It was supposed to be Thaluke centered but then it went a little Annabeth/Luke/Thalia family dynamic, and then it went all self pity, and it's basically a load of everything and anything, so I hope you enjoy it.Written for the Valentine's 2017 Fic Exchange for WiseGirlGeek
~she loves me, she loves me not~
For once, she's smiling. Curled up against a brick wall, she sleeps peacefully, and you know it's dreamless. Had it not been, her face would be contorted into a grimace and she'd be jabbing the air violently. Lying protected underneath her is your little blessing. All that's telling you it's her is the wild mess of blonde curls. She too lies content. The three of you make an interesting trio.
In the darkness of night, you're the only one awake, and the only one unable to see the good in everything. No, as far as you're concerned the only things worth anything in this world are the two girls sleeping right next to you. One, a young blonde, who in the short time you've known her has become the only sibling you'll ever need, and the other, a spunky daughter of Zeus that you'd give the world for.
(and you will give the world for. it won't be pretty)
You shift for the what seems to be the millionth time, unable to shake the feeling of dread that's washed over you. All you succeed in doing is kicking your foot against the wall. You curse as she stirs, and her electric eyes open.
"Luke?" She questions blearily, partially ready to grab her weapons. You smile weakly, resisting the urge to smooth her short hair.
"Sorry Thals. Didn't mean to wake you." You reply, watching carefully as she sits up slowly, and soon you find yourself copying her movements. It's quiet for a moment, then-
"Are you alright?"
(no no no, no you're not, you are far from okay)
What a loaded question. Sure, it's an innocent inquiry, yet there's so many interpretations. But you know what she means. And she knows you know.
You aren't alright. You're completely and utterly in love with the girl in front of you, and you know you don't deserve her. How could you deserve her? She's practically an angel. A punk rock loving, feisty angel, but an angel none the less.
But you can't tell her that. Instead you will tell her you're fine. That you're just not that tired. Say that the dreams are coming back, lie.
(don't lie, tell the truth, say I love you)
"It's all good, just not that tired." You can hear her sigh of disappointment.
"You'll tell me when you're ready, won't you?" She mutters, more to herself than anyone else. You barely notice it, and yet it rings loud and clear.
Funny, you can tell her anything and yet you can't tell her this. You can't tell her the one thing you want to tell her.
Annabeth cries in her sleep, and you both panic, racing to wake the young child. You move to the opposite side of her, watching as Thalia gently shakes her awake. You watch as the poor girl hides her tears, and the two of you wrap her in an embrace. It's like most nights, someone becomes enveloped by a malicious dream, the others comfort them.
(how simple it seems, yet so much it means)
Time ticks away as you all huddle together, sharing the warmth and peace. It's almost as if you're all a real family, and that you aren't in a dirty alleyway somewhere in downtown New York. Almost as if it's meant to be. But it's not. Your life has never been a fairytale and it never will be. As long as you have this moment, this heartwarming moment, it doesn't have to be.
When you pull away it's much too soon. You can see it in their eyes, the greed and need for love, but you can't any longer. Everything is just so overwhelming and you're confused and it's just so...ugh.
(quite the vocabulary you got there)
"Annie, try to fall back asleep okay? We've got you, we'll protect you." The conviction in your voice is enough to persuade her, and the little blonde places her head in Thalia's lap, sprawling her legs next to yours.
She somehow manages to fall asleep after a few minutes. Maybe it's Thalia's calloused fingers threading through her hair, or your soft spoken stories of heroes who get their happy endings, you aren't quite sure. You still smile down at the girl, and you know there's someone beside you doing the same.
"We're the only family she has." Thalia's voice rings out, uncharacteristically soft. Your smile drops just a fraction and you turn to look at her.
"I know." It's your only response before the two of you are plunged into a silence that somehow screams.
(it's much too loud for the two of you. much too loud)
You shouldn't feel this awkward, but with her sitting so so close your heart races and your palms sweat, and you curse every god you know, because you aren't this cliche, you never are, and yet, here you are.
It's kind of unfortunate of course, being as she'll never see you how you see her, but you'd rather be a part of her life than not.
(if only you knew what your future holds)
((how ironic that it's painted in gold))
"Good night Thals." You murmur, slowly nodding off. You are not aware of the light pressure on your shoulder, or her response. Sleep drowns you before any of that, and you can only hope that you get one amazing night's sleep, because maybe if you'd stayed awake just a little while longer your life would change.
But the Fates are cruel mistresses. They like to ruin lives, lives like yours. Therefore, you will never be happy.
Because as far as you're concerned, Thalia Grace is the only thing that could make your life worth it.
(funny, she could say the same about you)