AN: Alright, so this is my first real attempt at fanfiction. Hope you guys enjoy. I'm going to be a sporadic poster because I'm a bad bad person. This is Destiel. If you're interested the title is a lyric from PJ Harvey's song 'Shame'; It gets me right in the feels.

"I'd jump for you into the fire

I'd jump for you into the flame

Tried to go forward with my life

I just feel shame, shame, shame

Shame, shame, shame

Shame is the shadow of love"

-PJ Harvey, Shame is the Shadow of Love

"Cas! Castiel!" Dean screamed into the night as Sam stumbled and fell against the Impala. "Where the hell are you?"

Dean clutched his younger brother around the shoulders and knelt at his side. Sam groaned in pain, whatever was happening to him Dean knew was well beyond Dean's knowledge.

"Sammy?" Dean asked helplessly as the other man thrashed around in apparent agony. A sudden whooshing noise make Dean look around. His first thought was Cas, but a light in the sky above caught his eye and his heart sank into his stomach with sickening dread. "No, Cas," he pleaded to the empty night.

Unable to tear his eyes from the sky, Dean watched a form plummet through the clouds, burning. The creature's wings were burned off by the decent and the form tumbled into the shallow waters of the lake next to where the little abandoned church stood. Dean blinked in surprise.

"What's happening?" Sam's voice was strained.

"Angels," said Dean. "They're falling."

Dean looked at the rippling water where the angel had just disappeared beneath the surface. Without thinking he felt himself get to his feet and run to the shore, diving in. The water was bracing, but Dean kicked towards the spot where the angel was floating just under the surface, face down. Dean hooked his arms around the angel's waist and kicked back towards the shore, pulling the dead weight with him.

Dean hauled the suited form up onto the muddy shore and scrambled around to look at it's face. Not Cas. Well, of course it wasn't Cas. That would be too convenient. God Cas. Naomi had been telling the truth. Why couldn't that stupid gruff blue eyed son of a bitch have been a little patient for once and they could have avoided all of this. Christ, Cas might not even be alive.

The fallen angel stirred and Dean started out of his worry for the absent angel. This angel- or this angels vessel, Dean was still confused on how that one worked- was male with light brown hair and sharp features. A little trickle of blood escaped the corner of his mouth and he opened brown eyes. Dean didn't recognize the angel, why would he, but it seemed to recognize him because his face contorted into an expression of rage.

"Winchester!" the angel hissed and lashed out at Dean who jumped out of his grasp just in time. "I should have known you were behind this."

"Dude, calm down!" Dean held his hands up and backed away not wanting to have a big confrontation when Sam was back at the Impala dealing with god knows what, but the angel had other plans. He rushed forward and grabbed Dean by his jacket and threw him at least ten feet towards the little church where the almost human Crowley was still bound. Dean landed hard in the dirt and scrambled to his feet. Screw this. He was grabbing Sam and getting out of here. The angels might have gotten kicked out of heaven and had their wings burned off, but they were obviously still angels. Dean made a beeline to Sam, who was trying to stand. He dragged Sam to his feet with one hand and wrenched open the back door with the other. Sam collapsed on the back seat and Dean slammed the door shut after him.

Once behind the wheel Dean shifted gears and floored the gas pedal. The Impala peeled out of the lot and sped towards the road. Dean glanced in the rearview mirror to see the fallen angel giving chase, though without his wings, he seemed no faster than a human. Dean continued to drive until the church and lake were far behind.

"Sam?!" Dean yelled over his shoulder to where his little brother was still sprawled on the back seat. "Sammy! Tell me what's happening!"

"I don't know what's happening, Dean," Sam groaned and Dean glanced back to see him push himself to a seated position. Sam was grimacing and his hands were clenched into fists. Dean had no idea what the consequences would be for Sam not completing the final trial, but he wasn't naive enough to think that there wouldn't be any. No, who they really needed right now was Kevin. Maybe something was in one of those stupid tablets that said what happened if someone didn't complete the trial.

"We're going to figure this out," Dean said, reaching over and opening the glove box. "Just sit tight. I'm going to fix this." He grabbed a burner phone and punched in Kevin's cell number. It rang and rang and went to voicemail. Dean swore and redialed, this time there was a click and Kevin Tran's voice sounded.

"Who is this?" Kevin sounded panicked and there was some cacophony in the background of alarms and the electric buzz of machinery.

"Dean, jesus Kev what's that sound?" Dean demanded. "You at the bunker?"

"Crap, Dean, something is happening," Kevin said in his nervous almost whining voice. "All these lights and alarms came on right when I got here; I swear I didn't touch anything! Please tell me this isn't like some sort of nuclear fallout?"

"Relax, man, we're on our way," Dean said. "The Letters must have had some sort of alarm system if there was a huge supernatural event."

"So this is because you closed the gates?" Kevin said, a touch of awe in his voice. Dean felt his stomach turn in guilt. Poor kid was going to be pissed. Dean glanced at Sam, still in the back seat, eyes closed shut.

"Not exactly," Dean said slowly. "We'll be there soon." Dean hung up before Kevin could reply.

"Dean," Sam said, his voice still strained. "Dean, what about Crowley?"

"What about him?" Dean asked.

"We left him," Sam said weakly. "He's like... half baked."

"Don't get all soft on my now, Sammy," Dean said shaking his head. "Crowley's still a demon."

"Are you sure, Dean?" Sam asked, sounding a little more like himself. "I'm pretty sure I dragged him over halfway to humanity."

"We'll deal with it later," Dean said. "Right now you're my priority alright, just trust me."

"And Cas?" Sam said quietly and Dean's heart skipped a beat.

"Cas is the reason the angels are falling," Dean said bitterly.

"What?" Sam said. Dean didn't want Sam to stress himself, but talking seemed to be distracting Sam from whatever pain the incompletion of the trials was causing.

"Cas thought he was closing down heaven, right?" Dean explained. "Well Naomi showed up and warned Cas and I that he wasn't completing trials. Metatron was tricking him into shutting out all angels. She must have been telling the truth, and Cas must have not listened. God, if he had just waited we could have figured this out together. I'm just so done with his crap, Sam."

"Dean, what if Cas is-" Sam hesitated for a long moment, "-dead?"

Dean didn't know how to answer. The possibility caught in his throat. He had a sudden vision of Castiel spread eagle, blue eyes glassy and staring blankly. Charred black outlines of feathery wings splayed out over the ground and blood seeping over the beige trenchcoat from a wound made with a silver white blade. Dean shook the image from his head, and Dean prayed. Pissed and hurt as he was, he prayed. He prayed to his angel and he prayed to God to let Cas be safe. Because it would just be too much to handle if Cas was dead.