Master Perry's Promise
China, 1540. Two years before "Doof Dynasty"
Master Perry was meditating with his students; a monkey, pig, ferret, raccoon and Peter the Panda in front of The Emerald Palace when Regent Monogram and General Carl came in.
"Master Perry!" Regent Monogram spoke to the platypus. There was no answer. "Master Perry!" The platypus gestured them not to interrupt.
"Maybe we should come back, sir." General Carl suggested. Monogram looked at him.
"No. He needs to hear this. He might be China's only hope." He turned back to the meditating animals.
"MASTER PERRY!" He barked. The platypus snapped back into reality from his meditative state. He looked at the Regent with a stern look. The other animals didn't look too happy either.
"I'm sorry for interrupting your class Master, but it's urgent!" Master Perry then got up and followed the general and regent behind a pillar. His students began to follow when the platypus put out his hand, signaling them to stay. They stopped and stayed put. Their teacher continued.
"Master Perry." Monogram began. "You know several of China's dragon statuettes are disappearing?" Master Perry nodded.
"Well, more dragons have been reported missing this morning."
The master platypus nodded. He figured more dragons would've disappeared. All of the dragon decorations were disappearing every single day. Pretty soon all of the dragons in China would be gone.
"We think it's Doofus Khan." The Regent continued. "We believe he's jealous that we worship an animal such as the dragon, and that is why he is stealing all of the dragons in the Tri-Province Area. Put a stop to him Master Perry; China needs you." Master Perry bowed.
"What about Master Perry's pupils?" General Carl asked. "He can't just abandon his class."
"Hmm, you're right." He looked at the Master. "Don't worry Master Perry. General Carl and I will take over your class. Just go and stop Doofus Khan before the festival tonight." Master Perry nodded and rushed off.
General Carl and Regent Monogram looked at the animals. The animals looked at them, waiting for an order. The Regent grabbed a nearby Bamboo Stick.
"Today," He started. "You will forget The Way of the Platypus," he thrashed the bamboo stick like a sword. "And you will learn The Way of Man!" He thrust the stick. "Go, and grab your bamboo sticks." The animals grabbed their sticks from General Carl and began their training with their temporary teacher. The monkey extended its arm and looked at them in question. He chittered.
"No!" Regent Monogram told him. "No banana for you until you do what General Carl and I tell you and we think you deserve it." The monkey was disappointed.
Master Perry knocked down Doofus Khan's yurt's front door. He gaped and his eyes widened as he saw rows of dragon statues and tapestries in the room. Doofus Khan must've stolen all of the dragon decors in China!
He then heard Doofus Khan's cackle. He looked to the stairs, looking determined.
"Greetings Perry the Platypus." He said. "You like what I've done with the place? I went out and robbed from every store and every home in all of China! And why, you ask. I'll tell you." He was about to speak when a step opened up and he was hit with a rubber shoe. "Sorry Perry the Platypus, I planted booby traps all over this staircase. Funny, I thought I knew where that one was. He stepped down. A hammer opened up and smashed him on the foot. He screamed as he tumbled down.
The platypus winced as he saw his nemesis attacked by piranhas, burnt, punched in the groin by a boxing glove and fall down a trap door.
When he tumbled to the floor, he didn't look so good. Most of his teeth were cracked, his hair and butt were singed and there was still a piranha clinging onto his butt.
He got up and dusted himself off.
"Note to self, memorize where you set your booby traps." He took off the piranha that was clinging on his butt and tossed the fish in the booby trap. The fish plopped back into the water and the step closed.
Doofus Khan looked at his nemesis and grinned nervously, showing all of his cracked teeth, looking quite demented.
"So sorry you had to see that Perry the Platypus. Anyway, I stole all of the dragons in all of China because I was jealous. You know how the Chinese are about dragons. Well, I think the peasants are obsessed with it. They are worshipping them way too much, when they should be bowing down to me!"
Master Perry chattered madly at him.
"You think I can't do this Perry the Platypus, but I can! Nearly all of the dragons are gone now, so I will now take charge of the entire Tri-Province Area!" He cackled. "I will announce my new reign and become emperor tonight at the Moon Festival." He reached into his pocket and got out a Chinese finger trap. "I'll give you this Chinese finger trap to play with." He stuck the finger trap on the platypus's fingers. Perry tried to pull his fingers out, but couldn't.
"I know, I hate those too. Well tell you what, when I become leader, I'll release you from that, but only if I'm in the mood of course." He went to the stairwell.
"Well, I'm going up to practice my speech. Zai jian for now Perry the Platypus, and hao yun! You'll never get out of that!" He cackled again as he went up the steps.
As he made his way up, his booby traps sprang up and injured him. Master Perry winced each time.
"I'm okay!" Doofus Khan shouted down to him from the top. He then groaned and mumbled to himself as he went through the door. Master Perry tried figuring a way out of the trap again.
It took him several hours until he figured it out. It was almost twilight now; Master Perry had no time to lose! Once free, he tossed it aside and went up the stairs, avoiding all of the booby traps.
Once up, he kicked open the door. Doofus Khan looked up at him.
"Perry the Platypus? You figured it out? That's impossible! I still have a tough time with them, hmm, maybe you can show me how you did it." He then looked out his window and noticed it was getting dark. He then stood up and raced to his mechanical dragon.
"You'll have to show me later Perry the Platypus; I got to go!" He put his scroll in his pocket and got in. Moments later, he flew off.
Master Perry quickly went downstairs (again avoiding the booby traps) and went outside.
The festival was already starting. Master Perry spotted a Terracotta Warrior robot in a nearby market. He paid the man and got in. Once he had it under control, he headed towards Doofus Khan's dragon, which was burning down nearby homes.
The dragon robot stopped when he heard the Terracotta robot approaching. The dragon turned around and looked at him. Master Perry chattered madly from inside the warrior.
"Aw, Perry the Platypus, care to join me? I'm burning down these houses to show these people that dragons aren't that friendly." Perry chattered madly and made his robot put up it's fists, ready for a fight.
"Fine then! If it's a fight you want; it's a fight you get!" He made the dragon raise its fists. "Put them up!" Master Perry made the Terracotta Warrior punch the dragon in the eye. "Ow! Oh, it is on my nemesis!" And with that, the dragon punched the warrior robot.
The robots began to fight. The dragon breathed fire that Master Perry dodged. He punched the dragon in the stomach a few times. He then grabbed the dragon's tail, spun around and hurled it into a rock. The dragon got up. People were watching in awe as the warrior robot body-slammed the dragon, pinning it down on the ground. Among the crowd were Regent Monogram, General Carl and Master Perry's pupils.
"GO TERRACOTA WARRIOR" They cheered.
"No, no!" Doofus Khan cried out. "You're supposed to cheer for the dragon…that uh, burned down your houses!" The dragon then crawled out from the warrior.
"Hey look!" The villain said. "A damsel in distress?" The robot didn't look. "Not buying it huh? Ohhh, the emperor is coming to congratulate you! No? A decoy?" The robot stayed put. "Oh aw, gee you're not making this easy on me to distract you huh? Oh, I'm just going to do it!" The dragon then thrashed its tail, making the Terracotta fall to the ground.
"Yes!" Doofus Khan cheered. "Victory is mine!"
Master Perry barely had enough time to make the robot stand back up when the dragon picked it up, flew high in the sky and zoomed back towards the ground.
The Terracotta warrior robot broke into a million pieces and out rolled Master Perry. The platypus was about to stand up when the dragon robot wrapped its body around him. The audience gasped. The semi-aquatic mammal tried to wiggle free, but couldn't. Doofus Khan laughed evilly.
"You can wriggle all you want but you'll never get free!" He then threw the platypus to the edge of a craggy cliff. Master Perry tried to get up but was too weak. The dragon then breathed its fire on him. The audience gasped again as they saw the now charred platypus try to stand up.
"Ha! Too weak to fight I see!" Master Perry then gave up. He looked at the dragon and chattered weakly at him. Doofus Khan couldn't believe it.
"Are you saying I won?" The platypus nodded. The audience gasped.
"WHOO-HOOO!" Doofus Khan cheered. "I won; aw right baby!" He pointed his claw at the fallen burnt master. "I bet you're so ashamed right now that you will never be a warrior ever again and I don't blame you!" He looked at the audience. "Am I right folks? Look at your precious little hero now!" The audience except Regent Monogram, General Carl and the animals all agreed.
"He's right!" A man agreed. "He's a disgrace and is now a loser! A platypus isn't hero material."
"I was going to call my son Perry after our master," Spoke a pregnant lady. "But now I won't."
"He's a lamemapus!" Someone else shouted.
"YEAH!" They all said except Monogram, Carl and the animals. Doofus Khan looked back at the platypus.
"The people have spoken." Then with a whip of his tail, Perry fell off of the rocky cliff. Doofus Khan laughed evilly again. The Regent, General and the animals went to find him.
"Master Perry, Master Perry!" Regent Monogram shouted. When they saw the fallen platypus by the sea, he and General Carl rushed to his side. Perry's students stayed behind a rock and looked out. "Master Perry, are you alright?" The platypus chattered weakly at him. The regent lifted him onto his lap. "There, there, it's all right. Let's go to my place. Then when you're well rested and ready to go, you can kick Doofus Khan's butt!" The platypus shook his head. Monogram was surprised.
"What? You're not planning on giving up the way of the warrior, are you Master Perry?" The animal sadly nodded. This time, both regent and general were shocked, so were the students. "What? Master Perry, don't listen to them! You're a great warrior and always will be! You can't give up; just think of what example you'll be setting for your students! Once you're better; show them who you really are!" Master Perry tugged on his collar and shook his head. "But Master Perry…"
"It's his choice sir." General Carl told the regent. "Sad as it is, it's his choice."
"Well, I still say you're making a big mistake. You could've been a hero. We might have had The Year of the Platypus."
Master Perry's students saw tears in their teacher's eyes as Monogram carried him to his palace.
The monkey turned to the other animals. He looked determined.
"Ooh!" He chittered, pounding his hand to his fist menacingly. The animals nodded. They then went off.
Monogram sat him on a cot in the palace. Princess Isabella rushed to his side.
"Is he alright?" She asked Regent Monogram.
"He'll be fine." Monogram assured her. "Unfortunately, he's not going to be China's hero this time around. He's retiring his warrior ways." Princess Isabella looked at him.
"But who will beat Doofus Khan then?"
"I don't know Princess. I wish I knew. Now let's go to the festival."
"Okay." She looked at Perry. "We got to go now. Are you going to be alright by yourself?" Master Perry nodded.
"Well, alright then. I'm going to have to take you word on it. We'll be back!" She, the regent and the general all left the palace leaving the platypus alone.
Master Perry could hardly sleep that night as he heard the excitement from the festival and Doofus Khan's speech and then a battle. He was replaying the fight with Doofus Khan and hearing all of the nasty comments from the people in his head.
"Master Perry." Monogram said to him the next morning. The platypus woke up and looked at him. "Guess what? Your students defeated Doofus Khan last night at the Moon Festival. All of the dragons were returned and some are in the progress of returning to their rightful homes. Isn't that great?" Perry was proud of his students but at the same time wished that could've been him instead. The regent then released him since he was all better. He went out and bought a kite at the market.
He then went to the Uncrossable River of Uncrossableness, crossed it, and climbed to the top of the Unclimbable Mountain of Unclimbableness.
He then sat down, took out his kite and began to fly it underneath the Chinese sun.