"ISO"
A Law & Order: Criminal Intent Fanfiction
Written by Kate "SuperKate" Butler
March 3, 2005 Personal Ads, The New York Ledger
#562
Divorced WM with joint custody of four kids ISO F 30 – 40 for reasonable commitment. Must be tolerant of long hours on cases that can't really be discussed outside the squad room. Must enjoy men with muscles, and not mind tempers.
#844
SF, heritage pretty much unknown, ISO SWF, straight blonde hair, blue eyes, sexy in glasses, enjoys arguments and fine wine, always sexy in business casual, high-class and high-maintenance but well worth it. Preferably goes by the name of "Alex."
#1012
SBM in law ISO BF. Age can be discussed at a later date, but applicant must be patient, kind, smart, tolerant, and altogether nothing like a particularly underhanded Major Case detective who I know. (I can provide a list of undesirable traits to any applicant at the earliest convenience.)
#1177
SWM ISO SWF who does not, for once, remind me of my dead assistant from years ago. Those women with dark hair, low voices, and sexy legs need not apply.
#1469
SWF, sexy redhead with soulful green eyes and alabaster skin, ISO SWM, age 28-32, tall, dark, handsome, kind, and willing to feed me strawberries and cream in bed for the rest of my life. Must enjoy long walks on the beach, romantic poetry, candlelit dinners, ponderings on the nature of the moon and stars, and Broadway show tunes.
#1573
SWM, 36 years, 7 months, 8 days, 11 hours (as of 2 p.m. on 3/2/05) ISO SWF, aged 33 years, 4 months, 9 days, 2 hours (again, as of 2 p.m. on 3/2/05). Slight build, 5-foot, 3-inch height, and fondness for mochas required. Also must be tolerant of ramblings and odd tangents that seem to lead no where but really form a coherent point, and have an inclination towards truth/justice. Must be supportive, patient, kind, but have a strong personality and the ability to hold her own in conversation and interrogation. Short hair is preferable as well, though I did like it when your hair was just a little bit longer, but maybe that's just me. Clothing style should include…
(Editor's Note: Ad truncated for length; exceeded 120-word requirement.)
#1574
SWF ISO Detective Bobby Goren to stop writing ridiculously detailed personal ads that I know are about me. Until you get up from that desk, close the paper, and actually move all of three steps to ask me out on a date, I'm not replying. You hear me, Bobby? I AM NOT GOING TO CALL IN RESPONSE TO YOUR AD, SO YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO DO THIS YOURSELF. Oh, and just to alleviate any twitchy fears that may come of this: Once you do get up the guts to ask me out, the answer is yes. Sincerely, Alex.
Fin.
Standard Disclaimer: Law & Order and all characters belong to Dick Wolf and NBC. Since I am neither Mr. Wolf nor NBC, they do not belong to me. I just play with them.
Author's Notes: This originally was just going to be Bobby writing a ridiculously detailed personal ad that was obviously about Alex, but I thought this would be more fun. Actually, all of the personal ads are characters from the various shows. If you didn't guess, here's your answer key (in order):
Elliott Stabler, SVU
Olivia Benson, SVU
Ron Carver, CI
Jack McCoy, TOS
Casey Novak, SVU
And then, of course, Bobby and Alex. The coup de grace, and all that. I love that pairing. They make me happy.
March 4, 2005
12:35 p.m.