The Legend of Zelda

Season 1

Episode 1: Ganon's New Plot

"Damn it!" yelled a voice. It was Ganondorf, the King of Evil. He had just been defeated once more by Link, the Hero of time. Over 23 years in Hyrule, and 23 plans, he had been beaten every time. He hated the fact that he couldn't take over Hyrule long enough to torture the soldiers, and figure out what to do with Princess Zelda, other than keeping her hostage. He knew there would be no more video games for him to be reincarnated in if he killed Zelda. But if he killed Link, then he would have power over Hyrule for all eternity! But then…he might fail…and if he left his castle for a single moment to kill Link himself, he knew Zelda would be smart enough to escape. She was blessed with one of the three pieces of the triforce, after all. The Goddess Nayru's piece, the Triforce of Wisdom. He had the Goddess Din's piece, the Triforce of Power, which he believed was the best. But it wasn't. Link's piece was. Yes, he had it since birth. For he was born a hero. He was blessed with the piece that was better than power or even wisdom. The Goddess Farore's piece. The Triforce of Courage!

"Do you get it yet Ganon?" yelled Link from across Hyrule field. Ganon attempted the Twilight Princess plot again to take over Hyrule. Of course, Link won again.

"Screw you Link! I'll get you one of these days!" Ganon screamed. He had the master sword enlarged in his stomach. He had that happen to him about a thousand times by now, so it didn't hurt him as bad, though he was still in extreme pain.

"They always say that, don't they?" Link whispered to Zelda. And, leaving Ganondorf to die for what was, the nine hundred and ninety-nine million, nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-seventh time, they rode off into the sunset on Link's horse Epona, after Link took his sword back by ripping it out of Ganondorf's belly.

"Oww…" Ganon said weakly as he lost consciousness.

26 hours 57 minutes and 6 seconds later…

"He's waking up!" said one Gerudo, Jaginpok.

"Indeed Jaginpok!" replied another, Cloginflap.

"Yay! Now he can verbally and physically abuse us!" said the third, Gaginplogle.

"Damn right you lazy sons of bitches! Where were you? You were supposed to shoot him in the frickin neck!"

"Well…" began Jaginpok.

"You see…" continued Cloginflap.

"We got…diarrhea…and then we realized we were late. So we took all of our 5 hour energy things and….we had to go again….. and so we….had constipation…and…..we found you when we got out…. Dead….again…."

"Nrghghghghguhghugh! THAT IS IT!" And so he ripped out his sword and killed them.

"Gerudos with constipation…most disgusting lie I ever heard…(This part of the sentence has been censored because it contains Hylian racist words!)

"How am I going to win? I can't believe I never beat him, not even as Aganhim in Link to the Past! Three more times and I get a free trip to Disneyland! I mean, how does he even have enough time to do that?" Ganondorf moaned, beginning the usual, '"Bad-guy" psychotic rant'.

"Why of course, you go backwards in time and kill link at young defenseless age. Better yet, kill his parents, so that he is never even born! Oh exalted leader, what do you think?" said Shimoucka, a female Gerudo fanning Ganondorf with a large feather.

"That I just came up with a far better idea! I harness the power of a time traveling creature and go back in time to kill his parents and stop him from ever being born! WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Ganondorf loudly spoke.

"That's basically what I just said…"

"But where can I get that kind of power…"

"From the creature known as Celebi-"

"WHAT? A POKEMON? YOU MEAN YOU WANT ME TO GO THROUGH THE INTERDIMENSIONAL VIDEO GAME PIPE FOR A POKEMON? YOU MUST BE KIDDING ME! THOSE THINGS ARE PATHETIC! ALMOST AS PATHETIC AS ! By the way there's a funny story about his skinny jeans at last years Video Game Evil People Christmas Party I'll tell you about later…but anyways HAHAHAHAHAHA WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SUGGEST SOMETHING THAT PATHETIC? HAHAHAHAHA!"

"Some are actually quite-" began Shimoucka, but it didn't matter to Ganon.

"Oltepo, Hinkopet, bring it in. Hahaha…Hehehe…" Ganondorf said, now calmed from his raging laughter.

"Yes your evil righteousness!" the two Gerudos said. They brought it in. It was a Pokemon!

"One time you see, I teamed up with Bowser, Mario's enemy, as you know. We were going to the pipe when Bowser laughed so hard at the fact we were going to beat Mario once and for all, when he fell over in laughter. Well, he accidentally set it for a location with many of these. They attacked us, and we, actually with slight difficulty though, killed most of them. We trapped the rest in my dungeon. This is one of them. I did a little research. I took a human from that world and interrogated him. He gave me a small machine that gave me all the information I needed. I plan on conquering that world, but after I destroy Link. Now let it loose Oltepo. Hinkopet, Shimoucka, stand back a bit. It won't hurt me but it'll kill you fast." And with a dodge of an attack, a lifting of a sword, and one downward swoop, it was done. A Dialga's head was lying on the floor!

"And now do you see? They're pathetic. But they all make up for it, like bugs. You can squish them, but in number, the little ants can kill you." This one can also travel through time. But at its own will. It has enough willpower to kill itself if its power is used against its will. That Celebi though… it's smaller than the hilt of my sword and it also time travels… And most of all, it's the weakest. Some more advanced technology from Samus Aran, that pathetic Celebi thing, and Link's dead. I never thought it would be that easy. Or pathetic. So patheticly easy. And to know Link will die at the hands of something so weak. The hardest part will be beating Samus Aran if she sees me stealing her technology. But then again, she's some twit in metal. I'll kill her while I'm at it. And I guess I'll get to kill everyone else too. Then Link will be alone. Pathetic. I win. Checkmate. HAHAHAHAHA!" Ganondorf evilly laughed, and so our episode ends, with Ganondorf making fun of Pokemon, and underestimating Samus Aran.

End of Episode 1