It was the same every year. Iris threw the glorious party that everyone else attended with glee. Lights strung up wall to wall, streamers hanging over every doorway, spray bottles of silly string hiding behind furniture. Cookies, soda, chips, cupcakes, dip and pretty much any other snack you could think of was spread out on the dining room table ready for the hungry party goers in every corner. One thing was different, however. And, unfortunately, it wasn't something that could go unnoticed.
Barry wasn't there.
Every single year, he was the first one to enter, beaming and ready to dance until the clock struck midnight. This year, he was somewhere else, and Iris had no idea where that was.
So many things had happened in the past week. Iris had discovered Barry's other identity, and fought with him about his lies for only a few hours before he kissed her until she couldn't breathe, let alone yell. They had been either tumbling on and under rocks or gliding on solid ice. But, ever since things ended with Eddie and began with Barry, there was also a fire burning inside of both of them.
The previous night, the rocks fell hard and fast. Barry had been in conversation with Joe about Iris' safety, and Iris knew. She knew it would be difficult for him to accept. Iris could either know about the Flash or be with Barry, but both? The constant fear hovering over his shoulder that his daughter would be the next target for one of the Flash's enemies terrified Joe. He knows, however, that he can't ask them to be apart. It wouldn't make anything different, it wouldn't change their affection and it certainly wouldn't make anyone happier. The fear would still be there. Hovering. Always.
Joe's dread crept up on Barry, and he had become distant. Worried. If anything ever happened to Iris, he wouldn't survive it. The moment Iris questioned Barry about things, everything exploded. Anger, pain, frustration, miscommunication, and tears on repeat. It was a nightmare. Their arguments typically would end in silence, arms wrapped around each other, the soft touch of Barry's kiss on her hair. This one ended in a deafening silence after a slammed door and the wave of a hand. Barry left. He hasn't come back. Not that night, possibly not this one either.
Standing in a crowded room never felt so lonely. Everyone was there. Her Dad, half his co-workers, Caitlin, Cisco, Wells, even Eddie is in the kitchen chatting with whoever he can find, but Barry was nowhere.
"Hey" says a voice from behind. Caitlin stands in a silver dress and a gold top hat, cheap, probably from the dollar store. She's smiling, holding a red cup in her right hand and reaching up to toast. "To the new year."
Iris fakes a smile and puts her cup up to touch the side of Caitlin's. "I know it hasn't happened yet, but it looks like you need a little cheer." says Caitlin. Iris' half smile becomes a full one and she looks at her feet and shrugs, her smile fading again.
"He hasn't showed up." she says, looking back up at Caitlin. Caitlin's smile melts away, and her eyes fill with compassion. "Where could he have even gone?" Her voice becomes slightly strained and her fingers whiten, tightening around the cup. Caitlin bites her lip and shifts to turn away from Iris, but she doesn't walk away. She takes a deep breath before saying anything.
"He spent the night at S.T.A.R labs last night…" she says in a hurry. "He told me not to say anything to you, but really he should have known I'm terrible at keeping that sort of secret," Caitlin turns back toward Iris and puts a hand on her shoulder. "And you're my friend." she finishes. Iris returns the smile, genuinely, and then looks away again, tears filling her eyes. Caitlin tips her head to the side and frowns, letting her grip slide from Iris' shoulder and holding her cup with both hands. Iris puts her cup down on the coffee table in front of her and pushes past Caitlin.
"Excuse me."she says, rushing towards the entry way. She hurries to grab her coat and head out the front door before anyone can see her crying. As soon as the door shuts behind her, the tears begin to fall. She folds her arms in front of her and looks down at the ground, kicking the dirt and snow at her feet. Her tears fall and melt microscopic pools into the snow. It's cold, and everything scenic has disappeared behind clouds of snow and the darkness of night. Through the window behind her, she hears the countdown begin. Only fifteen seconds until the first of the New Year. Fifteen seconds until she would spend the year's first moments in the dark, cold winter and crying over a boy she's known and loved her whole life.
She wonders, for a moment, what he's doing. Maybe he's sitting in S.T.A.R labs, moping about what to do. All alone on New Year's eve as well, though he should know he doesn't have to be.
"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!" she hears them shouting. She closes her eyes. Every bone in her body wishes she could forget and be happy. She wishes she simply wouldn't care, that she could shrug it off, put a smile on, go inside and finish the countdown with the rest of them.
"Six! Five! Four!" She begins to imagine he's there. Standing beside her, holding her hand, counting down with a grin. She puts her arms by her side and grabs at the air.
"Three.. Two.. One.." she says aloud. And then he's kissing her. Her arms around him, his hands in her hair, a sudden jolt of energy and breath colliding like a storm. Fire runs through her, warming every corner of her body and making the cold nonexistent. His tongue grazes her lips. She moves her hands to his chest and presses against him, grabbing at the collar of his shirt. He breaks apart for only a second to catch his breath and then crashes against her again, kissing her with even more passion than before. His hands are at her waist now, and her shoulders are reaching for her ears, tense and locked in position until finally they both relax and their lips break apart, though still remaining as close as possible.
"I'm sorry." he breathes. Iris opens her eyes and sees him there. Actually there. With her eyes closed, she hadn't noticed the blur of electricity rushing towards her at the very last second. Barry reaches up to wipe away her tears. "I'm sorry." he repeats. Iris doesn't want to be angry at him anymore. She doesn't want to cry. She doesn't want to shout. She wants to smile.
"Happy new year." she says, allowing herself to do just that.