The little knight took his seat across from Tolys, who was bound to a stool with a rope. Gilbert wiped his lap as he sat and the corners of his mouth folded into a little grin. He'd shown up in full knightly attire, mantle, helmet, sword and all. Gilbert reached into his bag and pulled out a book. He placed it gingerly on his freshly dusted lap.
"This, Tolys," he said, looking his hostage in the eye. "is the Holy Bible." He skimmed through its gold leafed pages. "It contains scriptures and the word of God and it is what we should all strive to read and live by. Of course, that is a broad generalization, but I hope that with time, you'll come to appreciate what this book really means."
The little knight reached over and gripped Tolys' shoulder. Tolys was a sickly young man nowadays, and at no time had that been more apparent than now. His face was sunken in around his cheeks, his hands were bony and carved out, his rib cage was a shell. Tolys' voice was husky and his breaths were quick and through the mouth. His hands shook. His mantle was thin and almost worn away. The little knight had to look up at him. "Tolys," he continued. "You sad man, you heathen, I know what will help you, I know what can put an end to your depressing little life."
Tolys looked back at the miniature Teuton. Gilbert was everything that Tolys was not. His hair and skin were so pale that they were almost white. His eyes were bright crimson, and even purple if the light was right. His cheeks were plump, his hands soft. Gilbert's canines looked as if they'd been sharpened to a point. His mantle was obviously a little big on him.
Gilbert looked like a little demon from his Hell. Who was he to call Tolys a heathen?
"How did you learn Lithuanian?" Tolys asked, his words coming out dry and broken.
Gilbert flashed another little grin. "I pick up on languages fast," he replied. "And anyway, I needed some way to talk to you."
Tolys didn't respond. Gilbert took that as a signal to keep talking. "You and I are alike in many ways, Tolys. Now, I'll bet you can name one of them, hm?"
"Can't die."
Gilbert nodded "Exactly. Now, if only there was some way to die, wouldn't that be lovely? I think it would. I'd see my God, I think." Gilbert sighed. "I've been on this earth for seventy years, but you wouldn't know it." He gestured to his small body. "I've heard stories, you know, of people like you and me. And I've met some too! Like your Polish friend, all those other Baltics, and some boys out west by the Rhein."
"We can't die, Gilbert, we-we represent groups of people!" Lithuania bounced in his holdings.
Gilbert reached for his sword. "You shouldn't interrupt me, Tolys," he said as he placed it on his lap by the leather bible. "But that may be true. Nonetheless, there seems to be a pattern. When I meet a person like us, a pagan person like us, and they reject Christ, they always die. Why do you think that is, hm?"
"Because you go and kill their people! Without their people, there's no way they could live."
Gilbert stood up, the bible and sword crashed to the floor. "No! They reject the word of God and they are punished by Him! We slaughter the pagans, it's what we must do! And if you continue to reject me, I'll have the Order do the same to your people too!" The little knight picked up his things as Tolys protested from his stool. "If you accept the word of God, you will be freed of your status as a pagan instrument and your immortality. You will be free to age and live a normal life because God's will shall remove this curse put on you by your pagan people. You can die without your people having to."
"What about you, Gilbert?" asked Tolys. "You've made it clear to me that you are a very pious boy, so why are stuck, why are you still a little child?"
"Because," Gilbert scoffed like it was obvious. "I was sent by God! And I won't rest until every single one of you Baltics are converted and safe."
"I think you're just scared, Gilbert, I think you're just scared that your one true God doesn't exist, and that you've been damned to an unending, pathetic life on this earth! You're scared of the thought that you're just like me." While it may seem as though Tolys' ramble had been congruent and uninterrupted, he actually had to stop multiple times in each sentence to take short, quick breaths and then continue on. He was pathetic.
Gilbert gripped his sword tightly in his left hand. "I wouldn't talk like that if I were you! Maybe you've forgotten who's got a weapon and who's got their hands tied behind their back."
Tolys sighed. Gilbert did have a point.
Gilbert began to pace around the room. "I can't believe it! I take you to my home to save you from damnation and to teach you and you criticize me! I learned your language!" He stopped and stood facing Tolys, huffing with anger. Tolys didn't look frightened. "A-and furthermore! If a God doesn't exist, then how do you explain all yours, huh, Tolys?"
The Lithuanian shrugged. "It's simply what I believe. How do we know anything exists?"
"That's not what you're supposed to say!" Gilbert whined. He stood silent in deep thought. "I don't suppose you'd protest to adding God to your cluster?" The little knighted added many minutes later.
Tolys looked at Gilbert's sword. If he said no, then surely, the boy would slash his miniature sword through Tolys' throat.
Not that that'd do anything in the long run, though. Death would be a meaningless facade. Maybe a week later, Tolys' throat would be good as new. Death was the only way Tolys couldn't harm himself. He craved it like a drug. Tolys so desperately wanted to suckle at the teat of death, that he'd do anything to finally end this putrid existence.
"I suppose not."
The little knight leaped for joy. "Great! Oh, I just knew I'd be able to convert you! Once you're able to read the scripture, you really will want to give up your pagan gods, oh, I just know it! From the moment I first saw you, I knew it'd be easy to coerce you! It was so hard for all the others, but, " Gilbert grinned from ear to ear and locked eyes with Tolys. "I know you'll find reading scripture oh so enjoyable!"
Gilbert was a strange one. He could go from a legitimate threat to just a kid bouncing around a room in seconds.
"I'll start by teaching you Latin," Gilbert began. He had a strange teacher-y voice. "That way, you can read the scriptures." The boy walked over to his chair so he could show Tolys his books. "You can't read, can you?" Tolys shook his head. "Oh. Well, it's just an alphabet, I don't think it'll be too hard to learn." Gilbert dug through his satchel for a Latin book. "Don't think that this means I'll let you out of the restraints," He said while rummaging. "I'll untie your hands when we get to writing out characters, but if there's a way to work around that, then I'll see what I can do."
"I have to go relieve myself," said Tolys.
"You haven't eaten anything in days." Gilbert produced two Latin books from his bag.
"Will you feed me?"
"Depends on how fast you learn."
The rest of the day was spent tutoring. Gilbert would read a phrase in Latin and Tolys would have to translate it into Lithuanian. Sometimes Gilbert would throw in a German translation 'just for fun.' Then Gilbert started to read phrases in Lithuanian, and Tolys would have to translate into Latin. He hated when they did that.
They reviewed the alphabet. Gilbert would have Tolys read words in both Latin and Lithuanian. Also, again, sometimes in German.
The sky outside the windows was turning deep indigo. "I think we made good progress," remarked Gilbert as he clutched his books to his chest. Soon, reading will be second nature- no! First nature! You're advancing really well, but you need to work on your diphthongs, I think."
"Thanks."
The two sat there for some time watching the sunset. Gilbert lit candles.
"When will you let me go?" asked Tolys.
"When you're baptized," said Gilbert without looking up. "Say…" he started. His tone made it obvious that he'd been wanting to say something for a while now. "Didn't you have a king that was just baptized?"
Tolys nodded.
"Yes, yes, but then he turned his back on the church, didn't he? I always thought that he'd convert you, but now that he's not an option… well, I guess there's just me now." Gilbert giggled. "Tolys, when you're baptized, you'll be free to roam this earth as much as you please. You won't have long, you know, because the curse will be lifted, but, with the short time you have… Tolys, do you promise me that you will convert your people? I'd hate to see them die."
"I'd hate to see them die too."
"You see, Tolys, in the time I've spent with the Lithuanians when I was learning the language, I grew quite attached to them, to the people. Shake on it, Tolys. Promise me you'll convert them."
"I can't exactly…"
"Oh right. Well, I guess your word will have to do for now."
"I promise, Gilbert." Tolys smiled. "I promise I'll convert them."
Gilbert threw his arms around his tied up companion. "Oh, Tolys, you really are such a good pupil. I knew I could count on you!"
Tolys closed his eyes as Gilbert wrapped his little arms around him. It was going to be a long, long time before he had anything resembling freedom again.
Three months. That's how long it took for Gilbert to teach Tolys both Latin and the basics of Christianity. Tolys learned fast. In those months in Riga, Tolys had stayed with the Teutons at their Livonian fort. He was not allowed outside the building and either a guard or Gilbert had to be with him at all times. It was usually Gilbert.
It seemed that the little knight was infatuated with Tolys. Whenever there was time, Gilbert would pester Tolys for information about pagan religions and riding technique (he was too short to practically man most horses), all the while bragging about his expertise in fencing, literacy, and military tactics. As time went on, Gilbert deemed it mandatory that all conversations be carried out in Latin. German if he was tired.
"Tolys!" Gilbert said one day after their studies. "I have made the best plan. Tomorrow morning, we'll get up at dawn, and I'll take you to the banks of the Daugava River and I personally will baptize you."
"That does seem like a very nice plan, Gilbert," said Tolys. Gilbert was having him read from the bible now, as he always had to before bed. Gilbert had been right: the act of reading was seamless. All the letters stood tall by each other like soldiers in a row and the words were smooth. Whenever he didn't know a word, Tolys could just point to it and Gilbert would recognize it instantly, translating it into both Lithuanian and German.
In his time spent with Gilbert and his forceful 'conversion-isms,' Tolys had come to start believing in Gilbert's God. In a way, at least. If Gilbert was right about Christianity, then maybe he really would lose his immortal status after baptism. It was worth a shot. And, hey, Tolys was basically like a miniature god on earth, it wouldn't be so crazy if there was another one added to his personal pantheon.
"Well I knew you'd like it," said Gilbert. They were walking together around the fort. Even though Tolys had been at the Teutonic fort for so long, he had never really become tired of it. Sure, he couldn't leave it and he most certainly wouldn't want to stay there forever, but he enjoyed the architecture, the towers and turrets, the great stone wall. Tolys enjoyed his conversations with Gilbert, spoken in a strange mix of Latin, Lithuanian, and German. It was mostly peaceful there at the fort.
Besides, it would all be over soon.
"And anyway," continued Gilbert. "I think that you've grown as a person in your time here. I mean, you don't look like a corpse anymore and you can read now. That'll really come in handy later. Especially when you need to teach all the Lithuanian people."
"I will teach them, Gilbert. Trust me."
"Good thing, too! I wouldn't particularly enjoy seeing them all die." Gilbert stopped walking and his tone lowered. "I've had to kill a lot of people, Tol, a lot. The pagans, they'd never listen to me, they'd never listen to the Order. But," he looked up at Tolys. "I know that because you listened to me, they will too now. I'm really happy, you know."
"Mhm, I'm happy too."
"Tol! Stop reading and look at me! I'm glad you like the bible- really, that was the whole point of all this- but I'm talking to you and it's quite rude!"
Tolys looked down at little Gilbert. His white hair was freshly washed and standing up like a cat's. He looked like a dandelion. "Sorry."
"Tomorrow, Tol, when the curse is lifted, will you tell me what it feels like? How heavy is the burden of time, Tol? Will you tell me?"
"I suppose so."
"Wonderful!"
The two boys walked around in silence for a while. It was quiet in the fort. Most of the knights were down south in Prussia, dealing with some battle or something. Gilbert had been very hesitant to give Tolys any details. The only sounds came from mice and the occasional stableboy.
"It's getting dark," Gilbert said suddenly. "We need to be early to rest."
"Ah, right." Tolys made a tick sound with his tongue.
Tolys slept in Gilbert's sleeping quarters. They weren't allowed to be more than an arm's length away from each other, out of fear that Tolys would make a run for it (not that there was anywhere he could even go), so they slept in the same bed, as well.
"Tolys," asked Gilbert later that night. "Are you going to miss me?"
"Whaddya mean?" Tolys asked sheepishly.
"Well, I'm going to miss you," said Gilbert matter-of-factly.
"When I leave the fort?"
"No! When you die! When you're in Heaven."
"Yes." Tolys sincerely doubted he'd go Heaven.
"Good, because I'm really gonna miss you."
They laid there in silence for the rest of the night. Tolys didn't really know how to respond to his little white-haired friend. Maybe it was fine though because soon Gilbert was sound asleep. Tolys followed.
Then morning came. Gilbert shook Tolys awake and together they headed outside towards the river. The cool morning air felt good on Tolys' skin. Gilbert presented him with a white gown and requested that he change into it.
They walked into the crisp river water and Gilbert, who had to tread water to match Tolys' height in the river, lowered the Lithuanian's head under the water. He said something that Tolys couldn't understand. They walked out of the Daugava hand in hand.
"How does it feel?"
"Lighter than a bird in flight."
"I'll see you in Heaven, my friend."
"Maybe one day I'll see you too."
"I've never successfully converted someone like us- or, like me, I suppose- before. It doesn't feel like I thought it would. I thought I would feel good about it. I thought I would be content. But I just feel depressed." Gilbert stared back at the river.
"Really," asked Tolys, raising an eyebrow. "I've never felt better."
"Well, of course, you're fine," said Gilbert, pouting. "You're perfect. You're free."
That night, Tolys left a sleeping Gilbert and snuck out of the fort, taking an overcoat with large pockets with him. He walked along the banks of the Daugava picking out the heaviest, smoothest stones. They were so beautiful. Tolys placed them into his pockets and walked into the cold rolling river.
He laid there on the muddy river floor. He didn't even try to breathe. He was perfect and he was free. The void had never been so welcoming. The inky abyss was a mother to Tolys, a woman he had never known. It reached out with slender arms and pulled the young man into a compassionate embrace.
This is it, thought Tolys. The lukewarm, empty grasp of death.
He loved it.
This was Gilbert's God. This was Gilbert.
Gilbert with his bright eyes and his fangs. His white skin. The little demon from Pomerania.
"It's not fair!" cried Tolys. But all that came out were bubbles. Pulled by the current, they flowed to the left and to the surface of the water.
He would see God, at least.
Tolys had broken his promise with little Gilbert. Poor Gilbert. All that work for nothing.
All the Lithuanians were going to die anyway.
It all went grey.
It was time for Lithuania to die.
A cluster had gathered on the horizon. It brandished its collective sword and stepped ever closer. Inch by inch.
A young man lead the cluster. His long hair billowed in the wind like an old vexillum. He stopped to scan the surroundings for castles. For Teutonic castles. For Livonian castles.
They all had to go.
They had bested the Germans in battle nearly a month before and these castles were the only thing that stood in their way now.
They walked on.
But of course, it wasn't. Lithuania wouldn't die.
Not yet.
Tolys felt himself being pulled out of the Daugava. He was moving. Quickly. He was placed down somewhere. People were speaking German. Yelling in German.
That damn language.
Tolys had died, he was sure of it! But now that same thing had happened. That same thing that would happen after a battle when Tolys would wake suddenly and find himself covered in earth and shit and someone else's blood and he would slowly tread back to camp with an arm missing.
He felt, as his body was bouncing in someone's arms as they ran, the sensation of blood and oxygen being pumped back into his veins by an unknown force.
There was no God.
Tolys awoke once more.
There was Gilbert.
"You lied Tolys. You lied to me." he scowled and shouted in German.
Tolys observed his surroundings. He was back in bed, in Gilbert's quarters.
"I'm sorry, Gilbert, really I am."
"Were you ever going to convert the pagans?"
Tolys shook his head and then he nodded.
"What's that mean."
"I don't know, but I never meant to break your promise. I only ever wanted to see you in heaven."
Gilbert flung himself around the room. "Suicide is a sin! I thought better of you!"
"I'm sorry."
Gilbert stopped mid-pace. "I don't think you are. Prussians and Lithuanians are gathering in Prussia. They're holding siege to our castles and starving our knights. It's all part of your plan, isn't it?"
Tolys sat up. "No, Gilbert, I had to no plan. My only objective was to die. I couldn't have known about the sieges and the uprisings! You refused to tell me about the outside world while I was here!"
Gilbert moved towards the bed. "But you must have known they were unhappy." He got up onto it with some difficulty.
Tolys sat up even farther. "Of course! But I couldn't have known how they'd react."
Gilbert opened his mouth to say something but then closed it. He frowned. "Do you know what this means?"
"What what means?"
"Do you really believe in God?"
Tolys stopped to consider this. He'd been baptized, hadn't he? He didn't really believe in the pagan gods anymore, but he doubted that that was because of Christian influence. "Yes, I suppose. I have taken His word to my heart."
The little knight started to weep. "You were in that river for hours! I saw you, the top of your head floating just above the water. I-I thought that it must have somehow been an accident but… then I realized that there would be something weighing you down and…"
Gilbert fell into Tolys' lap and began to sob uncontrollably. "Y-y-y-you an' me, y'know, we… th-that means 'c-cause y'died bu' then you didn't and y'know… we're the sa-ame!" He cried even harder.
Tolys sighed deeply. This was what he'd told Gilbert all those months ago.
"I know, Gilbert."
The white-haired boy wiped his tears on his sleeves. "How can we exist? We are supernatural without being divine! There's no way- no possible way!" He pushed himself closer and closer into Tolys until he was practically in the Lithuanian's arms.
Tolys did not object. Gilberts unruly, bright hair was soft against his neck. He could feel the little knight trying to calm down and control his breaths.
"There are some things that we just aren't supposed to know," offered Tolys.
Gilbert sniffled. "I'm just like you. Who am I? What am I?"
Tolys could offer no explanation. He himself had wondered these same things. "I've found, Gilbert, that it is easy enough not to care."
"Did you really think that you had become mortal after the baptism?"
"I don't know. I had to test. Did you?"
"Yes."
"Oh. Did you ever think that you would ever become mortal."
"I never really thought about it." Gilbert pushed even closer and now Tolys' head rested on his. "I suppose that now I never will- think I'll ever be mortal, that is. Maybe there is no God." Gilbert shuddered at the thought.
"I'm sure there's something."
They laid in silence for some time. Soon they were both fast asleep.
Two days later, Tolys was exiled from Riga. It was at Gilbert's own request.
It was the unmistakable yelling of Livonia that brought Gilbert out of his depression.
"Teutonic Order! Hey, Tee-Oh, where are you?"
Gilbert came to greet him in the castle's hall. "What brings you here, Livonia?" asked Gilbert casually.
"It's those damned Prussians! They beat our forces last month and now they've teamed up with the Lithuanians and have got it in their head that ransacking Koenigsberg would be a good idea. Nothing's ever good enough for these people!" Livonia threw his arms up in frustration, though admittedly, with some difficulty. He looked more sickly than when Gilbert saw him last. Just ever so slightly weaker.
"Well," said Gilbert. "What do you propose we do then?"
"We?" Livonia laughed. "I've got the Samogitians to worry about! I'm just a messenger." Livonia rested his hands on his hips and let out a deep sigh. "It's not that I don't want to help but-"
"No, I understand," Gilbert interrupted.
Tolys, the traitor. Gilbert drew his sword. "We shall kill them all."