So this very special one shot is dedicated to my very special super best friend Bugitte also known as Brii AKA grand master Sushi…
Enjoy :)
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Harry Potter vs. Mrs. Norris
Or
Harry Potter gone Wild
'This will be the best…for Hermione…and for Ron…and probably for me too. Not just because now Ron can't kill me – or his brothers…damn they would soo kill me…anyways. It's the best that way because Hermione made me go crazy. Because of her I betrayed my best friend this way…she made a fool out of me. Well she now would say I made a fool out of myself…but hey she isn't controlling my thoughts. At least I think so…'
Harry was sitting in a train which was heading towards Durmstrang. The train had no compartments and he had to sit with all the other students in an overfilled wagon. He himself was sitting next to some guy. He was tall and quite big…I'm trying to avoid the word fat. In fact he was surrounded by some weird smell that would give Harry the feeling to have to choke every second. After three hours of feeling sick, Harry finally got to get out of the train. His knowledge about Durmstrang narrowed down to knowing that Krum was going there.
As he stepped out of the train a huge mountain set up in front of him. For a few seconds his breath was taken away… 'The school is up there? You have to be kidding me…' he thought as he followed the crowd. When the students would move any further he spotted some dragons in front of them. Soon there would be some flying up in the air heading Durmstrang.
Harry was one of the last ones. Together with another student he got to sit on a dragon. There only were small handles to hold on to. As the dragon got up in the air Harry felt like up side down. His stomach felt sick and he was going to vomit every second…once more. But this time he really did. The student who flew with him wasn't quite happy about it and glanced angrily at him. Since some vomit hit him he said with a tense voice: "You're soo gonna pay for this…Harry Potter"
'Thank you. That was the one thing that I missed. Getting beaten up by some idiot…' he merely thought.
The welcome ceremony was much smaller than the one in Hogwarts. Durmstrang had less students and the theme of the school was – as he heard and see as well: "simplicity creates the best students". He didn't want to think about what that meant but as he get to see his dorm he knew.
His bed actually consisted out of a wooden block covered with a blanked filled with straw. Neither it looked comfortable nor did it feel so. 'This sucks so fuckin much. Why did I go here again? Right…not to get killed.' He moaned.
All of the sudden there would be a loud knock against his door. He was quite surprised, got up without thinking and opened the door.
"So there we go…the famous Harry Potter. Nice to meet you…not." The familiar voice said – it actually was the boy he vomited on earlier.
'Fuck it.' Harry thought, turned and tried to run away. But since simplicity was the school's theme he had nowhere to run. His room was smaller than small. It was sheer tiny.
He was trapped.
Standing in a corner he said: "Hey…erm…believe me…you don't really want to hurt me."
"Tell me one reason…" the boy said – looking at him with a concerned look on his face.
Harry: "Erm…erm…well…there are many reasons. Reasons which are directly before our eyes. I bet if you think about it for a second you'll find some…"
The guy stepped forward and grabbed Harry on the sweatshirt "Stop making a fool out of me. Now you're going to get what you deserve!"
'How ironic…I left Hogwarts to avoid the exact thing and what happens…?'
The guy begins to punch him into the stomach and also uses his knee. When he is done, Harry's face was all over and over with blood and he had bruises quite everywhere.
"You better not tell anyone." With those words the guy and his friends left the room, leaving Harry who was lying on the floor behind.
The next weeks Harry experienced the Durmstrang way of life. Classes were not as hard as in Hogwarts but it was way colder. It was windy…nearly everywhere and he began to ask himself why anyone would go there by choice.
The days vanished and Harry got quite bored. He still hadn't found any friends. The boy he vomited on seemed to be like the guy everyone likes or is afraid of. Whatever…no one was talking to Harry because of that. Harry felt terribly alone and he missed his friends. He missed Hogwarts. He missed Hermione…and Ron of course. Yes he missed Ron. Oh how he wished now he wouldn't have betrayed him like that.
After another hard week had passed, he was lying in his room on his bed. He was thinking about the good old days.
Suddenly he heard a strange noise. It was a scratching and came from his door. Afraid of getting beaten up again he didn't open the door. But when the scratching would get louder and wouldn't find an end, he got over it and got up in order to open the door.
What he saw surprised him and he was quite shocked actually. "How did you get here??" the only answer would be a "Meow. Meoow!!"
Indeed it was a cat. Not just A cat…it was THE cat. It was Mrs. Norris. The filthy cat of Mr. Filtch, the janitor of Hogwarts. To call her filthy isn't appropriate here though. Because she was on a mission…
Harry: "What??"
Norris: "Meow!"
Harry – giving her a weird look: "What? I don't speak freaking catish…"
Mrs. Norris cleared her throat and said: "Sorry. Forgot that you were stupid."
Harry – his jar falling down: "What the…did you just said something…waaaait I'm not stupid!!" He reached back in order to kick her but she was faster…
Mrs. Norris jumped in the air – very Matrix-like and scratched Harry right in the face.
He winced as the blood was dropping over his face… "What the hell? Why are you here?"
Mrs. Norris: "I'm here in the name of Brii, my personal master sushi! I'm here to punish you…."
Harry's eyes widened, he shrieked and tried to run away. Again there wasn't enough space but this time he was scared enough not to think about that and ran into the cold brick wall.
He fainted.
As he got his senses back and opened his eyes, Mrs. Norris face was directly in front of his. He screamed, got up and pushed the cat away which flew through the whole room directly heading the window. The glass broke and Mrs. Norris left Harry. At least she left his sight. But he was too scared to recognize that and he ran away once more…crashing against the other wall. When people are scared they often get to think in a clearer way in order to escape the dangerous situation.
Harry Potter is an exception.
As he was lying on the floor – fainted again – Mrs. Norris was making her way back up the stony walls of Durmstrang. While flying out of the windows she could adapt useless gift #14.
An almost forgotten ninja move she learned from great master sushi, Brii herself.
It would be against the secret ninja laws to describe it to you, but I assure to you that it was sheer AWESOME!
Back to Harry…he was still lying on the floor. Then again he began to move. "Mommy…is that you?" he said.
"I wouldn't bet on that one." Mrs. Norris meowed as she jumped into his room.
Harry's eyes widened and tried to get up, but it was too late.
Mrs. Norris was flying through the air in the position of the well known crane. She hit Harry pretty hard in the stomach. Blood was coming out of his mouth.
"Oh sorry did I hurt you?" Mrs. Norris asked Harry – giving him the most loveably little kitty look she was able to get on her face.
Harry - whiny: "You did…"
Norris – laughing devilish: "Good!"
Harry – tears running down his face: "Why are you doing all that?"
Norris: "You hurt Miss Hermione G."
Harry: "What? Hermione sent you??"
Norris: "Didn't you just say you weren't stupid? No…Brii sent me…grand master Sushi."
Harry: "What are you talking about? Who the fuck is grand master Sushi?"
Norris: "Don't talk about her with those vulgar words!!" she got angry again, formed a fist and punched Harry in the face – a tooth fell out of his mouth.
Harry – laughing: "Haha stop it I'm ticklish…"
Norris – giving him the weirdest look ever: "Okay that's pathetic…oh my." She had enough and decided to give him the rest in order to leave. After all the whole Durmstrang atmosphere didn't appeal to her…it was all so dirty and cold. Not the best surrounding for such a cute little kitty, she was.
She jumped into the air and lifted her back paw. She formed a "Good bye" with her lips and while she was turning in the air she hit Harry with the paw directly in the face…blood splashing out of his mouth.
She landed again on her back paws with her fists up.
Norris: "Mission accomplished." She laughed freakishly once more in order to get back to her serious self.
She meowed a last time, licked Harry's blood from her fists and as she was clean again she hopped out of the window.
Harry was knocked out for about 10 hours. As he wouldn't come to class some student was sent to go look for him.
"Oh my fuckin god! That's soo cool!" the boy said and began to take pictures… "Oh yeah some more of that and that…"
When he was done taking pictures from about every possible perspective he ran to a teacher in order to tell them what happened.
They then informed the press – of course after they had taken some pictures themselves. If they would have invented the internet earlier it would be full of "Harry Potter gone wild" pictures.
Everything boiled down to the fact that Harry was in all the newspapers.
"Harry Potter – harassed by a cat"
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Haha oh my…I had so much fun writing that…I hope you guys find it funny :D
Thanks for reading!! :)
Oh and pleaaase revieeew that would make Mrs. Norris very very happy…you don't want her to come over you…do you? Haha just kidding…am I?