Resolutions
14+ (mature themes and swearing)
Summary: Dean wants to quit drinking for NYE
A/N: This is fiction if you suffer from this illness please seek counselling or help to assist with quitting or even speaking to someone about impacts on your life. It is medically unsafe to do what Dean does in this story; withdrawal should be supervised at all times. Not beta'd still looking, anyone interested can apply by messaging me.
It was New Years Eve and for once the Winchester didn't have anything that was going to kill them. They had settled into the bunker with Kevin, Charlie and Castiel and it seemed like they would be able to have a few days in peace. It was early morning when Dean found himself staring at a bottle of whiskey and wondering if he could make a change this year from the past years. He knew that the others were worried about how much he drinks and he played with the label on the front of the bottle let his mind wander slightly letting himself get distracted pushing the bottle between his hands he finally pushed it further into the table and pushed back from the long library table.
This would be the year that he gave up drinking, sure it was gonna suck and he was hoping that just maybe Castiel would care enough to get take care of most of the withdrawal symptoms. With his plan in mind he left the bottle un-opened and untouched and walked towards the front step, if this was going to work he needed to distract himself and while it was cold it was rather warm for being the end of December literally. He grabbed one of his newer jackets and gloves without the fingers and headed out to the impala.
He let himself get distracted by the work, but about an hour in he was craving a beer and that meant he needed to find a new distraction, he thought about taking a run but refused it just seemed way too healthy and he wasn't about to become Sammy. Licking his lips he walked the perimeter of the factory that sat on top of the bunker, it kept most of the local kids busy exploring so they didn't find the underground warehouse. Dean didn't have a doubt that there would be questions as to how and why they were there in a magical bunker.
After walking the entire factory he was starting to feel gross, he was sweating more than normal for a slow enjoyable walk and he knew it was in part the liquor leaving his body but all the same it was gross he wanted a shower and a drink but knew that would defeat the perhaps at least it was approaching a more normal hour and other people would start to wake in the bunker to distract him. He shoved his slightly shaking hands into his pockets and forced his head down as he walked back to the bunkers entrance. He was distracted with his thoughts as he made his way back to his room that had a bathroom attached when Kevin grabbed his arm shaking it.
"You okay man? I was calling your name for like a minute," Dean blinked and looked at the man he hadn't heard a word. He nodded and shook his arm free so the other wouldn't notice the symptoms that were popping up by the minute.
"Fine, was just thinking, what do you need man?" Dean could feel his heart racing and he just wanted to jump in the shower and let the water soak away the aches and pains he was starting to feel. Kevin looked him over and Dean had a feeling that the super genius knew that something was up but thankfully he also knew Dean well enough to let it go.
"I'm making some breakfast…" Kevin left the statement open and waited for Dean's brain to catch up that he's offering to make him some.
"I'll join ya after a shower, just was out working on the car." Dean stated holding up the somewhat greasy hands showing the truth in his words.
"Okay, I'll go get started, want a coffee?"
"Yeah man, thanks I'll be right back." Dean stated with a soft smile noticing that everything seemed a little less painful when he had someone to focus on. He could and would do this. After a few more words traded with Kevin they parted and Dean made quicker than planned work of his shower and was drying off and putting on only two layers before heading back to the kitchen. Kevin wasn't alone when he returned, Charlie and Castiel were both there holding empty coffee mugs waiting as Kevin finished pouring some into the two beside his left hand.
"So where do you need me?" Dean asked and three heads turned to take him in, "where's Sammy?" he asked trying to take focus off him, he noticed that Castiel scanned him like he normally would then tipped his head slightly to the left as if he couldn't fit something into a puzzle but remained silent as Kevin started to fill up his coffee mug.
"He took off for a run said he'd be back in like an hour or so." Charlie stated waving her mug to Kevin as Dean moved over and started up the stove top for eggs and the oven for bacon before starting his normal morning work. He was normally the one that cooked for the three of them so it was off that Kevin wanted to do it but maybe it was a tradition or something.
The tremors in his hands were still there so together Kevin and Dean set to making food for everyone without comment Kevin took over the more detailed work that required steady hands and Dean took care of everything else, waxed paper on a tray so Kevin could lay the bacon. Dean would toss it in to bake as Kevin went to the omelets everything was rather smooth and before they knew it all the food was ready to go. They heard Sam coming back in and all of them started to transport the food out to the kitchen.
"Go clean up Sammy, we got food to eat!" Dean called as Kevin took the plate of pancakes from him before he could drop it. He would swear to whoever that the red was from not drinking not embarrassment. Breakfast was normal, at least probably the most normal breakfast they have ever had in the bunker, while Sammy smelt at least they all sat down and a filling breakfast. Afterwards Charlie and Castiel cleared the table while Kevin went to get dressed and Sam disappeared for a shower. Knowing everyone was busy Dean took the time to take another shower having started to sweat into his second layer and just wanted to feel clean. He took longer this time and enjoyed the cold water splashing down onto his face.
After taking a little longer than he should have he got out and re-dressed, trying to put on similar clothes to before but this time hoping to help out his body he only put on one single layer, while he felt naked he also noticed that he didn't instantly start to sweat. Dean went to wandering around the bunker looking for either something to do or someone to distract him, breakfast wasn't sitting that great on his stomach and he kept brushing his hand over his stomach trying to calm it somehow.
It doesn't do anything to help settle his stomach and if possible it only makes it worse he groans and figures he might as well try and relax and headed back to the living room they had created when they moved in. Dean had ended up working some cable magic and now they had at least a tv that somehow got every channel possible. He was sure that it was in part the bunker that permitted this to happen but he had no problem taking the credit. Cas and Charlie were already sitting on the coach the redhead talking in warp speed about a TV show that Cas had never seen or even heard of. Dean blocked them out as he claimed a seat between the two of them.
Dean let their voices distract him from the ongoing storm in his body, his stomach was rolling, fighting outright to keep down the little bit of food he could stomach earlier and he kept sitting on his hands to hide the tremors, he knew that if he asked for help they would all jump at the chance but it was admitting to a weakness and he just couldn't do it. Dean was almost frustrated that they didn't pick on something wrong, it ticked him, did they not care or was it that they didn't notice and he's that good. He doubted it was the second, his mind spun round and round on this thought; twisting and turning in on himself until he pushed off the sofa.
It was a little too fast and the world spun for a second and he put his arms out to balance himself, "Dean?" Castiel asked standing and moving to stabilize his friend, hand finding the mans shoulder and Dean knew he would be able to feel the sweat. "Are you okay?" the concern clear and it made Dean ashamed of his thoughts just before standing but then remembered it almost took him falling on his ass to have his friend notice.
"I'm fine," he pulled his arm back out of the Angel's reach and moved around him, "just remembered something I have to do."
"It's New Years Eve Dean, what could you possibly have to do?" Charlie asked watching the two of them but remaining on the sofa.
"Things, just-" Dean didn't want to lie so he went silent and looked at the two of them then turned, headed for the doorway he just wanted to get away for the moment. While he had hoped company would be what he was missing it was clear that it wasn't helping and if he was even gonna stand a chance of making this resolution sticking he had to walk away at the moment to sort his own head out.
"Can I help?" Cas asked and Dean paused in the doorway turning to look at his friend, he knew that Castiel would be able to help and he had even thought about using his friend earlier but that was just what it was. Using and he didn't want to have to ask, for once he wanted his friend to do it because he wanted to. 100% wanted to heal him, or whatever he did, for some reason this was important to Dean and he knew he had to suffer a little otherwise he would slip. He had to remember this pain, remember why he turned away from his bad habit.
"Not right now, maybe in a little bit," Dean offered with a small real smile, probably the first one of the day and the Angel nodded quickly.
"I will come find you in a little bit," he promised and Dean nodded turning and heading down the hallway hearing as Castiel asked Charlie just how long a little bit was.
Dean just let his feet take him on an adventure he wasn't sure what he wanted to do but he knew that he had to keep his hands and head busy to be able to distract himself from drinking and after visiting the library, the shooting area, walked the endless halls and then back again before he found himself in the kitchen. At that point Dean required a third shower and he wondered if he would be the one to drain all the water out of the bunker with this attempt to stop drinking. Afterwards he went back to his wandering finally finding a place to stop at.
Of all the rooms in the bunker he loved this one the most, don't get him wrong his room was rocking, it was his and all his. But the kitchen, it reminded Dean of his Mother, Mary had loved to cook, anything and everything. Their bread had been homemade, tea biscuits for when the other woman had visited, cookies, muffins, cakes, and pies. The pies, Dean was sure that was were that addiction came from and it wasn't one he was willing to part from. Mary also cooked, every meal for the first four years of Dean's life had been cooked by hand.
Growing up Dean had been directed into a caretaking role and with that came the need to feed not only himself but his brother and sometimes when his father wasn't able to physically handle it he would cook for his dad. John hadn't lacked in the kitchen either and Dean wondered just why Sammy couldn't even handle boiling water for Christ sakes. Their family seemed to have a great skill for the most part in the kitchen and Dean loved it. In the back of his mind, tucked away at a young age had been the want to be a baker. His own shop littered with assorted treats for any type of sweet tooth but that was unlucky at best.
Walking over to the cabinets he looked at what they had for basics and was pleased to see it was mostly there. He grabbed the supplies for cookies, both peanut butter and chocolate. Setting up everything he would need in order he went to work on collecting everything he would need to mix and set the cookies up on before turning the stove on to pre-heat he set to mixing everything by memory. He isn't sure how much time has passed but he has completed two batches of both cookies and is debating if he wants to make fudge and perhaps some brownies when Sam walks into the kitchen.
"What smells so great?" he asked and Dean looks up a little surprised to have someone else in the room with him.
"I was bored." He stated going back to dropping the last of the mix onto a tray. This was gonna be the best cookie there ever had been. Sam grabbed a cold cookie and took a bite as he leaned on the island to Dean's left.
"Just do cookies?"
"Yeah, figured I should start somewhere. Why? Do they suck?" He asked finally pulling himself away from his artwork of a cookie and focused on his younger brother for a second wondering where this was going.
"Figured you would have gone with rum balls for the evening events." And with that the distraction is gone, he sighs slightly and tries to ignore his brother but the comment just digs under his skin and he can feel it twisting in around his soul. He closes his eyes and thankfully the oven timer goes off. He takes out the tray and replaces it with the last one setting it and looking at his watch. He'd come back in ten minutes. Still not even bothering to reply or look at his brother he walks out of the room silent, wondering if Sam could see the steam of rage coming out of his ears.
Sam is left confused in the kitchen when Dean left, he was only trying to have a conversation with his brother a little light teasing and it was like he had told him he sold his soul for a bottle of demon blood. Sam frowned and stayed to watch the cookie Dean had put into the oven making sure to take it out and looked at it and smiled. His brother was so cheesy sometimes, still it didn't explain the mood. Making sure the cookie could cool properly he turned everything off, they'd worry about the clean up tomorrow, and set out to find his brother. Instead he found Kevin, who stated he hadn't seen Dean in a few hours at least, the same with Charlie and Castiel, the latter of which expressed concern for his brothers well being.
"Why Cas? What's up?" Sam could see that the Angel had to force himself not to look upwards at the statement and Sam held back the snort of laughter at the flash of memory when his brother tried to explain the English slang to the Angel.
"I believe your brother is attempting to quit his drinking habit and is currently at hour 17 of his withdrawal symptoms." The Angel informed with a simple matter of fact tone. Sam blinked and thought back to the high school then college courses he had taken on addiction and rehab and his eyes widened. Then he remembered his words and winced, no wonder Dean had been pissed. Not like Sam knew to watch his tongue but yeah okay.
"I think we need to find him and let him know he has help if he wants it." Charlie announced from the sofa as she climbed to her feet stretching out, a few clicks and pops as she stood.
"It would probably be for the best, I believe he thinks that we do not notice or care that he is unwell." The others looked at Cas with a little bit of shock on their features.
"That's not possible, why would he-" Castiel looked at him his head cocked to the left.
"Really Sam, he has changed at least three times today, and every symptom possible is there yet we did not comment or worry." Sam winced and nodded he knew that the Angel was right but Sam hadn't wanted to get into a fight with his brother on New Years Eve so he didn't want to say anything. "Sometimes we need to do what Dean does not want."
"Yeah okay, let's go find his stubborn ass."
Dean was back in the library the bottle from earlier this morning playing in his hands. He pushed it back and forth looking at the glass that was just out of reach for him. He would have to stand and lean over to grab it, he bit his lip and then closed his eyes trying to focus on anything but the liquor that he could open and use to help end his suffering. All the bad feelings and thoughts would disappear and he would just-have failed. He would have failed and what would be all of this for?
Like it mattered, no one noticed or cared. A voice that sounded just like him stated and he shook the thought away but it came right back. He wondered if he was back in Hell. His stomach rolled and the ache in his front right temple grew twice the size and he groaned slightly pushing the bottle back and forth, back and forth. His eyes open and taking in the label, 40% proof, it would be smooth and settle his head. He couldn't, but he didn't move just kept pushing the bottle back and forth. He was still there when the others finally found him.
"Dean?" came Kevin's voice and the man stopped pushing the bottle for a moment to turn and see his family behind him. "You okay?" he asked looking him over and noting the unopened bottle.
"Been better," he admitted finally since someone was asking and he took in the concern in his families faces and knew that they cared and he had been acting a fool all day. "Been a shitty day."
"I bet, but we are gonna make the last of the day rock," Charlie informed him as she slipped over and claimed a seat next to him, Sam took the other. Kevin jumped onto the table on Charlie's side and Castiel came to stand behind Dean his hand resting on the arm that once upon a time held his mark.
"All you had to do was ask." The Angel told him and Dean could already feel the pain leaving him slightly and he could relax slightly slumping into the chair as his friend healed what he could. It was still there but dulled slightly and Dean could work with that.
"I didn't want to be a bother, it seemed selfish," an embarrassed red flushed over his cheeks and he shrugged feeling the Angel's grip tighten on his arm.
"You are the least selfish person I know Dean, please come to me when it becomes too much to bear and I will do what I can."
"Thanks man."
"That goes for all of us, by the way," Sam added with a smile to his brother reaching out to take his hand into his and gave it a squeeze. "We might not be able to heal you with a touch but we can talk to you and help you with anything you need." Dean looked over to Charlie and Kevin both were nodding and Dean refused to admit he might have gotten a little misty for a second but then it was over with and they moved on.
"Thanks for the chick moment, can it be over now?" He asked feeling uncomfortable but comfortable at the same time. Perhaps a better word would be loved. He smiled slightly and pushed the bottle far down the table and stood up, Castiel's hand still on his arm but he left go of Sam's hand.
" How about some Game of Thrones to ring in the new year! That should help cope with the chickness." Charlie offered and Dean smiled puling her into a hug which then turned into hugs for all.
"Let's go see some blood, guts and gore!" Kevin shouted as he dashed out of the room the others laughing and following him at the same pace.
So maybe their family wasn't perfect and they had things to work on but they were a family and they would get through everything and anything; together. Dean couldn't wait to see what came next.
END