Professor Severus Snape stalked into his fifth year Potions class in his usual bat-like manner and all chatter died away instantly.
"Have your homework out on your desk so I can collect it," he said as he made his way to the front of the classroom. Standing in front of his desk, he scanned the tops of desks as students scrambled to find their homework.
Idiots. Thought Snape. Did they think I wouldn't collect it?
His eyes fell upon Harry Potter who was sitting with his head in his hands, looking rather tired, and with no homework in front of him. Snape smirked.
"Potter!" he called, approaching Harry's desk. "Where is your homework?"
Harry blinked and looked up at Snape, who was now standing in front of him. Then he said, in a worn-out voice, "Sorry Professor, but I didn't have time to do it because I was so busy trying to help people."
Snape sneered at Harry and said with sarcasm laced words, "Oh yes, famous Harry Potter. The-Boy-Who-Lived. He couldn't possibly have time to do homework. No, he's much too busy rescuing the helpless, Wizarding community. Pray tell, Potter, what act of valor were you performing?"
Harry reddened slightly, "If you must know, professor, I was trying to help you."
Snape raised one eyebrow. "I don't recall appealing to you for assistance yesterday," he said slowly.
Now Harry was looking even more sheepish and, in reply, he handed a large, neon pink flyer to Snape.
WANTED: Single Ladies Looking for a Man
Are you searching for that special someone? Then meet Professor Severus Snape, the man of your dreams! To apply for the chance to meet this amazing man, please fill out the attached forms and submit them to Harry Potter (a dear friend of Professor Snape's) in the Gryffindor common room.
Harry watched Snape read through the flyer once, twice, three times, and he swallowed nervously. Snape slowly lowered the flyer and said in a soft, dangerous voice, "Potter, what is the meaning of this?"
Harry wrung his hands nervously and stared at the floor to avoid Snape's gaze. "Well, sir, I thought it would be a good idea if, um, if you went on a—a date because you're so, um, well, mean, and maybe it would help you to, uh, to loosen up a bit. And that's why I didn't do my homework—I had to make those posters and put them up all around Hogsmeade." He glanced up quickly when he finished his explanation and saw that Snape's eyes were glittering with malice and his face had gone the color of sour milk.
"That's funny, Potter," Snape spat, "But I don't remember requesting your aid where my social life is concerned,"
Harry forgot his embarrassment and quipped, "I know sir, but I thought you could use the help seeing as you're not doing all that well on your own."
"Ten points from Gryffindor for your cheek!" Snape snarled, "Fifty for this," he gestured to the flyer, "And twenty for not having your homework! Now, get to work, all of you," he stabbed the air with his wand and instructions for the day's potion appeared, "or I'll take a hundred!" With that he stormed over to his desk and began fiercely grading papers.
When he had regained his composure, he looked up to monitor the classroom and was quite irritated to find that Harry's hand was in the air.
"I don't have time for your nonsense, Potter," he said through gritted teeth.
"Of course not, sir," Harry calmly replied. All his embarrassment from earlier had vanished and instead he was feeling somewhat put out with Snape for taking so many points from Gryffindor when he, Harry, had just been trying to help. "I just thought you might be interested to know that you received three proposals."
Snape looked quite taken aback.
"I—I did?" he queried.
Harry nodded and pulled three applications from his bag. Scanning them he answered, "Certainly, one from a kind old hag, one from Professor Binns (though I think that one might have been a prank), and one from Grawp."
Snape glared at Harry, "Five points from—"
"Of course, I'd say they were all a bit out of your league, wouldn't you say so, Professor?" Harry interrupted.
Snape's face contorted with rage, "A MONTH'S WORTH OF DETENTIONS, POTTER, AND IF I HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM ANYONE, I WILL HEX THEM INTO OBLIVION! DO I MAKE MYSLEF CLEAR!"
Every student in the room, including Harry, gaped at Snape with some level of terror (Neville had already fainted).
"Now, GET TO WORK!" Snape roared, he then sat down and continued grading papers with a vengeance.
The class came to a close with no more disturbances and Snape was relieved when the bell finally rang and the students rushed out the door, eager to get away from the madman. Someone cleared their throat. Snape slowly looked up and met the eyes of none other than Harry Potter. Before he could speak, Harry shoved the applications in his hand.
"Here, professor," he said quickly, obviously wanting to get out of there, "I didn't think you should turn down your offers so quickly. As they say, beggars can't be choosers. Personally, I think you should go with the hag. She doesn't seem that bad if you can get over the fact that she eats raw meat and smells awful." And with that Harry turned and hurried out of the classroom before Snape had the chance to give him more detentions or take away more House points.