AN: Hey y'all! This is my entry for a contest in one of the groups I am in on Facebook. Hope y'all like it!
Thanks to Jasper1863Hale and Phoebe Powers for the quick, last minute betaing and prereading! You girls saved my ass!
I own nothing Twilight.
From Death to Healing
EPOV
"We're losing him!"
Nodding frantically, I continued administering CPR to the prone body on the table. It had been almost three minutes since he breathed last, but I swore I wouldn't give up. This child had a lot more life to live.
"10 more migs of epi," I barked out to the nurse standing closest to me, never stopping my chest compressions. I was sweating, my heart beating a wild rhythm in my chest. This boy needed to live.
"He's had too much already," came the reply.
I blew more air into the kid's unresponsive lungs, willing them to work on their own. The nurse was right, he did have one dose over the required amount. Somewhere in the background of activity, I heard someone call out, "Four minutes."
The steady tone of the heart monitor roared in my ears, making it hard to concentrate. Four minutes. That was too long. If we brought him back now, he would more than likely have irreparable brain damage.
Slowly, I stopped my movements and stared into the face of the deceased boy. And that's what he was: a little boy, only eight years old. Some fucking gangbangers had shot him because they were high and wanted some fun. Sick bastards!
The sound of the monitors being turned off broke my thoughts, and I took a deep breath. I looked at my watch. "Time of death: 03:12 AM."
When the kid arrived, I was so intent on trying to save him, I had foregone the apron and only donned gloves and a mask. My scrubs had blood splattered on them and there was no way I could go out to give the parents the news looking like I did.
Turning away from the table, I gazed at the nurses and the one resident that was in the room. "Whitlock, you're the resident - go talk to the parents. The rest of you get this and the boy cleaned up so his parents can come say their goodbyes; I'm heading to the showers."
I was able to make it to the shower locker room just in time to sit heavily on one of the wooden benches before I rested my elbows on my knees, put my face in my hands, and let the tears come.
So much had been lost. I refused to think of how the parents were reacting to the news that their child had died. My mind conjured up images of a frazzled woman screaming her anguish at her loss into the chest of her husband, while he cried into her hair. It reminded me of that God awful night only a year ago.
My brother Robbie, fifteen years younger than me, was a good kid. He did his homework, made good grades, and didn't cause any trouble. He was, of course, a surprise for Mom, Dad, and me when he came along; but I loved him dearly, and I made sure he knew it.
Often, when I was still in Med school, he would come into my room and we would talk for hours. He was always full of questions, about everything.
I remembered two years ago when he came to spend the night with me. He came in, excited as hell because Miranda from his class said she'd go to the dance with him. He told me every detail of how he'd asked her, along with the way she'd responded, with his eyes shining with happiness; He was thirteen.
Of course, none of us knew then that he only had a year left to live. No one could have known.
Mom and Dad lived in the bad part of town, the projects. We weren't poor, but rent was so high, it was all we could afford. That's why I worked so hard in school and college, so I could hopefully move them into a new place. When Robbie came along, I was worried as hell for him to play outside, but Mom and Dad were careful about watching him.
Then, a year and a couple of months ago, Robbie was outside taking the trash out to the curb, and he was accosted by a couple of thugs wanting money. He tried to fight them, but it was two against one. They beat the shit out of him and slit his throat. When Mom and Dad realized he had been gone too long, they went to check, only to find him face down in the driveway in a pool of blood. It was too late. He was dead.
The past year was hard on all of us. Mom got depressed. Dad immersed himself in his work at the furniture factory, and I did the same. I worked every spare minute I could, to keep my mind occupied. After what happened to Robbie, I was determined to get my parents into a better neighborhood as soon as I possibly could.
A soft hand on my shoulder startled me out of my thoughts. I wiped my face and looked up. Emmett, my partner for the past nine months, searched my face with a grim expression. I placed my hand on top of his and he moved to sit beside me.
"Jasper told me what happened," he said softly, pulling me against his firm, warm side.
I wrapped one arm around his waist and fisted his shirt with the other. Having him comfort me, knowing what was going through my mind, broke me and I sobbed unashamedly into his neck.
"He...was just...a kid..." I cried, unsure if I cried for the boy I had lost in the ER, or for my brother, whom I would never see go to the Prom, get married, or have kids of his own.
"I know you miss him," Emmett whispered, while rubbing his large hand up and down my back. It fell into place then. The death of that child in the ER triggered the grief I had suppressed for an entire year over Robbie. The realization made me cry harder.
I felt like my heart was being torn into tiny pieces as memories flooded my mind. Christmases when he was small. Helping him learn to ride a bike, with Dad helping. His report cards Mom insisted on hanging on the fridge door. Finally, that shining look of happiness in his eyes that day after school. He had just started his life then, noticing girls and being a teenager. It wasn't fair.
Time passed and Emmett never said a word about me soaking his scrub top with my tears. He kept up his stoic vigil, letting me cry myself out. Finally, when my loud sobs had turned to hiccups and shaky breaths, I raised my head to look at him. I knew I looked like shit, with a red, blotchy face and swollen eyes, but Emmett just smiled at me and brushed my hair off of my forehead.
"Thank you, Em," I whispered.
"You don't have to thank me. It was time you got this out. I could see how much you've been struggling."
I nodded my head.
"Starting now, you're taking some time off," he told me gently while wiping under my eyes with his thumb. "No arguments," he added, when he saw I was about to protest.
Sighing in defeat, I nodded and rested my head on his shoulder. A comfortable silence fell over us and I studied the familiar locker room. Many times I had been in here to clean up and have some alone time after a difficult case. I would always remember that this was the room in which I'd finally broken down my walls and started moving on; healing.
After an indeterminable amount of time had passed, I asked, "Are Labor and Delivery missing you?" I didn't want him to get into trouble.
"No, babe," he replied. "We're actually overstaffed for once."
I smiled. Emmett was always complaining that they needed more nurses up there.
"Good," I mumbled and snuggled further into his embrace. Warm and comfortable, he soothed my soul.
Too soon, Emmett gave me a gentle squeeze. "I want you to call another attending to come in so I can take you home."
Exhausted and drained, I nodded. There was a bed in a small flat, three blocks over, that was calling my name.
Wordlessly, I stood and Emmett followed, taking my hand. We left the locker room and walked back to the ER in silence. When we passed the closed door of the trauma room, where the child I had lost was laying inside, I refused to look. The harsh, high pitched sobs coming faintly from inside were enough.
As I approached the desk, the nurses gave me a confused look, but didn't say anything. It was a good thing.
"Call Swan and tell her to come in early. I have to go."
"Of course," Angela, the head nurse told me and took the phone. I leaned heavily against the side of the desk. It felt like ages since the ambulance pulled up with that kid. Emmett had his hand on my shoulder, and every time that boy's mother yelled in the trauma room, I flinched and Em squeezed my shoulder. He knew how it made me feel.
Just when I thought I couldn't take anymore, Angela set the phone back in its cradle and let me know Swan was on her way in. I sagged even more in relief, knowing that she would be arriving soon.
A loud banging noise startled me and I turned around to see a very upset woman coming from the trauma room. She walked up to me and pointed her finger right in my face.
"You!" she yelled. "This is all your fault! Why didn't you save my son?"
I held my hands up in a defensive gesture. "I did everything I could to save him," I told her, hoping like hell she didn't hear my voice tremble. I was right on the edge of snapping and breaking down right then, just giving in. Even though I understood her blame and outburst, I was still wounded from my grief, and she was pouring salt in it.
Her husband had a hold of her arm, but she shrugged free from his grasp and took two handfuls of my scrub top, shaking me briefly. "You killed him, you bastard!" She screamed.
My vision wavered and went grey around the edges. Shit, I was gonna faint. Muffled voices sounded around me, swirling through my addled brain and suddenly, the woman was pulled away from me and taken away. Strong arms were around me then and I knew it was Emmett, holding me up and close to him, to protect me.
For the second time, I broke down into sobs. That boy's mother was overcome with shock and grief, more than likely unaware of what she was doing or saying, and probably would remember it in a blur later. She didn't know that my inability to save her son had caused my own past to haunt me and shake me up, so much, so suddenly.
Emmett half walked, half carried me out of the doors of the ER and into the ambulance bay. I leaned against the wall, trying to take in deep breaths of the fresh air, so I could get the antiseptic smell of the hospital out of my nose. The biting cold didn't even bother me.
Not long after, Bella Swan came jogging up to us, rubbing her hands together to try and warm them. She looked concerned.
"Emmett? Edward? What's going on?" she asked, looking from one of us to the other.
"Bad night," Emmett said quietly. "I'm taking Edward home and he won't be back until Monday. You're gonna have to find someone to cover."
Bella, knowing Emmett was serious, nodded solemnly. "Sure," she said. "Feel better soon, Edward."
I nodded at her, starting to shiver with the cold. Bella went in through the doors and Emmett cradled me into his side.
"Come on, babe, lets get you home."
Thankfully, the car wasn't too far away and in no time, I was buckled in and Em had the heat blasting. I held my shaking hands in front of the vent, trying to warm them as my teeth chattered.
"Won't be long and it'll be toasty warm in here," Emmett smiled at me, and I managed to smile back wanly.
As we got out onto the road, I relaxed a bit, leaning my head back against the seat. Thank fuck for heated seats. God, I was so exhausted. I thought I had dealt with Robbie's death okay, but obviously I hadn't. The grief had been buried under work, and I believe losing that kid made me hit rock bottom. My dad had done the same and I briefly wondered if he had hit his bottom yet.
I closed my eyes against the bright streetlights that kept flashing by the car. They made me queasy. It was too late and I had to tell Emmett to pull over. Before the car was stopped, I stumbled out and I fell to my knees in the snow, vomiting violently. While white spots danced in front of my eyes and I tried to catch my breath between bouts of heaving, I felt warm hands on my shoulders.
When I was sure I was finished, Emmett help me up and back into the car. My coat was still hanging in my locker and my scrub bottoms were wet and cold from kneeling in the snow. The heater still blasted, but I shivered anyway. This nightmare of a night couldn't end fast enough. I wanted a hot shower and to crawl into bed and sleep for a week.
The rest of the ride home was silent and when we got there, I had to give Em the keys so he could open the door, my hands were shaking too much. As soon as we were inside, I headed straight for the bathroom, stripping on the way. While the water heated, I scrubbed my teeth and tongue, then used mouthwash to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. After spitting, I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was pale and wan, with purple streaks under my eyes and slightly blue lips from the cold. I should have gotten my coat before Em and I had left the hospital, but that was the last thing on my mind at that time.
Steam started filling the room and I adjusted the water to a more tolerable temperature before stepping under the spray. I had no idea how long I stood there, hands braced against the wall, just letting the water beat down onto my back and shoulders. Eventually, I started warming up and my shivering stopped.
Memories flooded my mind: Playing with Robbie when he was young, staying up all night talking in the living room floor when he came to visit, seeing his blood staining the dirt and gravel of the driveway, hugging Mom at his funeral, and the heart crushing realisation that he would never visit for the weekend again.
Tears began to course down my cheeks again and I wiped them away angrily, pissed because I didn't want to cry anymore, and turned off the shower. After getting out, I dried myself quickly and dressed in the boxers I had taken in with me. Everywhere ached, and I just wanted to crawl into bed and forget this night had even happened; if only just for a little while.
After throwing my towel in the hamper, I went back into the bedroom and saw that Em had turned down the bed for me. Emmett, my sweet, caring man. I loved him so fucking much. Sometimes, it seemed like he knew what I needed before I did.
Finally, I settled into my familiar bed and snuggled under the covers, pulling them up under my chin. Maybe now I could get some rest.
I thought I would go right to sleep, but every time I drifted off, my eyes would open again as flashes of that dead kid laying on the gurney flitted through my mind. Eventually, I sat up and pulled my knees to my chest, wishing for Emmett. He was watching something on TV; I could hear the noise.
Suddenly, I felt a sadness so strong, it took over my whole body in a mind numbing way. Heaving a big sob, I rested my forehead on my knees and let it overtake me. I shook and cried, got pissed and punched the bed. At one point, I screamed into the pillow, so angry because my brother's life was cut so short. It wasn't fucking fair. Robbie should have had a full, satisfying life, not dying before he had a chance to do anything.
"Holy shit, Edward," I heard, just a couple of seconds before the bed dipped with Emmett's weight. He crushed me to his chest, again, ever my rock. Guilt stabbed through me in a short, quick burst. Emmett shouldn't have to put up with me in the current state I was in.
Catching my breath and hiccuping a little, I pulled away and gazed at him through swollen eyes. "I'm okay. I'll be okay. You can go back to the other room, Em."
"Like hell I will," he rumbled quietly, and moved me so I was laying on my side on the bed. He laid behind me, wrapping his muscled arm across me and stroked my stomach. "I'm not going anywhere and you know it," he whispered. "I love you, Edward."
"Love you too, Em," I whispered, my voice hoarse from crying so much. "Thank you; for everything."
"Always, babe," he murmured against my ear, giving it a small kiss. "Sleep now."
I closed my eyes and sighed, relaxing to Emmett's gentle touch and the warmth of his body. It was so easy to relax in his presence, I just hated that tonight was because of the horrific day I had gone through.
Slowly, I drifted off with the warm puffs of Em's breath on my ear and his hand on my stomach as my lullaby.
Everything was hazy white...brilliant white. I looked all around me and there was no one there.
"Hello?" I called, hoping that someone would answer.
Suddenly, things started to come into focus. Trees stood all around a big meadow, colored in vivid greens, browns, and yellows. Too vivid, almost. The white haze hung around the edges of the trees and grass, like fog, not letting me see beyond a few feet.
Another blinding white figure appeared out of the haze, walking toward me on bare feet. It was a person, no doubt, but not fully grown. I squinted, trying to see a face, but it was just blurred enough so I couldn't recognize him or her. Oddly, I wasn't afraid. I felt completely at ease in...where ever I was.
"Hey Edward," a voice sounded, right in my ear. It was a familiar voice and I whipped my head around, looking for the source.
"Robbie?" I asked, incredulous. "Is that you?"
"Course it's me, Edward," he laughed, and I looked around again.
"Where are you? Where am I?" I asked.
"I'm right here, the one in white," he giggled.
Raising my hand, I shielded my eyes and tried to focus on the figure's face. "That's you, standing there barefooted?"
"Yes," he laughed.
"Come closer. I want to see you," I said excitedly.
"I'm not allowed," he replied, "but I was allowed to come this far to tell you something."
"Yeah?" I asked, wishing I could see more of him. I really wanted to see his face, but I would settle for hearing his voice again.
"I have to tell you that it's not your fault. Neither me, or the little boy you tried to save tonight."
"How did you know...?" I was shocked.
"Angel, remember?" he laughed.
"Oh...yeah..." I muttered, running my hand through my hair.
"Remember, Edward, I may only be fourteen, but I am happy, the happiest I have ever been. It's important that you remember, okay?"
With fresh tears rolling down my cheeks, I nodded.
"I'll remember."
"Good. Please, don't be sad for me anymore," Robbie continued. "I have everything I could ever have dreamed of, and you are making a great difference by healing people. Keep doing it. "
"I will." I choked out.
"I have to go now, Edward, but I love you and I will see you again."
"Wait, Robbie!" I called. "Where are we?"
"Where do you think, silly?" he giggled. "We're in Heaven. Bye, Edward. I love you."
"I love you too, bro," I said, smiling through my tears.
The angel-Robbie started walking away, and after a few steps, stopped.
"Oh, and Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"Emmett's a keeper."
Before I could reply, he had vanished back into the white haze and the trees and meadow faded with him, all the colors fading back to brilliant white.
As even the white haze started fading away, letting me come back to Earth, I think I smiled, more at peace than I ever had been.
Opening my eyes, I noticed it was still dark. The dream was so vivid, it had to be real. Turning over, I snuggled into Emmett, who shifted so he was cuddling me against him. With a sleepy smile, I murmured, "Yeah, Robbie, he's a keeper," then slipped into a peaceful sleep.
Thanks for reading! I'd love to know what y'all think!
Penny