Okay guys, this is it. I've done it again. I've meddled with something- three somethings in fact- that are simply too amazing for me to meddle with. But meddle I have.

Basically, this is a three-way crossover- Blackadder, Black Books and Fawlty Towers. Just to give you an idea, I'm saying Fawlty Towers is modern-day for the sake of this fic, Black Books remains in the same time period, but a few years on and nothing has changed. Blackadder is the Blackadder from Back and Forth's cousin, Baldric's that Baldric's cousin etc.

Okay, on with the fic!

Edmund Blackadder leant back in his chair, attempting to read the newspaper, but Baldric, his worthless dogsbody, was clattering about in the kitchen and distracting him. Eventually, the noise became too much to bear.

"Baldric!" Edmund called. Baldric popped his head around the door.

"Yes, Mr. B?" he asked, irritatingly cheerful.

"What on earth are you doing?"

"I'm trying to find a bottle of nail varnish."

"Why?" the word was out of Edmund's mouth before he could stop it.

"Because I've already found the duct tape."

Edmund folder the paper up, resigned to the fact he probably wouldn't get the chance to read any further until Baldric had gone to bed.

"No, I mean, moron, what for?"

"Well it's a sort of-"

"Cunning plan?"

"Yes, sir. How did you guess?"

"Just a nagging suspicion." As Edmund spoke the doorbell rang. Inwardly he groaned. "Answer that will you? It'll be Captain Pea-Brain and his miserable friend. You know Baldric, I need a holiday."

Baldric left the room and returned a few moments later with, as Edmund predicted, George and the man Edmund despised, Kevin Darling.

"Good morning Edmund!" George cried cheerily. Was everyone in the whole damn world cheerful but him? No, Darling was sporting a positively miserable look. Perhaps it was visiting him? That thought gave him some kind of savage pleasure.

"Hello George." Edmund greeted with a poorly-concealed sigh. "Darling," he nodded in acknowledgement of the man and resisted the urge to smirk when he saw his eye twitch.

"Blackadder." Darling responded frostily.

"I say, Edmund, I've got splendid news!" George burst out, clearly unable to contain himself.

"I doubt it," Edmund muttered to himself. George ignored him.

"We're all going to Torquay this week!" he announced proudly, rummaging in his pockets. He emerged with a piece of paper and waved it in Edmund's face. Edmund snatched it from him and read it through. It was a voucher.

"Let me get this straight. You expect me to waste my valuable time in Torquay… with you?"

"Yes." George nodded, oblivious to Edmund's derisive tone.

"Alright, I'm going to phrase this in a way even you can understand," Edmund handed the piece of paper back to George. "No."

"Oh come on Edmund. It'll be a lark. Us four, the lads."

Edmund's eyes lit up. He had found a way out.

"Well I'm terribly sorry to disappoint you George, but the voucher only offers free accommodation for three of us. I am more than happy for you to take Baldric on your doomed trip, however I can't afford to pay my way."

"Actually Blackadder I'm staying with my cousin, Percy." Darling piped up, not bothering to hide his satisfied smirk. "So there'll be more than enough room for you to come on the trip."

Edmund shot him a glare of pure hate that only served to widen his smug smile.

"Oh goodie," he sighed. "If you'll excuse me, I've just got to go and slit my wrists. Baldric, fetch a knife. A sharp one if you please, I've no desire to fool about."

"Come on, Mr. B," Baldric started, "You just said you needed a holiday."

"Baldric, I'd sooner insert an abnormally large cactus up my bottom than go on holiday with you."

"So that's settled." George said happily. "I'll go and pack then. Hip-hip hooray!"

And with that, George left, Darling in tow. Edmund stared after them.

"Bloody marvellous," he grumbled, sitting back in his seat and picking the newspaper up once more.

There you have it. Blackadder from my mind. Sorry if it's crap, but I'm not that good at writing comedy.

Next up is Black Books, hope you enjoy.

Oh, and should I have Percy as a character or just a passing mention? I'm leaning towards making him a character, but I don't know.

Please review :).