Don't own anything or anyone.
Humour but less so by the end
Spoilers: nothing much past the first season, but if your an angel fan and haven't seen 'sleep tight', than DO NOT READ THIS, please.
On the good ship andromeda
It was a normal day on andromeda, stuff was happening, Harper was fixing things and Dylan was of course renewing his efforts to get everyone killed.
Dylan, Beka and Rommie were on the bridge. "So what are we doing today Dylan", Asks Beka. Dylan looked really pleased someone had finally asked that question. "We're going to fly the Andromeda into the middle of a war between two Nietzchien prides and try to talk them into peace and then when all else fails as it of course will, we'll come up with some daring plan to escape or convince the prides to make peace".
Beka starts edging towards the door, "You know, Dylan, I was planning on taking the Maru out and doing some much needed shopping so I'll just go now and meet you somewhere later, I'll bring pizza for dinner. Just then the Rommie hologram appeared "the Maru's already left, Beka, Rev overheard Dylans plan for today and mentioned something about visiting some Monk friends of his on some planet somewhere, he said he'd meet us later and he'd bring dinner home."
"Great" replied Dylan, "tell Harper to finish repairs, we're going to bring peace or death to some Nietzcheins. Oh and someone had better inform Tyr that we may need him to get married or join a pride or something."
Meanwhile Harper is fixing stuff in some small access corridor in the middle of the ship. Then, suddenly, Trances tail appears hanging down beside him. As always, the same as everyone, Harper gets an irresistible urge to pull on Trances tail. He does and it of course, comes off in his hand. He gets so surprised, he falls down a couple of decks. Trance, meanwhile starts crying, turns and runs towards the command deck saying "I'm gonna tell Dylan that you pulled my tail off."
Tyr was in the gym, taking out all his frustration on a punchbag, well maybe not all his frustration. With each punch he shouts "take that drago-kazov, take that jaguar pride, take that Santa Claus." Beka who by this time is standing at the door says "Santa Claus?" "Yes, well he never brought me any presents" "So you were a bad Nietzchein" "And well you know, are we still on for tonight" Tyr asks with a smile. "We are if Dylan doesn't get us killed" Beka replies also smiling.
Tyr sighes with frustration, (no, not that type of frustration) "What has the good Captain gone and gotten us into now?" " A pride war, he says you may need to be chosen as a mate or join a pride, sleep with a few women, the usual. "Oh, well, I better go put my special alpha male aftershave on, (Tyr mutters as he walks away) I don't see Captain Hunt putting special highguard aftershave on.....
While all this was happening, Trance was on the bridge, roaring crying about how Harper had pulled her tail off. Dylan was trying to comfort her, "There, there Trance," he said awkwardly patting her shoulder . "It was a bit of a nuisance, wasn't it, always getting in the way, helping you get the rope around your wrists loose before someone came to rescue you. Your better off without it.
Just then Harper walks in with the much consoled over tail. "It's okay Trance, I can fix it, we just need some superglue. We can get Rev to pick some up on his way home, he can stop off at Star. Just then above Harpers head appeared a Star sign, and the jingle from the Star advertisement played(to the Spar ad. tune) "All you need, when you need it, under the debris at Star..." Everyone looks at Harper. "What can I say, I'm their new sales Rep." "but Harper" Dylan whines "you already work for me" "Well yeah but these these guys give holidays and bonuses. The only bonus we get around here is a complementary dinner when someone joins the Commonwealth, and thats happened like, what, twice?" "Good point!" Dylan concedes. "Note to self - more complementary dinners"
They arrive at the area of space between where the two Nietzhean prides are fighting. A battle was just beginning. Dylan was briefing his crew about the war. "The Carns and the Herbs are fighting because the Carns own the McDonalds franchise and because their carnivorous they stopped them selling Veggie burgers. The Herbs because they are herbivors are not happy about the situation and are fighting the Carns for control of the franchise or the return of the Veggie burgers. As you can see people it's all very complicated and political, you know all that boring stuff. We have two options - We can spend a few days negotiating until one pride eventually tries to annialate us or the two prides join together to get rid of us or we could just annialate them both now while their unprepared and hence ending the war by killing lots of people or we could start up our own franchise, call it McCommonwealth and sell both meat and veggie burgers. All options are likely to get us killed so which one will we choose?
Tyrs hand waves in the air. "Yes Tyr, you have a suggestion?"
"Well, sir, I really want to try out the new guns today and since the Nietzcheans look like great target practice, especcially with those pro-meat and pro-vegetable banners across their hulls." "But", Beka interjected, "Rev's bringing dinner home and because he's a Wayist and all, he'll either bring tofu or some kind of soupy stuff that tastes like gruel, like last time." "Beka that was gruel, Rev had just returned from visiting a Wayist orphanage." said Harper.
"Oh", replied Beka, "Anyway we should then consider either trying to make peace or setting up our own franchise so we can have some Hamburgers for dinner." "Well",Tyr begins once more, " I think option two would facilitate both our needs. We make peace between the Nietzcheans, eat hamburgers, they go behind our backs anyway and we escape because of our really big guns."
"Suits me," says Dylan, "Andromeda, activiate negotiation mode authorisation Captain Hunt, blah blah, woof woof".
"Mode engaged". Immediately banners appear all over the ship with the words - A restored commonwealth, all the sentient being working together to make peace, and kick some Magog ass.
On different parts of the ship songs are playing such as "Peace is flowing", "Make hay not war" and other peace-loving songs including some national anthems.
"Captain hunt is standing on the Command deck, looking ready for anything. "Alright people, it's negotiation time!"
Later that day, after the negotiations, hamburgers, and fight almost to the bloody death......
Dylan was standing on the command deck looking triumphant. The Andromeda hologram asks "What will we do now Dylan? He replies, "Same thing we do every day Blinky, Try to take over the universe!!!!!! ....... No, wait, later than that.
Tyr and Beka were in bed, enjoying each others company.
It was early morning but neither of them had slept yet. Beka suddenly jumped out of the bed, ran to the bathroom and was sick. Later, in medical Beka was lying down and Tyr sat beside her looking concerned. "Must have been all the hamburgers." he joked. Trance spoke "Actually, Beka your pregnant." Beka looked shocked. Tyr looked at Trance, "How could this happen," he asked shocked also. "Well, you see Trance began, "When a man really loves a woman, they....
If your an Angel fan, then yes the next part is a spoofy parody of the whole Connor thing but in more Andromeda terms. If your not a fan, you should be, think of all the endless plots your missing out on, the lack of one, the Darla one, the Connor one........
Tyr and Beka hadn't spoken for a few days or months. Anyway by now Bekas bump is really big but Beka doesn't want the baby so she has tried numerous ways of getting rid of it, nameably eating hamburgers. She gets upset one day and tries eating more hamburgers, she just couldn't get enough to rid herself of her hunger.
Tyr walks in and tries to stop her. He gets her against the wall. She hits at him with her fists. He hugs her to stop her, then he feels it. "That's why you can't get enough hamburgers, you crave protein, the baby, our baby, it has two hearts." Tyr realises the wonder of this, the guy, you know the one Tyr stole the remains of, i can't quite remember his name.(Musefonie or something) Anyway he had two beating hearts. (why? , because my plot needed it). This meant his and Beka child, might be the great leader. He who would bring all the Nietzchean together to work as one. Well, either that or the baby was Than. (Also for the plot)
And........
The day arrived, all the crew gathered to see Beka and Tyr's baby. Harper commented, "Hey, where's Rev, I haven't seen him for a while......". On further reflection he realised he hadn't seen Rev since the day he left to go to some monastery while they fought the prides. No-one had noticed.
Anyway after lots of pain, screaming and shouting, the baby was born. Tyr carried it out to his fellow crew members who waited outside medical. "Our baby, it's human, it has two hearts and it's a girl!!. Tyr was suprised. The reincarnated whats-his-name came back as a girl.
Beka was tired, Tyr was tyred. See the treouble with babies was, they cried, a lot. And their kid just wouldn't shut up. Suddenly all the power in the ship went off, and some guy came on with a bunch of other people and weapons. Tyr was holding the baby who they'd named Tori after some relation of Beka's and Tyr's mother name (Victoria). Suddenly they were surrounded, the Guy, Poltz, grabbed Tori from Tyr's arms, some other guy, Tarlantus, we'll call him, said "Kill the child, Poltz, kill it. Tyr and Beka cried "No". Poltz said " I want to raise this child as my own, I will be it's father. (Note at some point along this Rev who should have been here, should have unearthed a prophesy about Tyr killing Tori, but he's not here so, sigh, shrug and shake of head. ) No shouts Tarlantus and opens up a portal that looks like a slipstream portal. "Kill the child or all the universe will be sucked into this demon slipstream" Poltz, who is still holding Tori, runs and jumps into the portal. It closes, all the people leave and Beka and Tyr are left sitting on the floor crying. Their child, Tori gone..........
To be continued, but only if you want it too.
Humour but less so by the end
Spoilers: nothing much past the first season, but if your an angel fan and haven't seen 'sleep tight', than DO NOT READ THIS, please.
On the good ship andromeda
It was a normal day on andromeda, stuff was happening, Harper was fixing things and Dylan was of course renewing his efforts to get everyone killed.
Dylan, Beka and Rommie were on the bridge. "So what are we doing today Dylan", Asks Beka. Dylan looked really pleased someone had finally asked that question. "We're going to fly the Andromeda into the middle of a war between two Nietzchien prides and try to talk them into peace and then when all else fails as it of course will, we'll come up with some daring plan to escape or convince the prides to make peace".
Beka starts edging towards the door, "You know, Dylan, I was planning on taking the Maru out and doing some much needed shopping so I'll just go now and meet you somewhere later, I'll bring pizza for dinner. Just then the Rommie hologram appeared "the Maru's already left, Beka, Rev overheard Dylans plan for today and mentioned something about visiting some Monk friends of his on some planet somewhere, he said he'd meet us later and he'd bring dinner home."
"Great" replied Dylan, "tell Harper to finish repairs, we're going to bring peace or death to some Nietzcheins. Oh and someone had better inform Tyr that we may need him to get married or join a pride or something."
Meanwhile Harper is fixing stuff in some small access corridor in the middle of the ship. Then, suddenly, Trances tail appears hanging down beside him. As always, the same as everyone, Harper gets an irresistible urge to pull on Trances tail. He does and it of course, comes off in his hand. He gets so surprised, he falls down a couple of decks. Trance, meanwhile starts crying, turns and runs towards the command deck saying "I'm gonna tell Dylan that you pulled my tail off."
Tyr was in the gym, taking out all his frustration on a punchbag, well maybe not all his frustration. With each punch he shouts "take that drago-kazov, take that jaguar pride, take that Santa Claus." Beka who by this time is standing at the door says "Santa Claus?" "Yes, well he never brought me any presents" "So you were a bad Nietzchein" "And well you know, are we still on for tonight" Tyr asks with a smile. "We are if Dylan doesn't get us killed" Beka replies also smiling.
Tyr sighes with frustration, (no, not that type of frustration) "What has the good Captain gone and gotten us into now?" " A pride war, he says you may need to be chosen as a mate or join a pride, sleep with a few women, the usual. "Oh, well, I better go put my special alpha male aftershave on, (Tyr mutters as he walks away) I don't see Captain Hunt putting special highguard aftershave on.....
While all this was happening, Trance was on the bridge, roaring crying about how Harper had pulled her tail off. Dylan was trying to comfort her, "There, there Trance," he said awkwardly patting her shoulder . "It was a bit of a nuisance, wasn't it, always getting in the way, helping you get the rope around your wrists loose before someone came to rescue you. Your better off without it.
Just then Harper walks in with the much consoled over tail. "It's okay Trance, I can fix it, we just need some superglue. We can get Rev to pick some up on his way home, he can stop off at Star. Just then above Harpers head appeared a Star sign, and the jingle from the Star advertisement played(to the Spar ad. tune) "All you need, when you need it, under the debris at Star..." Everyone looks at Harper. "What can I say, I'm their new sales Rep." "but Harper" Dylan whines "you already work for me" "Well yeah but these these guys give holidays and bonuses. The only bonus we get around here is a complementary dinner when someone joins the Commonwealth, and thats happened like, what, twice?" "Good point!" Dylan concedes. "Note to self - more complementary dinners"
They arrive at the area of space between where the two Nietzhean prides are fighting. A battle was just beginning. Dylan was briefing his crew about the war. "The Carns and the Herbs are fighting because the Carns own the McDonalds franchise and because their carnivorous they stopped them selling Veggie burgers. The Herbs because they are herbivors are not happy about the situation and are fighting the Carns for control of the franchise or the return of the Veggie burgers. As you can see people it's all very complicated and political, you know all that boring stuff. We have two options - We can spend a few days negotiating until one pride eventually tries to annialate us or the two prides join together to get rid of us or we could just annialate them both now while their unprepared and hence ending the war by killing lots of people or we could start up our own franchise, call it McCommonwealth and sell both meat and veggie burgers. All options are likely to get us killed so which one will we choose?
Tyrs hand waves in the air. "Yes Tyr, you have a suggestion?"
"Well, sir, I really want to try out the new guns today and since the Nietzcheans look like great target practice, especcially with those pro-meat and pro-vegetable banners across their hulls." "But", Beka interjected, "Rev's bringing dinner home and because he's a Wayist and all, he'll either bring tofu or some kind of soupy stuff that tastes like gruel, like last time." "Beka that was gruel, Rev had just returned from visiting a Wayist orphanage." said Harper.
"Oh", replied Beka, "Anyway we should then consider either trying to make peace or setting up our own franchise so we can have some Hamburgers for dinner." "Well",Tyr begins once more, " I think option two would facilitate both our needs. We make peace between the Nietzcheans, eat hamburgers, they go behind our backs anyway and we escape because of our really big guns."
"Suits me," says Dylan, "Andromeda, activiate negotiation mode authorisation Captain Hunt, blah blah, woof woof".
"Mode engaged". Immediately banners appear all over the ship with the words - A restored commonwealth, all the sentient being working together to make peace, and kick some Magog ass.
On different parts of the ship songs are playing such as "Peace is flowing", "Make hay not war" and other peace-loving songs including some national anthems.
"Captain hunt is standing on the Command deck, looking ready for anything. "Alright people, it's negotiation time!"
Later that day, after the negotiations, hamburgers, and fight almost to the bloody death......
Dylan was standing on the command deck looking triumphant. The Andromeda hologram asks "What will we do now Dylan? He replies, "Same thing we do every day Blinky, Try to take over the universe!!!!!! ....... No, wait, later than that.
Tyr and Beka were in bed, enjoying each others company.
It was early morning but neither of them had slept yet. Beka suddenly jumped out of the bed, ran to the bathroom and was sick. Later, in medical Beka was lying down and Tyr sat beside her looking concerned. "Must have been all the hamburgers." he joked. Trance spoke "Actually, Beka your pregnant." Beka looked shocked. Tyr looked at Trance, "How could this happen," he asked shocked also. "Well, you see Trance began, "When a man really loves a woman, they....
If your an Angel fan, then yes the next part is a spoofy parody of the whole Connor thing but in more Andromeda terms. If your not a fan, you should be, think of all the endless plots your missing out on, the lack of one, the Darla one, the Connor one........
Tyr and Beka hadn't spoken for a few days or months. Anyway by now Bekas bump is really big but Beka doesn't want the baby so she has tried numerous ways of getting rid of it, nameably eating hamburgers. She gets upset one day and tries eating more hamburgers, she just couldn't get enough to rid herself of her hunger.
Tyr walks in and tries to stop her. He gets her against the wall. She hits at him with her fists. He hugs her to stop her, then he feels it. "That's why you can't get enough hamburgers, you crave protein, the baby, our baby, it has two hearts." Tyr realises the wonder of this, the guy, you know the one Tyr stole the remains of, i can't quite remember his name.(Musefonie or something) Anyway he had two beating hearts. (why? , because my plot needed it). This meant his and Beka child, might be the great leader. He who would bring all the Nietzchean together to work as one. Well, either that or the baby was Than. (Also for the plot)
And........
The day arrived, all the crew gathered to see Beka and Tyr's baby. Harper commented, "Hey, where's Rev, I haven't seen him for a while......". On further reflection he realised he hadn't seen Rev since the day he left to go to some monastery while they fought the prides. No-one had noticed.
Anyway after lots of pain, screaming and shouting, the baby was born. Tyr carried it out to his fellow crew members who waited outside medical. "Our baby, it's human, it has two hearts and it's a girl!!. Tyr was suprised. The reincarnated whats-his-name came back as a girl.
Beka was tired, Tyr was tyred. See the treouble with babies was, they cried, a lot. And their kid just wouldn't shut up. Suddenly all the power in the ship went off, and some guy came on with a bunch of other people and weapons. Tyr was holding the baby who they'd named Tori after some relation of Beka's and Tyr's mother name (Victoria). Suddenly they were surrounded, the Guy, Poltz, grabbed Tori from Tyr's arms, some other guy, Tarlantus, we'll call him, said "Kill the child, Poltz, kill it. Tyr and Beka cried "No". Poltz said " I want to raise this child as my own, I will be it's father. (Note at some point along this Rev who should have been here, should have unearthed a prophesy about Tyr killing Tori, but he's not here so, sigh, shrug and shake of head. ) No shouts Tarlantus and opens up a portal that looks like a slipstream portal. "Kill the child or all the universe will be sucked into this demon slipstream" Poltz, who is still holding Tori, runs and jumps into the portal. It closes, all the people leave and Beka and Tyr are left sitting on the floor crying. Their child, Tori gone..........
To be continued, but only if you want it too.