AN: Hi! This is my first ever fanfiction, and it's to do with the relationship of Nikki and Lorraine from Waterloo Road, I accept constructive criticism just no hating please! And tell me if there's anything I can work/improve on and if you like it or not, please enjoy.
My heart is beating fast, sweat dripping down the sides of my emotionless face.
Like he's teasing me, Michael flicks through a few more pages of Jodie's test paper, a look on his face that I can't identify, Nikki looks at me with reassuring eyes, noticing how nervous I am. One more page is turned, the last page.
"Well! I think she may of done it!" He says, a smirk spreading across his face as he glances up at us. My eyes twinkle with happiness, while Nikki just lets out a sigh of relief, and smiles at me cutely, my heart speeds up.
"How do you think she did it with all that has happened?" Nikki asks, I think she's asking Michael, but she's looking at me, a look of admiration on her face, I laugh, not sure of what to make of her behaviour.
"Well, maybe it made her more determined?" Michael suggests, as more as a question, he nods, still somewhat reading across the paper.
"She's done the PRU proud!" I state, glancing up at Nikki with a smile, she shyly smiles back.
"That she has..." Nikki says, in more of a whisper.
Michael flips through the paper one last time, smiling, and then hands it to Nikki, "put it with the rest, I'll go find her." Nikki smiles at the paper, like it's a cute little puppy found on the street and starts to follow Michael out, then I speak up, feeling more confident now.
"So have you, Nikki-" I start, she turns around confusion spread across her face, and a frown appears, my smile widens as I pull my bag onto my shoulder and move closer to her. "Done the PRU proud, Michael was definitely right when he said; you were the woman for the job!" She smiles now, genuine, my hearts flutters.
"Thanks..." Nikki laughs, I laugh with her, and somehow during the process we've been drawn closer to each over, I want to take a step back to reassure her but I don't, instead I just glance awkwardly at the floor. "It means a lot..." Her voice is much quieter now, and I can tell she is tensing up, she looks down for a second.
When she looks up, she sees that I'm looking at her...staring, I feel my heartbeat increase, and suddenly I feel as though I have been shot, I feel like I can't say or move or do anything, tension is taking over. Her eyes are a beautiful dark blue and her lips look so soft, suddenly the smile from her face is turning slowly to a frown. I then look away, realising that I have just been staring at her in silence.
"I should get back to the PRU, they're probably wondering where I am..." She says, there's something different now, she seems distracted? Confused maybe? She looks down, biting her lip nervously.
"Yeah, 'course." Is all I can say, she nods and turns away, she walks to the door and stops when her hand touches the handle, my heart is beating like never before.
"Look...do you fancy going for a drink later?" She turns to me, something is in her eyes, it looks like desperation, but I can't be sure, she seems to regret it, like I'll say no, but I don't.
"I-um..." I'm staring at her, eyes wide, cheeks a flush, my breathing increases I'm not sure what to say or do...
"Of course you don't...what was I thinking? Sorry, Lorraine." She says, guilt in her voice. Her eyes trail down my body for a last time, and she leaves, without giving me a moment to respond.
Walking out of Waterloo Road. Silence. Darkness. I tighten my the scarf around my neck, partially to keep the cold out and partially to restrict my breathing, to get the voices out of my head. I walk faster, the surroundings becoming blurrier, at first I'm not sure why, then I realise it's because of the hot, stinging tears that are streaming down my face, I keep walking though, not wanting anyone to see my in this state, I'm glad no one is here, I hate to be weak, I hate to be helpless and that's exactly what I feel like right now.
Eventually I see my red Ferrari, I don't know what I was thinking parking it so far away, nothing seems clear at the moment, I want to turn back and find Nikki, apologize, hold her... But I won't, I know she wouldn't appreciate it, so I shakily slip into my Ferrari, and shut the door. I sit there for a while, just staring ahead, mascara dripping down my face and my hands turning white from how hard I had been clutching the steering wheel. Then I look around, feeling slightly calmer in my car, everyone is almost gone, Michael's gone, Audrey's gone but Nikki's car is still there, I wonder what's she is doing, I wonder if she would think about me?
"Don't flatter yourself, Lorraine...of course she wouldn't." I say to myself, that's when it all sinks in and I pull out of the car park, trying not to blind myself with tears, which doesn't do much because then it begins to rain, dark, dark rain.
Later I'm sitting out on the front porch, the rain has stopped, I'm sitting here with three bottles of wine, because I don't want to be brave, I don't want to face reality. I want to be left alone in darkness to die, or unconscious for years. This is as close as I'm going to get, it's dark and I can bearley see anything, and in my sick mind I think maybe just maybe if I think negative enough, part of me will die. I'm taking another and another big gulp of wine, hoping that it will numb my senses, make me forget it all, but all it does is make me remember, remember my past, remember why I'm so cold and haven't had a relationship since I was fifteen and why I am so confused. I close my eyes trying to forget it all, my father laughing above me while I lay defenceless on the cold cellar floor, and how Nikki's changing me so much.
"She's just one woman! One amazing woman...NO!" I almost shout, gulping down two of the three bottles of wine I bought out, I stare at the black, misty sky for awhile, before I slowly fall into a slumber.