A/N: Is it really necessary for me to tell you that I don't own Harry Potter, or Sirius (sadly), or James, or anything else recognisable here?
This just popped into my head when I woke up too early and was lying in bed. I wrote it in bed, and then spent three days NOT typing it up, and a few hours finally typing it. :P
I really should be working on my other story, a Criminal Minds one named 'Family Portrait'...which you should read if you like CM. :D
Shameless plug!
I'm still not a very experienced fanfic writer, so I really, REALLY appreciate reviews! So please review!! I'll love you forever...in a purely platonic way, of course. :P
This is short and doesn't really deserve such a long Author's Note. So...on with the show!
Well-Adjusted
"Breakfast is a time for eating, Moony. You know, with all that reading you do, I would have thought that you'd know that by now." James said to his friend. Remus didn't look up from his book.
"We have a Transfiguration test today, and if I pass because I studied and you fail because you didn't, do not come crying to me." he replied.
"Oh, come on, Moony! It's only Switching Spells! That's no reason to read at breakfast!" James said, obviously frustrated with Remus's studiousness. He turned to Sirius for some back-up of his argument, but he quickly realised that that wasn't going to happen. Sirius was too busy stuffing a whole piece of liberally-buttered toast into his mouth. Peter noticed James watching Sirius and spoke.
"He's already got a whole piece of toast in there!" James could hear the awe in his voice.
"Careful, Wormtail," James said. "Keep your hands and feet clear of moving parts while the Padfoot Eating Machine is on. Else you'll be shoved into his gob along with the toast."
A reproachful 'huh!' came from Sirius's other side. James leaned over to see Sirius's current girlfriend Emma glaring at him.
"Well, it's true. Honestly I'm surprised he doesn't try and eat you when you snog." James grinned. Emma threw him a dirty look, the type he would expect from Lily Evans, before getting up and stalking off. Sirius tried to say something, but James gave him a look which quite clearly said 'we do not want to be sprayed with your half-chewed breakfast', so instead he grabbed another piece of toast.
James looked over at Remus, who seemed to have been too engrossed in The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Five to pay any notice to what had happened. He was even more interested in his book than his breakfast – the spoonful of cereal that he was holding up was nowhere near his mouth. James was just about to tell him to pay attention while he was spooning, when Remus accidentally dropped the spoon into his bowl of cereal, splashing the bowl's contents everywhere. Remus looked up from his book in surprise, then looked round at his friends. James and Peter had managed to dodge the flying breakfast, but Sirius, intent on buttering his toast, had received a face-full of milk and soggy cereal. He looked up in surprise (although his facial expression was hard to determine when his cheeks were bulging with food) then swallowed his mouthful of toast. His face broke into a grin that everyone recognized as his 'I've-got-a-fantastic-idea-which-is-so-great-I'm-not-even-going-to-think-it-through' grin.
"No, Padfoot – I didn't mean – it wasn't –" stuttered Remus, trying desperately to prevent what he knew was inevitable.
"FOOD FIGHT!" hollered Sirius, throwing his half-buttered piece of toast at Remus's face.
Before he could say 'typical Sirius' Remus was dodging food from every direction. It never ceased to amaze him that a fifteen-year-old could still be juvenile enough to initiate a food fight. But, then again, this was Sirius. Perhaps the more amazing thing was that people actually joined in.
"SIRIUS BLACK!"
The food abruptly stopped flying. Professor McGonagall was standing behind Sirius, looking livid.
"Yes, Professor?" Sirius asked innocently, as if he didn't have egg running down his cheek.
"What on earth compelled you to start such a disgusting display of immaturity?"
"Why do you think I started it?" Sirius replied, still trying to look like he had been nothing more than an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire (he based his facial features on Remus's expression).
"I know you started it, Black, because you always start it. Now explain yourself." McGonagall said sternly.
Sirius was saved from his futile search for either an excuse or a way to blame it on James by the sudden arrival of the post owls. The large eagle owl that belonged to his family landed in front of him, an all-too-familiar red envelope tied to its leg.
"Oh, you're kidding. Not again," Sirius said, eyeing the envelope in exasperation. "What have I done now?"
"Come on, just get it over with, mate." James said. Sirius took the envelope from the owl's leg and opened it gingerly. The Great Hall was suddenly filled with the awful screech of Mrs. Black.
"–AN ABSOLUTE DISGRACE, HOW DARE YOU BRING SUCH SHAME TO YOUR FAMILY, WE GO TO SUCH LENGTHS TO RAISE YOU CORRECTLY AND YET YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW A BLACK SHOULD BEHAVE –"
Sirius sat there wearing a look on his face that McGonagall recognised as the one he wore whenever he was being told off. While most students were supremely embarrassed if they received a Howler, Sirius was so used to it that he was almost bored. He was listening to his mother's screaming, but only because he still had no idea what the mad bat was raving on about. If he'd known what he'd done, he would have tuned her out completely.
"–YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO CONSORT WITH MUDBLOODS AND BLOOD TRAITORS AND NOW REGULUS TELLS ME YOU'RE AUDACIOUS ENOUGH TO COURT ONE! HAVE YOU NO IDEA OF THE FILTHINESS YOU ARE ASSOCIATING WITH? HAVE YOU NO SENSE OF SELF-RESPECT OR PRIDE IN YOUR NAME?"
Mrs. Black's shrieking continued to fill the Great Hall for a good five minutes. When the Howler finally burst into flame and curled into ash, James looked at Sirius in amazement.
"That's the fourth one this term!" he said. "That has got to be a record."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "Probably." He looked over at the Slytherin table, where his nark of a little brother was sitting, red-faced. "I wondered how long it would take Regulus to blab to Mother about Emma."
"You're lucky Prongs made her leave breakfast early," Remus said.
"Yeah. I don't think she'd have appreciated my mother's vocabulary." Sirius turned to Professor McGonagall, who was still standing behind him. She was watching him an odd look on her face. "So, uh, you were saying, Professor?"
Before she could resume her telling-off (which she knew wasn't as spiteful but was just as pointless as Mrs. Black's), James spoke.
"You know, Professor, Sirius here might be a little screwy in the head–" Sirius kicked James under the table – "I mean, his parents are, like, cousins–" Sirius kicked James again for revealing this to everyone in the vicinity – "but for someone who was bought up with that, I reckon he's pretty well-adjusted."
The corner of McGonagall's mouth twitched.
"Just – just don't start any more immature food fights, Black," she said.
Sirius raised a dark eyebrow.
"Not this month, anyway." McGonagall amended.
With that, she turned and walked back towards the staff table, hiding her smile behind her hand.
A/N: That ws supposed to be at least a little humorous...if you didn't like it, REVIEW and tell me why. If you did actually like it, then you should REVIEW and tell me that too. :D