Title: Of Prisoners and Paper Planes
Author: Vega Astraia (Algorithmic Paradox of Love)
Disclaimer: I own not DRRR!, I own not the characters, though I wish I did. Durarara! belongs to its respective mangaka and producers. The plot is based on Kagamine Rin's Paper Planes and Kagamine Len's Prisoner. I don't own the songs, they belong to the two aforementioned artists. I only wrote down the story that popped into my mind after hearing the songs.
A smile formed on her pale lips when the rough texture of parchment touched her skin, an object of the same exact texture with what she held with her right hand. A light weight on her left hand indicated the proper deliverance of the letter she had been waiting for. Her eyes focused their attention from the letter to the sender behind the other side of the prison wall of rusty barracks. Red eyes that hid and exposed so much emotion met with her translucent honey colored ones. Her smile grew wider when the latter smiled back at her, his usually lifeless and emotionally void face exploded with so much color and happiness that it sent shivers of fulfillment down her rigid spine.
She then released the letter safely held by her right hand and let it flow with the wind current so it could reach the other side of the wall. She had to control the force she threw the letter with, not that it was hard – all she had to do was throw it with as much energy as she could.
She ignored the slight pain that pricked her right arm. It was painful. Moving was painful, and the lightest of movements she had to do caused immense hurt and strain on her body.
She was weak due to the unknown sickness that plagued her. Not that the world, her world – the boy behind the barracks needed to know of her predicament.
Her thoughts were blown away from her mind when a feeling of contentment coursed through her entire being once her ears perceived his voice, soft like the light breezes but loud as a typhoon. Or was it loud because her undivided attention was focused solely on him, once he got hold of the paper plane she sent him? "Shizu-chan… Thank you for the letter."
At the gratitude intended for her, she shook her head vehemently, her neck hurt a bit from doing so, but she continued on denying his gratefulness. He shouldn't be thanking her. It should be the other way around. He shouldn't be grateful to her – she was the one utterly grateful to him. He has given her a reason to keep holding on to the thin thread of hope that separated her already fragile life from inevitable demise. His crimson eyes were there to give her courage and his voice reassured her that she was not alone in the world. His very existence demanded her to continue fighting with her sickness.
She decided to make her protest known. "No… It should be me who's grateful."
He was confused. She could tell with the way his eyes narrowed, and the flicker in his eyes that contradicted her statement. "But I haven't done anything to make you feel grateful to me."
How wrong he was. If only he knew how much he meant. How much he gave her, and then he'd understand why she was the one who should be grateful. But of course, she never intended to make the true reason of her undying thankfulness known to him. Like she knew of the slight changes in his emotions, like how she could read him like no other person can, she knew how he would react if she told him. He would ban her from leaving the hospital, he would tell her not to meet with him and focus on her treatment.
She didn't want that.
All she wanted was to spend all of her remaining time with the one person that still made her feel like a human being – a person filled with life and not some fragile, porcelain doll that would break if you touched or handled it in the wrong manner. She didn't want Izaya to treat him like how her brother treated her. She wanted Izaya act as natural as possible with her– she wished for nothing but for him to smile at her. She did not want him to worry over her.
Who would have thought her long-term rival would become the one who gave her hope to live another day?
"Kasuka… He's really mad…" she whispered, barely audible. Izaya nodded. He was aware of his old rival's brother's wrath against him. It was a mystery how a man who used to be so emotionless and fair became so ruthless – mostly anger and hatred towards aforementioned criminal. The actor, as they both knew, would do whatever it took to forever condemn Izaya, and if not for Shizuka's interventions, the former information broker would have been executed already – most likely due to Kasuka's influence and financial prowess.
It amazed both of them how they could have overlooked the unmentionable evil hidden behind Shizuka's seemingly harmless brother.
It couldn't be helped, they supposed. After all, the two of them were cognizant of the agonizing fact that Kasuka's anger had reasonable grounds. Shizuka, his dear big sister who was supposed to be confined in the hospital 24/7 for her incurable sickness snuck out every day which worsened her condition angered the actor, not that Izaya knew of this hidden reason. The reason he was fully conscious of differed from what Shizuka and Kasuka took into consideration, though it was a reason of equal caliber as to why Kasuka harbored such animosity for the informant. Izaya had sold information to the mafia about the make-up artist he was dating, and unfortunately, this led to the untimely death of the rising actress cum his Shizu-chan's brother's girlfriend.
This event triggered a series of unfortunate events for him. Ruri fought valiantly, even though it was futile resistance, sadly, her assassin blamed Izaya for everything, the actress who had a bad run in with him before believed those words, and kept them in mind during her dying moments, which, before she ended a very painful and tragic death, were witnessed by Kasuka, himself.
Ruri told him what the assailant had told her – and well, you can imagine what happened next.
Thus, the great Orihara Izaya of both Shinjuku and Ikebukuro was captured for his crimes, his deeds and past atrocities revealed by the police as one by one those he had wronged in the past testified against him. Not that he was surprised, he knew they'd be out for revenge and that was the perfect time to gang up on him and get it through legal execution. What he did not expect was his former rival, the fortissimo of Ikebukuro, the strongest woman of said city; defending him against some, indeed, wrong accusations which he planned to accept (his pride would not allow him to grovel over something like that). Unluckily for him, the body guard knew well of his plans and actions, to be honest it shocked him how the woman who claimed to hate him so knew so much about him – both his evil and good acts, it was overwhelming.
Heiwajima Shizuka intervened and demanded; more like forced and scared the living crap out of the judges, for a formal trial. No one, not even the higher ups, could resist her. She was known for her monstrous strength, and they knew better than to anger her.
He wasn't sure whether to be thankful or flabbergasted at her at first, but the smile she showed him, and her words echoed through his mind like an endless scream.
"Stupid flea, don't you dare give up at a time like this. I'm the one who's going to end your useless life. Not some decision of a bald guy hiding under a white wig. Be like the usual, annoying troll you are and live on."
Her threatening yet somehow comical words contradicted the nervous smile she flashed at him. It was then he realized what those words meant - for someone like Shizuka, it was an indirect confession of intimate feelings. This only aided to increase the wrath her brother felt for him.
It was out of his awareness that Ruri's death was indirectly caused by him and that Shizuka sided with him were not the only reasons the actor was so enraged with him. It was because of his sister's illness and defiance in getting proper health care because of him.
Izaya failed to notice the depleting vigor in the ex-bartender's eyes. He failed to notice her once colorful and tanned skin become pale like a sheet of paper. In his eyes, she would remain the same. She would always remain stunning, spirited and vivacious. Nothing could ruin that image of her.
Shizuka, on the other hand, did not wish Izaya to find out that she was sick. Being like this, exchanging letters and happy moments - those were enough for her. Izaya was, after all, her special someone. He was the only person in the world who could keep up with her. He was the only person who didn't look at her as a sick person, but as his equal. As someone who was strong-willed and courageous, and he perceived her as his only hope – just like she perceived him. They needed each other. Now that she thought about it, and she knew full well he has also realized this, the only reason she and the latter fought was because it was their method of communication – somehow, their fights reassured the both of them that their existences weren't weird, that they weren't alone, that someone who had the same fear, the same anxiety of being afraid of an endlessly lonely journey. Fighting was their form of reassuring and telling each other.
"I'm here…"
It was really awkward how they noticed this and their romantic feelings for one another under such cruel circumstances. However, that strong emotion that served as a bond between them gave them their usual pride and strength to continue on with life. The letters they held in their hands were the sources of their happiness – and the presence of one another was pure bliss inside the hell they've let themselves fall into.
Things were never going to be easy between the two of them; they had accepted that from the start. They embraced it and breathed it like oxygen ever since the very first meeting. They could not curse their fates for being so unpleasant to them because it was that very cruel mistress who brought them together. Their relationship was not a rosy, lovey-dovey one like most couples. It was something bound not by light but by each other's darkness. She was being unfair because she was hiding her sickness; he was equally unequal to her as well – for letting such forbidden emotions blossom between them when he distinguished the fact they could never be together.
Yet still, they couldn't stop hoping to be with one another, this tiny piece of hope was embodied in the form of paper planes – paper planes that held words they wished to convey to each other, words their mouths can never say out loud.
It was really a beautiful and antagonizing relationship. It was painful, but they just couldn't seem to get enough of it. Even if living a hellish life was the price they had to pay for a little piece of heaven, they didn't mind paying.
They understood what was happening between them, and they accepted all of the terms and conditions that came along with it.
Their contemplation created silence between them – it was, conversely, not discomfited but a natural, silent comfort of each other's presence when they were together. As she could read him, he could also read her and he must have read her thoughts as well.
No one talked as they let the harshness of reality sink into both of their souls- words were not needed as they would just read the messages written in the paper planes they wrote for one another later on. They just stood there and stared into each other's eyes - crimson and honey-brown blended perfectly as they chose to discard reality and escape inside the sanctuary of the depth that the other pair of irises held. A smile was present on both of their faces – smiles that they couldn't show to the world if they weren't together for no other could make them smile as they can make each other. No one else could provide them such happiness as they provided for one another.
They stood, and stared and felt. The calming wind and gentle breezes of spring gave birth to new emotions and strengthened those that were pre-existing. As for them, their thin bond of hope which no other individual could form, fortified itself and tied them together – closer than before. They felt the need to touch, but sadly, the barbs and wires of the prison prevented them from doing so. This caused her to sigh. If only she had her old strength then the wall would be of no challenge to her, but as she is now, if she dared to touch that condemned object separating her from Izaya then she would most likely meet her end.
If she could, then she would, though- her illness be damned, she wanted to save her past arch nemesis. Legal purposes and reasons, much to her relief, became her alibi for not doing so. She had told Izaya once that if not for the agreement of a fair trial, she would have smashed the wall to reason out why she didn't do so, and he believed it. But still, even though he believed it and remained ignorant of the true reason she couldn't use brute strength to save him, it still pained her. It pained her of not being able to do anything.
He once again felt her sadness thus he uncharacteristically frowned. "Shizu-chan?" he called out to her moderately, his concern evident in his voice.
A smile and a fake response. "Nothing. I have to go now, flea. Kasuka will be coming here soon, and I don't want to add more wood to the already brightly burning flame."
"You've become so poetic."
"Shut up." That concluded her visit. She turned around and ran towards the hospital, a smile still on her face, she completely ignored the throbbing ache of her entire body and the heart failures she had every couple of steps she took.
Izaya stared at her silhouette disappear; his smile also disappeared once her figure was out of sight. Sure enough, like what she had predicted, her enraged brother called for him.
He was greeted by a blank expression by the younger Heiwajima. Before he could say anything, the younger of the two started the discussion in a rather alarming manner. "She visited you didn't she?"
"What are you talking about, Kasuka-kun?"
"Shizuka… she visited you right? Please don't play dumb with me, I'm not someone you can fool easily. I know for a fact she was just with you before I called for you."
He was always a smart one. Only now did Izaya curse the younger Heiwajima's intelligence. He was sharper than Shizuka that's for sure – the more annoying part was that he got sharper when it was about his sister. He didn't reply- his face was serious. He had the right to remain silent – and he was going to use that right.
"I knew it. Izaya-san, I'm willing to take back all the charges against you, and I'm pretty sure the others would not pursue their accusations if the most important witness stops fighting to win the case." The young actor said in an as a matter of fact voice. They both knew his words were true, and it amused Izaya at how conniving the other could be. "I'm sure that your offer isn't free."
"Nothing good in this world is free nowadays."
"True." He had to admit, he liked the kid's wit – it was relatively similar to his own. "So what's the catch?"
"If I withdraw my charges, please do not associate yourself further with my sister. In short, disappear from her life."
Well, that was stupid. The informant's response was immediate. "Nope, no can't do, Kasuka-kun."
"Why?" the latter's voice was rising, but he was desperately trying to keep his anger, and depression at bay.
"You already know the reason don't you?" Izaya smiled faintly.
Kasuka scoffed at that. He knew… he knew that his sister loved Izaya, and vice versa. But he just wouldn't accept it. He didn't want to give Shizuka up. He didn't want her to get hurt any more than she's suffering right now due to her illness. And he couldn't actually trust Izaya, now could he? He was the reason, Ruri, the only other woman in his life, died. Don't you think it's unfair that Izaya would be allowed to steal even his sister away from him? It wasn't.
He's not going to let his sister go. He wasn't going to let Izaya to take her away from him. Because he loved her, he loved her more than Ruri, and she was suffering already, he did not want her to get hurt in the hands of Orihara Izaya. He was sure that once Izaya was released he'll just discard his poor sister. Like the manipulator and troll he was.
Not on his watch. Feeling hot-headedness get the better of him, he closed his eyes and calmed himself; his face reverted back to its usual emotionlessness. "Have it your way, Izaya-san." was all he said before he left the criminal alone so he could find sanctuary inside Shizuka's current letter.
Shizuka closed her eyes as she listened to the loud sounds of beeping the machines attached to her produced. The smell of the hospital and medicines given to her infiltrated her sense of smell until she could feel the familiar formation of a migraine building up inside of her. Before her head spun, she sat up but was immediately forced back into the bed by the excruciating pain trying to move delivered to her whole body, her eyes closing tightly in response. She had to bite her under lip to muffle the scream she was about to release. Once the pain subsided, the tension from her face lightened if only for a bit, her eyes opened and adjusted themselves to the painfully bright white lights of her room – only to have them close once more. The light was painful. Seeing was painful. Smelling was painful. Hearing was painful. Talking was painful. Living was painful.
If not for Izaya, she would not even try to open her eyes.
The soft opening of the door was what brought her back to reality. From her peripheral vision, she spotted her sad-looking brother. It broke her heart when she heard his voice. "Shizuka… please… don't go today."
It was a request that she understood even without details. And, just like his requests as of late, it was something she could not do. "Kasuka…" she breathed out. He had to come closer to hear her. "I… want to be with him… He… still doesn't know… about my illness…" Kasuka shook his head but not from contradiction but from self-disappointment with being so soft with his sister. "This is the last time. Your body… can't take it anymore. End it today. End your meetings today, for both your sake."
She understood what he meant. She was being unfair to both herself and Izaya. Kasuka was right. She needed to end everything today.
"I'm going to let you meet him today. This will be the last time… Promise?"
"I promise… thank you Kasuka."
"I love you nee-san…"
"I love you too…"
He was expecting her arrival but she wasn't expecting her to say those words. His eyes were wide, a paper plane – the last paper plane, was clasped tightly by his trembling left hand. He stood there, immobile, and petrified. Her last words cut through his heart as if thousands of flick blades had stabbed him.
Was this retribution for all the people he had hurt in the past?
It had to be.
"Izaya… This is the last time I can visit you here. I need to go somewhere, and it will take a long time, but I'm sure you'll be fine. This is goodbye."
It was a short clause. Short and concise, straight to the point, void of proper explanation as to why, it was highly perceivable and understandable. But damn it all, he couldn't understand it! His brain refused to process something so absurd. He did not want to comprehend something so unreasonable, something so unfair - something that was too painful.
Why?
Why was fate so cruel?
Why did this have to be the last time?
Why was she going away without a reason?
Why couldn't he find his voice?
Why couldn't he tell her to stay?
Why?
Why?
WHY?
Tears, he realized were very salty. He could taste his own tears – he could fully feel the grief, and the sadness and hopelessness and all the other negative human emotions he made others feel in the past. This must be divine retribution for all the wrong he has done. But still, wasn't this a bit too much? He was already in jail, damn it. He was learning his lesson. He was changing for the better. So why does Shizuka, his only reason for living have to disappear?
All those thoughts, he pushed aside, his mouth opened automatically which surprised him quite a bit, seeing as he couldn't think properly at that moment. His vocals and heart must've collaborated against him as the normal him would never say the things that he shouted after her retreating back.
"I'll always be waiting for you until you come back. I'll keep and treasure our letters. Then, I can see you again, right?"
They were words of desperation. His voice revealed it all. He sounded so needy... so lost… so unlike himself. She, however, did not turn around. He still felt the connection between them. He could tell that she was crying already, and being Heiwajima Shizuka, he knew she refused to show him any weakness. It hurt both of them. Izaya understood at least that much, but he will remain true to his words. He'll wait for her until the end of time.
He decided that until he was free – until he can stand by her side once more, until that time, he will not open the last letter she gave him.
"Kasuka…" her voice was hoarse and if her brother wasn't in such a near proximity, her call wouldn't have been audible. Aforementioned man focused his attention from the newspaper he was reading towards his sister. The sight of her made him wince.
She was pale, in all sense possible– her face was bereft of color, and her lively eyes had been long reduced to nothing but empty gateways to the abyss of her hopeless soul. He wanted to reject the idea of his sister – the great Heiwajima Shizuka had been reduced to nothing but a limp figure on a crude hospital bed, but it was the cruel and harsh reality.
When his thoughts of pessimism subsided, he managed to mutter out a reply to her call. "Yes?"
"Please…" she wheezed out, pain evident in her tone as she struggled to continue speaking. "Please withdraw the charges against Izaya… please…" A violent coughing fit followed, blood and phlegm came out of her mouth, her whole body shook violently as her petite figure started to convulse. Before Kasuka could reply, the nurses and the doctor barged into the room, three to four nurses forced him out of the room.
He was too stunned to do anything, he stood shell-shock. He wasn't sure whether he should remain angry at the informant, who he still loathed with a passion or to comply with his sister's wish.
He found himself cursing himself for having such a soft spot for his sister once more as he ran out of the building and into his chauffeur which he instructed to head to Raira Prison.
To say he was shocked when Kasuka barged into his private cell would be an understatement, he couldn't retaliate when the panicked actor dragged him by the left (he avoided grabbing his right hand, whether to be considerate because he held Shizuka's last letter to him in that hand or because his left hand was closer to the younger, he did not know).
There were no words spoken between them as they rode towards what Izaya recognized as Raira Hospital. He sent Kasuka a questioning look which his ex-rival's brother brushed off as he stared blankly into space, his figure still and his face completely unreadable even for a man who claimed to have perfect human emotion reading abilities.
Once they arrived at the hospital, Kasuka motioned for him to follow, which he did to avoid annoying the actor even more.
The actor pointed towards a small window, his eyes averted Izaya's.
There was something in the pit of his stomach that told him to not look, but his curiosity overpowered his instinct. He peeked over the small glass window, and immediately after seeing the scene, he wished he had followed his instinct. Behind the small window, he saw the one sight he never wished to witness. It was horrible by all its meaning and it made him want to empty the contents of his barren stomach.
Everything was spinning. The doctor and the nurses who exited the room with long faces as they talked with a now crying Kasuka only served to confuse him even more. He didn't want to comprehend what was happening.
There was no way something like this could be happening.
His eyes shot towards Kasuka who shook his head. "She should've explained things in her last letter." was all he said before he entered the room where his late sister laid.
At the actor's words the informant gripped the letter in his right hand. He promised not to open it until he was free, but in a situation like this, promises like that were meant to be broken. He opened the paper plane and read the letter, his grief decreased a bit when Shizuka's handwriting greeted his eyes.
Dear Izaya,
No matter how many times I write to you, I still cannot get over the fact about calling you DEAR. Why couldn't people of the old ages come up with something less intimate? Personally, I wanted to start this letter with Bastard Flea or Selfish Flea or Useless Flea, I could go on and on until I fill this letter with insults for you. But seeing as that wouldn't fit what I'm about to say to you, I'll stick with Dear Izaya.
So here goes, dear Izaya, (Still grossed out) you know I'm not good with words and stuff and all that sentimental crap that love-stricken girls are so absorbed with. And I'm not good with beating around the bush so I'll just come out and say it.
I LOVE YOU.
There said it – er, wrote it. Yeah, I love you, close your mouth and put your eyeballs back in their sockets, then continue reading.
Heh. Never thought I'd come out and confess something like that, now did you? Well, I don't think you'll be that surprised though, after all, the few months you've been locked up – you felt it too right?
Did you or was I the only one who felt mushy when I'm around you? Tsk, damn, now I'm starting to act like some high-school girl. Geez, you and your charms – yeah I find you attractive. BAH, don't get too cocky, flea. You'll always be a flea. A very handsome flea.
Damn it, scratch that. Gah! I don't know what to say anymore. I'm all embarrassed now. God, the things you make me write. I'm getting off the topic. Just wanted to lighten things up, and make you laugh before we get to the dramatic part. I HATE DRAMA as much as I hate violence. I knew you snickered at that jerk ass. In my defense, you were the one who made me use violence. You probably think I like watching chick flicks and stuff now, don't ya? Well guess what? I don't! Ha, I like watching action, though you already know that.
What the – anyways, as I was saying, let's get to the serious part.
I'm sick.
You're probably wondering what the hell I'm talking about. But as you've read, I'm sick. Not the flu kind of sick, but as in sick. Really sick. The doctors don't even know my sickness. Not even Shinra or his father knew so I won't be able to tell you what exactly is wrong with me.
I'm sorry.
This one's for my brother
This is the real reason why Kasuka wouldn't let you off the hook besides from being the indirect cause of Ruri-chan's death. He was worried about me, and well, you aren't exactly a very trust-worthy person so my brother became very overprotective of me. I'm apologizing for him, alright? Don't be mad with him. He's just being Kasuka.
It's his way of showing he cares.
I'm sorry. I'm very, very, very, very sorry. I could once again fill this letter with very's, but I'd rather not, so get the point, alright? I don't know how words can quantify how much I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
This one is my share.
I'm apologizing because I didn't tell you. I'm apologizing because I'm the reason Kasuka doesn't want to let you out of jail. I'm apologizing because I couldn't help you get out of jail. I'm apologizing for hitting you with vending machines. I'm apologizing for a lot of things. I haven't been a very reasonable person when it came to you.
And you know? I also regret a lot of things. Most of my regrets have but one root – you. I regret for hurting you, for lying to you, for not noticing how I felt for you earlier – the list goes on.
There's just one thing wrong I've done that I can't seem to regret or apologize for – it's the fact that I fell in love with you, and that I continue to love you until now. I'm sorry for being selfish about this.
It's just that I can't seem to give up that one emotion. That's why I'm apologizing for being selfish, not for loving you – never for loving you.
As sappy as it may seem, that one emotion managed to get me through therapy and medication. It gave me strength and the will to live for one more day. Strange, huh? We used to hate each other's guts but now, it seems as if without you, there would be no more point in living anymore.
I'm not sure if you'll miss me, maybe you won't maybe you will, but I will definitely miss you. All of the moments and memories you gave me; thank you. Thank you for everything. I can't list down all the things I want to thank you for, so I hope saying thanks would suffice.
I hate to admit it, but you mean more to me than you'll ever know.
And it's kind of unfair that I won't be able to show you how much you mean to me. You see, I wrote this letter to tell you everything I need to tell you. As of late, I haven't been feeling well, not that I'm in tip top shape since I'm already fatally ill. Haha. Okay, that was just weird. I'm sorry for being awkward.
I really don't know how to write or how to say it.
The simplest way to say it is this: I don't think I have much time to live anymore. It's hard to even breathe, or just open my eyes. That's why this will be my last letter.
Did you know that getting here was like walking on needles and my legs felt so weak? The only thing that kept me going was the thought of seeing you. I just had to say goodbye before I go so that you won't worry about me. Kasuka wanted to take me to you, but I refused since you'll find out I was sick. Oh, Kasuka agreed for us to meet this one last time. He is nice, isn't he? I know I've written this already, but don't get mad at him. If you troll my brother, I swear I'm going to haunt you.
You see, before this permitted meeting, I've been sneaking out of the hospital to visit you almost every day. Even though my brother and my doctor scolded me when I got back, I couldn't bring myself to care! The letters we shared were like my sunshine, they were warm and my heart fluttered whenever I read your letters. I've hidden them inside my hospital room's desk, actually.
It's a secret from Kasuka, nee? Though he probably knows.
My brother's smart like that.
You know, I'm only able to write these things because somehow I have the feeling you'll be reading this after you've been released from prison. Knowing your stubbornness, you probably made a vow or something to never open this until you've gotten out of prison. Most likely, you'll be reading this once I'm already gone.
Well, anyways, if you're reading this now, I hope you won't cry or worry for me. When I die, I'm forbidding you to shed tears. Am I getting ahead of myself? Will you even feel like crying when I'm gone?
I know I'm being unreasonable that I demand you don't cry. But I know you can manage; you're a god aren't you? Hahaha, I'm kidding. Though you claim to be strong, which I know you are, you're really sensitive when it comes to things or people you hold dear.
You make sure others don't hurt what you deem important even at the price of hurting yourself. That's probably one of your redeeming points, and one of the reasons why I fell in love with you.
But Izaya, I hope you don't do that anymore. I want you to be open about your feelings, and make sure to keep the people you hold dear close to you, and make sure you tell them properly how you feel before it's too late. Because even though actions speak louder than words, in the end words are the ones that are heard, not actions. I hope you get what I'm saying. You're smart, I know you understand.
I'm sure Kasuka will take back his charges. He's a big softy when it comes to me, and I'll make sure that before I die, I'll convince him to free you.
When he does, at that time, make sure you change for the better.
Stop putting yourself in dangerous situations. Stop hurting yourself and stop doing things that can cause big trouble for you. More importantly, stop trolling people, sheesh! Sure, you can easily weasel your way out of sticky situations, but what if you get arrested again and all the evidences are against you, just like this time?
I won't be able to defend you anymore, and I'm pretty much sure that Kasuka won't defend you, and even if he does, if you're actually involved in the crime, he won't be of much help. And you can't expect Shinra or Celty to get you out of that one. Who will be there to help you?
Look, all I'm saying is after this, if you're going to continue being an informant, be careful, alright? It would actually be better if you use that brilliant brain and parkour skills of yours for some stable and clean job.
This letter is getting too long isn't it? I'm sure you're tired of reading this. So let me sum up what I'm trying to say.
Izaya, you imbecile of a flea, I love you. Probably ever since I met you and most likely even after I die, I'll be watching over you even though I'm not going to be with you physically. I'm sorry for everything I've done, and thank you for everything.
Live your life to the fullest.
Heiwajima Shizuka
P.S. Don't you dare ruin this letter by blotching it with your tears, which if I remember correctly, I forbade you to shed.
She was so contradictory. Her letter was ironic and she was being unfair. He bit his lip to stop himself from shedding tears. Why was she always so unreasonable? Why was she being this unfair to him? Why was she giving up all by herself? Why did she forbid him from shedding tears?
She knew all too well he would erupt into a mass of tears, and yet she removed his privilege of mourning for her.
She was, and forever will be an unreasonable person. His knees failed to support him as he fell to the floor, his eyes dilated, his mouth was slightly opened. He couldn't cry. She didn't want him to, and he respected her wish. He would always do what she requested of him, no matter how hard it was. He didn't know how to feel or think. His eyes remained on the gentle yet firm order.
Live your life to the fullest.