I don't know what to do. Or what to say to her. She's just lying
there. I don't know if she can hear me or not. I hope she can't. But
partly hope she can. After everything we've been through it can't end
like this. Surely. I need her. I'm only 16. I'm still a child. I need
my mother. Now more than ever. I wish I'd told her I loved her this
morning before we went to school. Instead I told her I hated her. My
mum is dying and the last words I said to her was I hate you.
Unbelievable. Unbe'fuckin'lievible!
X
"Jess time to get to school!" I heard her shout but it didn't
register. I was still focussed on the bit of paper on front of me. A
sonogram. I think that's what they're called. I don't remember. I
didn't listen when she was talking to me. Telling me what to do next.
I don't remember. I can't think. I can't speak. I can't stop crying.
And I think I'm going to puke...
X
"Jess! I need to talk to you." I turned sharply. The sudden movement
making my head spin and my stomach jump. "You told me you were getting
a lift to school?" how did mum find out I had to walk? "Mr. Mead told
me you were late to his class and missed form class." I sighed.
"What's got into you lately? I don't know what to do with you. You
seem to be spiralling more and more out of control each day. I really
don't know what to do with you. Help me help you jess!" and that's
when I walked away.
X
"Jess! Stop ignoring me. We need to talk!" I started to walk faster.
And faster and faster. Soon I was running to the girl's bathroom. Ready
to throw up again. I heard my mum call my name behind me but she
didn't dare follow me into the bathroom. She knew better than that.
She knew me. And she knew how stubborn I was. We wouldn't talk unless
I wanted us to talk. And right now. The last thing I wanted to do was
talk.
X
"Jess-" this time I caught her before she could carry on.
"Leave me the hell alone. Okay? You're doing my head in! You're like a
bloody broken record, jess, jess, jess. I am sick of it. I hate how
you're treating me. Just leave me be and go and ruin someone else's
life." I stormed off.
"jess don't you dare speak to me like that!"
"I'll speak to you like that if I want to. Fucking get lost mum! I
hate you!" I ran. But this time I never stopped. I ran out of the
school gates. I ran into Rochdale city centre and when I got on a
train headed to London. I eventually stopped running. Well not really.
X
My Phone rang. I ignored it. Again. Reject button. Again. I turned it
off. I never even looked at the caller ID. I feel stupid now. If I'd
have answered the phone calls none of this would have happened. Well
some of it would have but most of it wouldn't. I felt empty as I sat
in the rundown coffee shop in Manchester. I chickened out of going to
London. Dads there. And I don't want to be anywhere near him. Maybe I
should just go back to Rochdale. But then again. There's nothing there
for me either. Well not really. Mums there but she doesn't care. I
suppose I would miss harry a bit. But he's not the one I'd miss the
most. The one I miss the most. Him. He left me. He told me he loved me
now he left me. Where is he now? I don't know. All I know is Chris
mead has left Waterloo Road. And left me. And I know which one is
missing him the most.