David Tai grants us another Flashfic. Written around the end of 'On Tour'.
No one quite understood -why- Yashiro Nanakase had suddenly demanded to be called Bubble-T.
It was directed quite often at Iori. Usually accompanied by adjectives.
For example...
"Call me DADDY BUBBLE-T, BITCH!"
Nobody quite understood the reference except for Shermie, who usually just giggled and declined to explain.
Iori didn't seem inclined to explain either. He had initially looked confused when Yashiro began addressing himself in this manner, but eventually just reacted the way he always did when it came to the re-animated Hakkeshu.
"Shut the fuck up or I'll eat your liver!"
This went on and on until Rock Howard threw his hands up and decided the issue needed to be addressed. Iori already did a lot of nonsensical screeching, and Rock didn't appreciate Yashiro adding to the chaos. "Yagami! What the hell is going on?! What's he talking about...?"
"Fuck if I know. He's trying to fuck me up! As if I'm not already fucked up."
"What -is- Bubble T?"
Vice, who happened to be leaning over trying to distract Howard from his strumming, suddenly giggled. "Oh, you poor innocents! You don't know what bubble tea is?"
Rock looked at her hopefully.
"No, what is it?"
"Why should I tell you?" Vice asked. "I find it more amusing that you two don't know."
Rock suppressed a groan, and Iori rolled his eyes.
"Leave it alone, Howard."
"But aren't you curious?"
"No."
"Urg."
Vice pursued her lips and addressed the younger man. "Well, if you're willing to buy me something at the mall, I just might show you."
"Me?" Rock saw Iori shake his head in his peripheral vision. He knew this would most likely be a bad decision, but it couldn't hurt to learn the terms of the contract. "Uh, well… What do you want?"
Vice cast him a grin. She had this way of opening her eyes too wide that caused her to look just a little unhinged. Rock blinked at her.
"What do I want?... Oh I don't know... someone to carry my bags, I guess… otherwise I'll just take Yagami with-"
Iori started, then fixed him with a demanding stare. "Howard, you're going."
"What? I-"
"Go shopping with Vice and Mature."
"... but… wait, you're not leaving me alone with them, are you? Come on man. That-"
"You're still on payroll Howard. Right now your job is to get Vice and Mature out of my hair. Hell, your stalker girl is still around here right? She's probably keeping an eye on Mature right now, so take them all with you… Besides, it's the mall, what's the worst that can happen?"
Rock opened and closed his mouth several times before deciding whatever he said wasn't going to change his fate. He tried anyways.
"She" He waved at Vice, "could drag me into a Victoria's Secret and make me do things in the dressing room."
Vice tapped her chin. "That -is- a good idea, duckie..." she purred. "But a little too mild for my tastes. Let's go with Hot Topic."
Iori yawned and began to walk away. He clearly didn't care about who Rock found comfortable or not. He paused briefly to instruct Vice not to harm anyone, then disappeared into the crowd. That moment, Rock knew his fate was sealed. He grumbled beneath his breath.
"... when I feel safer with Whip than with you, that's saying something."
Vice grinned at him.
He went to find Seirah.
"Are you -sure- you wouldn't want to go into Victoria's Secret, Rocky?" Mature asked, winking as she mushed herself against his shoulder.
Rock sighed and tilted away from her. "Yes, I'm sure."
"We -could- show your little girlfriend some tricks, ya'know, duckie," Vice purred. She had seized his other arm. Her grip was uncomfortably strong and it was making Rock nervous.
Whip's fingers twitched. Rock grimaced, thankfully he'd made sure to have Seirah promise -not- to bring out the guns, no matter how much the Hakkeshu provoked her. He'd filled her in on the situation, and all Seirah could say was, "Didn't Iori tell you to stay out of it from the beginning?"
Well, he had. If Rock hadn't probed Vice further about the bubble tea, he'd probably would have escaped this situation entirely. Instead of this, he would have likely spent the day sitting in a coffee shop with the boss trying to finish the guitar portion for the next song they were working on. Unfortunately he'd already shot himself in the foot and needed to deal with the consequences.
"It'll be fine", he had assured her. "Boss just wants everyone out of his hair, so the least we can do was stay out of his way."
Yeah, well, the two ladies were doing their best to be completely in -Rock's- way every opportunity they got. He had no idea how Iori dealt with these two… Maybe this is why he killed them the first time?
"Awww, Rocky! Hun! Why the sour expression," Mature squeezed his arm, "You're cute when you pout. Makes me want to push you against a wall and-"
"Wait, didn't Iori say-"
Vice cackled. Her eyes opened a bit too wide. She looked a like Iori when he was going nuts. Rock tried to cringe out of her grasp, but her grip was unbreakable. "O-ho-ho-ho, Duckie! That's no way to treat a lady! You can't just hide behind Gammy boy all the time... I think we're gonna need to teach you somethin-"
Whip interrupted.
"That would be my job. I don't need any assistance from you Hakkeshu," Rock looked at her with hope in his eyes. She was going to get him out of this situa-
"He can taste my heel just fine without your help."
...
Coooooold. First store! NOW!
Maybelline? Really Vice? Come on. Use something classier. Sephora looks at least four times better.
"This is my Brand! Don't diss my brand. It looks just as good as your snooty Sephora!"
"Well look at my lashes compared to yours!"
"You already put three layers on! Ain't fair! Besides your eyelashes are thicker to begin with!"
Rock Howard felt extremely out of place, standing there in the middle of the biggest makeup store he'd ever seen. Vice and Mature were over in the corner squabbling over what looked like... mascara? (he wasn't familiar with the terms). Whip had accompanied them, and played their model. She looked more than willing to be dolled up in a makeup shop. She likely didn't get to experience this too much.
"Rocky~ Come here won't you?"
Rock blinked back to reality and turned at the sound of his name.
"Come over! We need your eyelashes."
"Wait, Hang on. I don't wanna-"
"Come. Now."
Shit.
"... Mature, that's a bit..."
"What, expensive? of course! You're paying right?"
They were standing in the Gucci store, and Mature was currently browsing the most ridiculous handbags Rock had ever seen. They were ugly, they looked strange, and they costs an average of three thousand dollars each. The salesperson was jabbering happily at Vice, and Mature was trying the bag which looked like it was made of literal garbage.
He also looked like literal garbage. After his ordeal in the makeup store he felt like something halfway between a clown and a drag queen. Trying to wipe off the makeup just caused it to smear. He wasn't too sure how bad he looked, but decided he was just going to stop touching it. So far only one man had tried to hit on him.
"Gorgeous~"
Rock grimaced, as Mature apparently decided the three-thousand dollar piece of trash was a good buy and sauntered over to him.
"Okay hun. This one."
"... is that a joke? I mean come on, three thous-"
She shushed him.
"ah - ah - ah! A man keeps his promises. Come on, let's pay."
Rock gritted his teeth and decided that instead of emptying his bank account, he was going to use Iori's credit card. Hopefully his boss wouldn't notice.
"And one for our young miss here!" Mature called out, placing a leather handbag in front of Whip. "We'll be taking this too."
"What?" Whip was caught off-guard by -this- move from a Hakkeshu.
"Oh honey, you've got to make sure to keep a man wrapped around your finger. And not with a whip. It's all in the voice." Vice purred, wrapping her arms around Whip's shoulders. "It'd do you good to let down your hair a little. You'd be absolutely stunning... here, try that on too."
"Really...?" Seirah replied shyly.
"Seirah, we can't..." Rock's voice trailed off when Seirah looked at him hopefully.
"... Fine."
Rock Howard stumbled forward as Mature very intentionally bumped her bosom into his back as they were strolling through the mall. He had been burdened with their purchases (technically Iori's purchases), and followed the two dead women through the venue, with Whip bringing up the rear. He could practically feel her eyes boring into the back of his head.
Vice turned to smirk at him (Rock guessed his face was beet red) and pointed at a small, brightly lit, shop to their left.
"Allll~right Duckie! I'll let ya experience the sensation of sucking ba-... I mean, Bubble tea!"
The Hakkeshu seemed to be unaffected by Whip's frosty glare. Rock sputtered.
"... what? Did you just say sucking balls? What is that supp-"
Mature bumped into him again. Rock flinched and stopped sputtering.
"Don't worry about it, hun. let's go!"
"Wait! Wait, what does that mean?"
Mature pinched him.
"Let's go."
Vice laughed. "Look, bubble tea."
She held up a cup of thai milk-tea with little tapioca pearls in it. Rock stared at it, confused as to why this seemingly innocuous drink had caused so much ruckus.
"I don't get it, why does Yashiro want to be called Bubble Tea?"
Vice and Mature proceed to drink bubble tea as lasciviously as possible.
SLURP went the balls through the straws.
"... oh."
"SUCK MY BALLS, YAGAMIIIIIII! GRAND DADDY BUBBLE-T DEMANDS IT!"
Yashiro cackled.
Rock just covered his face. "Boss, what are you doing?"
It had been two days since Rock had gone to the mall with Vice, Mature and Whip. When he came back he reported what he'd learned about 'Bubble-tea' to his boss. Now that Iori understood the 'joke' it seemed like Yashiro was doubling down on his harassment. Rock was trying to stay away from them as much as possible.
He had spent his day packing, and had stepped out to get hot dogs with Whip, when he passed a narrow alleyway. To his surprise, he found a whole bunch of people crammed into that small space. Among those many people was his boss and Yashiro. Rock jammed himself into the small crowd.
"WHAT AM I DOING?" Iori turned to screech at him, "YOU HEARD HIM, DIDN'T YOU? HE DEMANDS IT!"
Iori was looking less than sane and was waving a lead pipe menacingly above his head. There was a burst of steam emitting from one of the walls, and it was clear he had torn into somebody's plumbing to procure his weapon. Rock wasn't too sure what had set him off this time, but he guessed that Iori was fed up with Yashiro's antics and had gone ballistic again.
"THIS FUCK HAS BEEN SCREAMING THE SAME THING FOR THREE WEEKS, AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO HIM! DROP YOUR PANTS!"
"..."
Rock blinked. So did Yashiro. The large man clearly didn't expect this reaction and stammered for a moment. Iori didn't seem to be bothered by the fact he had very publicly declared he was about to give someone a blowjob. Perhaps because he was too busy screeching and foaming at the mouth to care.
"I GOT YOUR FUCKING STRAW HERE! YOU WANT ME TO SUCK YOUR BALLS, I'LL FUCKING DO IT!"
"..."
Yashiro had gritted his teeth, clearly was going through some mental turmoil. He could either go through with it, or back off. Neither option looked appetizing. Backing off was embarrassing, especially considering their audience… and going through? Well, Iori was looking increasingly rabid. It was pretty obvious why Yashiro didn't want any sort of sexual favors from him.
"But… WELL, FUCK YOU! JUST…Just- Just-" Yashiro shouted back.
Rock covered his face and turned away to walk over to Whip. He passed by a young looking blue?-haired girl, and a… metallic looking man. He overheard snippets of their conversation as he squeezed past them.
The young girl looked questioningly at the cyborg-ish man. "Maxima, I thought you told me never to take pants off after what Joe Higashi did? Why is Iori trying to pull that guy's pants down?"
Maxima shook his head. "It's still good advice. We should probably leave. You shouldn't watch this kind of thing."
When he reached Whip, she shrugged as she addressed him. "Yagami -did- tell you to leave it alone, didn't he?" she observed in a 'I-told-you-so' manner.
Rock slumped his shoulders.
"Yeah… I guess so."
He could still hear the screams emitting from the alleyway. There were the sounds of squabbling. Rock wondered if Yashiro had managed to keep hold of his belt.
"YOU BEND OVER!"
"NO, YOU BEND OVER!"
Yag is confused on so many levels...
Please leave all compliments ot David Tai. Thanks.