(A/N) Every teenager has those days when you feel entirely aweful about who you are. Well, writing this helped me blow off some steam. I used names from Harry Potter because I was working on one of my other fics when I broke down that day. Just if you were confused as to why I thought this had anything to do with Harry Potter. Ahhh... Feeling better already.

October 23,

Sitting in my room with the lights off

I know that I'm a mess

It's still raining

That helps some

I don't know what's wrong with me

I can't tell if I'm worried

About what people think

Or about the fact that I still care

I wish that they'd just say it to my face

Instead of making me so paranoid

Guessing what they say

I can't get away from the feeling I'm falling

Just faster and faster except no one notices

Because they're all too busy to care

And I can't stop thinking how weird I am

My hair, a mess, too thin, too red, too…. Plain

My nose, too big, too blemished, too…. Unappealing

My eyes, too pretty for a face like mine, I don't deserve big eyes, even if they are just green…. Boring

My freckles are far too…. Common

My teeth aren't pretty, or white, or dazzling. They're just teeth. Me and all my boring-toothed glory…. Unspecial

That's how I describe myself these days. I want to be noticed. I want to feel loved. I promised myself that I wouldn't but here I am.

It's not fair

I choose the three people who are pretty, popular, and pitying to be my best friends

I don't deserve them

I don't deserve any of the things I have

And I'm always complaining

And I never stop complaining!!

It feels as though I could be something great

If I stop worrying

But its like telling me not to breathe

Or telling me not to blink

Maybe I can teach myself not to breathe or blink

Then I can stop worrying

I wish it would rain harder

It drowns out my thoughts

I'm not usually the one to lose my composure

In three years I haven't ever done what I just did

I cried

Of course I've cried before

But never for this reason

I feel so overwhelmed

Everyone else has their place to be

Julia has her quidditch friends that have a lot in common with her

And Alice is friends with everyone

Everyone loves Alice and her tom-boyish, yet pretty attitude

And Marlene is insane but lovable

Insane, yet honest, and lovable

And there's me

Boring, Plain, Unspecial, Unappealing me

And so I cried

And I wanted to scream

But I can't

Because someone might hear me and ask me what's wrong

And I can't handle it

I want to scream, and I want to cry, and throw a fit

Of how unfair it all is

But I can't

It's raining harder

My lights are still out

I'm still on my bed

At 1:30 in the afternoon

Still wanting to cry

But I can't

You know why

I've told you why

I wish I could forget it all

Just leave my problems

Wash away my anxieties

But If I do

There will be nothing left

I hate pity

When someone tells me I'm pretty because they know how low my self esteem is

It tears me apart

And I don't deserve the compliment

I don't deserve it

No

I'm Lily

The nice one

The calm one

The normal one

Yes

But that means

It's that Lily girl

The one we call nice because we can't think of any compliments to give

The one we call calm because she's not like her friends

The one we call normal because she is unspecial in every way

Yes

And it's still not fair

~Lily~