"No!" I screamed.
This can't be true. There can't be two police officers at my door. Kendall is alive. I know he is. He just left for a business trip an hour ago.
So why are they standing here?
"Mrs...-"
"SCHMIDT!" I cried. "Schmidt, as in KENDALL IS MY HUSBAND WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Mrs. Schmidt, we're so sorry...your husband was driving down the highway, on the way to the airport we presume, but a drunk driver hit him head on..."
"Did he- did he even make it to the hospital?" I choked out.
They both shook their heads with somber looks on their faces. Oh god, I can't take it.
"Well...thank you for letting me know."
They offered me sympathetic smiles and drove off in the squad car.
I didn't even bother to close the door. I sank down right there, on the doorstep of my house. Of our house. We bought it seven years ago, after dating for four years and finally getting engaged. Life was so simple then. I loved Kendall and he loved me, so we got engaged. End of story. He's been my partner in crime for seven years...and now I'll never see his sweet face again.
I held my head in my hands and cried my heart out for him. For the pain. For our beautiful baby girl who will never meet her daddy. I heard the slap of feet running up the driveway, and then felt myself being lifted up. I took a huge breath of air and looked up to see James.
James. Kendall's best friend. Oh Kendall.
"Mira, this isn't healthy for the baby. C'mon you have to try."
"There's no use!" I cried as I held onto him. "The only person I ever wanted to spend my life with is gone! You try going through this!"
James held me tight as sobs wracked my body and I wept into his chest. "Mira, he was my best friend..."
I suddenly looked up and wiped my eyes. "You're- you're right. I'm sorry. I just... this isn't supposed to happen to us! This is like one of those tragic stories you hear on the news. It's not supposed to be my life, James."
"You know I'll be here to take care of you, darling. Why don't you try to take a nap, maybe calm down a little, yeah?"
I nodded and made my way upstairs to our bedroom. I stepped in and I could still smell his cologne lingering in the air. I went to Kendall's side of the bed and sat down, pulling the pillow up to my face so I could feel him one last time.
All I could see was the huge collage of us, the happily newlywed couple on that magical day three years ago.
"Oh Kenny, I miss you already," I whispered.
I wanted so badly for him to be there. To cradle me in his arms and run his hands through my hair. Those beautiful hands that could coax the sweetest music out of any guitar. Those beautiful hands I had been holding for seven years. Those beautiful hands that had placed my wedding band on my left ring finger- the only one with a vein that connects to the heart.
I subconsciously reached down to my left hand to twist my ring around my finger, but it just wasn't the same. It seemed like those hundreds of times I had done it before, it was so I could know he was with me. As if he was touching his ring on his left hand, and our hearts were connected yet again.
But his ring isn't on his finger. It's sitting on the dining room table, in a bag the officers brought over.
If I could just see him one last time, even to say goodbye. He had been in a rush this morning, worried about missing the flight. He left in a hurry, barely poking his head into the kitchen to say bye. I should have followed him out out to the car, insisted on getting my good morning kiss.
If only I had known it would be the last.
I jumped off the bed and went to the hamper, looking through it for his favorite navy blue t-shirt. I found a bag at the bottom. I guess I haven't noticed it because I haven't been doing the laundry as often. Kendall insisted that I relax and he do it because of "my condition" he would always say with a grin.
I pulled out the box inside the bag and opened it to reveal a pair of pink baby booties. "Liana". We had decided on the name last week.
"Why did you leave me?" I cried, falling back onto the bed. I searched through his bedside table drawer until I found his songbook, and sat down on the floor to write to him.
Kenny,
Seven years ago, I watched you perform on stage. I was 18 then, and so excited to finally see my favorite band, Big Time Rush. I would have never imagined that you would pick me as your Worldwide girl. Sing to me. To ME! I still remember how we got lost in each other's eyes...Your sweet smile as your hand caressed my cheek. I never in a million years thought that you and I would become something.
And now I proudly call you my husband. Just hearing it makes me smile. Mr. and Mrs. Kendall Schmidt.
Why did you leave me, my darling? It was always supposed to be the two of us, facing the world with our crazy dreams. And the crazy things we did. How you proposed under a waterfall in Hawaii. How you were insane enough to rent out a whole island for our wedding. How we decided on the name Liana. But that's just for us to know, my love.
When I was 18, I never would have thought that I would meet you, much less get married and start a family together.
And now at 25, I can't imagine going on without you. How am I supposed to wake up every day in an empty bed? Make breakfast for one for the next seven months? Go to work, knowing that I'm coming back to an empty house?
Kendall, I can't do this without you.
I folded up the letter and placed it on his pillow, then walked towards the window.
This is it. I need to be with him.
Just do it.
"Mira NO!"
That sounds like Kendall...
"Mira, just what the fuck are you doing? First of all, it's like 20 degrees outside, you'll freeze and why are you so close to the edge?"
I turned around and met his sparkling green eyes. "KENNY!" I threw myself into his arms and he laughed and hugged me tight.
"What happened darling? It's like 3 in the morning."
"Butbutbut the police came, and you weren't here and Liana and-"
"Sweetheart, you're not making sense."
I looked down and patted my flat tummy. "I'm not pregnant!" I cried.
Kendall gave me a funny look. "I should hope not, not yet at least. Unless I missed something?"
I giggled and kissed him so hard we fell onto the bed. "I had the most horrible nightmare! I lost you and James came over-"
"Oh sounds terrible!" he teased.
I smacked his chest. "But wait. So then I wrote this letter and oh who cares? You're ok! Oh, and don't ever EVER go on a business trip without kissing me goodbye first."
Kendall chuckled. "What am I, a fifty year old lawyer? Psh. 'Business trip'."
"Oh my baby, I don't ever want to lose you."
Those beautiful hands cupped my face again and I felt my heart light up with joy.
"I'm right here, my baby girl. I always will be."