done! You need to wake up!", he grabs at his chest, fingers curling around his ribs, intending to shake him awake when his brother cracks a smile. It only makes him growl in anger and dig in harshly.
"Luce! Open your damn eyes!"
His brother barks a laugh and twitches, "Gabe stop.", he doesnt so much as move from where he's positioned, and his fingers dig sharply into the older angels ribs, "That tickles."
"Then open your damn eyes you asshole! What the heck were you thinking!", he digs in again and the elder barks a laugh, curling in slightly, but he doesn't let up until blurry blue eyes open even just to glare at him, and only then he stills his digging in, "Tell me what you did!"
When it doesn't seem that Lucifer answers quick enough and he digs in again, "Tell me dammit! What did you do Lucifer!"
"Gabriel!"
He knows the voice behind him and knows he should answer, but he can't, not yet, not before he can get some sort of answers as to what had caused this scene. The burn on his brothers arm pulses at the same moment Sam Winchester breaks through the new treeline, takes the explosion sight in, and rushes to meet him where he's straddling his older sibling.
Lucifer flinches when the mark flares again, and Gabriel knows exactly what he's done, "Luci, please, please tell me you didn't?"
Finally he stills his fingers, and Lucifer lets out a breath of relief, finally able to still his twitching and squirming. And finally he opens his eyes, wincing in slight pain, and he peers up into his brothers concerned eyes and to his surprise, that angers him, angers him more then it should. Gabriel knows this anger, its the same anger he'd had seen all those decades ago, and he digs his fingers back in.
Lucifer barks a surprised cackle and twists this time, but doesn't dislodge the other archangel, in this moment Gabriel is stronger then Lucifer, despite the difference in age. Doing what he did takes its toll, it had the last time and it sure did this time, and unfortunately for him Gabriel's not too keen on stopping this time, and he yanks him back around and digs in sharper then he had previously.
"You did what I think you did, didn't you!"
"Gabriel stop!"
"You are so stupid! Why would you do that!", Gabriel grits his teeth in anger, one hand still digging into the fallen angels ribs, the other reaches for the arm the offending mark lays on, "Why Luce?", his brother snorts and had the situation not been so dire he would have laughed at the fact he made his brother snort. He pulls the arm up to examine carefully the new mark on his brothers forearm, ignoring the rustling behind him as Sam and Dean finally make their appearance. He can feel something similar to his brother hovering over his shoulder and knows immediately who it is, and spares his nephew a quick look before returning to his task at hand, its the same design and everything.
"What are you doing?", Jack's voice is soft in his ear and he turns another look in his direction, "Looking over the burn.", the nephilim nods in understanding to that and looks to his father's reddened face, struggling to get the messengers left hand off his rib cage, "What about that?", its in this moment that he really comes to the realization as to how young he truly is, how new to this world, "His ribs are ticklish. It keeps him distracted for me to examine his arm closer.", he spares his brother a look, their eyes meet and he shakes his head, digging in again in a precise way that makes him bark another cackle, Jack tilts his head in confusion, "Whats that?"
Gabriel heaves a sigh, letting his brothers arm drop as he reaches up to squeeze quickly at the nephilims side, smiling slightly to himself when he giggles confusedly and jumps back from instinct, "Thats ticklish.", and turns to reach back for the arm he'd let drop, "Your father is an idiot. But this world is safe from evil Michael."
"Why? What happened?", Sam's finally made it to their side, and makes an odd face at Lucifer reddened face and his soft enochian pleas, the archangel goes ignored by all parties, if anything it makes Gabriel dig in deeper and he jolts, "What's he done?", Gabriel glares at the hunter, letting the arm drop again, and for good this time, "He's saved us all so cut the tone. Jackie come here.", the nephilim comes like some sort of obedient puppy, and Lucifer's eyes widen, finally able to suck in a breath when Gabriel let's up on tormenting his ribs, he's too out of it, too weak to do much more then that, and he shakes his head when the messenger places his smaller hand where his had just been and intructs him how to dig in like he should to get maximum results and climbs away to share his findings.
Tugging Sam, Dean, and Castiel to the side, their conversation covered by the fallen angels laughter, Jack seems to be a quick learner.
"He's trapped evil Michael, in a mark similar to the one Father trapped our Aunt in, there's no escaping it unless you kill the host."
Castiel looks around him to the boy and his biological father, "Was the last one not a contriduting reason for his falling?"
Gabriel nodded, turning to look at his brother for a moment, as he snorts again, "I don't think we have to worry about that.", he reached for his nephews shoulder to stop him if only for a moment, and let the elder catch his breath." Guys I think we should give him a chance. I'll vouch, and I'll watch over him, but he's going to be down for a while."