Mind Games

1. Promises

WTF, WTF.

Let's just say this came out because a) I was utterly stuck on writing a scholarship essay, b) I was utterly stuck on my semi-serious superhero story which I'll eventually post on fictionpress if I can ever get past finishing this goddamned chapter (not likely!), c) I was stuck on the next chapter of Through a Mirror, Darkly, and d) I refuse to work on revising my novel until after the state Academic Decathlon competition.

So basically, I wanted to write but couldn't work on any of my halfway serious projects (there's always finishing Most Perfect Servant, but at this point in time that's highly unlikely). So I crapped out this in my frustration.

I like this. It's basically all dialogue with very little plot. I've gotten tired of writing plot. So this is something fun and easy and a little weird, plus there's some slashy action going on, though not much. Douchey Batman and whiny Edward are my favorite ways of writing those characters. Actually, this is the first time I've ever written those two in a halfway serious way. So maybe they're OOC. I don't know. I haven't read enough comics 'cause I'm pretty new to the comics fandom (sadly for a long time I was an animu manga weaboo, now I only read Kuroshitsuji. Make of that as you will), so I don't know if this portrayal is accurate since I'm unaware of all the complex canon crap going on because I can't afford comics and there isn't any Onemanga or Mangafox for comics. So I swallow sadness, like a boss.

This is rambling and nonsensical and I get the feeling it is way too late at night. So I will shut up now and let you read this. I do intend on making this a series of Edward centric stories involving different pairings. This one is Batman/Edward with some hints of Jonathan/Edward.

Batman spun around and punched Edward Nigma directly in the face.

Needless to say Edward had not been expecting such cruel treatment from The Dark Knight. Ha, now that was a lie. Every time he saw Batman, well, he expected cruel treatment of some sort. Batman just didn't know the meaning of the word gentle. Still--getting punched like that, when he'd done nothing wrong? Even he had to rail against the injustice of such an act.

"That hurt, Batman!" he cried, wiping the blood away from his mouth.

"That's the point, Eddie," Batman said, his voice heavy with irony.

"Why would you do something like that?" Edward sputtered. "We were getting along just fine, too!"

"Just fine? You were irritating me, Eddie. I haven't got time for your riddles. I need to know what Scarecrow's doing and I need to know it now."

"And you think I know?" Edward said glumly. "How should I know a thing about what that big sack of straw is doing? I'm legit now. I haven't associated with him for months."

"Eddie, I have reasonable suspicion to believe that you would be perfectly aware of Scarecrow's activities." Batman's voice was an irritated growl. That sort of growl never portended good things to Edward.

"Well, your reasonable suspicion is wrong," Edward said, but he was quaking a little inside. "Riddle me this, Batman--"

Batman hit him again. Edward stumbled like a drunken man and almost fell off the edge of the roof that he and Batman were standing on--Batman so very generously snatched him by the wrist and hauled him up to his feet. Edward glared up at Batman's masked face, at the narrow slits of white that were all he could see of his former nemesis's eyes, and had to fight down the suicidal urge to spit at that face.

Dear lord. His face was throbbing insanely and his head was spinning. Batman's punches were like being slammed by a freight train. No matter how many times it happened to him, he could never get used to it.

"No riddles, Eddie," Batman hissed, giving Edward a shake.

"But Batman," Edward began in a whine. "I'm serious. I don't know. Whatever the hell Scarecrow's planning, I've got no part in it. I swear."

"Then why did he call your office earlier tonight?" Batman delivered Edward another shake; Edward thought he could feel his brain rattling around in his skull. Colorful lights were beginning to dance in his vision.

"Well--er--it wasn't to include me in his plans. He was threatening me, Batman, you've got to believe--wait a minute. How do you know he called me?"

A grim and ironic smile crossed Batman's face, making him look a hundred times scarier. "I know these things, Eddie."

"That's not an answer!" Edward yelled. "Have you been bugging my office? Have you been wiretapping my phone? That's--that's illegal, Batman! It's unconstitutional!"

"How ironic. The former criminal is lecturing me about illegal activities."

"Yeah, keyword, former! Batman, this is really the lowest of the low."

"Eddie, just tell me what Scarecrow said to you." Batman sounded exasperated.

"Nothing! Well, er..." Since Batman was glaring at him like he wanted nothing more than to kick his teeth in, he quickly amended his words. "He was basically threatening me. Saying that if I didn't join him, he was going to come to my office personally and flood it with fear gas. So that's why I came looking for you in the first place."

"Edward, I am not your guardian angel," Batman said.

"Well, I guess I'll have to settle for guardian bat, then," Edward couldn't resist quipping.

Batman's mouth twitched, though whether into a smile or frown Edward couldn't tell. Good lord that Batman. What made him most frightening was how difficult it was to read his face. He wasn't like Edward, who couldn't hide his emotions to save his life.

"I am not your guardian of any kind. All I need from you is the information I need to stop Scarecrow."

"What, we can't team up, Bats?"

"The day I team up with you, Edward..." Batman growled. He was still holding on to Edward's wrist, and took advantage of that to deliver Edward's wrist a firm, bruising, nearly bone-crushing squeeze. Edward yowled aloud.

"Oww, dammit! Stop it! Why the hell are you beating me up? You're the one who's in the wrong here, Mr. Illegal Wiretap--"

"Don't get so wrapped up in it, Edward." Batman seized his shoulder and shook him in exasperation; Edward whimpered. His head was starting to spin. This much shaking couldn't be healthy for a man.

"I will get wrapped up in it, Batman! Because you're the one who's invading my privacy! What, do you have cameras, too? Do you watch me when I'm in the bathroom? When I shower?"

"No," was the terse reply.

"You're a creepy stalker," Edward whined. Not his most clever turn of phrase, that much was true--but hey, it was true. No one but a stalker of the creepiest magnitude would actually think of tapping a rival's phone. "You stalker, I should get a restraining order against you--"

"Eddie." Batman sounded utterly exasperated. "It's not stalking. I'm merely...keeping tabs on you. In case you relapse."

"You really don't trust me that much?" Edward shouted, leaning up close in the hopes that his shouting would hurt Batman's ears. Not likely, though.

"I've never trusted you, Eddie."

"You're a liar, Batman! A lying stalker!"

"For the last time, Eddie, I am not stalking you. And I need to know Scarecrow's plans, now! I've had enough of this. Quit playing around with me. People's lives are at stake!" Batman was now squeezing both of Edward's shoulders, and had bent down slightly so that they were eye-to-eye.

Edward, seized by a fit of immaturity, mumbled, "Question, Batman: What must be returned before it can be given? That's right, a favor."

"A favor." Batman's eyebrow may or may not have twitched. It was hard to tell through that cowl. "Enough, Eddie. I don't have time for your silly games."

"It's a simple favor, Batman," Edward said. "All you have to do is stop tapping my phone and take out any hidden bugs or cameras you've got in my office."

"Edward, I'm running out of time here. I am not going to waste my time knocking in the walls of your office--"

"A ha!" Edward cried, beeping Batman on the nose--his triumph held his sense of self-preservation in check. "So you really did bug my office! That's as good a confession as any!"

Batman growled. Edward did not want to admit that the sound made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up--it wasn't a human sound, it was an animal sound. A creature of the night sound.

"Come on, Bats. It can't be that hard..." he began, wheedlingly.

"Question, Eddie: What must be returned before it can be given?"

"Batman..." Edward whined.

"Or perhaps you'd prefer, what came first--the chicken or the egg?"

"And your point is..."

"We could stand around all night arguing like children over which favor to fulfill first, or, you could do the sensible thing and help me track down Scarecrow. What will it be, Eddie?"

"Batman, I don't...like this," Edward said, lowering his voice and gazing at the ground. "I've pretty much accepted that you--well, the way you treat me isn't good by any extents, and I've no illusions it will ever be. But at least you don't have to throw in something like...at least you don't have to invade my privacy like that. All I'm asking is that you trust me, at least once. You can hate me and beat me up and do whatever the hell you want with me during the nights. But at least try to trust me a little bit. When I say something, why don't you ever believe it?"

"Because, Edward, you never say the truth," Batman said, his voice stern. "With you, it's always a mystery. Broken into a jigsaw puzzle. Wrapped in a conundrum. Hidden in a Chinese box."

Edward wanted very badly to point out the utter creepiness of completely memorizing your not-so-enemy-not-so-lover's past words, but felt that in this situation it would not be prudent. He'd still like to be standing tomorrow morning, after all.

"That was...the way I was before. I've gone straight now."

"But you still don't give straight answers. All I need is to know what Scarecrow is up to. Can you at least do that much? For me?"

Edward didn't miss how Batman's voice softened with the last two words, how his grip on Edward's shoulders loosened, became more gentle. It was all a ploy, of course, premeditated to get Edward on his side. And yet...he fell for it anyhow.

Because Batman was so rarely gentle. Because Batman almost never took that tone with him. It was all false, of course, but...he liked it anyway.

And perhaps he could entertain the notion that Edward wasn't the only one who had to coat the truth with layer after layer of mystery and falsehood before he could utter it aloud. It was a silly idea but one he clung on to ferociously--because it justified why he kept seeking Batman out, when honestly, the Dark Knight never had anything to offer him.

"Batman," he said. "All right, then...but after we're finished tonight, you had better remove every last bug from my office! Or I, I'll..."

Naturally, Edward had no serious threats to hold over Batman. Sometimes he liked to envision their relationship--or whatever it was they had--as a seesaw. On one side sat the heavy hunk of muscle Batman, tilting the seesaw completely into the air, while poor anemic little Edward Nigma clung desperately to the edge of the side pointed straight at the sky. How sad and fitting.

"Of course, Eddie," Batman said, his tone deeply ironic. Edward furrowed his brow and glared at Batman.

"Somehow, I'd appreciate it if you sounded more sincere."

"I am sincere."

"You're a riot, Batman. You know, one day you really ought to go into stand-up comedy," Edward said, his mouth moving without him thinking. He cringed a little, preparing for another blow.

All Batman did, though, was pull down the brim of his hat, so that it completely covered his eyes. Edward squawked in surprise and indignation and quickly struggled to readjust his hat. More than anything, he resented being treated as a child--a fact Batman probably knew well.

"I am being sincere," Batman said again, and this time he sounded like he actually meant it. "As soon as I'm finished with Scarecrow. Now, Edward, tell me what you know."

"Promise, Batman."

"Eddie..."

"One little promise won't kill you! You say that I never give you a reason for you to trust me, but maybe you're the one who won't give yourself a chance to trust me! Consider this...a first step. All right?"

He did a silly thing then and reached out and patted Batman on the side of his face. Batman's skin was surprisingly warm and he found himself longing to hold the touch a little longer--but that was suicide if anything. Batman, anyway, seized him by the wrist and forced his hand back down again.

"Very well, Eddie," Batman said gruffly. "I promise that I'll remove the bugs from your office and stop tapping your phone. But in return, you must promise to help me."

"See, Bats? A little trust goes a long way," Edward said. "It's a promise."

Batman seized him by the tie and pulled him into a hard, brutal, and entirely one-sided kiss. Edward squirmed and protested at first, but he could never fight Batman for long. So he hung limply in Batman's grip, letting the Dark Knight ravage his mouth, and even began to tentatively return the kiss. This close to Batman, it was overwhelming--he was so hot, so strong, and so damnably skilled with that tongue.

But of course all could things had to come to an end, and Batman pulled away, though he paused to lightly suck at Edward's lips before drawing away from him completely. "My, my, aren't we eager tonight," Edward said, wiping at his mouth. "What was that for?"

"A promise," Batman growled, "is nothing if it's not sealed."

Edward laughed out loud. "Sealed with a kiss, hmm?"

Batman squeezed his shoulder again, just enough to be painful, but now Edward could have sworn that he was smiling. "Now, Eddie. Tell me--what is Scarecrow up to?"

I get the feeling that this version of Batman owes more to All Star Batman than the canon Batman. What a bastard. Hell, he probably owes more to Edward Cullen than any other character! I bet that if Cullen had access to Batman's gadgets he'd be bugging and wiretapping Bella. Cuz Big Brother is so damnably romantic! Squeeeee Robert Pattinson is hot not.

Maybe I'll do a follow-up in which Batman and Edward confront Scarecrow in a very sexy way. Probably not, becase that would involve too much action and not enough talking. I would rather write talking than action right now. Then again, it is very late, so my mind is not working properly.

The M rating will be put into full use for later chapters, I hope. I haven't been in a very smutty mood as of late, but I one way or the other I am going to throw some PWP's into this. Because Edward deserves them.

Review if you want to.