Author's note: This little PWP is eventually going to be part of a much, much bigger story. I am writing a SG-1/ SGA crossover. The two main pairings are Sam and Jack and Teyla and John and the story will take place right after Teyla has her baby, but Sam will still be in Atlantis – Woolsey who?? Though I might publish the story here, it will definitely be on Sam and Jack Always & Forever. Mainly because it will probably have too much mature content in it for this site…I might post a light version here though if requested… Hope you like this little PWP.
She'd called out his name. When she was being held hostage in that awful Wraith cell aboard Michael's ship and heard the P90 fire, she'd called out for him. Later, after they'd gotten back to Atlantis and they were both lying in the infirmary, him waiting for surgery, her cuddling the beautiful baby boy she'd given birth to, she'd told him, "I never gave hope. Because I knew…I knew that you would come for me John." She'd said the exact same thing in his dream, before he'd actually found her. And said other things…
"I cherish these times, when it is just you and me…" She'd said. And he'd responded, "me too…" Obviously, his subconscious telling him again what he knew, that he loved Teyla, and what he so desperately wanted – Teyla's love in return.
He'd been lying unconscious under a ton of rubble when he'd dreamed that. He guessed his mind often went to her comforting presence in times of pain and duress, and it certainly had that time. She'd looked so beautiful, there in the candlelight… Until Ford had popped up, reminding him he needed to save Teyla. Like he hadn't saved Ford…
I have to save Teyla! That had woken him right up. And with the help of Rodney and Ronon, he did save her. Her and Torren John.
Even though Rodney had delivered her baby, she named the baby after him. Torren John. Torren for her father, then his name. He had a namesake. And he wished like hell that the beautiful little boy who was his namesake was really his beautiful little boy. His beautiful little boy with Teyla. And that's what driving you nuts, isn't it Sheppard? That the little boy you already adore, the little boy of the woman you love more than life, isn't yours, but another man's.
John sighed in disgust at himself and turned over in bed for perhaps the thirtieth time in an hour. It had taken losing her to another for him to realize that he was completely in love with her. Oh, he'd always known he was in lust with her, always known that he'd felt more for her than any woman he'd ever met, even Nancy his ex-wife. But he hadn't realized that just the thought of her with another man, and getting pregnant by said man, would nearly drive him into a killing rage. Ronon, on the other hand, had known immediately. On that day that Teyla had been stunned, and finally told John and Ronon of her pregnancy he had been…short with her. And Ronon had known. So, after taking Teyla to the infirmary to get checked out by Dr. Keller, he'd found John in the gym, beating the shit out of a punching bag.
"So…you finally realize you're in love with her?" Ronon asked in his deep base voice.
"Whaaat?" If it had been any other man, John probably would have belted him one, but Ronon was one of his best friends. Not to mention the fact that of all the guys on base Ronon was the only one who could mostly beat John in a fight. Okay, probably more than mostly, but still. And of course Teyla could kick his ass with her sticks any day of the week, though if they were fighting hand to hand and John really let loose…she probably still could. He mentally shook himself.
"What the hell are you talking about?" But John knew.
"I saw how you reacted to the news of Teyla's pregnancy Sheppard. That wasn't just concern of a teammate or being pissed as a CO. You were pissed because she's been with another man and is now having his child." Sometimes, because of his size, skills and gruff demeanor, people didn't realize how perceptive Ronon was. Shit. John thought.
"Don't be ridiculous! I'm pissed because she's been letting me put her in harm's way while pregnant!"
"Right. And that denial is why she's having someone else's baby and not yours." Ronon said simply, and left the gym.
Ronon had been right of course. Well, right if Teyla had actually felt for him what he felt for her. But let's face it, she probably didn't. He still was getting over the fact that she had so surely believed he would come for her, save her and her baby. He never had and probably never would feel worthy of her. She was incredible. What she'd endured, overcome, and to still see the joy in life like she did. She was so…incredible. And him? He was nowhere near worthy of her. He had severe commitment issues due to severe abandonment issues. He didn't need Heightmeyer, God rest her soul, to tell him that.
John got out of bed, giving up on finding sleep for now. He threw on some raggedy sneakers and started wandering the halls. Atlantis responded, lighting his way without him really even thinking about it. The city always responded to him that way. Doing what he needed before he even thought about it sometimes, though he'd never admitted that to anyone, especially Rodney, who always said the city had a crush on John. But John knew that in a way the city was sentient. Knew that she could feel when John was hurting and would try to comfort him…as crazy as that sounded, he just knew it.
He turned the corner and…there she was. In her nightclothes, holding Torren John and gently rubbing his back as she walked.
"John! What are you doing up in the middle of the night?" Her soft voice and smile made him feel warm…and hot, as he always did in her presence.
"Me? What are you doing up? Torren John fussing?" He came up and peeked at the baby, who stared at him wide eyed, with that unfocused look that newborns had. John knew the baby couldn't see him, but he wondered if Torren could sense him. He gently stroked the baby's fist where it was curled on Teyla's shoulder, and Torren instantly opened his tiny fingers to wrap around John's large index finger. He loved it when Torren did that, and gently stroked the fingers of his other hand over the baby's downy head. He completely missed the look of tenderness on Teyla's face as she watched John interact with his namesake.
"I just fed him. He likes to be walked afterwards for a bit, and Atlantis is quiet at night."
"Hmmm…he looks so aware, but he can't really see anything yet can he?"
"Jennifer said that he can only see rough shapes right now. Would you like to hold him, John?" She laughed inwardly at the look of pure panic that crossed his face for a second, then the look of eagerness.
"Ummm, okay, but maybe I should be sitting down like the first time I held him?"
She laughed softly out loud at that. "You'll be fine. You know how to hold him and support his head now." John gently coaxed Torren to release his grip on his finger, then took him from Teyla and cradled his head and little body along his forearm like she'd showed him. He unconsciously began rocking side to side without thinking of it, looking down into Torren's face as the baby stared back at him wide eyed, gurgling happily. Teyla watched, loving the image of her son in this strong man's arms.
"He's so fragile," she sighed. "Sometimes I'm shocked that he made it through and is healthy after the injections from Michael and the stress during our captivity and his birth."
"He has a strong Mom, who protected him." John said softly, seeing the baby's eyes drift shut.
"We wouldn't have made it if you hadn't come for us John. The thought that you would, that I knew you would, is what got me through. I knew you would never give up looking for me." She looked up into his light green eyes, feeling those emotions that she'd held at bay for over four years.
Maybe it was how beautiful she looked, the low lighting that Atlantis provided, the moonlight coming through the tall windows, or the weight of the little baby in his arms, but John couldn't stop himself from raising his hand and cupping her cheek in his palm. "I would never have stopped looking. I'll always find you, anywhere." They stared at each other for a moment and she leaned into his hand. He realized what he'd said, that the emotions behind his words might make her uncomfortable, and mentally kicked himself. He was about to drop his hand, but hers came up to cover his. They stared at each other a second and as he leaned down, she raised herself up…
"Hey guys! What are you doing up so late? Torren keeping you awake Teyla?" Rodney McKay asked.