Want

by TheTrainTicket

He didn't know how young Alois had been when he lost his brother – but it was clear that he'd forgotten what love was. Or maybe he never knew.

Want

Ciel Phantomhive is mine…

Everything here… is mine…

He reached out and casually stroked Ciel's neck. The dark-hair boy just closed his eyes and let him.

"What are you thinking about?" He asked.

"Oh, just how cute a leash would look on you…" Alois smirked. "A blue one, to match your eye. It'd be nice – then you could walk around in the forest with me."

Ciel huffed.

"You don't honesty think I'd try to runaway, do you?" Alois pulled his fingers back, still maintaining his smirk. "I lost. You won, plain and simple."

The blonde chuckled. "Yes… I won…" He wrapped his arms around Ciel and pulled him in, nuzzling his chin into Ciel's hair. "Do you ever miss them?"

"Miss who?"

"Your servants back at your old mansion…"

Ciel breathed a sigh of relief, grateful Alois wasn't bringing up his parents. Again.

"We could bring them here, you know. I don't mind that they're useless, I think they're entertaining. Besides, it's not like they could make a mess too big for my servants to clean up." Alois looked out the window, daydreaming. "Might be nice to have a little chaos around here for a change…"

"The deal was I would do whatever you wanted. That's all. Leave them out of this."

Alois pouted. He forcefully shoved Ciel off and down to the floor.

"You could be a little more grateful, you know!" He shouted. "It's not like I make you work or prance around in a maid's dress or anything! How is this life so much different from your old one, huh? How is this one so much worse?"

Ciel stayed quiet. Not because he didn't have a comeback – oh no, he had plenty – he just knew it wasn't worth the effort. He would simply wait for Alois to calm down and then they'd go off and do something else.

The blonde stood there staring at his feet, breathing deeply. He licked his lips and suddenly, he grinned.

"Hey… I got an idea!" Alois declared happily. "Come on, I got a fun game in mind!"

He grabbed hold of Ciel's hand and pulled him up before dragging him along into the hallway. Ciel tried to wiggle out of his grip, perfectly capable of walking along without having to be forced, but Alois just clutched tighter. The action made him giggle a little, though, much to Ciel's displeasure.

But oh well.

They made it back to Alois' bedroom, where he finally let go of Ciel's hand and walked over to his closet. He shuffled around for a few minutes before popping back out.

"Here it is!" A yellow ball sat in his palm. Ciel looked at it with a confused expression. The blonde merely giggled and tossed it across the room.

Ciel followed it with his gaze, watching it land in the corner. He turned back to Alois, who was standing there smirking.

"Now what?" Ciel demanded.

"Go get it."

"Excuse me?"

Alois pointed. "Go get it."

"This isn't funny…"

"And I'm not joking." His smirk widened. "Go get it, Ciel Phantomhive… or do I need to call Claude?"

Ciel winced at the name. His hands clenched into fists so tightly that his knuckles turned white. Finally he couldn't take Alois' smug face any longer; keeping his gaze down, he turned and retrieved the ball. He didn't even look up when he handed it over.

"Good boy…" Alois replied, caressing the ball with his thumb.

Ciel sneered. "Mind telling me what the point of that was?"

"Heh heh…" The blonde tossed the ball back to the corner. "No point, this is just for fun. You should know that by now, Ciel… go get it again."

After playing fetch a few more times, Hannah came along to announce dinner was ready. Alois quickly took hold of Ciel again and dragged him along.

…

"Hey… Ciel…" Alois murmured as he cuddled closer.

The dark-hair boy lifted his head off the pillow slightly. "What now?"

"I was thinking about something fun we could do tomorrow…" he wrapped his arms possessively around Ciel's waste and hugged onto him.

"Then let's talk about it tomorrow… I just want to sleep…"

Alois' licked Ciel's ear, causing the other boy to recoil.

"Let's go into the forest together…"

Ciel perked up. "You are not putting me on a leash."

Alois chuckled. "No, don't worry… I just want to go for a walk with you, that's all."

The dark-hair boy blinked. He stared at the blonde for a moment – he looked so innocent, like a child waiting for candy. But Ciel knew better. He lay back down. Alois nuzzled into his neck, maintaining his grip around Ciel's waste.

"Why?"

"I just… wanna see something…"

…

Alois tossed and turned as he slept, pulling Ciel along with him all the while. He always felt like a blanket – being twisted and flipped into whatever position Alois found comfortable, regardless of Ciel's consent.

Alois found a way to torment him even while sleeping.

At the moment, the blonde was resting with Ciel squashed beneath him. The dark-hair boy normally wouldn't let this get to him, but he was having trouble breathing. He'd have to wait until Alois' next spasm before trying to relax.

Ciel found the other boy rubbing his cheek against his own.

"Comfortable?"

Alois nodded drowsily.

"Ciel…" he replied. "You shouldn't be so mean to me… we're the same, you know…"

Ciel smirked. "Alois Trancy. You and I are nothing alike."

…

Maybe if Alois broke his legs… he wouldn't get away. Ciel could get so frustrating at times.

No, no, he shouldn't think like that…

Ciel is here… Ciel is mine… I have won…

He was just having a hard time getting used to things, that was all; Ciel didn't like to lose, which was understandable – his pride had been hurt. That was it. He would get used to it one day.

Alois hugged him tighter.

That day… when he found out Sebastian Michaelis had murdered his brother… he just wanted revenge. He wanted to make that demon suffer, and the only way to do that was through his prey, Ciel Phantomhive.

Ciel had been nothing more than an object to him, then. A mere tool to use.

Until the research began. Learning about Ciel's past, realizing… how similar they were. He had lost everything in a fire, just as Alois did. He traded away his soul to a demon, as well. No… Ciel was wrong, they were the same.

Alois Trancy wanted love. He wanted to love someone and he wanted someone to love him back. His family was dead… his Luka was long gone. He didn't care about Hannah or those triplets – all he had was Claude.

For a while it was like that. Then Ciel came into the picture. Someone who had been through what Alois had… someone who was like him, who could understand… Alois was obsessed.

He wanted love. He wanted to love Ciel. And he wanted Ciel to love him.

There was still his revenge, of course. Sebastian would pay for what he did to Luka… but that had nothing to do with Ciel, not really. He had just been caught up in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Sebastian wanted to eat Ciel's soul – but Alois didn't have to get rid of him right away. They had their whole lives left, and in demon-time, a human's lifespan wasn't all that long… but killing Ciel off too soon would've been a waste. Sebastian would just get upset, and then find another soul to hunt. Alois wanted him to suffer for as long as possible.

And he didn't want to kill Ciel anyway…

So really, this all worked out. Sebastian lost his dinner and Alois could keep Ciel. It was perfect.

Perfect.

The only time he was torn about his feelings was when it came to Claude. He didn't care that the demon saw him only as a meal – Claude was his savior, his highness… despite their current positions, Alois would do anything just to be near him.

When his thoughts turned to Ciel… he felt like such a traitor. Claude did love him, he knew, Claude was his butler, his butler – but merely as his muse for the time being. At the end, Claude would eat his soul – Alois would have worth to him until that time. He knew… deep down… Claude would never love him the same way Alois did.

But Ciel…

Ciel was flesh and blood… Ciel could love a human the way humans loved. Alois could have them both – Ciel and Claude. His. Forever.

Alois leaned over and kissed Ciel on the cheek. The dark-hair boy flinched, but didn't wake up. Alois smiled.

Such a fascinating creature Ciel Phantomhive was. In a way, Alois almost envied him – he had gone through all these harsh ordeals, and yet still managed to stay strong. Well… maybe "strong" wasn't the right word to use, after all, he did lose and was rendered helpless without Sebastian.

Still, Ciel hadn't given up. He was playing along until an opportunity came for him to escape. That's why Alois clung so tightly.

He wished Ciel wasn't so cold, though. Alois truly did want to know everything about him. Was it such a crime to be curious?

So what happened to your parents exactly?

They were murdered… you know that.

Yes, but by who?

That was my goal to discover, with Sebastian… then you came along.

It must have been so hard for you.

Just drop it, alright?

I lost my family, too, you know…

I said drop it!

He was so… exact. He didn't change his mind as quickly as Alois did, and he didn't fear being alone. His cold, seemingly emotionless reactions to everything fascinated Alois. It had been fun breaking him…

But the real fun had only just started. Now, after all this time, Ciel Phantomhive finally belonged to Alois Trancy.

The blonde licked at the other boy's earlobe, still not waking him up.

"Ciel…" he whispered. "I want you…"

…

So here they were, in the forest together. Alois didn't keep his promise about getting Ciel a leash, thankfully, but that didn't stop him from holding onto his hand. Ciel was used to that at this point, though.

Alois found a tree for the both of them to rest against. It wasn't until they were sitting down that Alois let go of Ciel. The dark-hair boy rubbed his hand against his coat, as if he was trying to rub Alois off it. The blonde didn't notice. Instead he kept his gaze out toward the sky.

"It must've been nice…" he began.

Ciel perked up. "What?"

If he brings up my parents one more time…

"Being the queen's guard dog. Getting to travel, meeting people, solving crime, catching crooks…" Alois huddled into his knees. "I've only really stayed in the same place all the time… first the village, then this mansion…"

He peered over at Ciel, trying to see what he was doing.

"Are you getting at some sort of point?" Ciel snapped after a few quiet moments. Alois quickly raised his head and stared in shock at the other boy. Ciel's expression remained emotionless. "Because if you're trying to get me to feel sorry for you, it's not working."

Alois clenched his fists.

How dare he!

No… no, stay calm… just stay calm…

But… he…

Alois hated his mood swings. One second he was happy, the very next, furious. He spent so long hiding his emotions… he didn't feel the need to do it anymore. They just poured out now. But he hated them. He wished he could be steady, like Ciel. It was one of the things he admired about him, actually.

He just couldn't help it. And before he could stop and think, Alois Trancy slapped Ciel across his face.

"Is it so bad…" He yelled. "To try and get to know me? Is it? You have nothing left… I have nothing left… why can't you – why can't you just…"

He felt the tears welling up. He didn't want to cry, not in front of Ciel, anyway.

Although it wasn't as though he had anything to lose.

Ciel stood up.

"That's where you're wrong." He stated firmly. "I do have something that remains – my hatred. My vengeance against the one who murdered my parents."

He leaned in close. "I will kill you, Alois Trancy."

The blonde continued to stare. Ciel had never been this close to him… not willingly, anyway. He could move forward… and press their lips together.

It took a moment for Ciel's words to actually sink in. Alois repeated them in his mind, calculating… but instead of becoming scared, he started to laugh.

"And why haven't you yet?" He mocked. "It's not like you haven't had the opportunity. Too scared of what Claude will do?"

"I'm not afraid of my own life, if that's what you mean." Ciel stepped back and Alois had to hold in a sigh of disappointment. "I sold my soul to a demon, I'm completely prepared to suffer the consequences. I just don't need Claude getting in my way."

Alois smirked. "That's not going to happen anytime soon, Ciel… Claude won't let anything happen to me. None of my servants will. And Sebastian isn't going to come to your rescue!"

Ciel sneered. "This is just an inconvenience. This won't last… and even if it does…" He leaned back in, towards Alois' ear, causing the blonde's smile to widen. "I will always be there… waiting…"

The two stood there for a bit longer. Then Ciel backed off, turned around, and headed towards the mansion. Alois didn't chase him. Instead he just remained where he was with a wild grin across his face. As soon as Ciel was out of hearing range, the blonde began to laugh.

"He said… he would always be there… I've won!"

Ciel is mine… forever… Ciel Phantomhive… mine…

…

Ciel had been confused as to why – after confessing his intentions on killing him – Alois was exceedingly happy that evening. He had gone so far as to start a mini food fight at dinner, giggling the entire time.

It made Ciel… nervous…

Later on, when the two headed for bed, Ciel caught Alois staring at him. This wasn't too unusual – the blonde often took a glance when they were undressing. But this was different.

Alois sat there on the bed, completely clothed, his eyes set on Ciel. The dark-hair boy hesitated. He wasn't embarrassed to undress in front of the blonde – there was just something in the way he was staring, though. Alois would appear to be bored, if it wasn't for the small smile he wore. Ciel couldn't read his face, it was too mixed…

Still, he couldn't just stand there all night. He put on his pajamas as quickly as he could, back turned the whole time; Alois cackled at that.

Ciel ripped off his eye-patch and left it on the lamp table. He then flopped himself onto the bed, yanking the sheets up to his chin.

"Good night, Alois…" he said without any emotion at all. He felt the mattress move and heard shuffling – Alois was finally changing.

Ciel had just begun to feel his eyes droop when Alois crawled under the covers and clung onto him. As usual.

Something didn't seem quite right, though…

A heavy blush settled over Ciel's face. "Alois! Hey, knock it off!"

The naked blonde held on tighter as Ciel struggled. It just made him laugh some more.

"Don't get so worked up, Ciel…"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"What does it seem like?"

The dark-hair boy started kicking at the other, but Alois kept his hold.

"Bastard."

Ciel gripped onto Alois' arms, trying to pry them off. Alois simply hugged tighter, unclenching his fists and piercing his fingers into Ciel's stomach. The other boy let out a shriek of pain, but he kept trying to break free.

"Heh… call me whatever you want, Ciel Phantomhive, but you know how this is going to end!"

And at that moment – Ciel stopped struggling. He went completely limp in Alois' grasp. For the first time that evening, the blonde's smile faded. He blinked, then leaned in a bit, pushing back Ciel's bangs.

"Ciel…?"

The dark-hair boy remained frozen.

No, no this wasn't fun…

"C-Claude…" he called out.

"Don't." Ciel clutched onto the blonde's wrist. "Just… stop it already."

Alois felt his anger rising.

"Is this really so hard…?" He demanded.

Without any warning, Ciel shoved Alois off and sent him to the other side of the bed.

"How can you ask such a thing?" He yelled out.

Alois' eyes darted around, waiting for his servants to come rushing in.

"You murder my parents, you trap me here like some kind of animal. You try and make me feel sorry for you… and now this?" He struck Alois across the face. "How much lower can you sink, Alois Trancy?"

The blonde rubbed at his cheek.

"I didn't…"

Smack

Alois hung his head, face burning. "Ciel, please… I didn't kill your parents…"

"Don't you lie to me!" Ciel yelled, raising his arm back up.

"I didn't, though! Can't you see? You're just being fooled by these demons around you!"

Ciel blinked.

"Demons?"

"I keep saying we're the same…" Alois began to crawl towards him, gripping onto his nightgown. "And we are. Making deals with demons, seeking after revenge… I'm tired of this! I'm tired of all the hatred! Ciel… I just want… I just want…"

He buried his face into Ciel's torso, letting the tears flow. Ciel was disgusted.

"You're pathetic."

"I know." Alois wrapped his arms around Ciel. "That's what I like about you so much… even when you can't do anything, you still act strong…"

Ciel bit his tongue. He knew Alois was trying to compliment him, but he felt more insulted.

The door open.

"Master…"

"I'm fine, Claude… really…"

"Really, now?"

"I said I'm fine, Claude!" Alois snapped, raising his head away from Ciel, glaring at his butler. Tears were still fresh in his eyes, but the look on his face was pure anger.

The demon bowed. "Yes, your highness…" he muttered before turning away.

Alois sighed. He looked down for a moment. As if he felt ashamed for sending Claude off like that.

"I'm sorry about that," he replied with a weak smile. "He is just doing his job, after all…"

"I'm not concerned about Claude…"

"You should be… if you want to kill me," Alois snuggled back into Ciel's chest. "And Hannah, too, really. Just how would you kill me, then? Huh? I can't imagine you actually doing it."

"And why is that?"

"Look at us…"

Ciel frowned as he peered down at the naked boy weeping into his arms.

"I keep trying to get to know you better…" Alois went on. "All that investigating… and now you're finally here. It's so different from looking on paper. I thought that… maybe if you got to know me, you would – "

"Never."

"But… Ciel…"

"You will forever be my enemy, Alois Trancy. Whether you killed my parents or not, you sullied my pride. I can never forgive you."

Alois started shivering. Ciel grabbed onto him. Not out of pity, but rather to prevent the blonde from sliding down any lower.

"I guess… I can understand. I can't fault you for not letting go, anyway. I still hate Sebastian, you know. I still want my revenge." He looked up at Ciel. "I'll let you kill me."

Silence.

Alois rubbed his forehead against Ciel's, as if none of this conversation had ever taken place.

"W-what are you talking about?" Ciel finally demanded.

"You need to get passed Claude and Hannah to kill me… I can call them off… the triplets, too. I'll order them to hold back. I'll even order them not to avenge me. And to let you go."

Ciel Phantomhive was at a loss for words. Was he joking? He clutched on tighter to Alois, trying to reassure himself that this all was real.

"Why would you do something like that?"

"I wouldn't mind… being killed by you, that is." Alois answered calmly. "I don't want to die, but I wouldn't mind. I'll strike you a bargain, Ciel."

"I'm listening…"

"At this point, you have two options. One – spend the rest of your life with me, as my pet. Two – give me what I want tonight. You can kill me in the morning."

"You… you're really serious?"

Alois nodded. His eyes were dry, but his face was still red and puffy. Although that was mostly due to the slaps.

"It's alright… Ciel."

"You're not going to break your promise in the morning, are you?"

"No, not at all!" Alois seemed truly hurt by Ciel's accusation. "Ciel, listen. I lost the one I loved most… I lost Luka. I never felt so alone… I don't want to be alone… but I'm so bored with this life!"

He repositioned himself so he was sitting on Ciel's lap, looking into his eyes. Ciel tried not to think about it too much… he hoped Alois didn't notice his blushing.

"All these things we're doing – demon deals, revenge… they're for our loved ones, right?"

"Right…"

"I don't want this anymore. Ciel, I wanted you because I knew… I thought… you would know what it was like. I just… want to be loved. No one has loved me since Luka, I've just been tossed around for years. And then you came along and it was like… there was someone there for me, even if we didn't know each other. You were my inspiration, Ciel." Tears started pouring again. "It works for both of us, really… you'll kill me, and I'll have stained you… Sebastian will be upset over that."

"Pft," Ciel pushed Alois off him. "You think something like that will ruin Sebastian's appetite? You know nothing… 'works for both of us' indeed…"

"Ciel…"

"And besides. As soon as I get my revenge, I'll return to Sebastian. He'll eat my soul, and that will be the end of it."

"Then may we meet again… in the afterlife." Alois rested a hand on Ciel's shoulder. "You don't have to take this deal, you know."

Ciel glanced at him. He closed his eyes.

"If I do this… you will keep your promise… and call off your servants?"

"Yes, I promise!"

"Claude will be upset, you know…"

"There's nothing he can do if I order him. Please, can't we let the demons worry about demons? You and I will be free…"

"Free…?" Ciel smiled. He turned to Alois and pressed him down against the mattress. The blonde looked up at him so innocently. "You know nothing."

He pressed their lips together. Alois returned the kiss, pulling Ciel closer. It got awkward quickly – Ciel had acted in the heat of the moment… he wasn't too sure what to do beyond this.

Alois didn't seem to mind, though. He eased Ciel up and helped him remove his nightgown. Then he switched their positions so Ciel was now lying on the mattress. The dark-hair boy didn't enjoy this – being on the bottom. Oh well, though – Alois knew more than him about this sort of thing… it'd be best for both of them if Ciel just let him take control.

Which he did.

Alois leaned back down, rubbing their bodies together. He reached up and stroked Ciel's hair while kissing him. Ciel just closed his eyes and let it all happen.

"Ciel… Ciel… Ciel…"

He massaged the other boy's nipples, causing him to moan slightly. He flicked out his tongue and started trailing Ciel's body with it. He continued to work on nipple with his fingers and the other with his mouth. The dark-hair boy clenched his teeth, trying not to make too much noise. His face must have been bright red at this point, but he didn't care.

And then Alois moved down. Down… down… down…

"Alois…"

The blonde took Ciel into his mouth, making him gasp. His eyes shot open, just for a moment. As soon as his brain functioned what exactly was happening to him, he shut them once more.

He didn't need to see this.

He wanted as little memory of it as possible.

Meanwhile, Alois spread his legs further apart, allowing him more access to Ciel's sensitive parts. He went on for a bit longer, until Ciel became hard.

He gasped again when Alois pulled away. He managed to keep his eyes shut as he felt the blonde crawl back on top of him. Alois gently clutched Ciel's chin, moving his face up and kissing him once more.

He brought their erections together, and now the both of them started moaning. They lay still, taking in all the heat and emotions. Ciel's heart was racing – he had never felt like this before. Alois smashed their lips together as he started to move.

"Mmph!"

The blonde clutched onto the other's hair, while Ciel wrapped his arms around Alois' body, pulling himself up slightly so he could get at a better position. The friction between them was getting intense and the two started to sweat, which made moving around somewhat easier.

Alois let got of Ciel's hair and instead grabbed onto his legs, dragging them up over his back, making Ciel cross and keep them there.

Finally Ciel opened his eyes, only to turn his head away and stare at the wall. Alois didn't mind – he nuzzled into Ciel's neck as he continued rocking back and forth…

Ciel couldn't describe the emotions he was going through. The obvious choice was "good"… it did feel nice… better than nice. But there was so much else. The hatred he still felt towards Alois, the revenge he sought after for so long, the thought of possibly getting his soul eaten by tomorrow… mixed in with feeling so good.

Alois licked at his sweat.

"Ciel… Phantom… hive…"

The dark-hair boy turned his head back and kissed him. It was so hot and wet and it just felt so good. He could feel himself coming to his peak.

"Ciel… I love you…"

…

Afterwards, the two lay there, a few inches apart – there was a stain between them. Alois had immediately fallen asleep after he came, which was a good thing, Ciel didn't want to talk to him.

He was going to kill him in the morning, no need for sentimental chats. Besides, what does one talk about after doing something like that?

So instead, Ciel pulled the covers up higher and curled into his knees, trying to become more comfortable. He thought about what Alois had said:

I love you.

Ciel smirked at the thought. Yes, because keeping him here against his will and forcing him through a series of unpleasant events was certainly a sign of "love". But knowing Alois… he probably thought so.

And in that sense… Ciel almost felt sorry for him. He didn't know how young Alois had been when he lost his brother – but it was clear that he'd forgotten what love was. Or maybe he never knew.

Maybe Ciel never knew, either…

Ciel Phantomhive… you and I are… the same.