Thank God, I found the good in goodbye.
Because you are the good damn thing in my whole life, ever.
And I'll do all the effort to make you come back to my side.
Because it sucks to be without you right now.
I used to want you so bad.
Piano tunes could be heard from this far, played by a jet-black shorthaired guy in the studio. That guy was a former member of DBSK the Rising Gods of the East, Kim Jaejoong. Yes, you must have been heard about the news. Now the 3 major vocalists separate themselves due the lawsuit with the company, left the oldest and the youngest of the group. He started to make a trio group that consists of him, Junsu and Yoochun, which called JYJ.
That is true, that he missed the rapper and that food-addict magnae. But the main problem is their company whose prohibits him to meet with them. And so, he was Yunho's lover till this time. Jaejoong desperately waiting for the time where he and Yunho will meet, spend the time happily together without anyone else then have a nice dinner with those younger members. And later, the favorite time for the both, hot-steamy-yet-sticky love making that full of love, lust, noise, moan, pain, pleasure and rounds.
Jaejoong just recalling the beautiful moments in the past, along with the notes he played. He sighed, done the playing as the sleepy feeling dragged him to the couch. Staring at the ceiling wondered how's his lover condition, how's the food war within those appa-son relationship partner, and is he missing me now? Mind filled with the fidgety feelings inside, he chose barely closing his eyes to forget all the burdensome things before.
The misery attacking the older guy inside, he just act smiling in front of everyone. Every smile, laughs, just felt bitterer without his one and only named Jaejoong. That angel of his life was gone, left him behind even that angel felt disappointed too but he needs his freedom. The goodbye was a good farewell. But hey, even its good it never be the nice one, huh?
Thank God, I found the good in goodbye.
Well, yeah when Jaejoong decided to leave the group, Yunho was angry about it and he snapped the shorter one. "Why you dare to leave me! I thought that you can hold the pressure when you're with me, together like you said before... But look! You're leaving! Where your commitment goes? Running away with the wind! So egoist."
"Now see Yunho! I have family, I really love them, and that the first reason why I have to go. Second, I need the freedom of my life. Third, the contract wasn't fair! It's just like working 24/7 but you just being paid for none. If you want you can join us-"
"I know! But money isn't what I'm talking about now! It's about dream, our dream Jae! Remember when we still in our trainee day? We used to share our thought, when we imagined the future, to be the best boy band in Korea, based with our talents, strengthens by the solidarity, and always keep the faith. That's our commitment, and that's one of my reasons for loving you, for always keeps the faith."
Because you're the good damn thing in my whole life ever.
"Jaejoong-hyung, wake up."
"Jaejoong-hyung!"
"Oi, JeJe-hyung! Wake up you lazy head!"
One chance to go. He took his cell phone and plays the Yunho's voice record.
'Boo-Jae~~ Irreonna~'
Instead of waking up, he unconsciously grabbed Junsu's arm and kissed him on his cheek.
"Yunho-yah~ 5 minutes more~" and then Jaejoong got a smack right on his head.
"WAKE UP YOU PABOOO!"
"WAAAAAH!"
"What's on earth?! You almost sexually assaulted me in your sleep!"
"I thought you're Yunho..."
"Wimp. So hopeless romantic."
Not approve with what Junsu has said, he tackled him and spank his duck butt. A scream followed and echoed throughout the building.
"YOU'RE ARRESTED YOU-SOON-TO-BE-JUNG-JAEJOONG!"
.::::::::::::.
"I'll go out to buy some bread, anyone?"
"Buy me bottles of water, I'm thirsty."
"Me too."
Jaejoong immediately rushed to the downstairs and ran to the shop, taking all the goods in the basket but unfortunately an unexpected person appeared in his sight...
"Yun-..."
A sudden tight hug circling around his waist.
"Kim Jaejoong, I miss you."
Sitting on a bench with cans of beverage outside, no interaction have been done, just enjoying each other company. Hands intertwined, love gazes sent through both eyes. It has been a long time and it's the only time they can enjoy the moment only of them both.
"Yun..."
"Jae-"
They called in union.
"Well, you first…."Yunho said.
"I just wanna ask 'how are you and Changmin?''"
"Fine, thanks."
"Then what you wanna tell me?"
"I..."
Jaejoong frowned, a tensed face was all written in Yunho's face.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk then..."
Why it is hard to say? I have to say it now or I will be a coward for the rest of my life.
"Jaejoong-ah. Please, comeback to me..."
Big pause.
"I can't stand this. Please, I beg you..."
I still love you.
And I'll do all the effort to make you come back to my side.
A wet eyed Jaejoong got back from the shopping, put down the bag carelessly, made the dongsaeng surprized by sudden bam.
"Aigoo! Why are you so weird today! Don't- Yah, why are you crying?"
"I don't know and I don't want to know why." and Jaejoong left the room then locked himself in the closet.
Junsu and Yoochun exchanged the 'I dunno' expression soon after.
Jaejoong's cellphone was ringing non-stop since he arrived at the studio, however he didn't care. He already knows who the caller was, Yunho.
"You idiot, idiot! Stupid liar!"Jaejoong throw his phone carelessly, the cries hadn't submized since then.
How could be he did not confused about all the confession Yunho said before? Just like everything has gone into the wrong side.
Flashback
"Jaejoong... I know, I'm a jerk, to not understand you well. I was stupid, a heartless boyfriend I had became... But I realized that I'm nothing, I'm nothing without you. I couldn't concentrate to my jobs, everything felt bitter. I'm blaming myself for everything that had done. I want you-"
A slap landed on Yunho's left cheek.
"...Just now you say it?"
When Yunho was about to say a word, Jaejoong barged in.
"How dare you! You even never call me once after our parting! I can understand if you can't go outside to meet me, but a call, Yunho? Is that you all busy? Have you thought about your own ego...?" Jaejoong voice became hoarse because of crying. He paused, trying to catch his breath back.
"I know I was late to realize everything but..."Yunho lost his own words.
"But for what Jung Yunho?! Stop making unreasonable excuse! I hate y- mmph!" He was silenced by a pair of lips, the lips that he was craving for. But he chose to deny the fact. He hate this feeling back, it was making him all weak.
"I love you, I love you, I'm sorry... Can you love me again?"Yunho's eyes look so deep, so sad, but he can't.
He chose to run.
Run away.
Go, go, and go.
End of flashback
.::::::::::::.
An empty bottle of beer.
Two empty bottles of beer.
Turned into many.
He's drunk.
Yunho's drunk.
He failed to gain back Jaejoong's belief on him, and not directly to say, they had broke up.
Still drinking his beer, his face was total red and sweat drenched from above his head to his body. He was messing everywhere. Kicking random things carelessly, some of them were broken and the pieces shattered on the floor, made his feet bleeding. However he didn't care, his feeling was messed up, like in chaos.
Lucky Changmin wasn't there and the managers have not comeback yet from the meeting.
Yunho held his hand, the hand that was used to touch Jaejoong before.
Soft and warm yet bit different.
Because I hadn't held his hand for very, very, long time, like forever.
Every embrace, and a memory of his smile, give me a goose-bump.
Goose-bump of fear, fear to lose him for the rest of my life.
I don't know, if I can stand and go on without him.
Those memories are bittersweet, to be forgotten, and to remember.
Also...
Because it sucks to be without you right now.
.::::::::::::::.
Jaejoong had stopped crying, his eyes felt heavy already. Laid his body on the chilly floor, unconsciously deep slumber was taking him to the dream world…
Not until his phone rang. He took his phone and barely glanced at his ID screen, showing:
Shim Changmin
+8234888902XXX
He chose to ignore the call, he thought 'why bother if that's just Yunho borrow his phone'
Second call.
Third call.
Fourth call.
And so on.
After for maybe the thousandth times, he accepts it. It did sound quite annoying for his ears.
"Yoboseyo?"
"Jae-hyung! Why you ignore my call? Isn't it clear it's my number not Yunho's?! Anyway, what's wrong between you and this drunk man who's lying on the floor and whining like a baby crying for his mom?! He's- Yunho-hyung, are you stupid—Ahhhh! That is my taiyaki from Japan, dammit! Why you eat them for Buddha's sake! Pabo!"
"… Just in case when he awake from his drunken state, tell him it was his lie does."
"Huh? Wait a minute! I don't know your and his problem and I won't lay a finger on it! Solve by yourself! Aigoo, Yunho-hyung stop being a sober! "
"I'm going to hang-"
"YAH! Don't dare you! I have words to say for you and you have to listen!"
"Mmm, kay."
"I know you pretend like you listen to my words, so just let's get to the point."
He continued, "If you still love him why you make everything so hard, it will only make you restraining yourself. I am not sure that you will forgive his mistake just easily like erasing the wrong letter on the paper. Uh-oh, I see I am getting sucks at putting my words… Well, simply, I just want to say, will you give him a chance to fix everything?"
"…"
"This pabo, he may really cool or you say perfect in doing his job. The best hard worker, he never gives up until he gets what he wants. Say, compared with the dongsaeng-deul, no one can keep the work like him, which is why he is being selfish, not letting an action that will interfere his job, or something he had achieved. Nobody can, include you."
A silent pause filled the conversation between those guys. Jaejoong seems not interested to hear anymore, to him that was a bunch of bullshit. But the line after, give him a shiver of jolt, lurched his stomach inside.
"Later, he regretted that his selfishness made he broken. His job performance drops and he often dazing out at the sky, maybe wondering about you. Seems like total lossing of the most precious jewel he ever had, and that is you, Jaejoong-hyung. That maybe, made Yunho-hyung is the most selfish yet an idiot person I've had ever met."
"I'm in no mood for jokes. Sorry."
"I told you the real thing, hyung. You still saying this is a bullshit for twice? Then I'll run into you only for hit your head."
Suddenly aloud laughing burst peaking from Changmin's phone, it was Jaejoong's laugh of ease.
"Give me the most real reason to make me believe, you kiddo."
"Let reality speaks by itself. You may know it by yourself. Everything will chained into a big conclucion and settled in the best way."
"You smart-ass, what can I do for you?" Hint of big grint painted in Jaejoong face.
"Be okay with my appa, before he doing other stupid thing for the second time, umma. Then, enough for me to clean up the mess he made before managers come back. Be sure to take all my words, I'll wait for your next action. Anyway, text me if you need a hand."
Like, damn, I should not talk to my so-called-son happily like this. He is smart at persuading the olders.
"I'll clean the rest, Minnie-ah."
"Shissus. You're crazy as always, just like him."
"If I am not, I would not be your umma."
.::::::::::::.
Yunho woke up with stinging alchohol reek from his clothes and his head feeling slighty dizzy from last night hangover. 'I must be really drunk' he hummed, almost inaudible. He gapped when he looked out his surrounding. What's the difference from last night is the room, he didn't remember that he already doing the clean up. Everything was placed nicely, completely perfect like what he always wanted. Thinking of someone who doing this, no way that food-boy can do a super-tidy-cleaning like this, neither the manager...
Out of the blue, sweet aroma of a dish, kind of cinammon, honey, or something, filling his nostril and replacing the digusting smell before.
He stood up and tilt his head-angle to the cook.
He saw a guy- backfacing him with short black jet hair, has shorter frame and slimmer than his.
Of course this person, definitely not the magnae.
When the person turned his body and finished putting the food on the plate... his body automatically moves. His eyes bobbed out, uprising happiness filling his whole soul.
In a instant, Yunho held both of the person's hands, and yanked him roughly. Hugging the body firmly, every pent of his longing poured up in this passionate hug and slowly, it turned into a deep, loving kiss. Trying to struggle, Jaejoong was hesitant to kiss Yunho at first. But it cannot be helped, the feeling inside his ribs was too much, they kissed like there's no tomorrow. Full of tongue fighting for dominance, exploring the each cave into the every detail as they mumbling the name of theirs, both of hands intertwined tightly and the needs of love affection that buried for such a long ago were being digged up...
When Yunho acknowledged that Jaejoong's face was truly pale, he stopped the kiss and let his lover catch the air back. He would blaming his own stupidity if Jaejoong faints. He just missing the softness and the warmth. Rufling the hair, and smelt the scent. He still use the same shampoo, it's sweet vanilla ones. His taste never changes.
"Ah, let go of me! My hands hurt, pabo!"
"Thank goodness, Jaejoong."
"Sorry. Then, this way is better.." Yunho cirling his arms around Jaejoong's body tightly, making the latter hard to struggle. But he didn't tried to escape or anything, just stayed and leaning his head on Yunho's shoulder. "You know, I missed you so much. When you move out from here, once I feel nothing, but later I feel like something that's really worth gone, and seems like I'm not used to stay in this place. My mind, my job, and everything messed up. I feel frustated, throwing my tantrum to everyone, then I often booze alone or with Heechul, Leeteuk, or my old-friends till I'm got really drunk and having a hangover in the morning. Still, my mind couldn't settled in the proper order like before."
He huffed and thought more sentences to explain for his lover. "When I met you, I'm really happy, only a simple happiness but that's the best feeling ever. When you said we're over, I feel like stack of brick being threw onto me. There, I found that you're the biggest impact in my world, you are my life, Jaejoong. I'll never-ever, let you go ever again." he smiled and kissed Jaejoong's forehead. "And I admit, my ego is too much. I swear I'll change for you."
"Don't change." The beautiful guy spoke in flash, grabbing Yunho's hem tightly.
"Huh? What-"
"You, don't ever dare to change. Being egoist and selfish is fine, I'll try to mend it. And if you change at all, you're not the same Yunho that I used to know... And I love…" The younger told him, as he tried to avert the older's eyes to hide his embarassment.
"Those lovely words... are make me even love you more than now. I'm not gonna change, all I gonna do is fix myself. So you won't get hurt. Because if you hurt, I'm hurting too." Before Jaejoong could speak and move away, his chin tugged by Yunho first. Their lips met for the second time and no hesitate feeling, because they were sure, all-assured of both feelings. They were full of their love, ready to move forward, whatever it takes.
"You know, your last words are really common. Everyone says that to their partner."
"Couldn't help it, because that's a fact."
Everything about you,
Guess I don't really know
Even so, from one hundred million
I still found you
.::::::::::::.